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http://67.18.93.82/adventureimages/goblinchef.gif You're fighting a Knob Goblin Assistant Chef

This Knob Goblin is currently in training to be a chef. He proudly wields his set of Neophyte Tongs, and whistles a happy cooking song as he prepares to beat you senseless.

You hit for 4 damage. CRITICAL HIT! POW! BOOF!

You win the fight!

You gain 8 Meat.
You gain 1 Cheek.

― TRON FIGHTS FOR THE USERS (ex machina), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 11:39 (twenty-one years ago)

you dear fragile thing

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 11:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Saucemastery

You are channelling the Magicalness and Strengthliness of the Ancient Brotherhood of Gravymakers.

― TRON FIGHTS FOR THE USERS (ex machina), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 11:47 (twenty-one years ago)

This is my new favourite thing in the whole world.

― Tag (Tag), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 14:21 (twenty-one years ago)

so much fun! I have mariachi pants!!

― TRON FIGHTS FOR THE USERS (ex machina), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 14:26 (twenty-one years ago)

uuuh, i think i just got way addicted.

its like the old BBS MUDS that i played in 8th grade!!!

― brock (brock), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 15:00 (twenty-one years ago)

but with more funny

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 15:02 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm a Sauceror

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 15:02 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm a marachi asshole. dude, have you checked out the players picture page?

http://geocities.com/quep84/ochre.jpg

― brock (brock), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 15:05 (twenty-one years ago)

easily my favorite. total beauty and the beast action.

― brock (brock), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 15:05 (twenty-one years ago)

accordian thief. thats what i am

― brock (brock), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

JACK BLACK + FABIO?

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

more bob seger + RAY LEOTA

― brock (brock), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 16:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm a pastamancer. Where is the ILX guild?!

― Dale the Titled (cprek), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 16:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Yea, fuck let's start one!!!

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 16:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I have to be like level 7 or something. I'm 3 right now.

Turns reset midnight central (US) time.

What levels are y'all at?

My name on there is "McFeely"

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 16:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, um, Kingfish told us about this on the TITTWISt thread many months ago. I'm a level 9 accordion thief. This is the greatest thing ever, of course.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 16:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Casuistry, wanna make an ILX clan. What should we call it? "Excelsior"?

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 16:40 (twenty-one years ago)

jon, are you gay

― deanomgwtf!!!p%3Fmsgid%3D4581997 (deangulberry), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.sundazed.com/main/new_item_gfx/wilco.gif

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 16:46 (twenty-one years ago)

WILCO ROCKS DUDE ALSO DON'T TELL IAN THAT YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME IT WILL CAUSE PROBLEMS ALSO DON'T LET YOUR BOSS KNOW THAT YOU ARE PROPOSITIONING MEN OVER THE INTERNET

― deanomgwtf!!!p%3Fmsgid%3D4581997 (deangulberry), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 16:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I was playing this and then the website changed and I couldn't get my password for some reason (hotmail probably filtered it as spam, I guess). I had a bugbear costume!

I'm glad it's resetting so I can start over with a new name...

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

resetting wtf?

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 17:46 (twenty-one years ago)

how long till it resets?

i gotta figure all this shit out man. looks like a fun ass time.

WE NEED AN ILXOR CLAN BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD

― brock (brock), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 18:15 (twenty-one years ago)

thanks to the SA forums, i was playing this a month or two ago. slow server times pissed me off, then i started playing Half Life again, which took again KoL time.

i'm still a level 6 Pastamancer and Disco Thief.

― Kingfish Disraeli (Kingfish), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 18:16 (twenty-one years ago)

It will be reset at 1 am EST.

Equipment:

Hat: the Dolphin King's crown (Power: 30)
Weapon: wooden stakes (Power: 25)
Pants: mariachi pants (Power: 10)
Accessory: continuum transfunctioner

Accomplishments:

You have completed your training with the Toot Oriole.
You have found the Dolphin King's treasure.

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 18:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Hmmm, clans give stat bonuses. The ILX hive mind must play this!

