A serious question about condoms...

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What is the most reliable brand of condoms? I have Durex's right now, but people have told me that Trojan is really the only brand I should trust. What's my best bet for being completely safe?

― Help me, Thursday, 22 July 2004 05:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I've heard people say Trojans break too much.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Thursday, 22 July 2004 05:48 (twenty-two years ago)

i can't imagine that there would be much of a difference between durex and trojan, they're both reputable brands. i don't believe there's any need to be too paranoid about it, just make sure the expiry date isn't up. your best bet for being completely safe is abstinence and that's no fun.

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 22 July 2004 05:49 (twenty-two years ago)

wear like 16 of them then youll be safe.

― artdamages (artdamages), Thursday, 22 July 2004 05:50 (twenty-two years ago)

at all times of course

― artdamages (artdamages), Thursday, 22 July 2004 05:50 (twenty-two years ago)

get those full body condoms like in The Naked Gun.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Thursday, 22 July 2004 05:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I bought an unused body bag for $9 the other day, maybe you could borrow it?

― Every. Second. Post. (ipsofacto), Thursday, 22 July 2004 05:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't stick your dick in the third hole!

― artdamages (artdamages), Thursday, 22 July 2004 05:57 (twenty-two years ago)

If you notice the condom going a bit dry (even though she, paradoxically, might still be quite wet) put a bit of ol' lube on there, or change the condom mid-fuck. It sucks, but beats pregnancy.

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 22 July 2004 05:58 (twenty-two years ago)

There was this cowboy guy at the grocery store today that purchased condoms very noisily. He really wanted everyone to know about it.

― artdamages (artdamages), Thursday, 22 July 2004 06:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Go to Planned Parenthood. The condoms are free, they're very reliable, and they're designed by doctors. For strength and sensitivity, they're the best I've used.

I miss Lifestyles "tuxedo" condoms, though. I can't find them anywhere, but they're BLACK! Like a nice dark suit for your cock. So classy.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 22 July 2004 06:08 (twenty-two years ago)

They don't give away free condoms at my college in the summer! I guess they want bitchez to get knockt up.

― artdamages (artdamages), Thursday, 22 July 2004 06:14 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't get over the idea of condoms being called Trojans. It keeps reminding me of this exchange on bash.org:

you know what cracks me up.. trojan condoms, hehe.. I mean if you think about it, a trojan horse was really full off all these little men, and it was a trick to get them inside the fortress.. once inside, the horse BUSTS open, and all the little men come flowing out

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 22 July 2004 06:16 (twenty-two years ago)

dammit it clipped off the IRC username at the start of that.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 22 July 2004 06:17 (twenty-two years ago)

That's a perfect analogy. I never thought of that.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Thursday, 22 July 2004 06:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Condoms do have the weirdest names. Like Ramses condoms - dude had like 70 kids or something.

― Girolamo Savonarola, Thursday, 22 July 2004 06:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Durex is sticky tape so that's dumb too. What next, Sprogtastic Ticklers?

― That's the Way (uh huh uh huh) I Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 22 July 2004 06:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Lifestyles is the weirdest fuckin condom name. Condescending, even.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Thursday, 22 July 2004 06:25 (twenty-two years ago)

humph i wish i had a lifestyle that required the use of condoms

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 22 July 2004 06:26 (twenty-two years ago)

haha, me too.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Thursday, 22 July 2004 06:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Condoms do have the weirdest names. Like Ramses condoms - dude had like 70 kids or something.

Haha, Finland's most popular condom is called "Sultan"... I bet those sultans weren't that moderate either when it came to breeding.

We have a condom called "Suki-Suki" too, and no one knows what that means. Some sort of pseudo-Japanese? Also, "Euro" condom's latest advertising slogan was: "A condom for the Euro people". Huh?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 22 July 2004 06:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Only blocks Caucasian DNA!

― Girolamo Savonarola, Thursday, 22 July 2004 06:33 (twenty-two years ago)

That would be weird though - genetically selective latex membranes.

― Girolamo Savonarola, Thursday, 22 July 2004 06:34 (twenty-two years ago)

we have saturn condoms here (they're notorious for breakage too actually). because your willy is the size of a planet? surrounded by rings? hmmmm

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 22 July 2004 06:36 (twenty-two years ago)

My brand is "Magic" by the way - because "it's tight on the best spot".

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 22 July 2004 06:38 (twenty-two years ago)

That would be weird though - genetically selective latex membranes.
-- Girolamo Savonarola (gsa...), July 22nd, 2004.

It'll happen, you'll see. Nanotechnology.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 22 July 2004 06:38 (twenty-two years ago)

we have saturn condoms here (they're notorious for breakage too actually). because your willy is the size of a planet? surrounded by rings? hmmmm

insert obligatory anal sex allusion here

― purple patch (electricsound), Thursday, 22 July 2004 06:51 (twenty-two years ago)

it's on the way to uranus?

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 22 July 2004 07:05 (twenty-two years ago)

that too

― purple patch (electricsound), Thursday, 22 July 2004 07:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Just splat on her tits.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Thursday, 22 July 2004 07:27 (twenty-two years ago)

mmmmmm splat

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 22 July 2004 07:30 (twenty-two years ago)

but what about teh venereal disease?

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Thursday, 22 July 2004 07:30 (twenty-two years ago)

don't let reality get in the way of eloquence aaron! sheesh

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 22 July 2004 07:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I was under the impression most women didn't actually dig the splatting on tits thing in non-porno flick real life, no?

