How common is female approbation for men who put other men down?

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When I was buying coffee this morning, someone else got in line near me, a very tall fellow speaking very loudly on a cell phone (something like, "I wish I could mellow with you man, but I'm not in a mellow mood). Somehow one of the wait staff got into a discussion of another guy's car. (Later I think I heard her say that she had been the who to bring the subject up.) The very tall, very loud man said something like, "Yeah, nice penis--I mean car." After the customer who had been hassled about his car left, the very tall, very obnoxious guy said something like, "Oh, I feel bad. . . I totally neutered that guy," etc., etc. not apparently feeling bad about it at all. Meanwhile three of the women in the store beamed at him with approval. One said, "That was hilarious."

Now I totally understand women being attracted to tall, confident men, despite not being tall and confident myself. I can't demand that they be any less attracted by superficialities than I am. (I'm not sure I would even call confidence a "superficial" trait.) However, I am really disappointed that when a guy who has the advantage of being tall and confident cuts down a complete stranger for no good reason, he is rewarded with such approval. I don't know what other people in the store were thinking (the men were noticeably silent), and I am not saying that all women go for this sort of behavior (or even go for tall, confident, loud guys), but it was very striking that the three women nearest the transaction happened to think this guy was wonderful.

Do you think the sort of reaction these women had is the norm? If so, is this something new?

― Rockist Scientist, Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I dunno it does sound funny - I would never say it only think it tho. People who talk loudly on mobiles should be shot tho*

*with drugs to make their voices quieter

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Er, back where I come from, the women's reaction certainly wouldn't have been like that. Finns, in general, tend to dislike loud and overconfident people.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:15 (twenty-one years ago)

it could've been taken a different way tho. the loud guy sounds almost bitter - he probably has to make do with a hatchback, or no car at all.

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe he doesn't have a penis.

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)

1. what kind of car was it?
2. you don't think you're over-emphasizing the response from the women?

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Are you sure it was with *approbation* that the woman said "that was hilarious"? Because two men being dicks to one another can be hilarious, but that doesn't mean that you approve of either of them.

― Ma$onic Boom (kate), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, Kate kinda articulated what I meant by my question 2.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

i.e. the entire exchange was hilarious, but they were actually laughing *at* the "tall confident guy" as much as the other guy.

― Ma$onic Boom (kate), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

i don't understand that story at all. maybe i'm sleepy.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

also laughing at or even with someone /= attracted to, necessarily.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I guess it's possible that I misinterpreted the response. It seemed like real approval to me.

― Rockist Scientist, Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:26 (twenty-one years ago)

amateurist, what don't you understand?

Somehow one man in the store ends up talking about his car (something flashy) with a woman behind the counter (who later says that she had been the one to bring up cars). Another man in the store says to the guy with the flashy car: "Nice penis--I mean car. . . you have there" (or something like that--the beginning is verbatim). After the guy with the (apparently) flashy car leaves the store, two of the women working there and a female customer all seem to me to think this guy is wonderful. The customer says to the guy who made the comment, "That was hilarious," without apparent irony.

― Rockist Scientist, Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:31 (twenty-one years ago)

oh. i hate overhearing conversations like that.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

better than being the butt of one.

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Other question... how much of the conversation *about* the car did you witness? Is it possible that the dissed man was actually going on a bit?

In which case, it would be hilarious to see him mocked. But again, that doesn't mean that the laughing girls were not also laughing *at* sarcastic man.

― Ma$onic Boom (kate), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

It's hard to imagine any excuse for tall, obnoxious cell-phone man that would really justify the total assholeness of his excuse, innit?

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

There's always a chance that the guy who was talking about the car was being a dick, so maybe it was just an exchange between a couple of tools.

You should have one-upped the second guy even better and kneed him in the cajones. The women would have been in stitches then.

Or better yet, while the laughter from the women begins to die down, you "slow clap" sarcastically.

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I didn't hear the conversation about the car, but it was at least not so loud that I WAS FORCED TO HEAR it UNLIKE THE CELL PHONE CONVERSATION.

x-post: I was woring on something to say, but I probably wouldn't have handled it very well had I tried to say anything (because I'm not confident enough--haha).

