Ally = Valley!

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Like, hasn't Ally been, like, all Val and stuff lately? Like, HELLO! What's up with that?

― JM, Tuesday, 6 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

We're preceptive today.

― Sterling Clover, Tuesday, 6 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hello, she's, like, like that EVERY day.

― David Raposa, Tuesday, 6 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I thought of this really mean joke the other day to direct at someone named Ally. But I mostly like the two Allys here, and don't know any other Allys, so my mean joke is just ... languishing.

― Nitsuh, Tuesday, 6 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Like, fer sure, Sterl! You're soooooo, like, POST-CEPTIVE, ya know?

― Brian MacDonald, Tuesday, 6 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Like ok I'm so shure. There's like so totally nada evidence that there's anything wrong with talking like a Val. You dudes are just like totally freaking out and I'm all whatever and stuff. Like, chya? I mean, it's like totally bitchin and you guys have less than zero taste, fer shure...

― Kim, Tuesday, 6 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Valley = sexy

... even despite a horrible incident involving 11-year-old me, a valley girl, and being taped for a game show pilot.

― Brian MacDonald, Tuesday, 6 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Brian, if you must hint at this story...you have to admit what her name was. ;-)

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 6 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Dude, why do you people pay so much attention to me? I'm a weird ass ugly chick with a bad attitude who hangs out with Wheeler, I mean Wheeler for fuck's sake, he's nuts as anything. I decided that of all my sisters he'd like date Jamie cos Jamie is a sociopath and would probably like Otis a lot. Megan would probably hate him, but he's going to come to Boston with me this weekend to meet up with her anyhow, and then we're going to a high school dance. It's like the stupidest thing we could possibly do, hello.

What was this girl's name? Vince?

― Ally, Tuesday, 6 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, and dude, I wanna hear the mean joke, I like bad mean jokes.

― Ally, Tuesday, 6 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

(stretches out them old, weary, typed-out knuckles for ol' storytime...)

Allrightie, back in 1982 or 1983, my folks thought it would be "really cute" if I went on a game show. Being a fan of game shows at the time, I was quite excited. And living in westside Los Angeles, there were plenty of easily driveable opportunities to do just that. Unfortunately, there was only room for a taping of a pilot of a rehash of "The Dating Game". At that point, I became more apprehensive, but my folks goaded me into doing it, saying "Oh, come on! Didn't you always want to be in TV?"...

Don't ask me why, but given the scarce amount of participants, I somehow made it past the screening processes, being shy and socially inept for an 11-year-old and all. Fast forward to day of taping, skipping all the silly details in between..

Taping happens, blah blah. It's looking pretty obvious that Bachelor #2 (me) was obviously cast as the token "dork" bachelor, as the wishy- washiness of my answers would make Charlie Brown seem like Mr. T.

Anyway, the bachelorette. Oh yes, the wonderful little prissy princess that was the bachelorette. Keep in mind -- valley girl has struck it BIG in America as a big trend -- so out comes our little Tarzana sweetheart... introduction is made, etc. etc. etc.

Her name: Tunia Flambe.

Yes. Pronounced "Toonya Flambay"... Single hair clip, glittery shoes, fake gum chewing maneuvers and all... but with a disingenuous Tina Yothers quality to her.

I refuse to go into detail on what may still possibly be the most embarrassing moment of my life, but I do remember one of her questions to Le Bachelors: "Ok, so like we're going out getting ice cream.. and, like, this BIG DUDE, like, comes and threatens to steal me away and make me his.. would you, like,.. fight for me?"

Well, obviously, I didn't win.. that, ahem, lucky honor went to the Jason Hervey/Jason Batemen/Ricky Schroeder wannaba guy to my left. But of course, what's the staple consolation on any episode of "The Dating Game"? Right, you have to walk over, have some announcer guy bellow out a cheap 17-word bio on you, you walk over and hug the bachelorette.

Well I did that. Except that the hug was obviously too ambitious, as she slightly jerked, quickly whipped her hair back, and made a little "I'm annoyed" breathing sound, followed by "like... my hair."

The pilot never made it to TV. The next version (that would have Jeff MacGregor as the host) would actually become popular, but not mine.. which is easily the best thing to result from all of this.

That would end my fascination with valley girls for a long time to come -- until I'd realize, years later, that Moon Unit Zappa was still a cutie.

― Brian MacDonald, Tuesday, 6 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

that is the most touching beautiful story i have heard in years...was her hair okk?

― Geoff, Tuesday, 6 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I think we're all hanging on your every word to GET to Wheeler. Love of teen pop + love of Russian literature = hot stuff comin' thru.

― David Raposa, Tuesday, 6 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

MY HAIR IS, LIKE, SOOO NOT OK.. THANKS TO EL DORKO! GAWD!

― Tunia Flambe, Tuesday, 6 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

El dorko. Dude, I gotta use that.

