giving out your number

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quick survey time:

on the (rare) occasions that someone asks for my phone number, i'm always a little uncomfortable with it. i'm not sure why, i suppose it could be a remainder from when someone could find out where you live (and potentially stalk/kill you) from your home phone number.

so this weekend i was asked for my number twice. both times i said i wasn't comfortable with giving my phone number, and gave an email address instead.

one of my friends thinks this is weird, and said 'the times I've got numbers off girls, I've found it hard enough to get around to calling back anyway (cos, you know, it's a scary thing to do - usually you're drunk when you make the contact, and then you've got to call back sober...). So if I'd asked for a number and been told "no, but here's my email address", I think I'd just interpret that as "I don't want you to contact me, but just to be polite, here's an email address".

girls, do you give out your phone number? guys, would you feel rejected if a girl gave you an email address rather than a phone number? (i know it isn't gender specific by nature, just that i'm asking the question, feel free to mix it up)

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 12:33 (twenty-one years ago)

well, did you want the guy to call you or not?!

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 12:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I wouldn't ever give out my home number, but wouldn't have a problem with giving my mobile number out. I don't think I would take it very well if someone gave me an email address rather than a number!
Oh & way to go lady, 2 diff guys!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 12:36 (twenty-one years ago)

i've done that and had it done to me. same with my friends.
no complaints here.

― dyson (dyson), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 12:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't really have much to contribute except to say that yeah, I would totally take it as a rejection.

― Gregory Henry (Gregory Henry), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:03 (twenty-one years ago)

not really sure if i wanted them to call. one, probably not (he was the one that bought me a drink and then TOOK IT BACK at gossips). the other one was actually nice. so yeah, it wasn't like i didn't give my number because i didn't like them or whatever...

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:03 (twenty-one years ago)

i wouldn't. nowadays the shy people send each other texts prior to a phone call, it's more softly softly, so an email address is the same thing but with more words. As long as you explain you check your email every day then it's not a rejection.

― dog latin (dog latin), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:10 (twenty-one years ago)

But even if you offer an email address, "I don't want to give you my nunmber" still basically means "sorry, but I think you might be a stalker". And no matter how sensible that might be, I'd still find it a bit rude, and assume it meant "I don't want to be friends with you".

― JimD (JimD), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:13 (twenty-one years ago)

colette, what if a real hot guy you wanted to bang asked you for your number?

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:16 (twenty-one years ago)

giving out an email would be worse. They could put you on spam lists or something, whereas most phones have caller id these days.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:17 (twenty-one years ago)

that's such a weird concept... little netgeeks trolling around in bars trying and harvesting email addresses to sell to spammers.

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I think I'd take it as a rejection, but its never happened to me so I don't know. But then again I don't usually go asking women I've just met for their phone number, and if I do its past a point at which they'll already have had ample opportunities for rejection.

Its weird though, the potential for creepiness and so forth is just as great with an email address as with a mobile number, if not more so. Maybe its a psychological thing, the factor of the voice in there is unnerving if its someone you barely know.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:21 (twenty-one years ago)

I wouldn't think it was rude, I would think it was sensible and would appreciate the opportunity to send a well-thought-out message by email rather than have to stammer like an idiot over the phone. However, I am perpetually optimistic and have been out of the "dating scene" for 5 1/2 years.

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:21 (twenty-one years ago)

If I ask "what's wrong with giving out a fake number?" does that make me a bad person?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:21 (twenty-one years ago)

little netgeeks trolling around in bars trying and harvesting email addresses to sell to spammers.

yeah it is weird, but I could see it happening. Rejected dudes have a way of doing super-creepy things, y'know.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:22 (twenty-one years ago)

he was the one that bought me a drink and then TOOK IT BACK at gossips

hahahahahahahahahaha.

i don't think there was anything wrong with not giving that guy your number. he looked like a wrong 'un.

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:24 (twenty-one years ago)

agreed. but email is a nice between-ish thing to give out where on the passivity scale

text message < email < phone call.

And, like dog latin said 'As long as you explain you check your email every day' and maybe say 'I never give out my number.' or summat, it could be useful.

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:25 (twenty-one years ago)

On balance, it's fine - adds another layer of defence/distance between the two people, and also gets around the incredibly scary/embarrassing actually having to call them thing. Everyone is cooler via email.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Lauren, he was persistant as well, I'll give him that. If someone refused to give me their number I wouldn't carry on pestering. It's like going "look, I'm a bit creepy after all!"

