a moral and monetary dilemma

(if it wasnt for this guy) would you still want to go?

Hmm, sounds nasty C. If one of your friends has said they will go with you, then I would opt for this. You don't want to lose out yourself cos if this f@#kwit! Don't bother with him at all, he messed up his chance of going & should not even be considered an option to go with or just to foot some of the bill.

i want to go, but not alone.

and i have to interact with him on an almost daily basis, so it wouldn't be like i'm searching him out for a conversation about this. i just feel like it sucks for my friend to have to pay for the festival, flight and hostel plus food and stuff, when if he'd been even slightly less of a cock then he still could have gone with me.

Yeah but he was a cock & a huge one at that (not in a good way either) so he doesn't deserve to go. If your friend has offered, why can't you take them up on it?

You have absolutely no obligation towards this guy whatsoever - do what the hell you want. If you want to go to the festival, ask him to sell his ticket, if not, flog it off to whoever - you have enough mutual friends to make this easy enough I would imagine.

There's also another pretty big reason why going away with an ex would not be a good idea right now. Actually, maybe you should never agree to go away with a boyfriend ever again unless its a last-minute thing, just in case ;)

If you want to go, I reckon any friend you brought with you would end up enjoying it if they're into music, favour or no favour - the lineup is pretty great after all.

because they don't really want to go, but are doing it to be nice to me. which, at about £150, is a pretty big contribution to the 'be nice to colette fund'!

i might end up doing that, though, just interested in what people have to say...i haven't made up my mind at all, just keep going around in circles.

xpost-- there is NO DANGER of actually going with him. that's not the issue at all. i'm just wondering if he should pay for like half the ticket (or the whole ticket) to subsidise whoever has to take his place, and should just not be able to complain about it because he knows what a jerk he was.

is he likely to do that? if he feels guilty, this is a definite possibility (especially, if he is under impression you are now not goin because no one to go with)

and then, he could end up paying for someone else to go

Also, minorish side-question - have you both booked flights? If so, he's going to have to forfeit some of the cash anyway and may be reluctant to let any more slip away.

I guess you kind of have to figure out what's more important to you. Getting the money back (and extracting your pound of flesh in revenge) or keeping the moral high ground.

The problem is, if you ask him for the money, he then gets some kind of claim on the ticket. Which he has renounced, basically, through his cockfarmery. I mean, you could push for part of the money... but... do you want the money or the pound of flesh? To be honest, if you're after the latter, I doubt you'll get the satisfaction you really want through getting the money.

Living well is the best revenge. Go with a friend, have a marvellous time, and then when you come back, go on and on about how fabulous it was, especially in his hearing range.

The money, yeah, it's a lot, either for you to have to swallow, or for a friend who doesn't really want to go. But maybe you can work out some kind of compromise? Or else, f*ck, just scalp it and make a profit!

no flights have been booked. unfortunately, actually, since they were really cheap in april and really expensive now. boo.

scalping is an option, but since it isn't sold out yet, can't imagine there's a high demand, and it's a long way to go to sell them on the door!

i don't think he wants to go anymore, either. if he did, he could hypothetically just buy a ticket for himself.

ah, don't want to seem like i'm arguing with everything you are all saying, i'm totally taking it all in. i'm just letting you know the response that pops into my head for every 'solution' i or someone else thinks of.

There are only a few questions to ask yourself Colette really.

Do you want to go?
Have you got someone to go with?

You can answer 'yes' to both of these, so I don't really see the dilema.

even if your friends would be going largely to please you, i think once you got there you'd have a grand old time and that aspect would soon be forgotten, and you'd have the memories of good itmes, etc. etc.

Yes, but her friends might be forking out just to please her, which can get nasty.

If the friend really couldn't afford it & really did not want to go, I am sure they would be advising Colette to sell the ticket.

Sell the ticket to a disgusting greasy letch just to annoy him! They'll have to share a bed and it'll be funny.

I'm sure the friends that are bailing her out are able to afford it, but that doesn't mean there won't be a slight tension if they turn out not to like it.

Annoyingly I'd quite like to go, both in principle and by opportunity, but it is the weekend after Glastonbury, and I'll probably spend as much of it as possible lying down perfectly still.

I don't know, maybe Colette's friends are more tolerant or loyal or something, but I've never actually agreed to "go along as a replacement date" to something unless there was not some part of me that thought I would enjoy it, or the friend was a good enough friend to guarantee that they would be good company and I'd enjoy it regardless. Especially something happening in a foreign country, that I'd have to commit to airfare and hotel in order to go.

I think amateur!st is right there.

It's the fact that Colette put "moral" dilemma before "monetary" dilemma that makes me think that there's more to it than just getting the replacement dosh.

That didn't make grammatical sense, now, did it? Possibly because I'm in "All Men Are Dogs" mode and I'm unlikely to be able to provide helpful and non bitter advice to anyone. And my report is done running so I better go deal with it or something.

Good luck with figuring it out, Colette.

Kate is otm, if a friend offers to do all of that then there's has gotta be summit in it for them too. If they got arsey afterwards, well then I question their initial motives.

But ppl don't idly offer to spend all of that money just to make someone feel better.

Right, but they're also not doing it just because hey, it's Roskilde. I'm not saying "danger, don't do it", just that I understand Colette's reluctance.

yeah, the lovely friend that has said he'll go said 'well, i'll go, but probably best to consider me as a last resort'

also, my sweet flatmate (who really isn't into music at all) said she'd go 'just so i didn't have to go alone'

so yeah, i'm sure we would have a good time once there, but i just feel a little weird about the whole situation.

kate, it isn't about revenge. it's more just that i think he messed up and he should make a little effort to make it right. the fact that he talked me into buying the tickets in the first place, and then initiated a conversation about what we would do if we split up before the festival tells me that he knew what he was getting into from the start, and i'd be surprised if he isn't expecting some sort of conversation about it.

alternatively, if anyone knows anyone that would like to buy the package, at face value, let me know. i'm just not optimistic that the whole thing could be solved so easily!

also, thanks for listening to me moan about this, guys. it's just a pretty small thing that is stressing me out more than it should.

(mind spinning out of control like thinking about how i should be paying off student loans with the money instead, etc. boo)

i think it mostly serves you right for being so pretentious.

DQ = "I'll just follow along with my little bayonet here and kill the wounded."

Did this get sorted out?

bump