This is the thread where C-Man announces a hot celeb and the ILX people say if they'd drag their nuts through a mile of broken glass just to climax in their shadow...

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1) Holly Valance.

Oh no, let's go!

― C-Man (C-Man), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 01:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Nope. Next!

― Softly Weeping at the Oki Dog (Ben Boyer), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 01:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd drag my nuts through a mile of broken glass just to turn her down.

― Which Describes How You're Feeling All the Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 01:51 (twenty-one years ago)

2) Amy Smart

(Feel free to add your own)

― C-Man (C-Man), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 01:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm coming out in support of Ms. Valance. I've always had a thing for old Flick Scully. I don't think Joe would approve of her raunchy outfits, though.

― Wooden (Wooden), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 01:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Do you climax in public Calum?

― Bumfluff, Tuesday, 3 August 2004 01:57 (twenty-one years ago)

(Btw Climax is a great name for a chain of porn cinemas)

― Bumfluff, Tuesday, 3 August 2004 01:59 (twenty-one years ago)

So's Spunk.

― Which Describes How You're Feeling All the Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 01:59 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.becquet.com/director/maps/climax.jpg

― Huck, Tuesday, 3 August 2004 04:50 (twenty-one years ago)

When you get there, is it an anti-climax?

― mark grout (mark grout), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 06:32 (twenty-one years ago)

when you leave it's ante-climactic.

― Huck, Tuesday, 3 August 2004 06:45 (twenty-one years ago)

3) Heather Graham

― C-Man (C-Man), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 10:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm coming out in support of Ms. Valance

not the first person holly valance has made to go gay

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 10:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Who is Amy Smart? Heather Graham is a dog.

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 10:44 (twenty-one years ago)

c-man is an animal lover.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 10:50 (twenty-one years ago)

He's a lover, full stop

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 10:51 (twenty-one years ago)

that's true.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 10:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm full of love.

― C-Man (C-Man), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 11:03 (twenty-one years ago)

You're full of it alright

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 11:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyone who says Heather Graham or Valance are dogs are stupid, retarded, blind or all three.

― C-Man (C-Man), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 11:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I didn't say Valance was a dog, only Graham - though not as much as Uma Thurman, who is a REAL dog.

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 11:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I saw Jordan yesterday in Exeter Cathedral Green. She was with Peter Andre and a bodyguard, and Andre was pushing a pushchair. Apparently he was supporting Westlife at Powderham Castle last night. They were both pretty minging in the flesh.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 11:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Heather Graham and Holly Valance are dogs.

― Calum the great (enneff), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 11:35 (twenty-one years ago)

What's wrong with you people? Uma's a bit funny looking, but in a very sexy way. Heather Graham's not my favourite, but is certainly no dog. My opinion on Holly has been made clear.

Jordan, on the other hand, mings for Britain.

― Wooden (Wooden), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 11:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Jordan is minging, but you're lying your ass off if you think Graham or Valance are unnattractive. Seriously, I'd like to see what you're shaggin... if anything.

― C-Man (C-Man), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 11:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Funny but I find Uma Thurman to be 100% not-sexy. She's quite nice looking but not even slightly sexy. Ditto Graham.

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 11:45 (twenty-one years ago)

C-Man has again confused "clean" with "sexy". This is because he has not yet had sex.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 11:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Heather Graham is blah, but Uma and Holly are not.

― ENRQ (Enrique), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 11:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Shut it Nick. If anyone aint been laid on here it is your ugly mug.

― C-Man (C-Man), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 12:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't own a mug, I don't drink tea or coffee.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 12:12 (twenty-one years ago)

it's true. even c-man's face has had sex, nick. (with my john thomas)

try and catch up already.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 12:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Also, better lookign than you, Calum.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 12:13 (twenty-one years ago)

and believe or not he actually looked kinda cute with the necklace i put on him afterwards.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 12:14 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.stylusmagazine.com/staff/nick_southall.jpg

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 12:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Also the tone of his reaction implies that my comment smarted somewhat, suggesting it may be true. Was yr girlfriend too busy beating you up to fuck you, Calum?

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 12:16 (twenty-one years ago)

PWN3D!!!!

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 12:18 (twenty-one years ago)

weird

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 12:18 (twenty-one years ago)

It appears that I have vanquished him.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 12:31 (twenty-one years ago)

http://66.51.162.143/pwned.gif

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 12:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Sheesh Nick you so hot!

