Talk Radio (UK) Classic Or Dud?

If Caesar the Geezer still in employment, dud.
If Caesar the Geezer reduced to giving rubbish blowjobs in the IKEA carpark, to not even particularly rich suburban family men who haven't come to terms with their sexuality and vent their self-loathing on whoever it is gets them off, classic.

Who's this Cesar the Geezer? Is he like Gary Bushell x 10? How did The Smiths and Animal Farm come up on a talksport show?

I'm listening to it right now and it does seem to be the radio equivalent of 'The Wright Stuff' (Channel 5 weekday mornings 9:35, for a televisual Mirror opinion column), or just being stuck in London with a particularly obnoxious cabbie.

Whinging about rugby is the national pasttime. Ergo Talksport in NZ = copious amounts of tedium. Station worthwhile ONLY when carrying live commentaries not otherwise on TV; dud when public or presenters spouting tedious crap ad infinitum re: who should/shouldn't be in All Blacks. British Lions currently hot topic. Believe they're touring here in... 2004. [Reflects: haven't used word "tedious" enough in this post.]

One of my housemates from earlier this year listened to Ian Collins religiously and regularly encouraged me to enter his world myself. He claimed there is a rather special community of listeners spouting wild and wonderful wisdom if only you're prepared to wade through a few hours of crap. However, the thrill of listening to someone phone up every night to say 'You love Timmy Mallett' doesn't particularly appeal at present.

A Typical Evening With TalkSport PRESENTER: Line 5, you’re on TalkSport. LINE 5: I want to talk about them Bulger killers and the asylum seekers in yeah like Bradpool, yeah? We should stop being politically correct with them an’ string ‘em up ‘cos we’re Britain and I am an income tax payer and they should be experimented on, like, their parts used to save the children, yeah, the kiddies, yeah ‘cos we don’t not need no Siberian asylum seekers comin’ here and givin’ us like foot ‘n’ mouth yeah? But you can’t say Sieg Heil them days ‘cos it is politically incorrect. It’s like free country yeah? We shouldn’t never be killin’ kiddies and so them Bulger killers should’ve bin strung up on lampposts yeah? My mum right she got . . . PRESENTER: Well, that is certainly an original and stimulating point of view, Line 5. And I have to say I fundamentally agree with most of it. Why the hell are we taking these scumbags in? When we can’t get a council house? They should be expelled from the country. Preferably off the top of the White Cliffs of Dover. I suppose I’m not allowed to say “White Cliffs” anymore, am I? It has to be “Multicultural Cliffs.” While I live in a racially diverse and integrated area, I do not feel that I want them living next to me. Three doors down, maybe, but not right physically next to me to make my DVD player wobble with their footstompin reggie music. Woman assistant! Cook my shoes and clean my tea! Your place is on my face! Back after the break. AD: If you have consumed prune juice within the last three years, you could be eligible for compensation in order to pay off all your outstanding debts. You could be in receipt of up to £1 million! Ring us now on 203920493-0593-7. The term “up to £1 million” cfearly includes the figure “nought.” Your life may be terminated with a spiked baseball bat if you fail to keep up repayments. PRESENTER: Back to the show, and why it’s Line 3 on the line! SADDO: Oh hello dere, begorrah and bedad, oi be callin’ from the County Down, so I am. Did ye know, I have been consortin’ wit da’ ladies of the night, you see. I should be on the front page of the News of the World being named and shamed, so I should. Have ye seen my Kleenex and kiddie porn downloads? PRESENTER: Well, that’s certainly a stimulating and original point of view, Saddo. Always good to hear from you. Line 354? LINE 354: ‘Allo, is that Whale Boyd Dickhead? PRESENTER: What’s it to you, mate? LINE 354: You call that Goran a tennis player, ‘ee woz just lucky coz it rained otherwise Tim Boy would have had him for breakfast. PRESENTER: You don’t think it was that he was simply a better, stronger-serving player and the worthiest of champions Wimbledon has ever had? LINE 354: Wot you bein’ like with me, mate? Henman shoulda won ‘coz Henman is BRITISH! One of our own! Not allowed to win ‘coz it is not politically correct. Want to let them asylum seekers on to court at Stevenage Tennis Club so they can kill our kids like them Bulger scum . . . PRESENTER: That is certainly a stimulating point of view. Line 394839437, you’re on TalkSport! POSSIBLY BARRY GEORGE: YOU LUV BWUNO BWOOKES! (Continued ad infinitum, or at least until the Radio Authority terminates the wavelength contract, which can’t be long coming judging by the ratings)

I feel a weird urge to comemorate Clive Bull, who used to do a great 1am-4am show called 'Through the Night' on LBC back in the mid to late 80s, when LBC was still a likeable radio station. I think Channel 4 made a slightly patronising afternoon documentary about it at one point. A strange and lovely community of thoughtful insomniacs grew up around it, and Bull had a playful, affectionate sarcasm about him. In a curious way it was the ILE of its day.

Marcello! Good to have you back!

Monday Night Racing from Windsor with Derek Thompson.

Astonishing. Like a documentary on the anthropology of Middle England. I can't stop myself listening to it, but for all the wrong reasons. When Tommo does one of his interviews with The Public, it's more revealing on the mentality of the Brit cultural middle- everything territory than 100 Radio 4 docos, and far more depressing, as well.

I can never even brave myself to listen to any of the phone-ins Marcello describes: I suppose Monday Night Racing is the Mail to their Sun.

One other thing: the C4 doco Stevie refers to was in the excellent, and much-missed (round these parts, anyway) "Short Stories" series.

What was the idea behind all this changing the name to Talk Sport anyway? Its total bollocks! Talk Radio used to be cool but now its just a commercial Radio 5! Caeser the Geezer had a show on Television X, which just goes to show how much of A Gary Bushell he really was! His wind ups were the best - the most memorable debate was about Council Estates, it brought about the biggest divide in the country! LONG LIVE CAESER!!

In the 80s, talk radio was good, ceaser the geezer was one funny guy, since the departure of the geezer i have switched radio stations as i can not listen to talk radio again as it aint the same without the geezer, i am sure there are thousands of others out there feel the same, if the geezer came back i will be strait back to talk radio. what did happen to the geezer?

What ever you think about Tommy you have to admit that there aint many people around today that can hold a candle to his intellegence. The man is one clever bastard.

Caeser the Geezer is reputed to be presenting on an RSL in August. It is on 87.9 FM broadcasting from Minster, Isle of Sheppey, Kent. Go to www.swalesound.co.uk for further details !!

This is one of the best things I've seen in ages.

Apparently most nights the Talksport phone lines are being flooded by people pranking the station from this thread on the football365.com forums.

It's about 80 pages long so you'll never be able to read it all but the gist of it is that people are prank-calling the late night phone ins slagging off Kris Akabusi and Zinadine Zidane for their comments about the riots in France and the presenters were completely fooled for about a week.

There's a couple of mp3 files of the callers which have been uploaded via yousendit, so it's kind of like a weird parallel ilx. Unfortunately the joke has been uncovered now, so apparently any talk of Kris Akabusi on the station is banned.

It's clearly only me who cares, but I'm listening to Iain Lee's Human Zoo rip-off show on LBC and he says that Charlie Wolf has been sacked from Talksports.