Reading signals

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I need to know how she feels. I think I'm interpreting the signals correctly, but how can I tell? Could anyone suggest a way of confirming what I hope to be true, without leaving myself exposed?

― Jed T, Monday, 9 August 2004 07:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I've heard rumour that if she plays with her hair then she's well keen

― Porkpie (porkpie), Monday, 9 August 2004 07:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Um, Jed, I think we need a bit more info to give you any advice... What is it that you're hoping for? What kind of signals has she been giving?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 9 August 2004 07:52 (twenty-one years ago)

This is just the kind of thing I was after. I'm trying to confirm that all the eye contact actually means something, and that I'm not just imagining that there's something there!

― Jed T, Monday, 9 August 2004 08:05 (twenty-one years ago)

porkpie otm.

also look for eyebrow raisage as she speaks.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 9 August 2004 08:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Eye contact can either mean attraction or aggression. Bear that in mind. If she makes eye contact, and then looks away, especially if she looks down and smiles, then it's probably attraction. If she makes eye contact, keeps eye contact without smiling, and then looks off into the distance, thousand yard stare style, that's aggressive eye contact.

Also, playing with her hair, turning towards you, mirroring your body language means she likes you. Like, for instance, if you shift and cross your legs, and she shifts, turning towards you and also crossing her legs, then she is subconsciously mirroring, which means she's thinking about you.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Monday, 9 August 2004 08:11 (twenty-one years ago)

If one eye is looking at you, and the other, somewhere else, it means she's good at checking what's around corners - always useful.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Monday, 9 August 2004 08:34 (twenty-one years ago)

it means the girl works for the MI6.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 9 August 2004 08:35 (twenty-one years ago)

and you'll get discount on spyware etc. Get in there.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Monday, 9 August 2004 08:36 (twenty-one years ago)

it's pretty hard to say without knowing what sort of relationship you are talking about. I mean, is she the girl at the local store or someone you know and just happen to fancy?

― donna (donna), Monday, 9 August 2004 08:38 (twenty-one years ago)

i agree that we need a little more information-- give us some background.

there's loads of general stuff that you can use to try to figure it out, as well, though. all the above ones, plus things like pointing knees and feet at the 'target', exposing wrists and neck (why the hair flip thing works), dialated pupils, and even 'framing' (where people subconsciously place their hands drawing attention to genitals-- more often done by guys with hand/pocket placement, but not only)

the problem is that there's so many body language things that it's probably possible to read things into a situation where it isn't always there. that's why we need more info!

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 9 August 2004 08:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks for all this guys. She sits across the room from me, taking my mind off what I should be doing! It would be immeasurably complicted to take it further, but what the hey..

― Jed T, Monday, 9 August 2004 09:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, one of those. You might just be something nice to look at, y'know.

― Andrew Blood Thames (Andrew Thames), Monday, 9 August 2004 09:16 (twenty-one years ago)

A friend was telling me about the time he was walking through town on a lovely sunnny day when up ahead came a gorgeous girl. So he tried to make eye contact, and she reciprocated. She was looking at him, eyes wide open, mouth tensed in a lusty fashion. Then he realised she was looking longingly at the ice-cream he was eating.

― dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 9 August 2004 09:19 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, there was this one really cute girl who used to look at me all the time and vice versa but she wasn't playing with her hair at all and no office loving occured. i did make her laugh once and i knew it was genuine because it was the most horrendous laugh ever it was like a pig snorting. look for pig snorting sounds!

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 9 August 2004 09:19 (twenty-one years ago)

did he then wipe the icecream all over himself?

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 9 August 2004 09:21 (twenty-one years ago)

dog latin, the thing to do at this point is *obviously* to offer to buy her an ice cream.

― MarkH (MarkH), Monday, 9 August 2004 09:21 (twenty-one years ago)

mark is more of a gentleman than i.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 9 August 2004 09:21 (twenty-one years ago)

eek, jed, if it's an office romance i say to RUN AWAY! very little good can come out of this. especially if your desks are set up that you have to look at her all the time. i speak from experience. only today are they building a partition that will prevent me and a certain boy from sitting face to face, which was terribly awkward when things went crashingly wrong...

go buy a cute girl in the park an ice cream. much less dangerous.

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 9 August 2004 09:49 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.signalbox.org/gallery/w/readingmlwest.htm

(sorry!)

― koogs (koogs), Monday, 9 August 2004 09:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Our office 'secret couple' have just been moved to desks directly opposite one another by an unknowing office manager. They seem to be really happy with it but they are disastrously conflicting people and if an when it goes wrong I can imagine their work life will be horrific.

