one wonders what a guy might come up with if a "hot girl" demanded a rap verse in exchange for possible sex

do not read if you hate desperate, vulgar men who cannot rhyme!

ill cap the so called "fine" competition with my nine
o wait i don't hate or that big but im great so make it 8"
Ill guarantee you several big O's and wont treat ya like 50 cent's hoes
You can whack my balls like Barry Bonds

I am all about you
not me, your pleasure will pull me through.

My cock is hard as a rock, slide inside, then out
again
I know just what to do.
I am tall, dark and handsome (for real), you will want
to feel me too....

I guarantee you exctasy, for as long as you can take
it.
You might find yourself begging ME, to pull out
and spray it...."

xpost a rhyme that is truly great
is one that pairs great with great

Wish I may...Wish I might,
Fill you up and spend all night -
Licking,
Sucking,
and doing my thing,
Kissing, meshing, harmonizing.

It's casual so I'm ganna leave the ring,
and if you start to think that it's a lying thing,
hold on, be cool, wait - don't start to trip
I'm really truly in an open relationship.

I grew up in manhattan, the city of N Y
Working for a dollar, just trying to get by

I stand five foot 10 with short blonde hair
And a nice lean body if you really care

I don't do drugs, and I don't like fakes
I'm a hard working guy, and do whatever it takes

So here's what I'd do to you
Make you sigh and moan with me all alone when there's nobody home

And I love a pretty girl when I see one
Gotta kiss your body all the way, up- and - down, giving love to a
princess like she's wearing a crown

I'd lay ya down on the bed and start kissing ur face, treating that
body like a golden vase

My favorite part of a woman is a nice soft back, as I'm kissing that
body you can hardly hold back-

Oh shit nigga. Wait.

Now I move on down to the front of the bed, lift your sweet legs up and
put em over my head

And I'm kissing and biting, but softly you see
Putting you in a state of har-mon-eee

Its sunday and let's play.
Sent wirelessly via BlackBerry from T-Mobile.

(er that last bit might not actually be part of the song but what the hell)

HAW

You can be had
And very well I might add
Not by a young lad
But by a brother smother than you dad
Talk about father figure
I’m Trenny Tren
Grab the brass while I buff that rear end
And we can do this
Let’s get down to business

You’ll be swinging like a monkey
Begging for my chunky
I’m the type of bother on the T.C.P. tip
If you want me to I’ll lick the sweat off your top lip
Trenny’s hip hoppin, rump humpin, crowd thumpin crowd bumpin
I’m the one that keeps the party jumpin
The ladies, my attentions directed
If you say she’s fine, well then I’ll have to inspect it
You and I, you and me girl we can get down
I can bump you some more as we bump to this sound
On and on you can dream, I’m like freddy
And dawn has broke twice already
After the party, I’ll just be rockin that body
You’re my, midnight snack, uh my, hot tardy

My tongue is a strobe
Ear lobe to ear lobe
All over up and down, just like a probe
And we can do this
Let’s get down to business

Tonight,I wanta make this real clear,dear
I've no time to whisper in your ear
No time to remove our fears
I just wanta get near
Get butt naked and roll around
Move our bodies like up and down
Do that stuff that your mama call smut!
Girl, Let's Get Butt Naked And Fuck!

Come on,you know you wanta do it,too
It's good to me,and it's good to you
I only speak what's true
You say you don't,but I know you do
Come on up to my room
We'll undress by the light of the moon
Lay down and I'll caress that butt
Girl, Let's Get Butt Naked And Fuck!

I mean real stupid and nasty
I know what you wnat,so you don't have to ask me
Just lay back and I'll operate
Jimbraski will go to work and penetrate
And then we'll both feel great
Make your move tonight,girl,don't hesitate
We both want it,don't make it tough
Girl, Let's Get Butt Naked And Fuck!

Homeboys,you know the situation
You're trying to rap but they give you frustration
Nose in the air,turnin' you down
When you really wanta say! "Yo baby let's get down"
But you don't,you keep frontin'
Kickin' conversation,ain't talkin' 'bout nothin'
When all that's really on your mind is what?

