Today's conundrum: what to do if your best mate's other half tells you repeatedly that they fancy you?

Were you speaking directly to her decolletage at the time?

this sounds alarmingly like me anyway, Stevem - c'mon now, where in my house have you hidden the cameras?

I reckon you should meet her for lunchtime coffee. If it's going to become an issue, it's going to become an issue.

not a deliberate typo i hope

This will only become an issue if I agree to meet with her I think. I only wever see them both together or just him, so in normal life it's not a problem at all.

Oh Chuck, such a lothario!

And I fully realise Sande's got the hots for a Huey-Leanski-Sando axis, but she'll just have to pay up like the rest of 'em.

Tell her that's why he's your best mate and she's just "the other half." You're not attracted to someone who doesn't care about your friendships.. (or some bullshit like that... works on T.V...)

Were you speaking directly to her decolletage at the time?

lol well yeah I might have been! for the record, i have absolutely no intention of starting anything whatsoever with my friend's girlfriend. with this in mind, i am planning on continuing to decline her requests to meet up one-to-one. but it could get awkward if she won't let up, and i am sorta getting tempted to have a quiet word with my friend, even though i fear the repercussions from all sides.

Train hawks to scratch her eyes out.

I have, in my more youthful and uncouth days, managed to snag and shag the best friends of guys I was dating. Aftermath far worse for them than for me.

If you value your friendship with the non-flirting person I would a. Tell him, if she's not successful with you no doubt she'll be trying with someone else b. avoid all contact with her except the icy/civil variety until she gets the hint and backs off.

(for the record, yes, I know I'm going to hell. My room's already reserved.)

it's also useful that you can now refer back to this thread if he ever accuses you of hitting on her.

on the other hand, i think the idea about the cape sex is a really good one. probably best not to tell your friends about that one either.

(xpost-- i so love that sam is a girl that is actually worse to guys than me. yay!)

For all i know, he knows she occasionally strays (true), but also for all I know, he does too. I think they have what might charitably be called a "laissez-faire" relationship in any case - mainly due to geographical impracticality - but I somwhow doubt this would extend to "share and share alike, pal o' mone"..!

see, now here lies the problem - I *did* hit on her, just the once, while pissed/pilled, as I explained earlier. Nothing came of it whatsoever, but in that brief exchenge I feel I set some kind of bar for her continuing attempts to hook up. While I couldn't possibly say it isn't flattering to get this kind of attention, it's still not something I want to encourage for the sake of my (closer) frindship with my friend.

(xpost) pubes in the post obviously!

you have crossed the line

true, but you're also allowed to change your mind. i think talking about the sexual tension between you as a reason not to see her is only encouraging things. make your excuses, see her with him only, and if she pressures you, say 'it's just not going to happen. sorry. you're great, but it isn't on, and never will be.'

(unless that's not true, of course)

i think that way you're being very clear that you aren't just playing hard to get, and that she's just wasting her time. rather than highlighting what you *could* have (tension, excitement, etc), it's playing that down, and encouraging her to move on.

Put flounder in her pants.

you are very wise. i've kinda been doing that recently anyway. i do only see them together or just him, but i've not yet come out and said "ain't ever gonna happen, darl" cos, well, as Rob said above, saying "never" seems a little final when there's ample evidence to suggest that friendships and relationships *can* survive such developments.

Fuck it, some of my friends an I have similar tastes in women, and there have been occasions in the past where a mate has gone out with an ex of mine, and they've been much better suited than we ever were. Can happen, and you never know til you try, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna actuvely pursue this line of thinking just to see what happens! It's not worth the mither...

I think this is a bad thing. . . :/

I've never been bad to guys I really loved though. I can be very, very good.

colette's otm in that you should make it quite plain to her that it ain't going to happen and to leave you alone.

unless, as you suggest, there is a faint possibility sometime, somwhere. in that case, fuck her and get it over with already, damn.

i still think you should say something like 'it isn't going to happen' because if you say almost anything else, it just sounds like you're thinking about it and maybe if she asks enough, you'll change your mind. and you're allowed to change your mind once they break up, but it's probably dangerous to do anything that is vaguely encouraging while they're still together.

on the other hand, she's obviously bored, so if you want to be a little mean you can kind of string her along which could be entertaining to both of you! you get the attention, she gets to think about new possibilities, everyone wins!

