Classic or Dud: Trying to get back in touch with someone you had a crush on ten years ago. Even though it's probably an awful idea. For god' sake, someone stop me.

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So, here's the thing. Ten years ago, I was a teenager, and there was this girl. And I had a crush on her. I wrote her a letter telling her this (look, I was shy). She wrote back saying "let's just be friends" - but the mad thing was, we stayed friends. We kept writing letters to each other, every week or so, even though we saw each other every day or two anyway. We kept it secret from our mutual friends (which was all of our friends, pretty much), but it fizzled apart when she got a boyfriend, we both moved out of the area, blah blah wibble etc.

But now, there's the Internet. And I've tracked her down, found her workplace's website, and found out that we're both living in the same area again. Please persuade me that trying to get back in touch with her is a *bad* idea.

― Someone who has pressed "logout", Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:20 (twenty-one years ago)

worst case scenario : what if she doesn't remember you?

― Barry Bruner (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually, I think getting back in touch with her is a fantastic idea. Seriously.

And while you're at it, why not tear your heart out of your chest, encrust it in allspice, nutmeg and coriander, hang it out to dry for 2-4 weeks in a central Virginia cave, ship it to a German smokehouse, and upon its return, let it sit out in front of your computer for about four weeks.

Because the road you're in danger of setting upon will do similar -- if slightly less tasty -- things to your heart. Whether or not you choose to eat it yourself or give it away at that point is up to you.

― Evanston Wade (EWW), Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:42 (twenty-one years ago)

son, better to do something and regret it than regret something you didn't do. And by the way...if you see your mother, tell her SATAN!!!!!

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:44 (twenty-one years ago)

do it! I used to do this all the time. emotional rollercoasters are fun! Also, maybe her life is different and she'll sleep with you. This happened to me!

― kyle (akmonday), Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Take a risk, for the love of God! You did it way back when with the writing of that first letter. Why not write her a letter again? Couldn't be too hard to figure out her address.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Now we all guess who the logged out person is.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:55 (twenty-one years ago)

OK, no fair, I wanted to tell him to contact her as well, but the request was to convince him not to.

― Barry Bruner (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Not sure about that, I found this girl I "knew once" in college and sent her a message. She's sort of in my area, she was really a sweet girl, and at least at that time she was insanely gorgeous.

So she wrote back something like "I feel like an jerk but I don't remember you!"

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:57 (twenty-one years ago)

a jerk

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Odds on you'll realise how much you've both changed, and you won't even be interested anymore. Ten years.

― That's the Way (uh huh uh huh) I Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Write her a letter that refuses to acknowledge the gaping chasm of time since your last one.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:00 (twenty-one years ago)

What's worse, getting rejected and feeling crippled and like a complete dick for the rest of your life, or wondering what might have been?

(answer: a)

― Fergal (Ferg), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:00 (twenty-one years ago)

"About that letter I sent last week..."

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:01 (twenty-one years ago)

better yet, just resend the original letter. see if she'll let you take a mulligan.

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:01 (twenty-one years ago)

First of all, don't listen to these schmucks and assume that she's not going to remember you. Jesus.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Damn, I was hoping it was you who started this thread, Gear. Because then we would've gotten the full report on how things proceeded: did he find her, how'd she respond, their first date, and so on...

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, me too!

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:03 (twenty-one years ago)

As we spent a year, when we were 17 or so, writing letters to each other every week, I'd be real pissed off if she didn't remember me.

I'll write a letter and post it to her work address. If I get a reply, I'll try to remember to let y'all know.

― Someone who pressed "logout", Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:04 (twenty-one years ago)

the girl I wrote to did eventually remember me. I think the fact she smoked a lot of weed in college didn't help my cause, though.

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:05 (twenty-one years ago)

You go, logged out!!

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:06 (twenty-one years ago)

By now, "letting us know" won't satisfy our appetite anymore. We want pictures! Intimate details! Stories of smallish co-workers spying on her!