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 18:24 (twenty-one years ago)

for clarification:

(15:25:57) derridAhAhA: wait, its reseting tonight?
(15:26:13) WIZARD IS HUNGry: you get more turns at 1am
(15:26:18) derridAhAhA: oooo
(15:26:23) derridAhAhA: i thought the whole thing is reseting
(15:26:35) derridAhAhA: like everyone starting over again
(15:26:36) WIZARD IS HUNGry: no no

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 18:26 (twenty-one years ago)

McFeely
Level 3
Parsley Enchanter

Muscle: 5
Mysticality: 8
Moxie: 5
Tipsiness: 7

HP 8 / 9
MP 9 / 9

Meat 87
Turns 0

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 18:28 (twenty-one years ago)

ilxorox
Level 2
Cilantro Seer

Muscle: 5
Mysticality: 6
Moxie: 5
Drunkenness: 1

HP 3/7
MP 6/6
Meat 227
Turns 0

― brock (brock), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 21:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Jon, everything IS going to reset. As in everyone will be back to square one. At some point. Soonish, probably.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 22:27 (twenty-one years ago)

cafard
Level 9
Hurdy-Gurdy Hooligan

Muscle:
71 (50)

Mysticality:
45

Moxie:
65 (68)

23 / 94

63 / 68

481

4
Last Adventure:

The Goatlet
Intrinsics:

1337p4n7Z (?)
Familiar:

Got, the 4 pound Barrrnacle

― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 22:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Will KoL be reset?
Yes. The game will be reset when it comes out of beta.

What does this mean?

It means that your character will be reset to level 1. All player inventories and stores will go away. Clans will go away. Everything will go away except your name. You may or may not be allowed to keep ONE of your familiars. I haven't decided yet.

When?

I don't know. I want to finish the game. I want to make it so you can climb the beanstalk, and do your thing up there. I want you to be able to confront and defeat the Naughty Sorceress. I want all of the old gaps to be filled.

It won't be for a while. There will be a countdown on the login page for 2 weeks beforehand. It won't come as a surprise.

― deanomgwtf!!!p%3Fmsgid%3D4581997 (deangulberry), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 22:31 (twenty-one years ago)

this game is fun. but not as fun as tradewars. does anybody know any sites running tradewars on the web?

― vahid (vahid), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 22:32 (twenty-one years ago)

http://i.timeinc.net/time/potw/20010817/pork.jpg

ROADSIDE PORKTASTROPHE

― ARL (Adrian Langston), Wednesday, 2 June 2004 22:47 (twenty-one years ago)

one of my friends is writing an insane tradewars inspired games with crazy fucking planetary mechanics

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Thursday, 3 June 2004 04:52 (twenty-one years ago)

matzohpizza (#93078)
Level 3
Frog Director
Statistics:

Current Hit Points: 10
Maximum Hit Points: 12

Current Muscularity Points: 1
Maximum Muscularity Points: 2

Muscle: 11
(19/23)

Mysticality: 4
(3/9)

Moxie: 4
(7/9)

Adventures remaining: 0
Meat: 241

Turns Played: 88

Advancement:

You must gain 2 Muscle to advance to level 4.

Equipment:

Hat: viking helmet (Power: 20)
Weapon: Knob Goblin tongs (Power: 20)
Pants: Knob Goblin pants (Power: 25)

Skills:
(click the skill name for a description)

Patience of the Tortoise

― Ian Johnson (orion), Thursday, 3 June 2004 05:37 (twenty-one years ago)

planetary mechanics??? that sounds less like tradewars and more like star control!! or is it some combo of the two?

― vahid (vahid), Thursday, 3 June 2004 07:21 (twenty-one years ago)

ok mind you my experience with tradewars boils down to the old wwiv version of tradewars, text-only, turn-based and written in pascal.

― vahid (vahid), Thursday, 3 June 2004 07:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Brocktune
Level 3
Zydeco Rogue

Muscle: 4
Mysticality: 3
Moxie: 11
Drunkenness: 15
You are falling-down drunk.

HELLZ YEA!@#$%#

― brock (brock), Thursday, 3 June 2004 14:43 (twenty-one years ago)

I couldn't get enough food or drink to get more turns. Where can I get cheap booze?