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

no kidding! gareth and i kept looking over, saying "fuck, he's still at it?".

― lauren (laurenp), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Markelby OTM.

I find it very hard to ask for a girl's number. I do suddenly feel like I'll be perceived as some weirdo ("perceived" haha). Email is much easier to ask for and to give out. It somehow feels more friendly. I wouldn't feel bad if a girl gave me one instead of a number. In fact, I'd now ask for the email right away. I mean, you can always give out a fake or rarely-used email account reserved for spam, freaks and weirdos. You know, "i like my vespa" or something stupid like that...

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Following on from Rob's point - a chix0r could be impressed by a funny/interesting/quirky email address (like if she were into vespas, or underscores), but not by a phone number, unless you snagged a really cool one with lots of 000s.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:44 (twenty-one years ago)

I wouldn't feel bad if a girl gave me one instead of a number.
Rob you dirty boy! ;-)

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:45 (twenty-one years ago)

who wants to hook up?

― hey baby, i'm (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:46 (twenty-one years ago)

if I wanted to date someone who would be impressed by what my email address or phone number is, I probably wouldn't deserve to live.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:46 (twenty-one years ago)

my pager number used to be LAY-DADY

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:46 (twenty-one years ago)

yes, so one of the two was a bit scary. i just feel that i'm out of practice in getting asked for my number, and since neither of they guys has actually emailed me back, i was wondering if i offended them. i mean, he was so persistant at the bar, why bother if you're not going to follow up?

sigh.

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:48 (twenty-one years ago)

this thread is starting to make me not feel so bad about not being single.

― hstencil (hstencil), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:50 (twenty-one years ago)

you most likely deflated his confidence. rightly so, you weren't interested in him, so it's best for everybody.

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:51 (twenty-one years ago)

hey, colette, can i get your number, girl?

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:51 (twenty-one years ago)

he was so persistant at the bar, why bother if you're not going to follow up?

Haha he was in a bar at one in the morning, I can't imagine why he'd be less persistant in the cold light of day...

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:52 (twenty-one years ago)

i think matt's saying i'm ugly in daylight...

(although he saw me ill and looking scary in tivoli, so i guess he's allowed!)

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 13:58 (twenty-one years ago)

some people still dont really use email

giving mobile out is fine, i have mine on silent and never answer it anyway

― T 916 lido, se10, *** 3/30 (home is where the heartcore is) (gareth), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 14:09 (twenty-one years ago)

i have mine on silent and never answer it anyway

looks like you've made good use of your investment in this miraculous technology.

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 14:12 (twenty-one years ago)

aww when girls gave me their email addresses i always thought i was in! no wonder they never replied. :(

also, i guess what the email address actually is matters, too... i mean

compare
mmmmiwantyourbabies@gmail.com

hahahaurallgay@hotmail.com

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 14:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, who the fuck still uses hotmail these days? You'd look a right tool...

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)

they are apparently giving you 250MB soon though!!!

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 14:18 (twenty-one years ago)

it'll be cool again, and they'll colour it all metallic colours and it'll be the miniiPod to gmail's fat ipod.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

email is bad because people can friendster/google you :(((((

― I CAN LEAD YOU THROUGH THE ZONE (ex machina), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe some girls like really big pictures.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 14:20 (twenty-one years ago)

To be honest, someone having my email would be more useful than my number. I really rarely answer my phone anyway - some of us people are scared of phones.

Can't see why it should make a difference at all. And if they can't get to grips with the fact you would prefer them to email, it would quite obviously end up being a disaster anyway!

― ___ (___), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 14:20 (twenty-one years ago)

when i gave no-drinks guy my gmail account, he thought it was made up. actually, so did the other guy. he'd never heard of gmail. hmmmm. potentially a good screening mechanism!

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 14:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah all the computer geeks have heard of gmail! *ducks*

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 14:23 (twenty-one years ago)

mmmmm geeks.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

My ex came up to me after a show and told me that I should call her sometime to "hang out". I was all "yo, you should call me since I have a mobile and you don't even live at your family's place [which is where the number is]" and she was all "shit dog I can't remember your number except for [###]" and I was like "well, maybe I will call you". So then I was a pussy and friendstered her my number.

