Ritual

Though actually on the private/personal ritual tip this is really what puts me off about S & M.

true story re a memorial service a friend went to: departed = very close work colleague, organisers of service = colleague's family

they had decided on militantly secular-atheist ceremony, as made up from scratch by themselves: friend very quickly totally excluded-alienated, as the angle taken (via poetry readings, music, anecdotes) on departed bore no resemblence to HIS fond memories

conclusion: some of the apparently more lamely repetitive elements of ritual are an open-ended means by which those the organisers cannot be expected to cater to directly, can nevertheless predict and thus participate in and enjoy proceedings; ie tis the usual incrown vs outcrowd business

I suppose this idea might explain my procrastination to get married. There must be some way to get around all that stuffy old stuff that's just going to feel all weird and insincere. I mean, it's just not me at all. Removing the denominational aspects but keeping some kind of romance and spirituality about it is a serious challenge.

Also, now that you mention it, I've wanted to do things like yoga and karate for ages now but haven't, and I think this thread has suggested why. Something about doing things in a ritual way embarrasses me. What that is though, I'm not entirely sure. Perhaps cynicism in the back seat is insisting that it's all nothing but gullibility, even when forebrain is yelling for cynicism to shut the hell up or she'll stop the fucking car.

Mark S's story immediately puts me in mind of Anthony's unfavorite author Orson Scott Card and Speaker for the Dead -- that'd be a good way to go (the remembrance part, not the actual method of departure ;-)). Generally speaking, I either ignore or mentally pass over the parts that bother me in favor of the end effects (thus my cousin's wedding -- long-winded speech from the priest on how great Catholicism is = dud, the actual look and atmosphere and everything = great).

I love religious rituals, even though I don't believe in any of them. Ritual seems comforting to me, and sometimes it is designed beautifully.

Doesn't it depend on what the ritual is? Rituals like what you described, Tom, turn me into jelly laughing messy (yes, I just said that, what's it to you?). I mean, it's quite a riot - drummers doing a drumbeat thing? Fire? What is this, Lord of the RIngs or summit? Never mind all that stuff.

But there are lots of big public "rituals" that are nice, especially in big cities. I mean, the lighting of the Xmas Tree at Rock Center, the Macy's Parade, the ball drop at Times Square, these are all rituals that I really appreciate in some way. You could probably call the World Series or the Super Bowl a ritual if you wanted to.

I do like certain holidays, like Christmas, which are ritual-laden. I don't buy into the religious rituals at all, being atheist, but I like trees and decorating and baking ludicrious things and running around in the snow and going down 5th Ave looking at shops and looking at all the lights and listening to Christmas songs, so on and so forth.

i. one christmas, while carol (ha) nickle played the upright and we sang all the old favorite carols, ye Olde resident folk musician, Guy Carawan, was heard grumbling that "this isn't MY music" and actually making kind of a scene. what exactly he meant still mystifies me; i think he was talking about the seasonal mountain tunes he'd learned from folkies across the country, songs borrowed a thousand times over, but somehow more authentic to him than these churchy hymns. his bad temper was out of place though.

ii. ritual requires humility.