And not some spec wearing twat staring blindly at a camera. Christ, posting a pic on a forum. Desperate dude. I bet you carry that pic around if/ when you get to go out and ask some stranger to give it to a girl with a note on that back and your number and she goes "looks like A FUCKING DWEEB THAT ARSE MONGER" and promptly kick you in the nads.

Dude, meet my girlfriend. You'll get a shock.

Note: Enter "yeah she has a penis. HAHAHA". ILX humour is defunct.

― C-Man (C-Man), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 13:12 (twenty-one years ago)

From what i hear of yo girlfriend he'll get more than a shock

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 13:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Calum, we're winding you up

― Bumfluff, Tuesday, 3 August 2004 13:17 (twenty-one years ago)

ask some stranger to give it to a girl with a note on that back and your number and she goes "looks like A FUCKING DWEEB THAT ARSE MONGER" and promptly kick you in the nads.

that's what you'd get for asking out mutant girls with legs so long she can kick you in the nads from the other side of the bar?

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 13:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Scarlett.

― Kenan (kenan), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 13:18 (twenty-one years ago)

wow that's c-man's bird? hey she's pretty hot

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 13:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm sorry, Calum, did I kick your ass?

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Can you all stop making fun of Calum's gf? This is a serious subject.
She BEATS THE FUCKING LIVING CRAP OUT OF HIM. That is NOT FUNNY.
Think about it for a moment. Think about his pasty WIDE-MOUTHED face
being kicked in by a GIRL. This is human rights issue.
Calum is being BEATEN UP by his woman, that's serious abuse.
No LAUGHING MATTER. Spare a thought please fellas.

― Krankenhaus, Tuesday, 3 August 2004 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I mean, I've been pussy-whipped in the past, but I never cried about it.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 13:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Nick, no you did not. Your personality on this thread has shown me what a sad cunt you are. Posting a pic, a really dodgy "preening" pic, is like something out of a bad comedy and it HAS made me laugh.

Anyway. No my girlfriend does not beat me up. You silly buggers.

― C-Man (C-Man), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 13:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Calum's embarrassed about posting pictures of himself in case we see all the thumbprints on his head

― Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 13:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 63 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

I've got a chocolate chip cookie wrapper you can lick the inside of if you want.

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 17:51 (twenty-one years ago)

There might still be some chocolate in there.

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 17:52 (twenty-one years ago)

If you look closely, you can see that I took that photo myself, with the camera in my left hand, ergo you cannot pose yrself unless you leave yr body ergo I am HOTTTT and you are PWNED again, Saddo McSadsad.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 17:53 (twenty-one years ago)

My pics are not posed for either

you don't say!!!!!!!
http://www.thehorrorpost.com/Calum/CalumSpoiler.jpg

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 17:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I have not worn an open shirt with a t-shirt beneath it since I was 11.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 17:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I've been thiking about it

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 18:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Sean C's looking old.

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 18:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Do you want this chocolate chip cookie wrapper or not? I've got to fish it out of the trash if you want it.

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 18:07 (twenty-one years ago)

So hot you're on here all the time, and on a fucking forum bragging about it?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Good luck mate.

― C-Man (C-Man), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 18:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Lots of people who post here do so from work, AS YOU KNOW VERY WELL, CALUM.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 18:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Nick - yes.

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 18:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Was the role of Calum played by Tim Roth in that photo?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 18:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Tim Roth if he had been dropped on his head at birth.

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 18:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Adam, I will fax it to you. What is your fax number?

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 18:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm confused. In the past, Calum, you have called a female ilxor who doesn't look VERY dissimilar from Lindsay Lohan and is around the same size as her an "ugly fat chick". Now Lindsay Lohan wees all over Nick, which I presume is to mean Lindsay Lohan is more attractive than Nick, to you. Now, is this a really huge insult, like Nick is even worse than an ugly fat chick, or are you giving the approval to ugly fat chicks? Or are you just full of shit and enjoy insulting people you don't even know for no apparent reason all day on the internet for two years now? I'm interested to know!

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 18:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Shit, me too.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 18:33 (twenty-one years ago)

(510)650-NORTHERNCALIFOOLYA

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 18:45 (twenty-one years ago)

it's the latter evidently. here's to the next two years of this shit...

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 18:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I have been puked on a couple or more times, but never wee'd upon. I am intrigued to know, is it pleasant?

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 19:17 (twenty-one years ago)

I think it's probably better than being puked on.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 19:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Smoother, and less crunchy?

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Lindsey Lohan's puke probably reeks of cigarette smoke, spray tan, cocaine, and sperm.