I am stupid!

― I CAN LEAD YOU THROUGH THE ZONE (ex machina), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 14:27 (twenty-one years ago)

since i pretty much only date geeks, that would be an ok screening process!

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 14:29 (twenty-one years ago)

HI COLETTE

― JON WILLIAMS PhD (ex machina), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 14:32 (twenty-one years ago)

DO YOU FIND MY ANTI SPAM TECHNIQUES ATTRACTIVE?

― I CAN LEAD YOU THROUGH THE ZONE (ex machina), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Right....lets look at this.

She gave her your number. You didn't phone, and friendstered her your number, looking a *touch* tight-fisted on the paying for calls front.

Not meaning to be rude, but I am surprised you got to the position of calling her your ex, rather than "this girl I met who never got in touch".

― ___ (___), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 14:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude, I don't wanna call her house and leave a message with her mom! She lives somewhere else.

― I CAN LEAD YOU THROUGH THE ZONE (ex machina), Tuesday, 20 July 2004 14:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 108 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

*checks*
wow. i have 12 ILXors in my phone (y'all are in a group, which happens to have more numbers than 'work' or 'family' groups)

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 13:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow, I have 18 ILX0rs in my phone! OK, three of those are only occasional ILX0rs, but still. That's 15 regulars.

― Ma$onic Boom (kate), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 13:14 (twenty-one years ago)

i like to think that more people have my number than i have their numbers because they like to call me so much that i don't need their numbers...

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 13:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I never have a problem with someone having my phone number.

me neither. if i don't like someone, i won't give it out. simple. phone hatred is not in my genetic makeup, in fact it's rather the opposite. with the exception of people pestering me about business, I LOVE THE PHONE. i can spend hours talking to my friends on long, hungover afternoons with the tv on low in the background and a cup of coffee and the remnants of the previous night's cigarettes. then there's the joy of text messages... come on, people. don't hate.

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 13:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Lauren just reminded me of NYC ILX0rs whose numbers I have, but are not in my phone! 6 more of those! Which brings my total to... 24.

Dammit! Rob and Matt and Barry, give me yer numbers so I can beat Stevem!

― Ma$onic Boom (kate), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 13:29 (twenty-one years ago)

(OK, OK, Matt, unlike ice hockey, this actually *is* me being competative. You can be all smug and happy now.)

― Ma$onic Boom (kate), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 13:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I have three ILXers in my phonebook.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 13:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I have none! I win!

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 13:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I have 23 ILXors. Mandee, am I one of your three?

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:23 (twenty-one years ago)

tuomas - we are tied¡

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Blimey, I have 25.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:50 (twenty-one years ago)

i've had ken c's number in my phone for years.

i don't think i've ever phoned him, though.

― caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 15:03 (twenty-one years ago)

nobody does caitlin.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 15:08 (twenty-one years ago)

apart from those who do. they have to tolerate a lot of bad jokes and wonky accent though.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

you are, Mark!

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I have a number for Mandee in my phone too, but it's some sort of bizarre US cellphone number.

― caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 15:15 (twenty-one years ago)

it'd be more bizaree if it were a number from azerbaijan

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Caitlin, I think that number belongs to my younger sister now. Call her!!

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

you still haven't given me your friend nicole's number

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 15:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Is that Mandee's cute friend nicole with the glasses?

― caitlin (caitlin), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

with or without the glasses

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes it is, Caitlin! She has a boyfriend, though.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

i think i have one ilxors number and im not positive its hers.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 15:48 (twenty-one years ago)

have you tried calling her?

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

no. maybe. i don't remember.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I;ve gotten a few drunken phone calls from some ILXORS. The best was one of Chaki bustin a freestyle.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

aww yeah you know how i do

― Sir Chaki McBeer III (chaki), Sunday, 25 July 2004 06:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Nobody I don't know ever asked me for my phone number. But one time on the bus a guy was giggling about me with his friend, then he came up and put a piece of paper with his own phone number on it on the seat beside me. About five minutes later, looking incredibly angry, he came back, picked it up, and said 'forget it.' But I wasn't REJECTING the phone number, I was just resting it on the seat beside me. Not that I would have called it.

― m, Sunday, 25 July 2004 07:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Subliminal rejection?