I misread the signals badly with a girl I work with a few months back. Almost all the signals mentioned above were present, difference is they were affected in this case. It all collapsed and went very badly wrong, and even going into work was hell for weeks afterwards. Seriously, don't do it, unless you are planning on getting out of that job in the very near future.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 9 August 2004 10:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Better to leave it as a cutesy thing to romanticise whilst at work prob cochise

― Andrew Blood Thames (Andrew Thames), Monday, 9 August 2004 10:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Alternatively, just assume every woman fancies you and therefore you won't have to go fannying around with ambiguous body language in the first place. Plus it will make rejection easier to handle if it does occur.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 9 August 2004 10:41 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah it's much more fun to read the body languages the boys are making to you instead! you can be all like aww all these boys love me but shame i'm not gay!

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 9 August 2004 10:42 (twenty-one years ago)

You're all quite right of course. Could be a hugely damaging affair all round. Pity I can't snap myself out of it. She texts me too BTW - outside of working hours. What does THAT mean?

― Jed T, Monday, 9 August 2004 11:32 (twenty-one years ago)

She likes texting? She's a chick?

― Andrew Blood Thames (Andrew Thames), Monday, 9 August 2004 11:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Is that odd?

― Jed T, Monday, 9 August 2004 12:28 (twenty-one years ago)

sounds a lot like my ill-fated office romance. we started out with sitting near each other at office events, then started emailing all day, then texting outside of work, then hanging out outside of work and then...TROUBLE! (i blame ILX. his busted dance at club FT was just too cute.)

yes, she's possibly interested in you. and maybe it could work. but just be very careful. especially if you're sensitive and wouldn't be ok sitting in a room with your ex (and possibly hearing her on the phone with a new boy, etc) or other things like that for 7 or 8 hours a day.

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 9 August 2004 12:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Blimey this is helpful.

Alright then, so how can I get her to reveal her feelings without incriminating myself?

― Jed T, Monday, 9 August 2004 12:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Get her drunk.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 9 August 2004 12:56 (twenty-one years ago)

otm

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:02 (twenty-one years ago)

sadly, this advice is sound. invite her to the pub after work on a thursday. get drunk together. ideally, end up dancing. it'll all come out in the dancing.

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I was under the impression that you were gay.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:04 (twenty-one years ago)

drunk is the universal language

― dyson (dyson), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Well done Colette it looks like you are the first person to suggest actually conversing with the "target"!

― Davel (Davel), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:05 (twenty-one years ago)

thanks. us crazy americans...so bold!

(i did figure that they already talk, if they're actually texting they must have talked to exchange numbers, right?)

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Well that will teach me to read properly in future! But I think you've got the right idea after work drinks are always a good idea!

― Davel (Davel), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:13 (twenty-one years ago)

also colette only mentioned drinking and dancing!!! so Jed T could still potentially stay silent and have a no talk all action evening.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:16 (twenty-one years ago)

An evening of Mime?

― Davel (Davel), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:17 (twenty-one years ago)

if you're into that kind of thing... or just snogging.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:17 (twenty-one years ago)

miming date = dealbreaker

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Dancing: a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

You know, that phrase used to be emblazoned on the wall of a club in Brighton. Like, do you want to make it any MORE obvious that your venue is just a glorified knocking shop???

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:20 (twenty-one years ago)

haha, they can call it "HARDIX" i guess!!

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:21 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't understand? I though that Ladies loved men who mime?

― Davel (Davel), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:22 (twenty-one years ago)

...and if dancing is not an option?

BTW, of course we talk! What could I ask her to glean something useful?

― Jed T, Monday, 9 August 2004 13:22 (twenty-one years ago)

'Excuse me, do you have a boyfriend?'

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:24 (twenty-one years ago)

"Are you an only child and do you have aged parents?"

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:25 (twenty-one years ago)

She isn't single, just unhappy.

― Jed T, Monday, 9 August 2004 13:27 (twenty-one years ago)

"My dear lady, could I tempt you to some intercourse?"

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh blimey. Even more of a minefield then. I'd limit it to flirting, IIWY.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:29 (twenty-one years ago)

jed, seriously, is it possible to get a crush on someone else? not only a co-worker, but a co-worker in an unhappy relationship? this is like the worst possible scenario. seriously.

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Think you might be right. This is wrong on so many levels. But I'd still like to know how she feels before I give up completely.

What a doofus!

― Jed T, Monday, 9 August 2004 13:37 (twenty-one years ago)

If she's very unhappy, I think "what she feels" at this point, especially with regard to guys she spends a lot of time around, is not going to be exactly rational, nor is it really a reflection of what she's going to feel if something DOES happen between you. Even if she does have a thing for you it might be best to steer clear.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:39 (twenty-one years ago)

"What are your hobbies?"

― dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:39 (twenty-one years ago)

"So, your fella then - whass'e like?"

― dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Excuse me, but if I can tell you *anything* about this ... please do NOT get involved with someone who is already in a relationship but "unhappy". That way madness lies, for all involved, and I am speaking from hard painful experience of being on the other side of that scenario right now. Just don't do it. If they're unhappy, wait for them to break up first.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Seconded, very much so.

― Archel (Archel), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:42 (twenty-one years ago)

...then wait a good 6 months at least.

― dog latin (dog latin), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:42 (twenty-one years ago)

matt is right-- the answers she gives you are going to be changed because of the sitation. if it were me, i'd probably say 'look, i fancy you, but don't think anything should happen because of this and this but just wanted you to know and was curious about how you feel' but i'm an idiot and that only ever gets me into trouble, so i don't suggest it.

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 9 August 2004 13:43 (twenty-one years ago)

jed, seriously, is it possible to get a crush on someone else? not only a co-worker, but a co-worker in an unhappy relationship? this is like the worst possible scenario. seriously.
-- colette (a2lett...), August 9th, 2004 2:29 PM. (later)

i shouldn't be encouraging it but it's working out okay for my flatmate just now.

― google me not, Monday, 9 August 2004 13:44 (twenty-one years ago)

What sort of unhappy relationship does she have? A casual boyfriend or a psychopathic husband?

She might genuinely like you, or she might just want attention because she's not getting it from elsewhere. I think you might end up being hurt :(

― C J (C J), Monday, 9 August 2004 15:08 (twenty-one years ago)

If she makes eye contact, keeps eye contact without smiling, and then looks off into the distance, thousand yard stare style, that's aggressive eye contact.

Oh no!

'framing' (where people subconsciously place their hands drawing attention to genitals-- more often done by guys with hand/pocket placement

OH NO!

― Fergal (Ferg), Monday, 9 August 2004 17:15 (twenty-one years ago)

OH NO

― Red Panda Sanskrit (ex machina), Monday, 9 August 2004 17:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I have a good book at work called "Bodily Communication", I read it often, I must scan the page where they show what different facial expressions mean - is funny. Like compliments, I'm phased by eye contact, God, I am useless.

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 9 August 2004 17:46 (twenty-one years ago)

"please do NOT get involved with someone who is already in a relationship but "unhappy". That way madness lies, for all involved, and I am speaking from hard painful experience of being on the other side of that scenario right now. Just don't do it. If they're unhappy, wait for them to break up first"

YES YES YES. I have an 'office relationship' and that's lovely, as long as you try not to talk about work at home and home at work. But never get involved with the involved and unhappy.

― isadora (isadora), Monday, 9 August 2004 19:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe OT but a bartender friend of mine noticed that patrons will tend to order what's on the bar, so soon everyone in the place is drinking the same thing. I've also noticed that people sitting next to each other on the subway will hold their legs in the same fashion. I'm not convinced that body language means much more than "humans wanna be like each other."--emergence or somthin.

― sexyDancer, Monday, 9 August 2004 20:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks for all this guys. Will keep you posted on how it all works out.

― Jed T, Tuesday, 10 August 2004 06:42 (twenty-one years ago)

three years pass...

i went out with a girl the other day who said she wasnt sure if she had time for a bf at the moment cos of work, her evening classes, gym etc, which i took to mean she probably wasnt interested. which might not be right. i dont know. we did seem to get on really well and she did ask loads of questions, but that might just be cos she didnt want there to be silence. im not sure. and she played with her hair too. but that might just be nerves lol. shit, i played with mine.

― mr x, Wednesday, 4 June 2008 13:26 (seventeen years ago)

dude, she just said that stuff to preclude any painful 'sorry i can't see you anymore' talks if she decided she didn't like you. it's called 'planning for every event'.

― Rubyredd, Wednesday, 4 June 2008 13:33 (seventeen years ago)

Not having time for a significant other is not necessarily mutually exclusive to being interested. Tell her that you'd like to see her again, but tell her that it can be a totally casual thing. Assuming you're interested in that. If she declines, she's probably not interested.

At any rate, keep things casual and don't let your expectations exceed reality. It's clear that she's a little allergic to commiting to anything right now, for whatever reason, so as long as you steer clear of pushing her in that direction, things may go well.

― Deric W. Haircare, Wednesday, 4 June 2008 13:36 (seventeen years ago)

thing is, i dont want to say all that 'it can be a totally casual thing' stuff when weve only met once. was just going to ask her out again and see what happens. but i definitely dont want to be all heavy handed (and i dont really want anything super serious right now either). she did say shes always been with a partner so is finding it weird without one but thinks she probably needs to do it. make of that what you will.

― mr x, Wednesday, 4 June 2008 13:40 (seventeen years ago)

no, it seems my initial suspicion was right.

― mr x, Thursday, 5 June 2008 18:52 (seventeen years ago)

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