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Thursday, 22 July 2004 07:35 (twenty-two years ago)

It's ok, but doesn't really do it for me. I imagine boys dig it though!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 22 July 2004 07:37 (twenty-two years ago)

make sure you gtot the right size, i had them break on me regular as clockwork till this girl had the decency to tell me to go a size up (true)

― lukey (Lukey G), Thursday, 22 July 2004 07:41 (twenty-two years ago)

well yay for you, stud

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Thursday, 22 July 2004 07:47 (twenty-two years ago)

"I was under the impression most women didn't actually dig the splatting on tits thing in non-porno flick real life, no?
-- AaronHz (aaronh...), July 22nd, 2004.

Right you are, AaronHz, at least with my group of girlfriends. Most only allow their partner to 'splat' as a special treat, like if they want something in return.

Think about it, how sexy is it if your girlfriend got her rocks off and all you got was egg whites thrown in your face/chest without YOU getting off?

Yucko! Plus, it sucks to clean up afterwards. Course, you could always lick off your own spunk as a favor to her. Recycling rules!

― PsychoKitty (PsychoKitty), Thursday, 22 July 2004 11:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Or maybe just a shower...??!!!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 22 July 2004 11:32 (twenty-two years ago)

get the ones made from lambskins. the bravehearts of wraps yo.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 22 July 2004 11:34 (twenty-two years ago)

i haven't worn a condom in eight years, don't listen to me.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 22 July 2004 11:35 (twenty-two years ago)

tartan!

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Thursday, 22 July 2004 11:42 (twenty-two years ago)

You still have to get TO the shower and I just don't fancy the mop up after he spurts. Glad I changed teams long ago; girl juice is so much easier to deal with!

― PsychoKitty (PsychoKitty), Thursday, 22 July 2004 11:52 (twenty-two years ago)

well i'm sure it doesn't set in your hair like glue as boy juice does!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 22 July 2004 12:36 (twenty-two years ago)

See if you can find Japanese condoms, which are supposed to be the highest quality. If you're in the U.S., you might try looking for them at Whole Foods.

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 22 July 2004 12:41 (twenty-two years ago)

i might have to buy some condoms just to see how it feels wearing one.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 22 July 2004 12:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I was under the impression most women didn't actually dig the splatting on tits thing in non-porno flick real life, no?

-- AaronHz (aaronh...) (webmail), July 22nd, 2004 4:35 AM. (AaronHz) (later) (link)

You'd be surprised.

Also, are Japanese condoms SMALL?

― I CAN LEAD YOU THROUGH THE ZONE (ex machina), Thursday, 22 July 2004 12:43 (twenty-two years ago)

STAY AWAY FROM LIFESTYLES THEY BREAK!!

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 22 July 2004 12:46 (twenty-two years ago)

the ones at whole foods are made from rice paper.

― AaronK (AaronK), Thursday, 22 July 2004 12:46 (twenty-two years ago)

mmm tasty!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 22 July 2004 12:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Look, here's some vegan ones

http://www.vegansociety.com/catalog/product_info.php?products_id=78

― Madchen (Madchen), Thursday, 22 July 2004 12:53 (twenty-two years ago)

!!!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 22 July 2004 12:54 (twenty-two years ago)

if you want to take your fucking to the pro level, you can always go custom.

― g--ff (gcannon), Thursday, 22 July 2004 12:54 (twenty-two years ago)

heh, I wonder if the original questioner is actually one of trojans' street team doing a little bit of stealth marketing?

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 22 July 2004 12:55 (twenty-two years ago)

we could get the admin to do an Arin Whois on their IP.

― I CAN LEAD YOU THROUGH THE ZONE (ex machina), Thursday, 22 July 2004 12:59 (twenty-two years ago)

one of the best ways to stop any condom breaking is to make sure there's as little air as possible in the "tip" when you put it on. having had a few breakages in the past (including one unplanned pregnancy as a result) I've found that using this technique, I've never had one break, despite using numerous differnt brands

― smudger (smudger), Saturday, 24 July 2004 06:53 (twenty-two years ago)

everlast!!! lydocaine!!! worn inside out = numb vagina!!! you have to get wandering bear to fix it!!!

― cºzen (Cozen), Saturday, 24 July 2004 11:01 (twenty-two years ago)

everlast don't really exist do they?

― cºzen (Cozen), Saturday, 24 July 2004 11:01 (twenty-two years ago)

i think so. doesn't seem like CYE would just make that up, and i'm sure i've heard of that before that episode.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Saturday, 24 July 2004 17:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I saw a scientific study a few years ago that said Ramses were the most reliable (somewhere around 96% "success" rate).

Who knows if this is still the case, though. I started using Ramses after I read that though.

― Barry Bruner (Barry Bruner), Saturday, 24 July 2004 17:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Jiffy is an odd one. Not only coz it is the brand name for a padded envelope, but also coz I remember a kid at school (in the 6th form, when we no longer had to wear uniform) getting in trouble for wearing a Jiffy T-shirt which made deliberate use of the condom brand name's similarity to a brand of lemon juice....

Don't be a lemon
Don't be a sucker
Wear a jiffy
Then you can....

― MarkH (MarkH), Sunday, 25 July 2004 17:10 (twenty-two years ago)

HAHA! Punk rock in short trousers.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Sunday, 25 July 2004 18:13 (twenty-two years ago)

"Inspiral. Condoms that inspire."

Inspire you to do what? Inspire you to fuck the person WHICH IS WHY YOU PUT THE FUCKING THING ON IN THE FIRST PLACE?

Meanwhile, on serious advice, they're un-fricking-breakable.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Monday, 26 July 2004 08:48 (twenty-two years ago)

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