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Sunday, 25 July 2004 17:23 (twenty-one years ago)

These days, I prefer getting a guy's number than instantly giving out mine. Considering that many of the times I've been hit on have been by men old enough to be my father (or while their gf has gone to the loo), better to be safe than dead.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Sunday, 25 July 2004 17:27 (twenty-one years ago)

(501) 374-1110. Call me anytime. Keep in mind that I'm on Central time.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Sunday, 25 July 2004 17:27 (twenty-one years ago)

PP, I admire your bravery....

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Sunday, 25 July 2004 17:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Not as brave as this guy.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Sunday, 25 July 2004 17:36 (twenty-one years ago)

WTF? Raising a glass to the most trusting fool in the universe. Has this guy never heard of Google?

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Sunday, 25 July 2004 17:52 (twenty-one years ago)

+358505641841

But it'll cost you. In money, I mean.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Sunday, 25 July 2004 17:58 (twenty-one years ago)

That, too. Prolly.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Sunday, 25 July 2004 18:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, if someone really wants to make long-distance prank calls to Finland, then what the hell, I might as well listen. Just remember to make them funny.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Sunday, 25 July 2004 18:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Not as brave as this guy.

Or this one.

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Sunday, 25 July 2004 18:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Whoops. This one:

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Sunday, 25 July 2004 18:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Goddammit!
http://www.tedrall.com/2004_07_01_archive.html#109034205945411267

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Sunday, 25 July 2004 18:30 (twenty-one years ago)

email is cool.

― jel -- (jel), Sunday, 25 July 2004 18:40 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.rejectionline.com/

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 26 July 2004 02:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I think I only have one ILXor in my phone? (That'd be ESOJ). He sometimes sends me hilarious SMS that say things like "Dear fascist bully boy, give me some more money you bastard" and various Bender quotes. I kept "I'm steering with my ass!" in the saved msgs for ages cos it always made me giggle.

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 26 July 2004 02:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I called Gygax! last night and left him rambling voicemail

― George W. ILX (ex machina), Monday, 26 July 2004 12:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I am checking my voicemail RIGHT NOW!

― gygax! (gygax!), Monday, 26 July 2004 14:36 (twenty-one years ago)

i realised after talking to someone that i wasn't very clear about my original statement. i don't like giving my number to strangers that have no connection to me. so things like having a mutual friend in common or talking on ilx means that it's completely different than 'giving out my number' to random people, in my mind.

i got another ilx phone number this weekend. now i can ring liz in the middle of the night asking for cake! heh heh heh!

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 26 July 2004 14:41 (twenty-one years ago)

(heh heh, and I was actually trying to pimp yer number at the weekend, but then I got drunk(er) and forgot...)

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Monday, 26 July 2004 14:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, if someone really wants to make long-distance prank calls to Finland, then what the hell, I might as well listen. Just remember to make them funny.

hahaha who would do something like that???

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 26 July 2004 15:02 (twenty-one years ago)

one month passes...

I always give out my number to someone who asks me. Obviously if it was a complete stranger asking me at random it would be quite freaky, but I think of times when I've met someone in the pub when I've been there with a group of mates and maybe they are a mate or relative of someone there and I've only been speaking to them for a few minutes, yet I will give out my number or we'll excahnge nos. It seems a perfectly natural thing to do for me and the popularity of mobiles has made the whole business easier and seem more natural.

Quite odd thing on Friday night - I asked the sister of a workmate for her number She had her mobile there in front of her, yet she gave me her home no. I thought that was a bit odd.

I wouldn't object if a girl gave me an email address rather than a phone no. I suppose emails are easier to ignore tho ;)

― MarkH (MarkH), Sunday, 19 September 2004 12:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I was on a course recently and a few of us exchanged mobile numbers but there was one guy in particular I didn't really want to give it to but it would have been incredibly rude and noticeable if I'd left him out.

I should have trusted my instinct. He's been phoning me pretty regularly and sometimes withholds his number so I'm not always sure who it is. I've told him politely and firmly that I've got a partner and he said he just wants to be friends but I'm not sure I believe that. I do think he's lonely and I don't want to make him feel bad but I've made it clear that I can't speak to him as regularly as he'd like. If he persists, I think I'm gonna have to be quite rude.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Sunday, 19 September 2004 12:39 (twenty-one years ago)

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