(xpost-- i love sam. want to go on a date? :) the last thing she says is actually pretty OTM. you keep saying things that aren't really that convincing that nothing is going to end up happening. so maybe better that you guys just get it over with?)

thanks colette but I'll have to pass. I'm with a guy I actually love this time. ;)

besides I thought I was already in a girly-LDR with Luna but I think she's messing around on me with Ally. *sob*

x-post - GET. A. ROOM.

but don't lock it

luna is cheating on you with ally? can you even imagine the ILX men panting at their screens if that actually happened?

Right, and this is honestly the last thing I want to do. I want us all to be friends, just as it is now.

you keep saying things that aren't really that convincing that nothing is going to end up happening. so maybe better that you guys just get it over with?)

nono, you misunderstand me - nothing will happen because i will not let it happen. If I told him what she'd been saying, they might break up, but that then makes me pure evil - *whether or not* i ever choose to do anything about any unresolved sexual tension between me and her.

y'know, if i was actually secretly in love with the girl, and unattached and not interested in anyone else, and their relationship was in the slightly precarious situation it's currently in, then *maybe*, just maybe I'd do something about it. But I'm not, and I am and I am, so I suppose it's all moot after all that...

Nuh uh!

FWIW I've never intended to be evil and have guys fighting over me. I just have this bad habit of falling attracted to my guy's good friends (most of the time. other times, forget about it.) And both times I"ve done this I've broken up with the first guy before me and the friend ever got it on. But somehow the ensuing week break or what have you never seemed to make the situation palatable to the first guy.

Ostentatiously shag a chicken in front of her while shouting "MY BABY GOT THE B-GAWK!"
-- VengaDan Perry

Sorry, hang on everyone, you must have missed this one. Read it aloud for maximum comic effect.

Wow, why would that make you evil, if you only tell what really happened. No it wouldn't be a very nice thing to do, but an actual "evil" thing would be to completely make up this story to purposely break them up.

Imagine if you did this, then realised you didnt actually want it that much after all. But now best mate is never speaking to you again, ruin, etc.

BAD.

thanks for the caricature

oops, this made me remember that i've done this, totally forgot. was dating someone my first year at uni (a dirty hippie, no less) and after our mutual best friend helped me through the really terrible breakup, MBF and i got together.

MBF and i had what was, until last week or whenever, the longest relationship i've been in. it certainly messed things up between them, and it didn't help that they'd already signed a lease to live together for the next year by the time we got together...

but i don't regret it at all, except the fact that MBF and i aren't friends anymore. but that's a whole different thread!

Argh I've just realised I've done this exact thing as well! Was going out with pretty, polite teen model (I was a teen too), met her wild arty crustyhippy mate, WACM consoled me after I broke up with PPTM (even though I'd apparently beaten her to the break-up punch by a matter of hours), ended up together with WACM for way longer than I'd ever been with PPTM.

And now? Still in touch with WACM - now has equally wild arty crustyhippy six year-old son, living on a houseboat in Cornwall - PPTM now married to nice polite doctor type, and never the twain shall meet.

So PPTM and WACM fell out for good, but...really, who cares? Two happy people out of three is a pretty decent result, I think. Obviously this situation is pretty different, and right now all three of us are relatively happy, which is why the very last thing I want to do is rock any boats innit.

Or, as Trayce quite rightly puts it: Imagine if you did this, then realised you didnt actually want it that much after all. But now best mate is never speaking to you again, ruin, etc.

Hence, life goes on!

it was a comment you made during your recent drunken posting blitz that had you fresh in mind, m'dear.

Other way around, surely?

that's what got me thrown out of my last dinner party.