This is the thread where I teach you all how to handle Jon Williams

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1. If he is being too much of a Boredoms fanboy, tell him to shut the fuck up about the goddamn Boredoms and hit him in the arm.

2. If he calls you a faggot, tell him that it takes one to know one. (Jon is among my gayest straight friends.)

3. If he posts images that bother you, disable images.

4. If he makes snide comments, ask him what happened to his computer for most of last semester.

5. Chides you on your taste in women/men? Bring up Nic0le DiMarc0 and Mega4n B1llingz.

6. If he makes fun of your driving ability, offer to discuss the time he fucked a car up backing out of a parking space.

7. Offer to frankly discuss his ex-girlfriends fingering his asshole whenever the opportunity presents itself.

8. Make fun of him for driving an SUV.

9. If he says you like shitty music, ask him what the fuck that Ladytron CD is doing in his collection.

10. Cut him off from the bonghits unless he stops talking about Kingdom Of Loathing and ILX threads.

― Ian c=====8 (orion), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:29 (twenty years ago)

I kinda love you.

― cozen (Cozen), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:30 (twenty years ago)

SMOOCHES!

― Ian c=====8 (orion), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:31 (twenty years ago)

no no, stop that.

― cozen (Cozen), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:31 (twenty years ago)

Ladytron! SUV!!!!

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:31 (twenty years ago)

11. leave him weird voicemails of your newest fuzz-sprackle.

― gygax! (gygax!), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:32 (twenty years ago)

GET A JOB HIPPIE

― People love Gravity and Ebullition! (ex machina), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:33 (twenty years ago)

Now, does Jon like Wolf Eyes? Because it seems he's on the fence about 'em.

― David Allen (David Allen), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:33 (twenty years ago)

This is where Ian learns that the average ILX poster is 6-12 years older than him and got tired of that shit a long fucking time ago.

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:33 (twenty years ago)

sassy and erudite.

― cozen (Cozen), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:34 (twenty years ago)

dude what is wrong with Nic0l3 and M3g4n? Other than Megan becoming a huge twat AFTER I was done with her?

― People love Gravity and Ebullition! (ex machina), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:34 (twenty years ago)

(though obviously not, in many cases)

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:35 (twenty years ago)

This is where Ian learns that the average ILX poster is 6-12 years older than him and got tired of that shit a long fucking time ago.
-- gabbneb (gabbne...), June 25th, 2004.

HAHA

― deanomgwtf!!!p%3Fmsgid%3D4581997 (deangulberry), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:35 (twenty years ago)

megan was a huge twat while you were dating too, jon.

and nicole is dumb.

― Ian c=====8 (orion), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:36 (twenty years ago)

n1col3 d4t3d dr4k3 0mg wtf

― People love Gravity and Ebullition! (ex machina), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:36 (twenty years ago)

gabbneb, that was brilliant.

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:36 (twenty years ago)

humorless self important liberal arts dead end fucks

― People love Gravity and Ebullition! (ex machina), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:39 (twenty years ago)

I still have a hard time imagining Jon as a living, breathing human being.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:41 (twenty years ago)

How does that make him different from any other random ILXer, though?

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:43 (twenty years ago)

I think Jon is a computer program.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:47 (twenty years ago)

10 START
20 PRINT "MANATEE"
30 GOTO 20

― deanomgwtf!!!p%3Fmsgid%3D4581997 (deangulberry), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:48 (twenty years ago)

I think he'd be ok in real life.

are you jon?

― cozen (Cozen), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:48 (twenty years ago)

Does Jon have a high voice that squeaks or like, a low, manly-man voice?

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:50 (twenty years ago)

jon is totally ok in real life, though he's not that much different from his online persona.

― Ian c=====8 (orion), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:51 (twenty years ago)

Would he call me a manatee to my face or wait until I went to the toilet to say it.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:52 (twenty years ago)

I'm overcompensating for being a boring antisocial awfward nerd guys!!!! But no one ever has brought this point up on ILX becuase everyone on here is a total fucking social retard.

― People love Gravity and Ebullition! (ex machina), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:52 (twenty years ago)

his voice is kind of nasal; his intonation, kind of whining.

all of which gets me hot and dripping like the everglades. therefore, manatees (again).

― andrew l. r. (allocryptic), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:52 (twenty years ago)

He so has a high, squeaky voice. Like mine!

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:53 (twenty years ago)

jon is pleasant

― charltonlido (gareth), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:53 (twenty years ago)

I'm overcompensating for being a boring antisocial awfward nerd guys!!!! But no one ever has brought this point up on ILX becuase everyone on here is a total fucking social retard.

I actually can't argue against this.

