Which football manager would you bring in to sort your love life out?

"women don't appreciate it when you call them an effin' double-u and an effin' c"

Steve McClaren! I can't believe I started this thread with fucking Steve McClaren.

to be fair those Dutch are quite kinky

mourinho is still the man for the job. he can bring the glory days back

why not roy? reads books, pleasant demeanour, multilingual, avuncular...

i dont think the cupla focal on gift grub counts as multilingual tbh

mourinho would nick any girl worth having

wenger would repeatedly hook you up with the same girl

nah he'd almost hook you up with the most beautiful girl in the bar, but would take great credit in even getting you that far.

103. Thanks to US ringtone sensation Soulja Boy, the hot new slang amongst American teens is "Paul Jewell that ho", an act involving taking a girl out to a pleasant meal at Pizza Express.

― Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 5 February 2008 12:36 (2 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Tony Pulis, if it was all going bad he'd just take his clothes off and headbutt someone.

The problem with Roy is that he would keep convincing you that you were doing a great job with that girl by the bar even if every single other person in the room including the girl could see you were being desperate, drunken and a bit creepy.

thought you'd go with the Lillestrøm manager tbh xp

wenger would repeatedly hook you up with the same girl

You'd then have a five-year period of enforced celibacy while he used his bare hands to build you a penthouse for you to continue not having sex in.

http://england.worldcupblog.org/files/2009/02/rain-mcclaren.jpg

Making it rain on you ho's.

Would go for Guardiola over Mourinho these days but it's a close call.

The missus thinks a little too much of both of those guys, not sure I'd want them getting involved.

Joachim Low then.

Rafa Benitez would hook you up with a beautiful model on the first night, then tell you your performance sexually was appalling and you were a pathetic loser. Then he would proceed to start a campaign against your parents, your employers, and your friends, alleging they were the ones at fault for you being single.

haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

and tbf gerard houllier laid all the groundwork for that model anyway

Roy Evans would let you shag his daughter.

Phil Brown would let himself shag your daughter

Phil Brown is surely the worst possible answer to this question.

Sammy Lee.

Houllier would concentrate on keeping all the friends you could potentially date at all costs, micromanaging everything you say and do to ensure you didn't lose any precious friends. You'd never meet anyone new and he wouldn't let you go to any new places in case you lost existing friends.

bryan robson would get drunk and not bother to fuck with your and your fucking girl problems. you would die single. bryan robson would somehow get hired again.

David Moyes: Strong, dependable, always looking to go down at the start of things.

Moyes manages to get you a date with a Hollywood actress at your local KFC.

Need to go for Wenger - you'll be scoring all the time and not just directly cunting it into the top corner but with poise, finesse, skill and imagination.

If your wife ever thought you were cheating he'd be all "I didn't see anything".

He'd also pay off your overdraft and build you a new house.

Phil Brown would let himself shag your daughter

― Inspector Anthony Slade, Monday, 25 October 2010 14:37 (2 hours ago)

this is kinda worrying given i) phil brown's penchant for speaking about himself in the third person, ii) the likelihood that phil brown spends his days watching detective serials and reading internet forums & iii) the average age of ilx posters

The thought of your teenage daughter bringing home an aging unemployed Phil Brown is horrifying.

http://crabfootball.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/phil20brown202.jpg

not just directly cunting it into the top corner

tbh I've had much success with the women through suggesting this very practice.

Rafa Benitez would hook you up with a beautiful model on the first night, then tell you your performance sexually was appalling and you were a pathetic loser. Then he would proceed to start a campaign against your parents, your employers, and your friends, alleging they were the ones at fault for you being single.

― I see what this is (Local Garda), Monday, October 25, 2010 12:09 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

cupla focal on gift grub

i think darragh turned into stanley unwin for half a sentence.

At this moment in time I need mourinho. Ruthless decisions must be made if I'm ever to return to the Champions League.

Lol I've posted this several times already

the cupla focal on gift grub isn't a rud nua or anything

England managers would all be dreadful at this, but in completely different ways.

el tel prob the most chivvying up of presences

he'd have you kitted out with petrol station flowers in no time, but she'd be no lady

trap would pull out an excavated corpse of indeterminate gender and lose the head at you when you meekly opined that maybe you could have done better without him

gonna get carlos queiroz to acquire me a £10k 'escort girl' who turns out to be a wheelie bin.

I'm definitely getting Daniel Levy to sort out the prenup

seems like a smart idea until you realise he owns the rights to yer firstborn

great i've got 40% of your future income, but what exactly am i supposed to do with a josé maría callejón?

Sparky Hughes would be your man if you were caught in a particularly dry spell. He'd just encourage you to take it any way and any how you could get it, irrespective of the cost

I think sensibly I'd need Steve Bruce or Steve McLaren - someone who can help me give less away and hold onto a lead. But because I'm bigger than that, and also an optimist, I think I'd go for Jacques Santini. Also because I am a fool.

Now your turn.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 9 August 2004 12:58 (8 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this post is beyond incredible

but then once you reach the bedroom you'll find yourself aimlessly staring at your paramour, hoping that things will work themselves out. xp

This thread was started after a big im conversation, I recall.