Damn you Gear, you've raised the standard too high.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Given the interval it's unlikely - though far from impossible - that there will still be that same romantic sentiment in either the girl or yourself. And if it is there, it'll probably be significantly changed from the teenaged one. So if your goal, Logged-Out-Sentimental-Type, is only a romantic one it's best not to pursue. But if you're open to a reevaluation it's totally 'go.'

Finally, if you do end up meeting her remember that halcyon goggles, like cheapo phony X-ray specs, have a way of superimposing a rosy spectre of preterit experience over a very real, very incarnate present image. Don't overlook a potential friendship if that's what presents itself.

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:09 (twenty-one years ago)

If I was the girl, it would be one of the coolest things that ever happened to me.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Perhaps I need to get out a bit.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:10 (twenty-one years ago)

hey emily, remember me from kindergarten?

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, part of the thing is that since I moved back here I've been completely on my own - all my friends from this area had, I thought, moved away; and all my current friends live a few hundred miles away now. So, getting back in touch with someone who lives nearby and used to be a very close friend has to be a Good Thing.

(xpost)

― Someone who pressed "logout", Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:12 (twenty-one years ago)

The only time that's ever happened to me is when I received a cryptic email from this off-balanced guy I went to high school with and never hung out with, in which he enthusiastically tried to get me to join the Marines.

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:13 (twenty-one years ago)

and so help me, this girl I had a crush on in high school is now apparently an honest-to-God "horse whisperer" in Colorado, WTF

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I actually never went to Kindergarten. Haw. But I do remember everyone in my 1st grade class, including a guy named Wes Anderson.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I remember a kid named Mike Bates (yuk, yuk) got stung by a bee after repeated warnings to leave a nest in the corner alone. He went totally crazy, started speaking in tongues, danced on a table and peed everywhere. Two EMTs came into the classroom and carted him off; we never saw him again. Our teacher, Beau Beauso1ei1 told us that if we didn't listen, the same thing could happen to us. It took me until about 8th grade to realize that B.B. meant 'if you don't listen you'll get stung' and not 'you'll get carted off by EMTs.'

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Why was there a bee's nest in the corner of your classroom?

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:24 (twenty-one years ago)

B3au B3ausol3il?!

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:26 (twenty-one years ago)

dude, this happened to me. but SHE tracked ME down. and we dated for a while (almost a year). it was insane.

― cutty (mcutt), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:30 (twenty-one years ago)

what, you're giving me back my Beau Beau?

http://www.americanroyalarts.com/library/5581.jpg

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Weird, huh? I've got a history of weirdly named teachers... 2nd grade Was Dot Cann0n, 5th was M1ng L0v3. Google-proofing for fun. And the bees nest was in the doorframe.

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:32 (twenty-one years ago)

We had a Pam3la N3ss. In the record book every teacher was listed with first name initial and full last name, and she was listed as P. N3ss. I kid you not.

― That's the Way (uh huh uh huh) I Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:34 (twenty-one years ago)

"Google-proofing for fun"

i only realized recently that this was probably a good idea

― duke id3a, Sunday, 25 July 2004 23:13 (twenty-one years ago)

If she's married, find the guy and key his car. Itll be therapeutic.

― David Allen (David Allen), Sunday, 25 July 2004 23:39 (twenty-one years ago)

i was bored the night before i left for france and found this girl on friendst*r who i had had a brief crush on just before i graduated (she would call up my radio show a lot, and we would see each other on campus and have these flirtatious awkward encounters), but i knew she had been in some latin american country which i thought was honduras and i told her about my friend who had done something similar there but then it turned out (oops) that she was in guatemala and besides i don't think she really remembered me. so that was pointless.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Sunday, 25 July 2004 23:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Dud, dud, dud, dud, dud, dud, dud, dud,,,,,,.......

