Personality test: caught masturbating/ vs. hand accidentally slammed in a piano/ vs. losing a bet and having to eat rancid taco bell that brings the burning brown bambangos: your preference?

Oh, well in that case, I'll fill in "A," absolutely.

accidentaly masturbating at taco bell

I worked at a Taco Bell and I promise I cleaned up the evidence of such from the men's bathroom, with disgust and reluctance.

I hate it when I go in the bathroom at a book store and someone (presumably a teenage boy without easy Internet access) has left a Maxim/Stuff/etc. splayed out on the floor. Do you think they put those back out on the shelves?

that is one of the biggest urban legends about Taco Bell, isn't it? that someone who worked there came in a taco and "I girl I know" bit into it?

it's right next door to "a girl I know" masturbated with a hot dog and it broke off inside of her and she had to go to the doctor

No, some guy (presumably a customer) had jerked it in the bathroom, and I had to clean a spoojy toilet on my turn at bathroom duty. Taco Bell was my first job at age 16. :(

And I know it's an urban legend, but I don't see how a woman wouldn't be resourceful enough to extricate the broken hot dog herself. I mean I know she's supposed to be stupid for masturbating with one in the first place. However, the vagina is pretty short and it's not like this hot dog is going to travel all over her abdomen and require surgery. If you can pull out a tampon, it should not be hard to remove part of a hot dog, even though it doesn't have a string.

Abbott these are things 13 year old boys say to each other.

Yes, and when I was 13, the logic still bothered me. Or it would have if I knew what masturbating was (I did not at that age).

Braces caught in pubic hair is my favorite urban legend.

When I was in fourth grade, someone told me a story that her mom gave her brother a box of condoms, which he thought were bubble gum & he chewed on them all. This gave me an idea for years that condoms looked like some cross between Dubble Bubble and a styrofoam packing pellets. I had no idea how they were to be used.

The point is a lot of boys that age don't totally understand how baginas work.

I didn't understand how peenerz worked, and only a vague understanding of "the changes going on in my body." Until age 15, I didn't know men got erections. I knew sex worked by 'man puts penis in vagina,' but I didn't understand how that worked if the penis faced downward. I thought it might be like scissoring or something.

I think I am in the minority when it comes to ignorance at that late age.

right, Inspector Gadget's private parts, etc.

I went to a boarding school. It was weird. In year 12, dudes (jocks) would go around the boarding house late at night busting into people's rooms trying to catch out any wanking.

http://www.upload3r.com/serve/190508/1211183687.gif

abbott is so right about that stupid fucking hot dog story. When I was 13 it bothered me as well, because it made me wonder what I didn't know about anatomy such that a hot dog could get stuck.

thread titles that effortlessly sum up ilx

I'M AT THE COMBINATION PIZZA HUT AND TACO BELL

Caught masturbating by WHOM, exactly? Surely this is just something that probably happens at some point?

I'd go for hand slammed in a piano everytime

rancid food all the way.

hand slammed in piano, like assuming it's not permanently mangled

i'm not sure that's guaranteed. even temporary mangling could last longer than the digestive effects of the taco.

Caught masturbating by WHOM, exactly? Surely this is just something that probably happens at some point?

― But not someone who should be dead anyway (Laurel), Tuesday, June 23, 2009 11:18 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark

Yeah and depending on the answer this could be the least awful of those situations.

the key word for me is "accidentally", because it implies that your hand is in the way of the keyboard lid when someone's trying to close it, I mean people don't really slam down the lid hard do they?

depending on the answer this could be the least awful most awesome of those situations.

Get-out clause: it doesn't say the Taco Bell has to stay down. If it were truly rancid, would puke.

do girls just sit around hoping hot dudes walk in on 'em rubbing one out? that is weird.

If you live with a hot dude already, or date one and you have each other's keys? I dunno, worse things could easily happen.

Ha! No of course not but Laurel is 100% OTM with her edit there of my original statement.

x-post - exactly

i live with two attractive women and never in a million years would i ever walk into their rooms unannounced, even if i did think they were touching themselves.

and we have a strict "no masturbating in common areas" policy btw.

apparently you should think about changing that policy

yeah I was going to say that's probably your first mistake right there

One of the many things I love about you, Ian. But I'm saying, compared to possibly permanent hand injuries and etc, I wd think that being caught let's say red-handed is a fairly minor embarrassment. Actually the person who mistakenly walked in is bound to be at least as embarrassed? Unless you're somewhere you shouldn't be, I guess.

if it's a choice between illness, pain and embarrassment, I will take embarrassment almost every single time

how many times has your wife walked in you reading Wot Slash, dan?

lol NEVER because I am too crafty never read that shit

(I had to look up what that was, and what people would slash never ceases to amaze/terrify/delete as applicable)

have never heard the hot dog story or of WoT ... what have I been doing with my life?

good question.