Why stop at box turtles? Who would you marry if you could marry anything?

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(spinning off from the Two Weeks thread)

Senator John Cornyn (R - TX) is afraid that gay marriage will lead to a slippery slope Sodom & Gomorrah of marrage absurdity:

"It does not affect your daily life very much if your neighbor marries a box turtle. But that does not mean it is right. . . . Now you must raise your children up in a world where that union of man and box turtle is on the same legal footing as man and wife."

So why stop there?.

John then listed the stuff he plans to marry. Not long afterwards, Victoria at Unspeakable Vitrine picked up the meme and came up with her own list.

Now that the bedrock of Western Civilization has been irrevocably shattered here in Portland, I realize that it's time for me also to be lawfully wed to a selection of animals, objects and concepts. Here's my list. I encourage you to post your own. Remember, an elected official has made it clear that if you can marry someone with the same bathroom parts, you can marry ANYTHING. Have fun, and happy marriage!

Therefore, I intend to marry:

The box turtle, because The Man is putting them down.

The 1964 New York World's Fair

Iapetus, a moon of Saturn

"Southforkscu", a Romanian replica of the set of the TV show Dallas built by the King of Romanian cheddar, Ilie Alexandru.

This album cover from the band Quatermass

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Friday, 16 July 2004 18:14 (twenty-one years ago)

AARRGH, stupid non support for IMG tags in the form:

The box turtle, because The Man is putting them down.
http://www.quartzcity.net/~chris/blogpicts/box_turtle.jpg

The 1964 New York World's Fair
http://www.quartzcity.net/~chris/blogpicts/nyworldfair1964.jpg

Iapetus, a moon of Saturn
http://www.quartzcity.net/~chris/blogpicts/iapetus.jpg

"Southforkscu", a Romanian replica of the set of the TV show Dallas built by the King of Romanian cheddar, Ilie Alexandru.
http://www.quartzcity.net/~chris/blogpicts/romanian_dallas.jpg

This album cover from the band Quatermass
http://www.quartzcity.net/~chris/blogpicts/quatermass_cover.jpg

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Friday, 16 July 2004 18:18 (twenty-one years ago)

that cover rulesss

― I CAN LEAD YOU THROUGH THE ZONE (ex machina), Friday, 16 July 2004 18:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Righteous indignation can make stubbornly ignorant people really fucking hilarious.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 16 July 2004 18:22 (twenty-one years ago)

*the roast duck at Tan Wong on East Broadway

http://www.china-on-site.com/cooking/recipe/018.jpg

*Douglas Sirk's Imitation of Life

http://www.brightlightsfilm.com/18/18_images/18_lana3.jpg

*the microgramma font in my company logo

http://www.space1999.net/~eagle/graphics/Eurost.JPG

*Guide to Industrial Parks & Area Development 1969-1970 (no photo; you just have to trust me on this)

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 16 July 2004 18:36 (twenty-one years ago)

and box turtles too.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 16 July 2004 18:54 (twenty-one years ago)

i don't like to put a damper on the wedding bells but I'm from Canada where human/box turtle marriage has been legal for quite some time. A friend of mine saw his family broken up by a, pardon me ladies, sluttish box turtle. You know the type, flashy shell, never retracts her head when modesty demands it, etc. Well this box turtle takes a job as the purchasing agent at the same company as my friend's dad. and - you guessed it - a few torid months later dad has left mom and run off to Niagara Falls (Ontario) to get married.

The saddest part is that after six months, once this guy had paid for his new wife's shell scrape-n-lift operation she up and leaves him. He's devastated, family torn assunder and sluttish box turtle looking younger and better than ever.

Man, those box turtles can be harsh.

― anthony, Friday, 16 July 2004 19:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I just want to know when I can marry my mom.

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Friday, 16 July 2004 19:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Iapetus was the original site of the Obelisk in the novel version of 2001, i think, not jupiter.

― Kingfish von Bandersnatch (Kingfish), Friday, 16 July 2004 19:08 (twenty-one years ago)

All of The Great Ideas of the Western World, namely:

Angel; Animal; Aristocracy; Art; Astronomy; Beauty; Being; Cause; Chance; Change; Citizen; Constitution; Courage; Custom and Convention; Definition; Democracy; Desire; Dialectic; Duty; Education; Element; Emotion; Eternity; Evolution; Experience; Family; Fate; Form; God; Good and Evil; Government; Habit; Happiness; History; Honor; Hypothesis; Idea; Immortality; Induction; Infinity; Judgment; Justice; Knowledge; Labor; Language; Law; Liberty; Life and Death; Logic; Love; Man; Mathematics; Matter; Mechanics; Medicine; Memory and Imagination; Metaphysics; Mind; Monarchy; Nature; Necessity and Contingency; Oligarchy; One and Many; Opinion; Opposition; Philosophy; Physics; Pleasure and Pain; Poetry; Principle; Progress; Prophecy; Prudence; Punishment; Quality; Quantity; Reasoning; Relation; Religion; Revolution; Rhetoric; Same and Other; Science; Sense; Sign and Symbol; Sin; Slavery; Soul; Space; State; Temperance; Theology; Time; Truth; Tyranny; Universal and Particular; Virtue and Vice; War and Peace; Wealth; Will; Wisdom; World

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Friday, 16 July 2004 19:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude, Dialectic is a ho.