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Thursday, 3 June 2004 14:46 (twenty-one years ago)

What do rolls do?

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Thursday, 3 June 2004 14:50 (twenty-one years ago)

err, i know what they do.. i mean fortune cookies

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Thursday, 3 June 2004 14:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Booze is actually kinda hard to get. Eventually you can storm the Orcish Frat House (which is where I got my current weapon, the homoerotic frat paddle) and that's probably the easiest place to win it. (So far.)

― Casuistry (Chris P), Thursday, 3 June 2004 14:55 (twenty-one years ago)

its all about the night train in the back alley

3-4 turns
3 drunkeness

― brock (brock), Thursday, 3 June 2004 15:03 (twenty-one years ago)

its all about the night train in the back alley

3-4 turns
3 drunkeness

and dude. level 4 is when shit starts. everything opens up.

― brock (brock), Thursday, 3 June 2004 15:11 (twenty-one years ago)

whoops..

― brock (brock), Thursday, 3 June 2004 15:11 (twenty-one years ago)

whoever designed this is familiar with ilx - from the list of items:

asshat

This is a hat made from two cheeks. Once you get used to the smell, it's pretty stylish.

Type: hat
Power: 30
Selling Price: 45 Meat.

Enchantment:
Stench Resistance

― zappi (joni), Thursday, 3 June 2004 15:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I started a second guy named "ROFFLE"

fuck, I got the slug lord's map and i need stench protection

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Thursday, 3 June 2004 15:59 (twenty-one years ago)

anyone wanna buy this:

dirty hobo gloves

This is a pair of filthy hobo gloves. Their pungent stench makes them useful as a weapon.

Type: weapon
Power: 20
Selling Price: 31 Meat.

Enchantment:
+1 Stench Damage

Post your username, I'm asking like 40 meat for it.

― HAMBURGER NEURON GROUP (ex machina), Thursday, 3 June 2004 16:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 330 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I've just applied to join Clan ILXOR. Please let me in! (I am called Bunface)

― C J (C J), Monday, 2 August 2004 04:59 (twenty-one years ago)

My ass is being continually handed to me by the Knob Goblin King. Do I just have to keep chipping away at his stats day after day? Or shall I come back when I've got a better weapon?

― Mog, Monday, 2 August 2004 09:51 (twenty-one years ago)

mog, you can't defeat him looking like that, your going to need a disguise....a sexy disguise!

― zappi (joni), Monday, 2 August 2004 10:14 (twenty-one years ago)

If anyone wants a fairy gravy familiar I just left a pregnant mushroom in the stash, stick it in a terrarium and away you go

― Andrew Blood Thames (Andrew Thames), Monday, 2 August 2004 10:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Zappi, I have the outfit you speak of, and the perfume too. But soon as I get into the King's Chamber I get whacked for like 35 HPs and even my Lunging Thrust-Smack ain't enough to stop me getting killed by his second hit. What I need to know is if he loses stat points each time I go in, or if I'm wasting my time going back in there time after time...

― Mog, Monday, 2 August 2004 11:22 (twenty-one years ago)

as far as i know he doesn't lose stat points everytime you go in...i'd get a bigger weapon or even better more HP.

― zappi (joni), Monday, 2 August 2004 11:27 (twenty-one years ago)

more moxie, better armor. also buy a voleyball from the hermit and a terarium from the market if you havent already.

― :|, Monday, 2 August 2004 11:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, thanks guys, I figured it out already.

That one thing on the Penultimate Fantasy Airship, the series of annoying encounters or whatever, made me lose my shit the first time I saw it.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 2 August 2004 12:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Does anybody know what's the deal with the icy peak? I mean, I've gotten through the OH NO NO YETIS bits and gotten the Yeti Protest Sign and even bothered to use it. I get the feeling its the KoL 12-Ft. Lizards getting tired of people taking advantage of the peak and trying to discourage everyone from yetislaying up there.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 2 August 2004 19:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't even get up the damn peak! Stupid goats or ninja snowmen need cough up some outfit gear ASAP!

