What do you do to get away from religious crusaders who interrupt your lunch?

Another time he came up to me in Ashby BART and asked me if I was registered to vote. I told him I can't vote and he just stood there silently looking at me until I got on the train.

The third time, he saw me coming out of the movies and ran up to me, though apparently not recognizing me because he asked me about voting again and I gave him the same answer and a reminder that I had already told him. Knowing by now that he was definitely a bit weird, I put on my iPod and started to walk away, but he quickly caught up with me and shouted "next time you see me on the street, I'll be asking you if you like music. I usually sell music on the street, this thing is just a side project!". I nodded and walked on.

Ask them if they've been baptised by a real priest. Tell them earnestly that you are concerned for their souls and they will surely go to hell if they do not accept the primacy of the vicar of Christ and the one true holy and apostolic church. Tell them how peace of Christ suffuses your heart and you want them to share it. Ask them to recite a Hail Mary, right here, on your knees with me, right now.

It may not drive them off, but it might be more fun than the usual crap.

Strangely, neither side ever seemed bored or worried by this. It would go on for hours.

(x-post)

One time two Mormons knocked at the door when one of my then housemates, black metal worshipping James, was in. He was annoyed with them and the conversation went like this:

JAMES: "Go away. I have a body in the trunk of my car."

THEM: "Uhh..."

JAMES: "GO AWAY. I HAVE A BODY IN THE TRUNK OF MY CAR."

And so they left.

Protestant ministers doing the door-to-door thing are impossible to shake. The "uh, I'm not interested" line doesn't work, and they keep trying new angles (or just switching to let's-talk-about-your-life mode). As with telemarketers, I'm too much of a wuss to just cut them off.

I say to telemarketers that I work for one of their competitors. I wonder if that would work with the god squad.

Maybe it's performance art?

unless they're interrrupting me when i'm on a cigarette break -- then i still say the above spiel, but i blow smoke in their faces.

if they're particularly cute, sod the ear, aim a little bit lower.

i once had someone stop me with one of those scientology questionnaires - i'd just been to the bank and found out i'd got no money - he asked me what i'd change about my life, and what single thing would improve the quality of my life.. i said 'i'd have more money, i'd like more money'. then he asked if there was one thing i'd change about my character. i said 'no' (i was flirting with self-acceptance at the time).

he said thanks, and i walked off. aware that i'd just been rejected by a cult, and wondering what sort of person is so shallow they don't even get into the scientologists.

if you scratch your crotch while you're doing it, its particularly effective.

one of them, whose last name was milton, played baseball for the dixie community college of st george utah.

i wanted to have vaginal missionary sex with him while eating apple pie over an indian graveyard--he ws that american.

but i didnt have a vagina.

Okay so four nuns standing in a line outside the gates of heaven and St. Peter is interviewing them to see if they have committed any sins of the flesh.

First nun steps forward and says, "I was working as nurse one day and changing a male patient's dressing when my hand accidentally brushed against his penis. Oh heavenly father (or whatever it is you call St. Peter) please forgive this sin and allow me to enter the gates of heaven."

St. Peter says, "My child, the solution is simple, just go to the font of Holy Water (situated, errrrrrrrrrr, a couple of feet from the gates of heaven) and wash the offending hand and you can enter heaven."

Second nun comes up, "Father, I have a confession to make, I was working in a homeless persons hostel. One night, I was helping an old man to undress and I glanced down and caught sight of his member. Please forgive this sin and allow me to enter the gates of heaven."

St. Peter says, "My child, fear not, go to the font of Holy Water and bathe thine eyes and you can enter heaven."

Then St. Peter then notices that the fourth nun is frantically raising her hand and trying to catch his attention.

"What is it my child?" He sayeth unto her.

"Please, please, Father, can I go before her (gesturing to the third nun), I'd like to wash my mouth out before she sticks her arse in that font."

Then last year I saw this:

Mar 20, 2004

By Kathleen Brady Shea INQUIRER STAFF WRITER

Against an emotional backdrop, a Philadelphia preacher convicted of trying to solicit sex from a West Chester teenager was sentenced yesterday to four to 10 years in prison.

The Rev. Craig Stephen White, a fiery street sermonizer known as "Brother Stephen," showed no reaction as Chester County Court Judge Anthony Sarcione imposed the punishment, which also included five years' probation.

"We are very pleased with Judge Sarcione's well-thought-out and appropriate sentence," said Assistant District Attorney Kimberly A. Callahan, who had requested four to eight years in prison.

Defense attorney Robert J. Donatoni said an appeal was being considered.

