How I managed to get out of a date I didn't want to go on in the first place: a brief tale

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So a couple of weeks ago some girl sent me a message via friendster and liked a couple of the bands I listed, saying she just wanted to say "hello". We sent back and forth a couple of messages about bands and venues in L.A., nothing big. So she asks me if I'd like to get some coffee. I told her I wasn't big on meeting people online these days, she insisted, I said "okay". I send her my photograph, just so she knew what I looked like. It was a bad, bad photo, but she said "I like what I see" (which was a little strange, I thought) and sent me hers. She was cute.

Anyway, she had a packed schedule for awhile and said she'd be able to get together "next Friday" (which was last night). That was fine with me. After another week or so of messages and a couple of brief phone conversations, I realized that I was not really up for meeting this girl. Nothing personal against her, but I could tell we ultimately had nothing in common except for a couple of bands we both liked. But, I was stuck with this "date". And I was a little weirded out by a couple of slightly strange things she had said to me that made me think she was looking a little too far ahead to when we were a couple. eek.

We made a plan for her to swing by my place last night around 8:30, after which we'd walk on down to a coffee place and chat. So she shows up, I walk down the 1/4 block or so to meet her by her car, she hugs me, glad to see me, etc. We walk up to my apartment, I grab my wallet and keys, we chat for several minutes, and she says she always wanted to check out this other coffee place in Los Feliz, the Bourgeois Pig. I volunteered to drive, she said she'd prefer that since her car was acting a little strange. So I get in my car, she's about to get in the passenger side and suddenly says "wait, I have to get something from my car" and I tell her I'll wait there. The way she said it and the way she lingered by the door in retrospect looked a lot like "what do I do now?"

One minute. Two minutes. Three minutes. No big deal. Four minutes. At this moment I tell myself "ha she probably took off", and then I think "hey, what if she did?" Not like, oh no, how awful, more like "that would be a hilarious story to tell". At the five minute mark I exit my car and go up the driveway to look down to where she was parked.

Of course, she had bailed out and fled into the night. Maybe she had the same thoughts I did, I suppose I'll never know. I shrugged my shoulders, go in my car, went to Amoeba, and bought an Ellen Allien compilation. Success!

― Gear! (Gear!), Saturday, 24 July 2004 18:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I knew this was gonna be a Gear! thread...

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Saturday, 24 July 2004 18:35 (twenty-one years ago)

there you have it, actual testimonials from actual users of ILX. Call now.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 24 July 2004 18:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I mean I've always heard those stories along the lines of "he got up, went to the bathroom, and never came back" or "she said she'd meet me right outside but I saw her get into a cab and never heard from her again" and such, but never thought it would happen to me!

ahhh la dolce vita!

― Gear! (Gear!), Saturday, 24 July 2004 18:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm almost jealous of this experience!

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Saturday, 24 July 2004 18:39 (twenty-one years ago)

So she shows up, I walk down the 1/4 block or so to meet her by her car, she hugs me, glad to see me, etc. We walk up to my apartment, I grab my wallet and keys, we chat for several minutes, and she says she always wanted to check out this other coffee place in Los Feliz, the Bourgeois Pig. I volunteered to drive, she said she'd prefer that since her car was acting a little strange. So I get in my car, she's about to get in the passenger side and suddenly says "wait, I have to get something from my car" and I tell her I'll wait there.

So, did you deliberately act creepy or hostile or ambivalent in any way during this time frame? Maybe she really sensed you weren't into this.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Saturday, 24 July 2004 18:45 (twenty-one years ago)

oh, heh, that's a great story!

― jel -- (jel), Saturday, 24 July 2004 18:47 (twenty-one years ago)

have you messaged her on Friendster since? that could be an equally good story/conversation-transcript.

― chrisco (chrisco), Saturday, 24 July 2004 18:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I was about to say "I acted like I always do!" but that might not come off well.

I was trying to think if anything I did could have inadvertendly sent her running away, all I can think of is she didn't like the idea of getting in my car, but then again she sort of insisted on my driving. I'm beginning to think, crazy as it might sound, that it was because my car is pretty dirty on the outside and isn't exactly a luxury ride. She showed up in a brand-new Saab...

― Gear! (Gear!), Saturday, 24 July 2004 18:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I would but I don't really care about this situation. However if ILX demands it I will comply.

― Gear! (Gear!), Saturday, 24 July 2004 18:52 (twenty-one years ago)

*DEMAND*

If she's as shallow as you suspect, she probably insisted that you drive so that she could check out your hot car or whatever.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 24 July 2004 19:03 (twenty-one years ago)

what a manager.