I mean, it would be like writing to a stranger by now.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Monday, 26 July 2004 00:08 (twenty-one years ago)

that sounds sweet, i always wonder what's happened to people who've moved whom i used to know. go for it, you could at least be friends.

― Maria (Maria), Monday, 26 July 2004 00:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't bother.

DON'T EVER LET ANYONE YOU LIKE KNOW THAT YOU LIKE THEM! Are you insane?!

Don't even say hello. FUCK ME! It's tantamount to STALKING! The thought of being pursued might seem great for their ego, but yours might end up a bit hurt like. They might even think you 'Googled' them, when in fact you never really did.

Actually, I say yes. If you like her and you think she's worth it you shouldn't even hesitate.

Don’t let the paranoid neurosis of your internet peers get in your way. (which, quite frankly, a lot of the people here have enough of)

Good luck!

― None, Monday, 26 July 2004 01:28 (twenty-one years ago)

um. i don't get it.

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Monday, 26 July 2004 01:35 (twenty-one years ago)

that's just paranoid neurosis

― duke ratiocinate, Monday, 26 July 2004 01:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I would advise listening to Tom Waits' "Martha" and then making up your mind.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Monday, 26 July 2004 01:48 (twenty-one years ago)

'Um' is a good word.

It shouldn't be faulted in the least.

Stick with it.

'Um' it's pretty fantastic.

― None, Monday, 26 July 2004 01:50 (twenty-one years ago)

'Um'... Good God, I love this word!

It's fucking brilliant!

'Um'

: ) (happy smiley face)

― None, Monday, 26 July 2004 02:16 (twenty-one years ago)

always happy to mutter, sport.

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Monday, 26 July 2004 02:19 (twenty-one years ago)

You forgot the 'happy smiley face'.

>>> : )

Never forget the 'happy smiley face'.

Goodnight.

― None, Monday, 26 July 2004 02:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 87 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

! But that's brilliant! :-D How come you'd not mentioned it before?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 25 April 2005 00:14 (twenty years ago)

it's pretty awesome.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 25 April 2005 00:20 (twenty years ago)

that is awesome, maria. i'd never have the balls to do something like that.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 25 April 2005 04:57 (twenty years ago)

it's not too hard, man. it costs only a buck between the postcard and the stamp, and if you don't want to actually go to the post office, you can just hand it to the mailman. If you don't want him to see you with the card, leave it atop your mailbox.

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Monday, 25 April 2005 05:01 (twenty years ago)

1. recently thot it would be a good idea to "step up" and show more interest in longtime crush (10+ years). so far it's failing miserably, with her refusal to let me take her to lunch to celebrate her birthday* a couple weeks ago. youch.

2. recently found girl who had long-distance crush on me in high school** on friendster, asked to add to friends. not answered, tho she also hasn't logged on in a long time so i dunno. still youch.

*i figured this was much more innocuous than dinner or movie or whatnot, as i'd take any of my friends out for dinner, and prior to my attempts at "stepping up to the plate" as it were, i considered this person to be a friend (tho in various stages of closeness -- as i didn't see her much at all when i lived in chicago, obv.).

**basically met through girls i met while on family vacation, her friends. they suggested we penpal because we both liked the smiths, so we did, and were ld friends for a long time. she came to visit louisville and i did not treat her well because i was 18 and about to graduate high school and pretty clueless about girls and i still feel pretty bad about it and would like to get in touch if only to apologize for my immaturity.

man i am a mess.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 25 April 2005 05:10 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, but maybe #1 girl already had plans for her birthday. You should see if she wants to do lunch another day. Most people wind up with birthday plans well in advance. Unless she said, "I don't want to have lunch with you on my birthday because I don't like you," in which case fuck that.

― sugarpants: new and improved! (sugarpants), Monday, 25 April 2005 13:48 (twenty years ago)

she told me she didn't have plans, that she didn't do anything, and when i asked if i could take her to lunch on another free day (within a 3-week window of her being in town) she said no (tho not with the "because i don't like you" caveat but might as well have).