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:54 (twenty years ago)

nasally.. and whining. good caesar's ghost!

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:54 (twenty years ago)

Jon, what time are you going to Laura's tonight? Jer is coming here and then we're gonna head over sometime. Meet us here? Meet there?

― Ian c=====8 (orion), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:54 (twenty years ago)

come on, jon. if you were that socially awkward you wouldn't get so much sweet scenester pie.

― andrew l. r. (allocryptic), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:54 (twenty years ago)

someone call me and show me their voice.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:55 (twenty years ago)

yes yes what is the plan 2nite??

― andrew l. r. (allocryptic), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:55 (twenty years ago)

ian and mandee are pleasant.

its possible that andrew is too, but i wouldn't know. i am prepared to give him the benefit of the doubt though, what about you?

― charltonlido (gareth), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:56 (twenty years ago)

I like how when john doesn't like something he says it sucks.

― artdamages (artdamages), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:56 (twenty years ago)

WHY DOES ANYONE HAVE A GOOD RECORD COLLECTION EXCEPT TO GET GIRLS??????

― People love Gravity and Ebullition! (ex machina), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:56 (twenty years ago)

because a good record collection is superfluous in that regard.

― charltonlido (gareth), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:57 (twenty years ago)

i dont think any girls have ever been impressed by the music i own. they are usually slightly disturbed.

― artdamages (artdamages), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:58 (twenty years ago)

and to get boys too.

― cozen (Cozen), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:58 (twenty years ago)

andrew: i dunno what plan is. plan is get drunk at laura's? plan is play mario kart? plan is get baked if anyone has weedz?

charltonlido: andrew is a "good doobie."

x-posts mega.

jon: a good record collection is also worthwhile to sell off during the lean times to support your (my) drug habit.

― Ian c=====8 (orion), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:58 (twenty years ago)

are girls impressed by loads of records?

i'm more impressed by loads of books.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:58 (twenty years ago)

I have a bad record collection

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:58 (twenty years ago)

girls are impressed by Load Records.

― Ian c=====8 (orion), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:59 (twenty years ago)

Andrew and I hated each other so much when we first met in Fall 1996

― People love Gravity and Ebullition! (ex machina), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:59 (twenty years ago)

it is best to be impressed by good hair

― charltonlido (gareth), Friday, 25 June 2004 21:59 (twenty years ago)

Let's hear more about these lassies who didn't pass Ian's hip-chick test.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Friday, 25 June 2004 22:00 (twenty years ago)

I had a pretty crazy bookshelf this year too...

oh no good hair :(

― People love Gravity and Ebullition! (ex machina), Friday, 25 June 2004 22:00 (twenty years ago)

charlton is right about hair.

― g--ff (gcannon), Friday, 25 June 2004 22:00 (twenty years ago)

Skipping 189 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

"13 years of age onward (or from puberty on). Your development over the latency period allowed you to enter the final genital phase. At this point, you learned to desire members of the opposite sex and to fulfill your instinct to procreate and thus ensure the survival of the human species.

To explain the early psycho-drama of your childhood, Freud turned to a dramatic work, Sophocles' Oedipus Rex, in which Oedipus (who, according to a prophecy, is fated to sleep with his mother and kill his father) attempts to escape his fate but, in the process, unwittingly does the very things he was attempting to avoid. Freud therefore coined the term, the Oedipus complex. One should note that anyone can get arrested at or insufficiently grow out of any of the primal stages, leading to various symptoms in one's adult life. (See fixation and regression.)

One thing "you" have surely noticed is the decidedly masculine bent of Freud's story of sexual development. Indeed, Freud often had difficulty incorporating female desire into his theories, leading to his famous, unanswered question: "what does a woman want?" As Freud states late in life, "psychology too is unable to solve the riddle of femininity" ("New Introductory Lectures" 22.116). It is for this reason that many feminists have criticized Freud's ideas and one reason why many feminists interested in psychoanalysis have turned instead to Kristeva. (See also Gender and Sex.) To explain women, Freud argued that young girls followed more or less the same psychosexual development as boys. Indeed, he argues paradoxically that "the little girl is a little man" ("New Introductory Lectures" 22.118) and that the entrance into the phallic phase occurs for the young girl through her "penis-equivalent," the clitoris. In fact, according to Freud, the young girl, also experiences the castration-complex, with the difference that her tendency is to be a victim of what Freud terms "penis-envy," a desire for a penis as large as a man's. After this stage, according to Freud, the woman has an extra stage of development when "the clitoris should wholly or in part hand over its sensitivity, and at the same time its importance, to the vagina" ("New Introductory Lectures" 22.118). According to Freud, the young girl must also at some point give up her first object-choice (the mother and her breast) in order to take the father as her new proper object-choice. Her eventual move into heterosexual femininity, which culminates in giving birth, grows out of her earlier infantile desires, with her own child now taking "the place of the penis in accordance with an ancient symbolic equivalence" ("New Introductory Lectures" 22.128)."