― RJG (RJG), Saturday, 24 July 2004 19:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Okay now I really do think it was my car. And really, it's not that bad, just a little dusty. Your car would be dusty too if you'd driven through the desert from L.A. to Tucson and back over a three-day period.

Two months ago.

― Gear! (Gear!), Saturday, 24 July 2004 19:15 (twenty-one years ago)

It really could be the car - sadly there are women who aren't interested unless you give good indications of having at least as much money as them.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 24 July 2004 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

(I knew that this would be a Gear! thread...)

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Saturday, 24 July 2004 19:35 (twenty-one years ago)

(Ditto)

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Saturday, 24 July 2004 19:38 (twenty-one years ago)

So I sent her a message via friendster, making it as subtly annoying as possible, writing "was it the car? circle y or n plz"

we'll see if she writes back.

― Gear! (Gear!), Saturday, 24 July 2004 21:28 (twenty-one years ago)

was it the car, that she had to get, from her car?

― RJG (RJG), Saturday, 24 July 2004 21:35 (twenty-one years ago)

There aren't enough commas there and I mock you as a sad imposter.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 24 July 2004 21:36 (twenty-one years ago)

there you have it, actual testimonials from actual users of ILX. Call now.

Smooth operators standing by.

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Saturday, 24 July 2004 22:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I've done what this girl might've, once or twice (?) before. But in a much worse way, involving "re-parking" the car, tight jeans, and misleading cyberphotos. It's a funny story to tell from both sides; I'm sure she's having fun recounting it at her own message board.

I was at Ameoba for a while last night - you're not the Rastafarian with faux-dreds who hangs around the vinyl section, correct ?

― Vic (Vic), Saturday, 24 July 2004 22:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Is it common for women in LA to be into a guy and then lose all interest after getting a look at his car and discovering that it doesn't suit her needs/expectations?

― Barry Bruner (Barry Bruner), Saturday, 24 July 2004 22:31 (twenty-one years ago)

ha, "in LA".

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Saturday, 24 July 2004 22:44 (twenty-one years ago)

So common, I'm sure it's happening as we type

― Vic (Vic), Saturday, 24 July 2004 22:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Does you car have a funny smell, Gear?

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Saturday, 24 July 2004 22:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Of decomposed bodies?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Sunday, 25 July 2004 12:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Has your flatmate borrowed it lately?

― Alba (Alba), Sunday, 25 July 2004 12:11 (twenty-one years ago)

You've raised the horrifying possibility that trucker hat guy was actually a revenant.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 25 July 2004 12:12 (twenty-one years ago)

'but it's red! it's a red cavalier!'

I hate LA.

― luna (luna.c), Sunday, 25 July 2004 15:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe she wanted you to open the car door for her? I know some girls who are sticklers to these kind of things.

― kickitcricket (kickitcricket), Monday, 26 July 2004 05:16 (twenty-one years ago)

She written back yet? Keep us abreast.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 26 July 2004 05:42 (twenty-one years ago)

She hasn't written back and I doubt she will. I fear this thread will not be nearly as entertaining as my roommate or my crazed co-worker threads.

― Gear! (Gear!), Monday, 26 July 2004 05:45 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost - i hate it when people open car doors for me. i always get confused and don't quite know where to stand, then nearly take my eye/arm/other body part out on the corner of the door. i am a klutz though.

― gem (trisk), Monday, 26 July 2004 05:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I hate it, too. It makes me really uncomfortable. I think it has to do with chi.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 26 July 2004 06:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear, please count me in on the book of your life. Everyone has the potential for these great tales, but no one has your vision. Yay!

― Speedy (Speedy Gonzalas), Monday, 26 July 2004 06:32 (twenty-one years ago)

What a skanky thing to do to someone, especially when it wasn't even your idea to meet.

Saab stands for 'same as a bike'. Or it did in MY schoolyard.

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 26 July 2004 06:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Saabs are fucking class, what are you talking about?

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 26 July 2004 06:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd like to say that forest green 1994 Oldsmobile Achievas are also class.

― Gear! (Gear!), Monday, 26 July 2004 06:41 (twenty-one years ago)

i simply cannot believe that someone would be shallow enough to do a runner from a date because of the car the date drives! what if they didn't have a car? please tell me that's not the real reason

― gem (trisk), Monday, 26 July 2004 06:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll keep telling myself it was the car, because the second option is my hideous countenance.