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 25 April 2005 15:04 (twenty years ago)

oh geezum. I had an IDENTICAL (well...) situation just a little while ago. Her sister found me on Friendster (or Facebook) and randomly emailed me. I emailed here, called her, got her older sister's phone number and lost it IMMEDIATELY. I'm too embarassed to go through the whole process again (why is it embarassing? I don't know) and it's been 3 months. This girl was the LOVE OF MY LIFE in High School. BFF.

...plus, her lil sis told me that she's getting married this summer. I can't decide if I want to reconnect and spoil the wedding (YES!), just get an invite because, you know, I miss her, or just let the whole thing go.

― giboyeux (skowly), Monday, 25 April 2005 15:06 (twenty years ago)

three months pass...

Hello there, ILX.

I have a confession to make. On this thread, it was *me* that was posting as Logged Out.

An email came today. From: the woman I talked about in this thread. To: all her friends in this area. She's moving back into this town, in a few days time. And she gave us all her mum's phone number.

Today's horoscope said: "A friend you thought had left your life is set to return and should have quite a lot to tell you about their adventures." I read it before I read my email, so I was rather surprised when it apparently came true.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Thursday, 28 July 2005 17:44 (twenty years ago)

Well, hooray!

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Thursday, 28 July 2005 18:36 (twenty years ago)

I promise I'll keep ILX updated when everything goes horribly wrong - when it turns out she's spent the past year travelling around Australia with a handsome, tanned sex god or suchlike.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Thursday, 28 July 2005 18:38 (twenty years ago)

i like that it's almost exactly a year. good luck!

― the leglo (the leglo), Thursday, 28 July 2005 18:49 (twenty years ago)

Wow, I didn't realise just how almost exactly a year it was since I started this thread.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Thursday, 28 July 2005 18:56 (twenty years ago)

I can't recall the last time "logged out" returned to the thread to give an update and fess up under his or her real identity.

Best of luck to you, FP!

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Thursday, 28 July 2005 19:08 (twenty years ago)

I did this a year or so ago, only to get a response of 'I'm not in touch with you because I don't care to be, go away now, k thx bye.'

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 28 July 2005 19:11 (twenty years ago)

Wow. Sounds like there might be a happy ending to the story, love story or not, it still sounds very nice!

― Masonic Boom (kate), Friday, 29 July 2005 07:05 (twenty years ago)

they suggested we penpal because we both liked the smiths

aw. just aw.

:-)

on-topic: i've been doing this getting-in-touch-with-old-crushes thing a lot recently. i think it's something to do with *gasp* settling down. i'm actually relieved when i refind people and they're happily married or cohabiting or whatever. it's comforting somehow.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Friday, 29 July 2005 07:22 (twenty years ago)

I find it's just depressing.

The worst one was actually a few years ago when the Great Lost Love Of My Life got engaged. But then it all broke up horribly, and the last time I saw him, he was all bitter and "relationships are shit, I'm never getting married" and I was cohabitating. Of course now I've had my horrible breakup and am all bitter, he's probably married some other Bridget Bardot lookylike.

― Masonic Boom (kate), Friday, 29 July 2005 07:24 (twenty years ago)

(It was his ex fiance who was the Briget Bardot lookylike, not me, before anyone gets any ideas, BTW.)

― Masonic Boom (kate), Friday, 29 July 2005 07:24 (twenty years ago)

I just wish I could *find* a certain old flame of mine. I dont know where in the world he is... :(

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 29 July 2005 07:25 (twenty years ago)

My main dilemma now is: how long to wait until trying to phone her.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 29 July 2005 09:44 (twenty years ago)

email first, i would. (but what do i know?)

had email on monday from someone i was friendly with about 15 years ago. only she's started using her middle name instead of the one i'm used to and is now married so her surname's changed as well. my mental picture of her is also a bit wobbly so it's almost as if this complete stranger is trying to get in touch. is odd.

