Quick! You Are Starting A Religion! What Is It Like & What Is It Called?

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I couldn't find a thread like this. Don't sue me if there is one. Inspired by the Jews For Jesus thread.

Anyway, all I know for sure is that my bible will be called The Book Of Hey/Ya! and it will feature dragons, robots, and aliens. Kinda like Scientology, I guess, but more like a really good episode of Buffy The Vampire Slayer.

Oh, and it's called Crunk'a'Hai'Do^h.

(oh, and it would be hedonistic and arts-based and you wouldn't go to hell when you died if you were bad, you would just go to sleep forever and have dreams where you never quite get to have hot sex.)

― scott seward (scott seward), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 16:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Mine will be called "wai tow tai tow tai taiko" and will be similar to buddhism except no beastie boys members will be allowed anywhere near it.

― gygax! (gygax!), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 16:20 (twenty-two years ago)

JUDYISM

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 16:21 (twenty-two years ago)

mine will be called "ilx" and the phrase "turn back you poxy fule" will cause jonestown-like mass suicides

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 16:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Mine is "The Church of Not Eating Tomato". Largely designed to make my extreme hatred of tomatoes a RELIGIOUS ISSUE THAT MUST BE ACCOMMODATED rather than a manifestation of being a picky git which in turn gives me the right to kick up a stink when I get given one when I specifically ask to have it left off.

― edward o (edwardo), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 16:25 (twenty-two years ago)

My cult will be called Church of the Brothers and Sisters of the Latrine. The cult will worship the modern flushing toilet. During a regular church service (held on tuesdays) they will feed money into the sacrificial bowl and it will be flushed into a special tank where it will be cleaned, dried and sent to my bank acount.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 16:26 (twenty-two years ago)

It'd be a hippy panthiest, God is in all things polemic. We'd do a bit of tree hugging and rambling, and have the odd tea party, well a lot of tea parties. Get a bit misty eyed when we think about the vastness of the universe. We'd probably nick "be excellent to each other" as one of our motto's. There may be a slight ascetic edge to it all, but that wouldn't stop us owning way too many records. Love the life that you have, and etc.

I don't think I'd give it a name.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 16:29 (twenty-two years ago)

(opps perhaps I took this too seriously)

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 16:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, I forgot to mention that. All church functions and services will be forbidden on Sunday so that nobody misses anything good on H.B.O.

And the holy trinity would be beer/ice cream/b-b-q.

― scott seward (scott seward), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 16:31 (twenty-two years ago)

my religion declares a fatwa against all adherants of edward o's religion. tomatoes are holy; you will be cast into the abyss of watching "the abyss" for all time

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 16:35 (twenty-two years ago)

you will question your devotion to the tomato when my religion's followers bury you alive in them and your attempt to eat your way to freedom fails miserably.

― edward o (edwardo), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 16:37 (twenty-two years ago)

My religion will replace those stale wafers with Oreos and icky wine with milk.
And instead of worshipping God, we'll worship mommy.

― Huck, Tuesday, 10 August 2004 16:38 (twenty-two years ago)

And it will be called "Unhealthy Fixationism"

― Huck, Tuesday, 10 August 2004 16:38 (twenty-two years ago)

"The UnChurch of Omnipresent Pohhuism"

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 16:41 (twenty-two years ago)

It's a michaelian form of caesaropapism and I'll just wing it like i always do. TOMATOES ARE DIVINE!!! (But only in season.)

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 17:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd just like to resurrect the cult of Mithras

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 17:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Nedism.

Its belief: "Heavens! Don't get killed NOW."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 17:32 (twenty-two years ago)

jocelyn, that's a bunch of bull.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 17:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I just wanna convert to scientology so I can t on scientologist babe's ts.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 17:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Tease? Tiddle? Twink?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 17:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Toss?

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 17:40 (twenty-two years ago)

TWEAK!

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 17:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Secular Fundamentalism

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 17:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Lickular Vulvamentalism

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 17:45 (twenty-two years ago)

ha ha d'oh; Elrond Hubbard got me all mispelling shit

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 17:47 (twenty-two years ago)

http://jeff.hume.ca/images/post_images/elrond.jpg

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 17:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I made up my own religion when I was about 8 and grappling with religious issues -- I decided that this world is someone's dream and when we dream at night we create other parallel worlds. I guess maybe it'd be called Zzzzzzz.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 18:29 (twenty-two years ago)

It sounds like a snorefest, Maria. Where's the pie?

― scott seward (scott seward), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 18:33 (twenty-two years ago)

At the time I was dreaming a lot about cake and candy corn. Other worlds had it made!

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Tuesday, 10 August 2004 18:58 (twenty-two years ago)

My husband and I used to talk a lot about forming a church for tax purposes. It was going to be called the Church of Holy Fucking.

― Christine 'Green Leafy Dragon' Indigo (cindigo), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 03:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Secular Fundamentalism
-- Spencer Chow (spencercho...), August 10th, 2004.

http://www.csicop.org/people/kurtz.jpg

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 03:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Yay Mr. Kurtz!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 03:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Custology.
It'll be like Scientology, except:
1) The self-help book will be a 3 page pamphlet
2) the e-meters will have stun, kill and disintigrate as legitimate settings and
3) Note to all Popes, Pastors and Imam: I'm the only one who has been "Saved"; all the rest of y'all are fucked. Also, Everyone else is a heretic except me.
4) BOW DOWN BEFORE MY AUGUST GLORY! COME! KNEEL BEFORE CUSTOS!

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Sunday, 15 August 2004 04:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I would like to join your church now please Mr Custos. Please hook me up to the e-meter and set it to disintegrate.

― Bryan (Bryan), Sunday, 15 August 2004 04:49 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

It would be one where all religious dogma is banned. And mushrooms, anchovies and country music. Also, substituting "sparkling wine" for CHAMPAGNE would not be compulsory.

― saleXander / sophie (salexander), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 03:36 (twenty years ago)

Church of Your F***ing One Thousand

If you spend your life aiming to compile a perfect list of one thousand good things, you would be more appreciative of the wonderful things around you and you would probabaly implement positive change in your life and the lives of others. Plus, it would be fun.

― rainy (rainy), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 05:14 (twenty years ago)

"jodyism" sounds like a self-help book.

― astor riviera (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 10:47 (twenty years ago)

Church of Go Home.

Baptism is a smack across the face, with the incantation "Think, you idiot."

― when something smacks of something (dave225.3), Wednesday, 19 October 2005 11:00 (twenty years ago)

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