― Gear! (Gear!), Monday, 26 July 2004 06:49 (twenty-one years ago)

pics plz

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 26 July 2004 06:49 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah fess up dawg

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 26 July 2004 06:50 (twenty-one years ago)

okay, but mine is forest green and has four doors.

ihttp://www.raymondknappauto.com/1994%20Olds%20Achieva.JPG

look away, look away =(

― Gear! (Gear!), Monday, 26 July 2004 06:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I meant the hideous countenance.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 26 July 2004 06:53 (twenty-one years ago)

ok so doing a runner from your *allegedly* hideous countenance is pretty shallow too. didn't she say you were cute from your photo or something anyway? there must be something else....

― gem (trisk), Monday, 26 July 2004 06:53 (twenty-one years ago)

if it's any consolation i would be hugely impressed by that car! of course my car is a banged up piece of crap that hardly ever starts.

― gem (trisk), Monday, 26 July 2004 06:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Okay but this photo is a little old.

ihttp://www.deadfred.com/photos/12525.jpg

see she actually did tell me I looked cute in the photo, and it's a bad photo.

― Gear! (Gear!), Monday, 26 July 2004 06:54 (twenty-one years ago)

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 26 July 2004 06:55 (twenty-one years ago)

yes it's true. I'm a Civil War ghost.

― Gear! (Gear!), Monday, 26 July 2004 06:56 (twenty-one years ago)

booo Gear stop taking asshole pills and show the face

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 26 July 2004 06:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 24 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

(recently dead)

― Gear! (Gear!), Monday, 26 July 2004 07:23 (twenty-one years ago)

joe strummer? how did this person expire.... i feel like i'm on sale of the century

― gem (trisk), Monday, 26 July 2004 07:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah!

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 26 July 2004 07:25 (twenty-one years ago)

That's it, I think.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 26 July 2004 07:25 (twenty-one years ago)

there you have it!

― Gear! (Gear!), Monday, 26 July 2004 07:27 (twenty-one years ago)

and she says she always wanted to check out this other coffee place in Los Feliz, the Bourgeois Pig.

Ack. Namechecking Bourgeois Pig is enough of a warning sign already.

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Monday, 26 July 2004 10:00 (twenty-one years ago)

She clearly has no sense of irony, but if she turned up there driving an NPRmobile I suspect others would discover theirs.

I dunno, all this blowing someone off without a word because they've got a less-nice car bothers me outside of all proportion to its meaning in my life (I do not drive). Like she thought there was nothing whatsoever wrong in deciding that based on your ride, you weren't worth knowing, or that it didn't matter how you were treated because you were her social inferior.

― suzy (suzy), Monday, 26 July 2004 10:14 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe she'd run to use her wireless laptop to check if you'd posted anything about her on ILX and when she saw that you hadn't, decided you weren't serious enough about her.

or maybe she'd just suggested coming to yours so she could see 'the couch'?

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 26 July 2004 10:19 (twenty-one years ago)

two weeks pass...

Did this person ever write back? I'm desperate to know.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 01:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, me too.

I really dislike Saabs, and the people that drive them. Horrible.

― Andrew (enneff), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 02:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I have a Saab! It's a late 70s model and doesn't run, though. Also, I don't drive.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 02:21 (twenty-one years ago)

ok i'm not desperate to know. but i am curious! i quite like really old banged up pooh-brown saabs. new ones suck though.

― gem (trisk), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 02:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I went down to look at the lonesome Saab the other day and found an unopened Amber Bock in it. I sat in the driver's seat and drank it. It was the most action that car has seen in years.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 02:25 (twenty-one years ago)

This person in fact NEVER wrote back. I have since discovered that she's a local musician in the L.A. scene, a singer fronting some band that's played at the Whisky.

btw Roxy that story is hot.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 02:29 (twenty-one years ago)

The beer was pretty hot as well.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 02:30 (twenty-one years ago)

how did i miss t his the first time? i've been in situtations where i was scoping the doors and alleyways thinking of ways to escape, but i never had the gumption to do it, and i would never think of doing it had i initiated the date.

― |a|m|t|r|s|t| (amateurist), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 02:40 (twenty-one years ago)

This has never happened to me. I don't go around people if I think there's a chance they might make we want to escape their clutches.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 02:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey wanna grab a drink sometime?

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 02:47 (twenty-one years ago)

my prob is that i will sometimes overcompensate for my wanting to escape (and consequent feelings of guilty for same) by being too nice, offering to go for another round of drinks, etc., thus condemning myself to several more hours of near-torture. strangely though, i'm not good at all at feigning interest in people .