― Rockist Scientist, Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I can see how there could be a certain amount of nervous smiling or laughter in that situation, but it didn't seem like that's what was happening.

― Rockist Scientist, Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:49 (twenty-one years ago)

They were probably just laughing because its fucking lame when a guy tries to use his car to hit on women in a coffee shop, and the tall man diffused the tension? I don't think you need to read so much into this.

― Vansi, Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Ha ha, actually Vansi pretty OTM.

― Ma$onic Boom (kate), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:56 (twenty-one years ago)

people shouldn't be allowed to speak in coffee shops until at least 12noon.

― kephm, Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Tall obnoxious man could obviously see that flashy car guy needed to be reminded that, while chicks dig cars and money, one should try to be more subtle about one's advertising. What he failed to see was that, he too was being a loud, overbearing swine. As evidenced by the reproductive rates of the myriad kinds of human personalities on this planet, there are always people who will find some kind of behavior, even behavior you deplore, attractive.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 14:59 (twenty-one years ago)

the girl started the conversation about cars you fucking jerks!

― that guy, Wednesday, 21 July 2004 15:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe they were filming the new series of Average Joe.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 15:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I agree with kephm, though I think limiting that policy to coffee shops might be a mistake.

― Rockist Scientist, Wednesday, 21 July 2004 15:05 (twenty-one years ago)

If that guy comes into my library talking so loudly on his cell phone, I'll be sure to have the guards take him to the secret detention center in our sub-basement.

― Rockist Scientist, Wednesday, 21 July 2004 17:31 (twenty-one years ago)

this thread gives me the creepy feeling that nearly everyone involved in it is trying to find any excuse they can to absolve the women from blame.

(gee, rockist scientist, are you SURE? maybe you misunderstood, they must have been laughing at the guy, yeah, definitely)

not to mention to assure themselves that the guy who got cut down deserved it, which now that i think about it is even more distasteful.

the answer to the question is: very common. many women (not all) enjoy male displays of power and aggression, some are even turned on by them.

and the men who are able to exhibit those things on a frequent basis are GASP the ones who usually have the biggest selection of mates.

― loggedout, Wednesday, 21 July 2004 18:34 (twenty-one years ago)

WHY AREN'T YOU LOGGED IN?!?!?!

― I CAN LEAD YOU THROUGH THE ZONE (ex machina), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 18:35 (twenty-one years ago)

He sounds like an 'alpha male'.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 20:51 (twenty-one years ago)

WOMEN IN ENJOYING CATTINESS NONSHOCKER

― dean? (deangulberry), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 20:56 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.shockersite.com/pages/media/photos/thumbs/logo_02.jpg

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 20:59 (twenty-one years ago)

DAMN THOSE WOMEN WHY CAN'T WE MEN JUST FCUK EACH OTHER?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 20:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Logged Out just show yer face, save your wussiness for posts that might actually get people riled up.

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 21:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I agree with loggedout whether s/he shows her/his face or not.

― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 21:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Loggedout isn't saying anything startling, just not showing his/her face and saying "only I dare tell the truth!" blah.

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 21:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah I don't think it's startling either. I just agree with it. While showing my face.

― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 21:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Exactly.

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 21 July 2004 21:42 (twenty-one years ago)

You're all pussies.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 22 July 2004 01:14 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.knology.net/~gna/images/mexican%20cat.jpg

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Thursday, 22 July 2004 01:18 (twenty-one years ago)

:snooty tv butler voice: indeed.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 22 July 2004 01:20 (twenty-one years ago)

people shouldn't be allowed to speak in coffee shops until at least 12noon.

kephm OTMFM.

and am i the only one who thinks that mr. cell-phone was actually pretty FUNNY here? it seems like the dude w/ the flashy car was being the jerk here, and he was cut down to size. (that mr. cell-phone was yapping loudly is incidental ... and not that I would've had the balls to say what he did)>

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 22 July 2004 01:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Sounds like a summit of assholes to me. "Sure chicks dig cars, but they really dig tall confident guys. Like me. Ah ha. Ah hahaha."