"Yo baby L.G.B.N.A.F."
That's right if you're a man you want it
If you're a woman you tease him and flaunt it
But my crew got to have it
And after they dog it,I autograph it
The SYNDICATE don't lecture
We move in a group,seduce and capture
And if the posse has good luck
Girl, Let's Get Butt Naked And Fuck!

ISLAM takes the pictures
And girls,I'm a say EVIL E's gonna get ya
Get ya illin' in a nude mode
A double X-rated episode
Hotel rooms cold explode,when my posse unloads
Sex in effect when we're on the road
Girl, Let's Get Butt Naked And Fuck!

Throw your hands up in the air
If you love sex I know you're out there
Safe sex that is,ya gotta be careful with this 88 sex biz
But that's another song
Girls,move your bodies sexy and the brothers will come along
Homeboys,move in on that butt and say!
Girl, Let's Get Butt Naked And Fuck!

it's swollen up the size of my sex drive
by a magnitude of at least four point five

I was once a discriminating playa
You'd need to be an A before I'd lay ya'

I only liked girls like my coffee,
strong, black and tasty with my toffee

But I've opened up my doors of perception
and the doors of involuntary conception

For I'll take hoes from wherever I can
provided their country's in the UN.

Sheepish Welsh girls, Irish lasses,
Stiff Brit cunt lips, Scottish asses
Parisian nooky, snatch from Helsinki,
Luxemborg birds, Italian stinky,
Aussie girls I'd gladly hit
Honed on ... ehh, fuck this shit,
Come home and we'll bang until the sun comes up or I wear a hole in you or the mattress, whichever comes first.

i'm going to try this one

Chicks come running from far and wide
Just to beg me for a ride on my slip 'n' slide
I cannot move for the throng, step aside if you please
Cos the man needs a little space and air to breathe

There's time, get in line, I'll satisfy you all
I got love to give, this is liberty hall
Every girl in town will get a piece of the mole
I'll string you up like donuts on the end of my pole

Long as you help me in my work,
My cunning linguist talents I'll not shirk.

Once or twice a week, I'll come
To make sure you do too...

No way you can lose
If you know how to Muse.

Grandpa thanks you for the chance
To do one last poetic dance.

But if by chance you are a Muse,
I hope it won't be hard to choose:

Money for your time,
Time to lick your honey [pot]
If your Muse can indeed amuse.

bah. stealing rhymes from Six Mixalot. how shameful.

i was hoping that said "no more foreskin it's time to begin"

haaa

2nded!

I'm gangsta in contemporary parlance
by choice and not by circumstance.
'Cuz I got a chem PhD from Yale
And I never spent a night in jail

Love this.

Hey wait isn't that Paul Barman?

i found this in a search the other day and tried really hard to forget it.

just go ahead and tell us what your favorite couplet is, you contrarian-ass mutha.

"My cock is hard as a rock, slide inside, then out
again"

"Stiff Brit cunt lips"

Erotic junction cuz your panties is bunchin
Mesmerized by the camel toe function

Thread needed Colin Cassidy.

and best believe I know how,
To make u cum, these other cats are way too dumb,
I promise we'll have fun and you'll be shining like the sun,

vs.

You might even miss work, tell 'em your home with some jerk,
Who's got you tryin' not to smirk while he's driving you berserk,

Mesmerized by the camel toe function

For 24 years this 5-11 figure
has had girls running for manicure

Aloha all my peeps, my name is max
I'll tell ya little bit about myself so just relax

haha missed this one

can't woo em all, sport

The way you move gives me +2 sword
I wanna get up in you like umbilical cord

where is the one where mr craigslist came on and told gear to knock it off? good times.

oh god these are amazing

+2 sword times, even

xp

ok i've got one

Hallelujah have you singin praise the lord
when I bump you with my lumpy gourd
pussy like a matador gettin gored

GROSS

i love to dive for fish and coral
but the thing i love most is giving ORAL

i'm the skinny picker upper
i'm a two-tone lover
i'm the crunchy batter on your hot fish supper

check out the piano!
the sheets of flannel!
with you're done with your dinner we'll go mano a mano

i'm a run up in your system like a wild megawatt
only thing you know is that you gon get got

haha "get got"

Wire fan, obv

mano a mano

i actually came up with the first part of that in 1995 :/

there were other parts that included centipede and joust rhymes