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 2 August 2004 19:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey Raposa! Are you the one causing the ilxor.com problems today? ;-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 2 August 2004 19:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey Raggett! That depends on the problems, bucko! I only take credit for the cool shit.

― David R. (popshots75`), Monday, 2 August 2004 20:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah right. Now fix the ilxor.com address so it redirects to p3r.net. ;-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 2 August 2004 20:16 (twenty-one years ago)

daver you get gear from the extreme dudes only! and 'licous, yeah its pretty much they figured the ca$h from the peak was unbalancing the "economy" so wanted to tone things down in terms of payoff a bit. what's coming next i dunno?

as for the goblin king i found having an accessory like flaming knuckles which increased my changes of getting the first hit helped a whole bunch, and then you can always throw some wussiness potions or something on him or use some torpedoes or something?

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 07:33 (twenty-one years ago)

word. i'm amenbreakfast please allow me to join tha clan

― Barnaby (Barnaby), Thursday, 5 August 2004 10:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Argh the server is so SLOOOOOWW.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Friday, 6 August 2004 04:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Aaargh I can't work out how to make a car!

― Andrew Blood Thames (Andrew Thames), Friday, 6 August 2004 07:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Bitchin' Meat Car
You must first gather a cog, an Empty Meat Tank, some Tires, a spring and a sprocket. Some of these are found inside Gnollish Toolboxes, which are found in Degrassi Knoll. You need the Sweet Rims, which you get from the Hermit by trading him a Worthless item. You will also need five Meat Pastes and a Meat Stack (must have 100 meat to make this), which can be made inside your inventory. Combine the Meat Stack with the Empty Meat Tank to get a Full Meat Tank, and combine the Tires with the Sweet Rims to get the Dope Wheels. Combine a spring and a sprocket, then combine the result with a cog to make Cog And Sprocket Assembly. Now combine the Full Meat Tank with the Cog And Sprocket Assembly to produce a Meat Engine, which you can then combine with the Dope Wheels to get a Bitchin' Meatcar. Return to the Council to complete the quest and to gain the ability to adventure at the Shore.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Friday, 6 August 2004 07:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks a lot, done!

― Andrew Blood Thames (Andrew Thames), Friday, 6 August 2004 07:11 (twenty-one years ago)

all that stuff is right here if you get stuck again(posted upthread but whatever I'll repost it):
http://s93834343.onlinehome.us/KoL.txt

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Friday, 6 August 2004 07:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Also if you are in the ILX clan the items in the clan stash are an immeasurable help to low-level characters. Thanks to that I've got a bunch of stuff at my campsite and the only thing I need for a car are sweet rims.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Friday, 6 August 2004 07:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Not to mention weapons/hats/pants/etc.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Friday, 6 August 2004 07:26 (twenty-one years ago)

c'mon let Menelaus, Grogan and Vaughn join the ILXOR clan... my three characters will be applying soon, watch out for me

― Menelaus Darcy (Menelaus Darcy), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 15:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I need a beer lens, dammit! (I'm sugarplum)

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 17:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Question: how powerful should my Level 10 disco bandit be in order to adventure in the airship w/out getting my ass handed to me by every stinkin' character on deck? Sidebar: the chocobird familiar is SWEEET!

― David R. (popshots75`), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 17:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Airship got easier when my muscle got up to 120 or so maybe? I remember someone saying that the whole beanstalk could be dealt with pretty easily once you're above 150. When I was getting my ass kicked there, I'd just get my ghoul whelp and go adventure elsewhere until my HPs were better. Or use a pixel potion/tiny house/scroll of drastic healing/phonics down.

I'm liking my bloody volleyball familiar lately. I got an extra volleyball by accident so if anyone needs one, it's in the clan stash.

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 18:21 (twenty-one years ago)

My kingdom for some fucking swashbuckling pants - I hate these bloody pirates.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 12 August 2004 05:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't get past the hippies on the island. It keeps telling me I'm suffering stench damage - what should I equip to protect myself? I made an asshat, but that doesn't seem to be powerful enough.

― C J (C J), Thursday, 12 August 2004 05:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I think the pine freshener worked for me

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 12 August 2004 05:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Yay I finally have high enough stats for that Chrome Crossbow, w00t!