― koogs (koogs), Friday, 29 July 2005 12:05 (twenty years ago)

someone really ought to email caitlin upthread to keep her informed of progress! nobody gave an update back ever since april 2005.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 12:30 (twenty years ago)

Well, she sent out a group email with her temporary phone number in it for people to get in touch; but she said she's not moving for "a few days". How long is a few days?

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 29 July 2005 12:30 (twenty years ago)

xpost - That's only three months ago, Ken.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 29 July 2005 12:32 (twenty years ago)

reply to the email. but don't 'reply to all'!! easily done, not easily undone. trust me.

― N_RQ, Friday, 29 July 2005 12:32 (twenty years ago)

unless you're replying to all deliberately to "bagsie" her, before anyone else makes a move.

i wouldn't call her on the first day she moves back, though, you want to play it cool, and also, she is likely to be stressed out from moving etc.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 13:23 (twenty years ago)

Well, yes. And jetlagged. But I don't know when that *is* exactly.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 29 July 2005 13:36 (twenty years ago)

*exactly* exactly. you don't want to be exact. you should do it nonchalantly at least a week after the week you think she's likely to have moved.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 13:41 (twenty years ago)

So you decided on astrology as your religious path then?

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Friday, 29 July 2005 13:48 (twenty years ago)

p.s. astrology would make for good topic on the first date.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 13:49 (twenty years ago)

I still don't believe my horoscope, even though it was right.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 29 July 2005 13:51 (twenty years ago)

It's too early to be thinking in terms of a first date.

(x-post)

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:01 (twenty years ago)

I agree. The main good thing here is the chance to restart an old *friendship*.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:02 (twenty years ago)

'an old friendship ~~that i spent mostly trying to advance out of~~'

― N_RQ, Friday, 29 July 2005 14:06 (twenty years ago)

oh of course.

but a couple of imaginary dates in the meantime never hurts. i have had some great imaginary dates with random girls on buses and on the way to work and stuff. the orange juice selling girl in camden with the accent is the best, my imaginary purchase of orange juice and one thing led to another and we ended up going to the woods to pick oranges together. we held hands and everything.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:07 (twenty years ago)

Nah, it was more the other way round - we became friends after I asked her out and she said no.

(xpost)

The problem with imaginary dates is that the more you imagine them the less they will come true.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:08 (twenty years ago)

i don't know why but in the imaginary date we never did anything filthy or anything, we both thought it was so nice that we could just spend the day under the sun to pick oranges and hold hands, and drink freshly made orange joooces (as she'd call them). at the end of the date she gave me a peck on the lips.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:10 (twenty years ago)

xpost i don't think that's true: i don't think imaginary dates affect the likelihood of actual dates. but it can seem that way sometimes because (for me anyway) often the imaginary datee are like highly unobtainable like pop stars and things.

aw, i still remember going to an imaginary theme park with dido. she thanked me for the best day of her life at the end

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:14 (twenty years ago)

for god's sake man!

― N_RQ, Friday, 29 July 2005 14:21 (twenty years ago)

I have *entirely* imaginary dates! With entirely imaginary characters! Like brooding 19th Century Sea Captains!

― Masonic Boom (kate), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:24 (twenty years ago)

p.s. we went to karaoke on the second date.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:25 (twenty years ago)

We sailed to China on ours!

― Masonic Boom (kate), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:26 (twenty years ago)

wow!

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:27 (twenty years ago)

i hope she'll take me on tour one day soon.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:28 (twenty years ago)

Is that a euphemism?

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:31 (twenty years ago)

if you like

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:33 (twenty years ago)

two months pass...

update?

― Guy Incognito (Guy Incognito), Friday, 30 September 2005 00:28 (twenty years ago)

No news really. We've been texting.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 30 September 2005 05:46 (twenty years ago)

It's a start!

― C J (C J), Friday, 30 September 2005 08:52 (twenty years ago)

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