― Dan I., Thursday, 22 July 2004 01:27 (twenty-one years ago)

And the chorus of females: "OMG you're totally right! Here's your coffee and it's, like, free! And here's my phone number on this napkin!"

― Dan I., Thursday, 22 July 2004 01:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Car guy, foiled again, rubs his bald head in frustration as he speeds off "I'll get you next time, attractive guy! Next tiiiiiime!"

― Dan I., Thursday, 22 July 2004 01:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Hi Rocket Scientist,

it sounds like you are describing what is called in psychology a "halo effect", which is when people, in interacting with a person with one strong positive attribute (height, physical attractiveness), generalize that to other positive attributes that they might not necessarily have (honest/trustworthy, nice, perfectly justified, etc.). See:

http://www.psych.purdue.edu/Classes/psy240/notes/jan24/jan24-posted.htm

[scroll down to the subsection headed "Height"]

― Joe (Joe), Thursday, 22 July 2004 01:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Another:

http://www.coolth.com/halo.htm

― Joe (Joe), Thursday, 22 July 2004 01:43 (twenty-one years ago)

So that's how I do it!

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 22 July 2004 02:12 (twenty-one years ago)

The moral of the story is:

Girls dont like cars, girls like height and putdowns.

― , Friday, 23 July 2004 14:15 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe he doesn't have a penis.
-- RJG (RJ...), July 21st, 2004 3:16 PM. (later)

RJG took the penis right out of my mouth.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 23 July 2004 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

i mean words.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 23 July 2004 14:19 (twenty-one years ago)

(hi ladies! >>>;) )

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 23 July 2004 14:20 (twenty-one years ago)

and Rockist Scientist should have then said to Tall Man "Yeah at least he's GOT ONE!" and then the girls will be hahahhahahahhaha and rockist scientist would be well in.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 23 July 2004 14:23 (twenty-one years ago)

or "HEY NICE TITS!!!! oh i mean phone"

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 23 July 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

"Freudian slip there"

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 23 July 2004 14:30 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe the girls just giggled because this man shouted the word "penis" out loud in a public place.

i know i would! haha actually i'm giggling now.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 23 July 2004 14:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm going to get myself a .davidschwimmer domain name

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 23 July 2004 14:39 (twenty-one years ago)

hey, nice URL

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 23 July 2004 14:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Ken C, you crazy Marcel.

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Friday, 23 July 2004 15:02 (twenty-one years ago)

"yes...he IS attractive in a geeky sort way..."

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Friday, 23 July 2004 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

If the tall guy had actually been, say, a short timid bespectacled female who RESPONDED WITH EXACTLY THE SAME WORDS AS THE GUY the women would have showed exactly the same approbation. Likewise if the coffee shop had been full of men they would have shown as much admiration as the women did to the deflater-guy. You're drawing conclusions about gender-induced behavior when it's more about someone confidently and deservedly puncturing someone else's uber-machismo.

― saintfrancis, Friday, 23 July 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

and saying "penis" out loud in public

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 23 July 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Likewise if the coffee shop had been full of men they would have shown as much admiration as the women did to the deflater-guy.

I'm a man, and I would've thought the tall guy was being a dick. So there goes your little theory.

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Friday, 23 July 2004 15:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I mean the proportion of the male population that would have fawned over the guy is the same as the proportion of the female population. Many women would've thought he was a dick too.

― saint francis, Friday, 23 July 2004 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

So it was just a statistical oddity that all of the women around this guy thought that it was charming?

(We're having a battle of the saints here)

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Friday, 23 July 2004 16:07 (twenty-one years ago)

just throwing my hat in

― St. Erasmus (amateurist), Friday, 23 July 2004 16:10 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.sweatybutcher.com/pics/blog/may/saint-anger.jpg

― hstencil (hstencil), Friday, 23 July 2004 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

ihttp://www.magnetmagazine.com/photos/st.etienne.jpg

― Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 23 July 2004 16:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Were there men in the shop who remained stoic? If not can someone go reenact this in a coffee shop full of men so we know the truth?

― saintfrancis, Friday, 23 July 2004 16:17 (twenty-one years ago)

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