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Friday, 16 July 2004 19:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, but he'd be MY HO.

And I'd like to marry Amish beards and the year 1977, too.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Friday, 16 July 2004 19:21 (twenty-one years ago)

I want to marry marriage.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 16 July 2004 19:46 (twenty-one years ago)

In India earlier this year a 5-year-old boy was married to a puppy, in a ritual intended to protect the boy, his family, and "society at large." Take THAT you religious right-wingers.

Now who here wants to marry a puppy?

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 16 July 2004 19:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Audrey Hepburn's corpse

― kyle (akmonday), Friday, 16 July 2004 20:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Pee-Wee Herman married a fruit salad so I think he has everyone else beat.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 16 July 2004 22:02 (twenty-one years ago)

My room mates and i have decided that we will marry gigantic, super intelligent, mechanical, squids--we call these squids squiddies and they are highly recommended for companionship.

― anthony, Friday, 16 July 2004 22:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I imagine they would be very versitile in the sack.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 16 July 2004 22:19 (twenty-one years ago)

it's not the size of the squid, it's the motion of the ocean.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Saturday, 17 July 2004 03:48 (twenty-one years ago)

four months pass...

This thread died far too early.

I would also like to marry the 1972 set of Topps' baseball cards.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 23 November 2004 01:21 (twenty-one years ago)

I marry ILX! Not any of you, just the database server, you poxy fules.

― dave225 (Dave225), Tuesday, 23 November 2004 01:26 (twenty-one years ago)

i want to marry the groovy subscription inserts from old issues of the reader's digest condensed books.

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 23 November 2004 01:30 (twenty-one years ago)

you tease.

― Dog Fancy Insert Cards (Dave225), Tuesday, 23 November 2004 01:33 (twenty-one years ago)

rowr?

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 23 November 2004 01:54 (twenty-one years ago)

My wife AND Halle Berry.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 23 November 2004 01:55 (twenty-one years ago)

my wife and my dead wife.

― robyn hitchcock (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 23 November 2004 01:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I want to marry those gross 1970s Weight Watchers recipe cards.

ihttp://www.candyboots.com/wwcards/cardscans/rosysalad.jpg

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 23 November 2004 02:00 (twenty-one years ago)

i would definitely like to marry the shins tickets i just bought!

― gem (trisk), Tuesday, 23 November 2004 02:02 (twenty-one years ago)

seven months pass...

i want to marry hot sauce, for there's no problem it can't solve, and no good thing it can't make better.

― monsanto and yanni (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 27 June 2005 04:22 (twenty years ago)

but i only want to marry it if it wears a sombrero to the wedding.

― monsanto and yanni (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 27 June 2005 04:23 (twenty years ago)

i would also like to marry the uniroyal gals:

http://www.roadsideamerica.com/attract/images/il/ILMTVunigal_giansanti.jpg

and the arizona sunset motel in willcox, az:

http://www.roadsidepeek.com/roadusa/southwest/arizona/azmotel/azothermotel/arizonasunset.jpg

― monsanto and yanni (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 27 June 2005 04:33 (twenty years ago)

How does the '64 World Fair have an internet site? Was the whole shebang really that future orientated?

― Sasha (sgh), Monday, 27 June 2005 05:23 (twenty years ago)

http://logo.cafepress.com/2/266262.jpg

― monsanto and yanni (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 27 June 2005 05:29 (twenty years ago)

I'd marry my haircut.

― rainy (rainy), Monday, 27 June 2005 05:30 (twenty years ago)

I would like to marry the hammond organ when it is used in a subtle manner

― Gear! (Ill Cajun Gunsmith) (Gear!), Monday, 27 June 2005 05:30 (twenty years ago)

I would like to marry the 3 weeks of perfect weather that precede summer.

― oops (Oops), Monday, 27 June 2005 05:33 (twenty years ago)

Wow, synchronicity. I told my friend Jason that I want to kiss and marry my set of french gray prismacolor markers.

― Austin Still (Austin, Still), Monday, 27 June 2005 05:34 (twenty years ago)

i want to marry the girl that just walked into this coffeeshop. HI DERE

― Gear! (Ill Cajun Gunsmith) (Gear!), Monday, 27 June 2005 05:35 (twenty years ago)

oh wait, some bro just showed up and pwned her. gear you coward!

― Gear! (Ill Cajun Gunsmith) (Gear!), Monday, 27 June 2005 05:46 (twenty years ago)

oh well. looks like you're stuck marrying the box turtles.

― monsanto and yanni (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 27 June 2005 05:47 (twenty years ago)

http://www.synergizedsolutions.com/simpsons/pictures/others/tmcclure2.gif

― Gear! (Ill Cajun Gunsmith) (Gear!), Monday, 27 June 2005 05:58 (twenty years ago)

i also want to marry this imperial 400 in flagstaff, which has the exact same architecture as the arizona sunset motel:

http://www.motelfan.nl/AZS0021.JPG

― monsanto and yanni (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 27 June 2005 06:02 (twenty years ago)

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