― Ally, Wednesday, 7 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

That is the one of the most poignant tales to come across ILX yet.

And Tunia Flambe is the best name since Slorta Vileblade (my ex- husband).

― Nicole, Wednesday, 7 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Actually, the joke's sort of difficult to put across without a set- up. But you know that commercial for the Chrysler Concorde, where the little girl asks why she's named Savannah, and her mother says it's because that's where she was conceived? And then the little girl looks at her baby sister in the back seat and asks why she's named Concorde, then looks at the dash (where it says "Concorde") and makes an icky sound?

And so wouldn't it have been ten times funnier if the baby was named Ally?

― Nitsuh, Wednesday, 7 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yow.

― Sterling Clover, Wednesday, 7 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Still, less funny than "Latrina".

― Kim, Wednesday, 7 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'm not 100% sure I get it.

― Ally, Wednesday, 7 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Nitsuh, you should be ASHAMED.

― David Raposa, Wednesday, 7 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I just don't think too highly of the character of any woman who would name her daughters "Concorde" and "Savannah."

― Nitsuh, Wednesday, 7 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, those are horrible names, indeed. And conceiving a child in Savannah!!!!!

― Ally, Wednesday, 7 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

But what if the child had been named after Concorde the jet rather than Concorde the car?

― rosemary, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

or the place de la concorde in Paris

― Ed, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Or the um, grapes. Yeah.

― Kim, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I actually do know somebody named Paris for this very reason...

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You know Michael Jackson's kids, Ned?

― Nicole, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

If I'm pregnant right now, I'd have to name my kid "Tenement Building", that would suck ass.

― Ally, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

But you could be more or less specific, Ally, from the very Yuppie- ish "Manhattan" on down to "Bathmat," "Janitor's Closet," or "Sofa (ie)."

― Nitsuh, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You know Michael Jackson's kids, Ned?

This all depends on how you define 'know.'

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

BAD NED!

― Dan Perry, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"Manhattan" on down to "Bathmat," "Janitor's Closet," or "Sofa (ie)."

ouch.

― jess, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Why are there all these posts about Ally? I know she starts half of them, but it seems a bit weird.

― Nick, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Apparently it is because Jimmy and I are in love with her and think of her as a pet. Feel free to take issue with this interpretation (I sure do).

― Sterling Clover, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I just happened to have something to say about someone named Ally, and since Ally C keeps a pretty low profile ...

― Nitsuh, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I haven't started any threads about myself besides one asking for stomach diagnosis, and of course the one about my ass but it wasn't strictly about my ass, i asked other people about themselves.

― Ally, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

BAD NED!

But I *am* bad. You know.

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, Ally was interested in hearing about the lives and emotions of other people, e.g., what they thought of her ass.

And I immortalized it in song and she never noticed!

― Nitsuh, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

No, I honestly don't care what any of you think of my ass, cos ain't none of you ever seen it anyhow, besides the ones that met me. But what I really wanted out of that thread was what I said, I wanted to hear what other people would change about their appearance! And only like 4 people actually answered.

I didn't see the song!

― Ally, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Well, I'm certainly not going to tell you now.

― Nitsuh, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Ally sez: I haven't started any threads about myself besides one asking for stomach diagnosis.

― Nitsuh, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yo, Bitchcakes - click on over here, go to ILM Listening Chamber #12, and hear Nitsuh's heartfelt ode to thy bodacious bootay (among other IL* staples).

― David Raposa, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I think you meant to say #14, yes? ;-)

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, well screw me in tight and call me Lightbulb. Ned's got my back, au usual.

― David Raposa, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I like the idea of something called 'au usual.' It implies my next step is to dip Mr. Raposa in beef broth and then eat him.

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

And then you'll both be "making the grade".

― Nicole, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

'Slamming the stacks'?

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

That track is brilliant. We need lyrics.

― JM, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You did NOT say that my big ass is jumpin.

― Ally, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

That's what I heard.

... shouldn't we, here on the Eastern side of the Apocalypse, be asleep?

― JM, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yeah, what's with you freaks? Get to bed.

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Fuck sleep, maaaaaan.

― David Raposa, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Excuse me, I believe I said you were due for beef-broth dipping.

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 8 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Wow, none of you caught the secret period-link in my "I won't tell you" post.

So Ally, the question is: did the track get your big ass jumping?

― Nitsuh, Friday, 9 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

four years pass...

Valley speak reassessment... has internet acronyms like omg and lol brought this partially back to life?

― the dow nut industrial average dead joe mama besser (donut), Wednesday, 13 September 2006 13:12 (eighteen years ago)

When was it dead?

― Allyzay is cool: with Blue n White, with Eli Manning, with NY Giants (allyzay), Wednesday, 13 September 2006 13:38 (eighteen years ago)

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