"Yes, it's a significant amount of time, but under the sentencing guidelines, it could have been worse," Donatoni said, calling the sentence "balanced and fair."

During the hearing, Donatoni presented witnesses who talked about the impact of White's ministry on children in North Philadelphia.

"I have nothing but positive [things] to say about Brother Stephen," said Evelyn Whitfield, a mother of five who credits White with encouraging her boys to pursue college.

White's wife, Lori, told Sarcione that her husband's imprisonment would be a hardship for her and the couple's three children, ages 5, 4, and 20 months.

Callahan presented testimony from the victim, his mother, and his aunt, who all focused on the negative impact of the crime.

"I feel degraded and feel no one has the right to rob someone of their innocence," said the victim, who is now 15 and finds himself "always looking over" his shoulder.

Speaking on his own behalf, White, 40, said he received a calling to be an evangelist at the age of 18. He said he came to Philadelphia 10 years ago because it was a spiritually needy region.

After the hearing, the victim and his family expressed relief.

"Justice was served," the victim's mother said.

Lori White left the courtroom with about a dozen supporters.

"I maintain my husband's innocence," she said.

Michael Marcavage , a character witness at White's trial, had been ejected earlier after Callahan expressed concern about an Internet site that offered a $5,000 reward for information on both the victim and prosecutors that might help free White.

Marcavage , 24, of Lansdowne, became agitated, stood up, and accused Callahan of lying. He also admitted setting up the Web site before being escorted from the courthouse.

Sarcione said he weighed White's contributions to the Philadelphia community against his conduct in West Chester.

White's sentence includes a recommendation for a psychiatric evaluation and sex-offender treatment. In addition, Sarcione said White should have no contact with any child under 18 - except his own - unless another adult is present.

White was found guilty on Jan. 14 of criminal solicitation to commit involuntary deviate sexual intercourse and related offenses.

During White's three-day trial, the victim testified that on June 26 White stopped him on a West Chester street and asked for directions, and then for information on adult entertainment.

The boy said he gave White directions to a regular video store, turning down an offer to help White find it. Minutes later, White pulled up again, repeated that he was lost, and asked the boy if he wanted to make $20 by letting White perform oral sex on him. The boy said no and memorized the vehicle's license-plate number, which police traced to White.

you will accept me thrice before the cock crows!

fuck these people!

this was 3 hours ago and i am still angry at them!

DAMN THEM

lxy met jehovah witnesses on our porch this weekend and told them off. good girl.

"I am a Jew."

"hey can we ask you a few questions"
"um, no"
"do you know any christians"
"yes"
"let me ask you something..."
"didn't i just say you couldn't ask me--"
"if you walked into the street and got hit by a car--"
"i'm just trying to wait for the bus here"
"do you mind if we pray for you"
"yeah, i do, can you leave me alone"
*both go into corner of bus shelter and pray for me*
"hey, i just want you to know that jesus misses you, because you used to talk to him when you were a little girl"

WTF???

Ask them what they were doing in your closet.

my campus is home to a large christian cult, i think these were members though they didn't identify themselves. also it's 30 degrees out and they were just standing there waiting for people to come to the bus stop! get a job, assholes!

Try to convert them to Catholicism.

Ask them if they've been baptised by a real priest. Tell them earnestly that you are concerned for their souls and they will surely go to hell if they do not accept the primacy of the vicar of Christ and the one true holy and apostolic church. Tell them how peace of Christ suffuses your heart and you want them to share it. Ask them to recite a Hail Mary, right here, on your knees with me, right now.

It may not drive them off, but it might be more fun than the usual crap.

― Aimless (Aimless)

Hey, I do this too! I also add a bit about Martin Luther being a nazi.

i just can't see how they don't understand how disrespectful and assholish they're being, and they both had this creepy "i care so much about you" glare where you could see their eyes spiraling and hypnotizing you. i wish i could have stabbed them both.

I know where you can buy a knife.

No words, just DEATH GLARE.

What happens if you tell them that you're Buddhist or Jewish or etc? I've always been curious...

― Jocelyn (Jocelyn), Friday, May 28, 2004 8:32 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark

As a fundie-turned-Buddhist I have a lot of fun getting syncretic on these guys.

Ecumenize those suckers!

The thread title reads like a joke set up.

Back when I had long hair, I passed one of these guys having a conversation with, I guess, a second one. As I walked by, I heard him say, "But then there are some people you just can't help."

Some random woman asked me if I believed in Christmas and what's wrong with Jesus Christ, isn't he my lord? Inside a church is a strange place to evangelize. Especially a stuffy Protestant one.