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 28 June 2004 01:23 (twenty years ago)

(one who smelt it dealt it)

also, and xxxxpost to skottie: after years of high school sleepovers in my basement in which jon (and, admittedly, others) used various sleeping bags belonging to members of my family, it seemed time for mother-jeremy to air out the bedrolls. and when she did she found dessicated spooge splatters all over them. conclusions were drawn, new bags were purchsed.

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Monday, 28 June 2004 01:55 (twenty years ago)

dude, there's no way i did that in 4

― People love Gravity and Ebullition! (ex machina), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:01 (twenty years ago)

it's easier for me to believe you were their originator rather than my dad. plus, i built in some elasticity w. conclusions were drawn.

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:05 (twenty years ago)

DNA TESTING TIME!!

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:10 (twenty years ago)

dude, 4?!?!?!

― People love Gravity and Ebullition! (ex machina), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:12 (twenty years ago)

PJM AND K KETEL?

― People love Gravity and Ebullition! (ex machina), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:12 (twenty years ago)

jon is teh scene troll xxxtraordinaire

― andrew l. r. (allocryptic), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:19 (twenty years ago)

INT. JEREMY's BASEMENT: DAY.

+ MOM
+ Jeremy, come down here.

+ JEREMY comes down the stairs, holding Moxie and an Evelyn Waugh novel.
+
+          JEREMY
+     What the hell is it?
+
+          MOM
+     Don't swear. And there's some kind of ... mold ...
+
+          JEREMY
+     That's not mold, it's, er...
+
+ Jeremy puts foot in mouth, fidgets with book.
+
+          MOM
+     Well, what are they then? These bags haven't been outside in a coupla years.
+
+ Jeremy blushes (which is significant, considering his skin tone).
+
+          MOM
+     Only place they've been used is when your friends come over. OH, GROSS!

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:20 (twenty years ago)

(this is funnier than ANY excelsior thread EVAH!!!)

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:25 (twenty years ago)

jon likes to spread his seed!

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:25 (twenty years ago)

so presumably jon williams needs no advice on how to handle himself i gather

― gem (trisk), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:27 (twenty years ago)

I DIDN'T DO THAT TO 4

― People love Gravity and Ebullition! (ex machina), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:28 (twenty years ago)

he's the johnny appleseed of sploo: distributing his payload from coast to coast, front to back, up to down, jonny jizseed.

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:29 (twenty years ago)

JONNY JIZSEED!!!!

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:30 (twenty years ago)

does jon have any children we don't know about???/

― andrew l. r. (allocryptic), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:33 (twenty years ago)

he's the johnny appleseed of sploo: distributing his payload from coast to coast, front to back, up to down, jonny jizseed.

PLEASE TELL ME THERE'S A WESLEY WILLIS SONG WITH THESE LYRICS

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Monday, 28 June 2004 02:33 (twenty years ago)

delte this thread1!@!311234

― People love Gravity and Ebullition! (ex machina), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:34 (twenty years ago)

Jon's children:
http://image.allmusic.com/00/amg/cov200/drd600/d672/d67295u763x.jpg

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Monday, 28 June 2004 02:35 (twenty years ago)

if i were talented musically, i'd do a concept album re a slumber party w/ jon @ jeremy's place.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:35 (twenty years ago)

does jon have any children we don't know about???/

what the fruit of his union with one/multiple sleeping bag/s?

― gem (trisk), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:36 (twenty years ago)

momus to thread!

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:36 (twenty years ago)

Here is his thread history regarding said website if in fact you are interested at all.

[link deleted]

'i would like to search for posts by: WIZARDISHUNGRY'.

― Herve, Monday, 28 June 2004 02:39 (twenty years ago)

http://www.superdairyboy.com/pictures/basicfun/keychains/gloworm.jpg (xpost to gem)

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:40 (twenty years ago)

what the fruit of his union with one/multiple sleeping bag/s?

it would look like meatwad from aqua teens!

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:44 (twenty years ago)

YOU ARE MEATWAD -- A little ball of raw hamburger
meat, Meatwad is a friendly, optimistic, happy
little fellow. He is extremely dumb, however,
and often very gullible. He loves dancing,
playing with his homemade dolls, and is often
chased and injured by Master Shake. Does very
little for the Aqua Teens, but he has a good
heart.

