Nail Polish: Classic Or Dud

Especially classic is quick dry nail varnish as I am guaranteed to get an itchy ear the moment I have applied it and cannot itch until varnish is dry.

And I also think there should be a law against women wearing open toe shoes without nail varnish on their toenails. Natural toenails ming badly. Mine are currently blue-purple type colour. Fingernails nude due to just having bought a French manicure kit but being unable to use it as my boss is in and will be able to smell it from his office.

Especially classic is quick dry nail varnish as I am guaranteed to get an itchy ear the moment I have applied it and cannot scratch until varnish is dry.

And I also think there should be a law against women wearing open toe shoes without nail varnish on their toenails. Natural toenails ming badly. Mine are currently blue-purple type colour. Fingernails nude due to just having bought a French manicure kit but being unable to use it as my boss is in and will be able to smell it from his office.

I never do my fingernails though. I just do pedicures. I hate doing my nails, I hate my fingernails, I wish I didn't have any. I take wicked awful care of my hands.

World's best nail varnish remover = Quickies pads as it works on 5 layers of very dark red very quickly and can't spill.

But on girls hmmmm, I used to detest it, but as these days I am hanging out with a far glammer set of people I have learnt to like it if not love it, not so much bright red but I do like the sparkly stuff that Ally wears, preferably on girls though. No offence Ally.

Nail varnish on boys is fine as long as it's not the "natural colours" or black. Silver and gunmetal grey look good on boys.

I don't know why I started hating black nail varnish so much. I used to wear nothing but black when I was wee. But now it is the mark of goffs and metallers.

That said, I barely wear nail varnish any more. Probably because playing guitar chips the fuck out of my nails. I wish someone would come up with a method for varnishing nails that cannot be scraped off by Ernie Ball Superslinkies. Sigh.

Our English class had an assignment where we were supposed to research some person (living or dead) and dress up as that person and go on a talk show where the teachers asked us questions about "our" lives and accomplishments. I ended up being on the "entertainers" show with a girl who was going to do Diana Ross. She was very uspet because she was blue-eyed and very pale, but the teacher had an absolute conniption when she asked if it would be okay for her to put on a brown base for authenticity. Words like "racit" and "blackface" flew around the classroom and she ended up wearing a silly wig and pouting. Meanwhile, I had decided to be Robert Smith, so I went out and bought some white cake makeup and smeared it all over my face, then sloppily applied lipstick and eyeliner over that. I then walked around all of the hallways of my school before walking into the cable TV studio for the show. The teacher looked distinctly uncomfortable as the Diana Ross girl shrieked, "UNFAIR! UNFAIR! This is reverse discrimination! How come he can make himself white but I can't make myself black?" I simply smiled.

The teacher knew nothing about Robert Smith, so I just quoted some of the more ludicrous lies from _Ten Imaginary Years_ and took my A with good cheer. Didn't wear any nail polish for this, though. (In general, it's a huge dud for guys unless it's one of those colors that make your nails look like your fingertips were slammed in a door.)

I love, love, love nail varnish. Scarlet talons with a black dress slit up to the arse at the back and killer stiletto sandals make me feel good about myself when nothing else can. Ironically, I'm wearing my least favourite nail varnish today. It's salmon pink, the colour of the Wrong Sort of Geranium and far too middle aged, but it needs using up and a Monday in the office is the perfect opportunity.

I've always had problems with Quickies - they're too wet and I end up smearing the varnish all over my knuckles. Agnes B do a fabulous corrector pen though. It's sort of like those ink erasers you used at school, but for nail varnish. Your best friend when you're trying to do your nails on the bus.

Pinefox, is this upping the ante enough?

But this is because, as I said, I take vicious awful care of my hands. I think I actually go get a manicure once every couple years. I managed twice last year, ooooer. Every once and a while I do them myself, with a real real pale color like sheer white or pink, but really I don't keep them in good enough condition in general that it's worth it. I only paint them when the nicotene stains have gotten wicked on my right hand and I'm going someplace where I actually care what people think of me, ie the real estate board dinner or a Christmas party or something like that.

The problem is I put too much thought into the ENTIRE REST OF MY BEAUTY ROUTINE that something has to give, and it's my nails. Okay, there's a thread - what do you do to get ready to go out? I'm starting that then.

Women in NYC aren't nearly that ridiculous. I mean, we do all get our hair done proper like at a salon (home hair color, which used to be my expertise, barely touches my hair now), but most women I know don't bother with bikini waxing (takes too long to wait out the growth period, better off shaving when you need to, erm, show off that area), and manicures/pedicures are a weekly thing for the most neurotic women but only an occasional/when you feel like it thing for most of us. There's too much other stuff to do.

I read a thing in the Standard about (insane) women who have Botox parties where they invite a Top Surgeon round their gaffe and get him to Botox all of them together. I think this sort of party = big fat dud.

See?

Maybe not but it'd be pretty amusing for me if that was true. If you get too much botox put in, incidentally, your forehead DROOPS into your eyes. MUCH more sexy than forehead wrinkles.

Me: What are you doing?
Her: I'm going to paint your toenails.
Me: THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE BARGAIN.
Her: But I have to in order to fully protect your toenails!
Me: Exactly how stupid do you think I am?
Her: Oh, come on. It's clear anyway; no one wil notice. Please?
Me: Oh, all right.

We had a choir rehearsal later that day. It was hot, so I put on my sandals. The first thing said to me when we walk into the room is, "Hey Dan, what's u- Did you paint your toenails?" There was much scowling and bad-temperedness.

On a nail varnish related theme I just got a French Manicure kit with little stickers which I did last night. It requires the patience of a saint and the manual steadiness of a teetotaller, neither of which I have, but I made a pretty good job of it (on my right hand, I am left handed, the left hand is going to remain hidden until I redo my nails).

I think clean, evenly cut or filed nails look quite nice and nail polish is usually ugly. (I'm currently wearing one that's a sort of iridescent green and purple. Next will be a red and gold mix. It's ugly, but it's shiny so I go for it sometimes.)

Of course for people with verrry long thin talons it's smashing, but I keep my nails short so it's easier to play my instruments.

I am wearing a sort of mousy grey nail color and my friend told me, "I like your CORPSE NAILS" (latter part in cookie monster voice). I told her it means I'm a rock eater.

Best neutral/"I have a real job" nail color I have is an orange-red
http://www.essie.com/shop/product_thumb.php?img=images/meet_me_at_sunset.png&w=300&h=300
wait I guess that's not neutral at all
BUT IT MATCHES MY SCOOTER AT LEAST