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 07:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyone know where the best place to go is after one is tough enough to consistently kick ninja snowman ass? I'm still a little afraid of the mountain's peak though; is that really the next closest step up?

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 07:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh my aching grammar.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 07:45 (twenty-one years ago)

four months pass...

the new pvp system is absolutely nervewracking.

― :| (....), Tuesday, 28 December 2004 09:07 (twenty-one years ago)

one month passes...

Fargh!!!!!!!!

I just joined a clan, but I didn't know there was an ilx clan. Can we unjoin one and join another?

― Hurting (Hurting), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 15:31 (twenty years ago)

click on "membership roster" in the clann hall, scroll to the bottom, check the "confirm" box, click "leave clan".

― bass braille (....), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 16:25 (twenty years ago)

Ok, well my characters are Old Salt and Young Salt. I may only have one of them join (if either), and keep the other one in its present clan.

― Hurting (Hurting), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 16:54 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...

should i shell out $50 for a custom avatar, or would this be the pinnacle of geekdom?

― bass braille (....), Sunday, 13 March 2005 20:44 (twenty years ago)

two months pass...

this game is fun. do ppl still play? can someone let me join the ilxor clan pleeez?

― Sym Sym (sym), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 05:22 (twenty years ago)

I log in every few weeks to see what they've updated. I don't know if I can add you to the clan, though.

― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 10:01 (twenty years ago)

i still log in here and there to see what messages people leave me when they p2p against me. i find it amusing.

i have lost track of what they've updated and i guess i've mostly lost interest in the actual game though. too bad, it was really addictive and fun for a while.

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 11:51 (twenty years ago)

it seems like it could eventually become boring. but not yet, thankfully.

― Sym Sym (sym), Wednesday, 1 June 2005 23:46 (twenty years ago)

It really does get boring pretty quickly.

― Hurting (Hurting), Thursday, 2 June 2005 01:45 (twenty years ago)

ten months pass...

this guy was a big fan

― kyle (akmonday), Monday, 17 April 2006 02:23 (nineteen years ago)

gouku
Guild Member
Posted: Mon Apr 17, 2006 1:00 am

> T_Sarducci wrote:
>> DeathStyles wrote:
>> the player in the article went by the name HippyGriff
>> he was a radio reg...
>> god this is fucked up situation =/

> And how do you know that, exactly?

check his profile... you can view his blog from there...

Proto
Junior Guild Member
Posted: Mon Apr 17, 2006 1:03 am

Oh.

I REALLY hope that Jick doesn't take this as an oppurtunity to give him a custom item.

― fez, Monday, 17 April 2006 07:50 (nineteen years ago)

http://forums.kingdomofloathing.com/profile.php?mode=viewprofile&u=11746

― fez, Monday, 17 April 2006 07:56 (nineteen years ago)

check his profile... you can view his blog from there...

http://ilx.p3r.net/userinfo.php?username=kenan

― ++-+-+--, Monday, 17 April 2006 12:50 (nineteen years ago)

three weeks pass...

Does anyone still play this? Myself and a friend have started our own, relatively active, clan (Team Splendid's Dance-O-Rama) and we want to get some nice people in. Can we poach any ILx0rs?

― emil.y (emil.y), Saturday, 13 May 2006 17:31 (nineteen years ago)

two months pass...

Clan ILXOR is empty except for luna and me, so yeah, i guess im gonna apply to Team Splendid's Dance-O-Rama.

― ferzaffe (flezaffe), Wednesday, 9 August 2006 10:57 (nineteen years ago)

I tried logging in for the first time in months the other day...all of my characters were deleted. ;_;

― the doaple gonger (nickalicious), Wednesday, 9 August 2006 14:51 (nineteen years ago)

ten months pass...

It really does get boring pretty quickly.
-- Hurting (Hurting), Thursday, June 2, 2005

unless you use the kolmafia client, which takes care of routine tasks like mixing, cooking, buffing, etc. unfortunately the client went kaput due to the massive content update last week.

― ☪, Sunday, 1 July 2007 16:18 (eighteen years ago)

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