What 'Aqua Teen Hunger Force' character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:51 (twenty years ago)

the mind boggles

― gem (trisk), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:51 (twenty years ago)

jon williams, jr.

http://animatedtv.about.com/library/graphics/Meatwad.jpg

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Monday, 28 June 2004 02:53 (twenty years ago)

Four in the bag is worth, well, what's it worth?

― Skottie, Monday, 28 June 2004 04:30 (twenty years ago)

If I had a nickel for every odd palce I jizzed in...I'd have about 75 cents.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 28 June 2004 06:33 (twenty years ago)

one year passes...

ILX is a pack of stupid, stupid cunts

― Confirm/deny (bato), Wednesday, 25 January 2006 14:41 (nineteen years ago)

go find a better board and report back

― Yawn (Wintermute), Wednesday, 25 January 2006 15:34 (nineteen years ago)

two years pass...

gabbneb, that was brilliant.

-- AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Friday, June 25, 2004 5:36 PM (Friday, June 25, 2004 5:36 PM) Bookmark Link

don't hear that so much these days...

― tehresa, Tuesday, 5 February 2008 05:31 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.douglas.ru/files/aromats/obsession_night_men_vis.jpg

― gabbneb, Tuesday, 5 February 2008 05:57 (seventeen years ago)

7. Offer to frankly discuss his ex-girlfriends fingering his asshole whenever the opportunity presents itself.

― Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 5 February 2008 12:19 (seventeen years ago)

a sentence that needs careful parsing.

― That one guy that hit it and quit it, Tuesday, 5 February 2008 12:21 (seventeen years ago)

good revive -- tehresa

― chaki, Tuesday, 5 February 2008 12:27 (seventeen years ago)

does a Morbs fondle Jon Williams?

― gershy, Tuesday, 5 February 2008 16:23 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tm535nFNZIo

― Nicole, Tuesday, 5 February 2008 16:26 (seventeen years ago)

IN HIS DREAMS

― Dr Morbius, Tuesday, 5 February 2008 16:39 (seventeen years ago)

i have never had an ex-girlfriend finger my asshole. Maybe a quick post-break-up shag, but asshole fingering means commitment.

― kenan, Tuesday, 5 February 2008 16:43 (seventeen years ago)

http://neatorama.cachefly.net/images/2007-05/lol-nerds.jpg

― DG, Tuesday, 5 February 2008 16:44 (seventeen years ago)

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2200/2144757336_6cbaa87cb0.jpg
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2388/2144757342_5086b4c1be.jpg
http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2370/2200874892_ff3f958a94.jpg

― Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Tuesday, 5 February 2008 17:20 (seventeen years ago)

PRAY AWAY THE GAY

― kenan, Tuesday, 5 February 2008 17:21 (seventeen years ago)

http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2200/2144757336_6cbaa87cb0.jpg
http://data-allocine.blogomaniac.fr/mdata/7/6/1/Z20010212111706970102167/img/1193763192_eric_stoltz.jpg

― and what, Tuesday, 5 February 2008 17:27 (seventeen years ago)

jesus i was pretty douchey back on this thread in 2004.

― homosexual II, Tuesday, 5 February 2008 17:38 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.popsautographs.co.uk/images/fredAstaire.gif

― sexyDancer, Tuesday, 5 February 2008 17:39 (seventeen years ago)

DID ANYONE SEE WHO LEFT THESE IN MY BED? http://stromandfriends.com/bugles.jpg

― Catsupppppppppppppp dude 茄蕃, Tuesday, 5 February 2008 17:51 (seventeen years ago)

one year passes...

1. If he is being too much of a Boredoms fanboy, tell him to shut the fuck up about the goddamn Boredoms and hit him in the arm.

2. If he calls you a faggot, tell him that it takes one to know one. (Jon is among my gayest straight friends.)

3. If he posts images that bother you, disable images.

4. If he makes snide comments, ask him what happened to his computer for most of last semester.

5. Chides you on your taste in women/men? Bring up Nic0le DiMarc0 and Mega4n B1llingz.

6. If he makes fun of your driving ability, offer to discuss the time he fucked a car up backing out of a parking space.

7. Offer to frankly discuss his ex-girlfriends fingering his asshole whenever the opportunity presents itself.

8. Make fun of him for driving an SUV.

9. If he says you like shitty music, ask him what the fuck that Ladytron CD is doing in his collection.

10. Cut him off from the bonghits unless he stops talking about Kingdom Of Loathing and ILX threads.

― Ian c=====8 (orion), Friday, June 25, 2004 5:29 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

poll?

― it's darn and ielle is hot (and what), Tuesday, 24 February 2009 19:22 (sixteen years ago)

absolutely

― class act, thanks bro (tehresa), Tuesday, 24 February 2009 19:23 (sixteen years ago)

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