All Hail The Genius Of The Yankees

...obviously it's Jeets, but some people in my office argue this point. So is it Jeets? Or is it Tino Martinez? ANd what of Andy Pettite? I know plenty of girls who love him, but he's a religious whacko and completely freaky looking to boot. Perhaps it's David Justice - he used to date Halle Berry you know, and his name sounds like a disguised superhero.

Nah, it's definitely Jeter.

Correction: Justice was MARRIED to Halle Berry.

The Yankees mystique comes down to two people: Clay Bellinger and Luis Sojo. Lemme tell ya, Clay can play.

And, honestly, I'm really intimidated by Don Zimmer's Silly Putty face.

Derek Jeter has Mariah cooties. And David Justice always looks like he's trying to hide small animals in his socks.

Joe Torre, if I had to pick. I still hate baseball, though.

Now you listen here, Nicole. You are taking some kind of crazy pills. Joe Torre looks like the evil that has come from beyond the grave. Don Zimmer, now that's sexy, Raposa's right.

If I wasn't already taken, I'd marry Derek Jeter.

No, he looks like a little old teddy bear.

A very, very scary teddy bear.

Bobby Valentine looks like a teddy bear, he's adorable.

The Yankees would be cooler if he was an actual robot bear, like Teddy in AI.

Bobby Valentine looks like he's ONE WORD away from completely going postal. He needs to rock back & forth on the bench to relieve stress - he is WAY too wound up.

Any comments from the ladies (um, Ally) on Piazza's braided beard attempt?

Haven't seen it, but I would have to say that the only thing worse than a beard is a braided beard.

And, so the other baseball fans on this bitch (um, Tracer) have some meat to chew on: BOB BRENLY IS A MORON.

Yeah, leave Schilling in for 8 innings in a decided Game 1, and then PULL him after 88 pitches in Game 4. Have your short-relief closer throw only TWENTY PITCHES LESS than the starter he's replacing - oh, and have him pitch more that 2 innings, too. Oh, and THEN bring him back the very next night. And, of course, it's always smart to give THREE OUTS to a pitcher that thinks throwing at a batter's feet counts as a strike. Brilliant.

Did I mention Jimy is managing the Astros? I like Jimy. Now.

BRAIDED BEARD??! First the blonde hair, now this? What is he trying to do to me, turn me into a full-blown Yankees fan? Everyone knows that if I wasn't already taken, I'd have married Mike Piazza before that whole blonde hair thing. BUT A BRAIDED BEARD IS JUST TOO MUCH. I mean, hello, what is he, ZZ Top? Arrgh.

David Justice: does he look like a robot?

Has anyone else ever noticed that Derek Jeter is the world's most excitable man? I mean, he had nothing to do with that whole thing last night, but he was the first person out screaming and jumping around and hugging. He does that whenever anything good happens, he runs around like a freak and hops and screams and hugs everyone on the team. I mean, they can get like a single and he does this. What the hell, is he a cokehead? My mom says he reminds her of a cat because he's so easily startled.

Oh, no, no, no - not "braided", as in dangling from his cheeks like Billy Gibbons. Right after he went blonde ("on a whim"), he shaved his beard to look like two strands intertwinded, DNA-helix style. Nothing dangled. That look only lasted a day or so, though. Thankfully.

And regarding Jeter's hyperactivity - it's called "team spirit", dude. Like when you killed that umpire, and your team went and gave you a parade, and stuff. Like, duh.

what are you smoking ally?

Are you sure people fancy Pettite? He's one weird looking bastard. Surely Rivera's got that super international assassin thing going on. Incidentally - only learnt last night that Bernie Williams was 'Rican - sneaky with that Anglo name and all. And lastly and mostly, the whole thing is stinking like 1919 - no-one's believing that isn't as scripted as WWF, are they?

I am not smoking anything, I have had 13 pixie sticks though.

Raposa, team spirit is one thing, but why does he have so much? Are you saying the other Yankees are deficient in their team spirit?

I believe I am, Kearney.

"Hi, my name is Andy Pettite. I'd like to you about my close personal relationship with God." Um, OK. I'll call you sometime.

"I'd like to you." I'm a use that line. I R score!

Maybe that's why the Yankees are so good, Andy's close, personal friendship with God. I mean, dude, if I had a close, personal relationship with someone, I'd want to help them out too. Maybe the D- backs should think about that sometime.

Anyhow, are you saying all of MLB has a team spirit deficiency because Jeter is notably hopped up compared to other players. Are you saying baseball players are actually all sticks in the mud and normal people behave the way Jeter does when, for example, someone on the other team gets a strike and he starts hopping up and down like a man possessed?

I feel bad for that Kim guy.

Me too.

Well, Jeter's enthusiasm / coke-addled spazzing is abnormal. But, you know, outside of all the money and media pressure and super conditioning and blah blah, it's a game. And it's nice to see someone get enthusiastic about the game (even though it's really a job more than a pasttime). Usually, the Yankees I know are professional, stoic, and rather boring. (Please note that I'll take stoic ZZZZZZZZZs over the Carl Everett / Dan Duquette Power Hour any day of the week.) It's nice to see them let their guard down and get all jumpy (and, notice, they've ALL been acting like coke-addled freaks - it's glorious).