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 19:21 (twenty-one years ago)

But her wee probably smells like fresh parsley.

― St. Nicholas (Nick A.), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 19:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, and also vomit tends to smell a lot stronger.

xpost You say that like it's a bad thing, Nick.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 19:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Where is Lindsey when I need her?

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 19:25 (twenty-one years ago)

The funny thing is, Calum may one day come to regret this.
If he does succeed at making a name for himself, getting a job in the media etc. as he's striving for, someone's going to make his real spasticated character as revealed here known

― Bumfluff, Tuesday, 3 August 2004 19:27 (twenty-one years ago)

He'll never get a job in the media what with all those pretty brainless girls pipping him every time. Still on the off chance I doubt potential employers will be bothered by all this buffoonery.

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 19:29 (twenty-one years ago)

i didn't necessarily mean employers

― Bumfluff, Tuesday, 3 August 2004 19:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Nick's dissing of the open shirt/tee-shirt route reveals him to be NON-METEROSEXUAL.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 21:15 (twenty-one years ago)

LL W's on us S's

― Symplistic (shmuel), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 21:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh soap opera actress can I climax in your shadow?

― AdamL :') (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 21:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm confused. In the past, Calum, you have called a female ilxor who doesn't look VERY dissimilar from Lindsay Lohan and is around the same size as her an "ugly fat chick".

I'm sorry... who's this a reference to, now?

― Perked Up Ears, ModJ Has, Tuesday, 3 August 2004 21:51 (twenty-one years ago)

As a lurker, I feel compelled to break my silence and point out that some credit must go to the C-ma for attempting to improve all of our social condtions. His wit and attitude inspire. Thank you, Sir C-ma.

― cillamange, Tuesday, 3 August 2004 22:00 (twenty-one years ago)

......and you best go back to lurking now. Some things shouldn't change.

― Krankenhaus, Tuesday, 3 August 2004 22:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm sorry... who's this a reference to, now?

It's easy enough to figure out that I noticed it before ASE said anything

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 22:07 (twenty-one years ago)

not that ive read a word of this thraed but one hundred forty seven answers!!! jesus christ. is jon wiliams dead or soemthing?

― :|, Tuesday, 3 August 2004 22:48 (twenty-one years ago)

naw I think he went to pick up his powerbook.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Tuesday, 3 August 2004 23:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Deliberately he provokes and absorbs all our disdain. We attack him, rather than ourselves. It is not easy for him, for St. Calum.

― cillamange, Tuesday, 3 August 2004 23:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Repent, serpents.

― St. Calum, Wednesday, 4 August 2004 01:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Fuck off, Calum.

― .., Wednesday, 4 August 2004 02:00 (twenty-one years ago)

How does this prize dickhead still get 150+ posts in 24 hours?

Can't we organise an 'Ignore Calum' day? And work our way up from there?

― Fred Nerk (Fred Nerk), Wednesday, 4 August 2004 02:17 (twenty-one years ago)

perhaps it is possible to post to a Calum thread whilst simultaneously ignoring Calum, hmm?

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Wednesday, 4 August 2004 02:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Has potential. Especially if we ignore his topic as well.

― Fred Nerk (Fred Nerk), Wednesday, 4 August 2004 02:49 (twenty-one years ago)

four years pass...

2) Amy Smart

(Feel free to add your own)

― C-Man (C-Man), Monday, August 2, 2004 9:51 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

c-man talkin some sense

― and what, Saturday, 4 October 2008 21:56 (sixteen years ago)

Heather Graham is a dog.

Dadaismus high like a motherfucking weather balloon.

― Poll Wall (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 4 October 2008 22:09 (sixteen years ago)

― The Slash My Father Wrote (DJ Mencap), Sunday, 5 October 2008 09:03 (sixteen years ago)

To view this page, you need to log in to area “Site” on www.stylusmagazine.com:80.

― a passion for posting (J0rdan S.), Sunday, 5 October 2008 09:32 (sixteen years ago)

uhhh what the fuck

― a passion for posting (J0rdan S.), Sunday, 5 October 2008 09:32 (sixteen years ago)

<3 <3 <3 amy smart <3 <3 <3

― max, Sunday, 5 October 2008 12:53 (sixteen years ago)

hasnt been in a movie in a minute but i love her. shes got that hot-and-funny-older-sister-of-your-best-friend-in-middle-school thing.

― max, Monday, April 28, 2008 2:49 PM (5 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

― max, Sunday, 5 October 2008 12:54 (sixteen years ago)

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