― |a|m|t|r|s|t| (amateurist), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 02:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha, only if the Schlitz is on you, dude.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 02:55 (twenty-one years ago)

You know it!
http://www.rustycans.com/schlitz_ad1.jpg

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 02:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I did this when this girl who was in an open relationship was REALLY interested in having me over. She was all "you get to meet my husband!" She called me and I pretended my cell phone died.

― Red Panda Sanskrit (ex machina), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 18:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I had a Saab for the better part of a year. :(

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 18:39 (twenty-one years ago)

The only time I've ever done anything vaguely like this was when I was over at the house of this girl I knew who owned about 2000 LPs and said we should have a listening party, then tried to cajole me into getting into bed with her by being all touchy feely and attempting to get me to smoke weed. I told her she was being sort of weird, she then said "I'm not being weird, why don't you just give me a kiss?" I said I had to leave but might come back later, which of course I didn't. This backfired when I wandered into Rhino Records a couple of months ago and saw her searching through their cheap vinyl and was forced into an awkward conversation in which she told me "you shouldn't think stuff like that is weird" and I said "it's a little fucking strange to say you don't want to be anything more than friends, and then try and drag me into bed to 'kiss', and then accuse me of being weird when I don't want to, sorry."

I really need to start avoiding record stores, yeah.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 18:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey! Old SAABs are fucking great!! the new ones = boring GM eurobox in flashy suit, but the old ones rock!

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 18:47 (twenty-one years ago)

U STUD XPOST

― Red Panda Sanskrit (ex machina), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 18:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude. Why do you think girls invite boys over to listen to records? If I did this and a guy was like "ew, don't try to kiss me" I'd cry. Unless we explicitly laid out our plans which included a definitely "no touching" clause.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 18:58 (twenty-one years ago)

-ly obv.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 19:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I think it depends on the preexisting relationship, but roxy mostly otm

― Red Panda Sanskrit (ex machina), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 19:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, gear was asking for it.

― na (Nick A.), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 19:08 (twenty-one years ago)

What a clit-tease.

― na (Nick A.), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 19:09 (twenty-one years ago)

actually I have to amend: my story is a lot like what Amtrst was saying about being too nice and overcompensating. I was asking for it!

This girl's inherent creepiness didn't come out until the record-listenin' session. and I was the one who wanted to cry when she dove at me, Roxy!

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, but you actually believed she just wanted to listen to records!

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 19:23 (twenty-one years ago)

well this idea was put forth after I arrived there, I sort of assumed it would be something more innocent than record-listening, like lights turned low, sharing a blanket, whilst drinking wine and watching Like Water For Chocolate

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 19:25 (twenty-one years ago)

gear your romantic life is so much more eventful than mine, i feel quite pitiful

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 01:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Not only more full of events, but also more full of non-events!

― OleM (OleM), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Gem my romantic life is the equivalent of a Ken Griffey Jr's career in Cincinnati: filled with promise and big talk, but always ending prematurely and in embarrassing fashion.

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 12 August 2004 02:20 (twenty-one years ago)

at least you're making a few mil out of it.

oh.

― |a|m|t|r|s|t| (amateurist), Thursday, 12 August 2004 02:33 (twenty-one years ago)

great thread. better look into DH-ing gear!... :-\

― gygax! (gygax!), Thursday, 12 August 2004 02:36 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.asstastic.org/images/griffey.jpg

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 12 August 2004 03:05 (twenty-one years ago)

i think i would take an embarrassing and possibly premature end for some eventfulness anyday

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 12 August 2004 03:34 (twenty-one years ago)

*gasp*

Gigantism!

― Harold Media (kenan), Thursday, 12 August 2004 03:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Let's go out drinking and make fun of the happy couples, Gem.

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 12 August 2004 03:38 (twenty-one years ago)

ha! let's! happy couples suck arse

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 12 August 2004 03:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Meet me at the Cat and Fiddle on Sunset Blvd Sunday night around 9ish. I'll be the jerk tossing bottlecaps at the hipsters.

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 12 August 2004 03:50 (twenty-one years ago)

love to! will the hipsters forward funds for my airfare?

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 12 August 2004 03:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm sure they'd be delighted to!

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 12 August 2004 03:54 (twenty-one years ago)

excellent. i'll start saving up my spare bottlecaps. see you sunday.

― gem (trisk), Thursday, 12 August 2004 03:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I'll be there!

― Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 12 August 2004 04:01 (twenty-one years ago)

'Fin' to her

― maryann (maryann), Thursday, 12 August 2004 04:45 (twenty-one years ago)

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