But, yeah, I think most MLB players aren't feeling the joy or love. Granted, the pressures are ridiculous, especially for the supa-dupa stars, but it's nice to see a guy @ the top of his game - a glamorous pretty boy, THE posterboy for baseball, bar none - enjoy getting dirt on his uniform, sacrificing his body for the sake of his team, and acting like his team's #1 Cheerleader.

No, it's not a bad thing, I just wanna know if he's coked up, that's all.

And yeah, how did he get so filthy last night? He was covered head to toe in dirt, did I miss a major slide or something? I think he just likes to roll around in dirt, that's all.

His handlers prep his uniform, using only the best Mississippi mud to blemish his pinstripes. The same mud they use to scuff up the baseballs, actually. It's a fact! Thirty Helens agree!

You are jealous of Derek Jeter.

I'd say more (to this, and to your post on the "What's Going On" thread), but I need to get ready for my trip to Boston this fine evening, so I'll leave you with this:

:P

That's exactly what I thought.

David Justice was married to Halle Berry. That makes him a man.

David Justice hit Halle Berry. That makes him a superman, because anyone who has the cajones to hit something that looks like Halle Berry and (more or less) get away with it is truely a Hero.

Interesting form of crack you're smoking, JM.

I'd go with Pettite. He has that brooding glower from beneath the cap down to perfection. Jeter's just too much of a pretty boy.

randy johnson makes dennis rodman look attractive. at least he got rid of the mullet though.

It's SATURDAY and there's no game on. We have to wait for SATURNIGHT.

Oh, yeah. Yankees in tip-top form this fine evening. Wahoo.

Yeah, I was wondering -- is Ally not posting out of sheer embarrassment? ;-)

Not that she really has anything to be embarrassed about. The Yankees played quite the game this fine evening (this is Game 7 I'm talking about, by the way), only to have the Diamondbacks pull some mojo out of their collective butts and score TWO runs in the bottom of the ninth against the best post-season pitcher of all time.

I was hoping for the game to go extra innings, to prolong the excitement and other such stuff, but, hey, I'll be happy with a comeback like this. As should all baseball fans, for damn sure.

Agreed -- one hell of a way to end it all.

Wow.

Does anyone have any idea what city that was in??

What drama. Jeter hobbling. Every pitch a nailbiter. My phone was ringing off the hook. RJ coming in as the skies darken. That almost-AZ triple and two perfect throws to beat the highest head-first slide I've ever seen. Everyone making all the plays. The seventh-inning stretch trumpet rendition of, (of COURSE) God Bless America, notable only in that 70 years ago, when that style of music was popular, it would have been booed as irreverent and inappropriate.

Soriano's home run. The look on Torre's face after that happened, knowing that he's bringing in Rivera and trying not to smile, knowing he hasn't won yet. He hadn't.

Baseball was never very big on sentiment, was it? Anyway, congrats to the Diamondbacks. Sounds like it was a classic series. I am mightily peeved not to have seen one single play live, even on TV, this season.

Yeah, I was wondering -- is Ally not posting out of sheer embarrassment? ;-)

Um, I have better things to do all weekend than post online. I barely want to post on this hellhole during the week these days, but you already know that, Neddy.

That being said, I didn't even get to see last night's game, I was on the road. I got the play by play via phone from my mom. Heartbreaking, but the bottom line is they were outplayed, there is no excuse for Saturday night's game, or the first two games in AZ. It was a well-fought, tooth and nails series, but Arizona won it.

And thank god for that cos if the Yankees did pull off the comeback then all any of you people would be doing is posting semi-sarcastic accusations of fixing.

Christ, my friend (a super-duper annoying Yankee fan - he'd die for the team, yet takes every opportunity to bitch about their ineptitude, when they're WINNING 3 World Series in a row; I don't get it) was bitching about the umps being such Yankee haters that they were squeezing the strike zone and blowing calls just to keep the 'Backs in the games (though he thought the Yankees didn't deserve to be in the Series, and were woefully overmatched; again, I don't get it).

And I'm thinking, "You ass, what about the RED SOX?"

Oh, for fuck's sake, what about the Red Sox? I wish the Red Sox would just get kicked out of the league, just to shut up Red Sox fans.

Dave Wears Red Sox would be an awesome blog title.

Yeah, like it's so cool to bite Adam Ant. Egads.

Ant Music 4-evah.

And, you know, Ally, booting the Sox from the league wouldn't shut up the Red Sox fans. It'd just make 'em louder & more annoying. Deep down, I think you realize that.

But, for the sake of propriety, I would like to replace my mention of those poor, poor, inept & stupid Red Sox with those poor, poor, inept & stupid Chicago Cubs.

Red Sox = obv. GRATER team than Diamondbacks because Red Sox would have tripped over own shoelaces on way home from third, on Gonzalez' game-winning bloop - Sox would have FOUND a way to lose. That is what great teams do. They find a way.

Ant Music 4-evah.

Quite so. Cast off your delusions, young Raposa, and BE HEALED. By the power of "Press Darlings" and other such things.

Tracer, that's possibly the best post, ever.

So anyway, the Angels. *hides*

You can kiss my Red Sox lovin arse!