Work people who don't talk to you

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Are they rude, shy, or do they just not like you?

There's this one girl who has said absolutely nothing to me since I started, and I say hello or good morning almost all the time.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Most of them don't like me.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

I get this at work, but only from upper management. I still think they're stuck-up. I know what they do in upper management, and it ain't much to be proud of.

― Harold Media (kenan), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

I am this guy. I don't talk about anything nonworkrelated to anyone at my work. I just don't have anything to say to any of them.

― na (Nick A.), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:03 (twenty-one years ago)

If you do say hello or good morning to them I think it has to do with rudeness or dislike. Most shy people will at least say hello or good morning.

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I would say it's normally just general work awkwardness, where someone has to break the ice. But if you've tried and she hasn't responded in kind, then it's just rude.

most people i've worked with have been nice, but others, it's like pulling teeth just trying to get them to smile.

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:03 (twenty-one years ago)

this girl is on the same "level" as me. I don't get it. do I keep saying hello, and act more politely because hey why be impolite on someone elses account, or do I say nothing from now on?

(my friend says she is very friendly and chatty with him)

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:04 (twenty-one years ago)

They hate you.

― andy, Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Why does it matter if she doesn't want to talk to you?

― na (Nick A.), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:06 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe she's secretly in love with you!

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:06 (twenty-one years ago)

So she doesn't even respond to your hellos?

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:07 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe she's secretly in love with you!

in my experience, when a girl won't talk to you, it almost always means, "Let's do it in the supply room."

― Harold Media (kenan), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:08 (twenty-one years ago)

that's what my friend said lauren. I doubt it though.

and yeah it probably shouldn't matter, normally I wouldn't care but I like most people at this job and talk to them so it just seems odd.

it's not a major issue it's just sort of weird. I think she may make some noise in response to my "hellos" sometimes. If so it's not clear though.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I try to be nice to the people I work with pretty much all the time, despite the fact that I hate working here.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:09 (twenty-one years ago)

she's just a cow.

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:14 (twenty-one years ago)

that's what I reckon. I was shocked to hear my friend say she's nice and chatty though.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe it's the music I play.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

not responding to hellos with hellos is undoubtedly rude.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:16 (twenty-one years ago)

nah, i dunno is she one of these "cool" people? people who think it's cool to be distant and blank? the curse of our generation. That shit's not been cool since Edie Sedgewick popped her clogs but they're all such assholes they don't realise it's cool to be friendly.

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:16 (twenty-one years ago)

she could be, the only other thing I thought is maybe some of the clothes shop floor staff resent us cos we sit behind the counter playing records all day. all the others are nice though.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:19 (twenty-one years ago)

i always look forward to your contributions, jed. i mean that totally 100% sincerely!

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:21 (twenty-one years ago)

WOW, that has cheered me up. Thankyou.

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:22 (twenty-one years ago)

lauren otm.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I generally never used to talk to my work colleagues if I didn't have to, to save myself from accidentally slagging them off for being annoying/stupid. Getting a new job has helped this a lot.

Not that I think this is what this girl is doing to Ronan.

― ailsa (ailsa), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe she wants you to fuck her in the stationary cupboard, Ronan, but is too shy to ask?

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Ronan is not the sort of guy girls want to fuck in the stationary cupboard.

― Ronan's mum (Ronan), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:27 (twenty-one years ago)

What about in a moving cupboard < /spelling pedant>

― ailsa (ailsa), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah maybe she is totally flustered by your good looks and natural effervescence, and the vague noises she makes in response to your greetings is all she can muster.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd say she dates guys who are more angular than me.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:29 (twenty-one years ago)

You never know, Ronan's mum. Seriously. I always thought I wasn't. And come to think of it I still do.

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:29 (twenty-one years ago)

This is only a small office and the other people have been here a while so they are cliquey and pretty much don't talk to me. Which is fine, but I could do without all the passive-agressive bullshit that comes with it.

Anyway...

― adam. (nordicskilla), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Have you tried that thing where you cough and say "whore!" at the same time?

― Harold Media (kenan), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:40 (twenty-one years ago)

i work with people like this everywhere I've worked. some of them that I work with now are still like this, even though I've been here a year and worked here from 2000-2002. for a while I worked somewhere that employed a lot of russian immigrants and there were a few who would NOT speak to me or really anyone who wasn't russian. Even the woman I helped catch when she fainted at work from not eating for days and smoking 500 cigarettes never talked to me again after I picked her boney ass up off the floor.

― kyle (akmonday), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I hate that so much adam.

When I was in the bank it was a bit like that, and the worst part was sometimes certain people would act in a manner which suggested they knew it was a clique you were excluded from. I didn't care except one or two people would attempt to make you care, I spent most of the time just thinking "I don't care about anything that happens until I walk out the door today".

x-post-not yet Harold, you see I am an optimist, sometimes, and I think maybe she might be ok. on Monday I was leaving and she was the only one there and I had to wait for a minute for some reason, and there was an awkward silence where she sighed in that "long day at work" signifier way, I thought maybe a conversation could have started but then it was time for me to leave so I left.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:42 (twenty-one years ago)

she definatley has the hotts for you!

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:56 (twenty-one years ago)

no as I said, she is too sharp for me.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah, but perhaps that is what she thinks of you also! Didn't Shakespeare do something like this once?

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 20:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, but he didn't play records.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 21:02 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe she's a lurker

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 21:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I wish I had more coworkers who didn't talk. Usually, it's the opposite and they want to talk all the time.

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 21:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I wish I had more coworkers who didn't talk. Usually, it's the opposite and they want to talk all the time.

-- Elvis Telecom

Coworkers, nothing. That's true of houseguests, passersby, etc.... hell... a lot of people.

― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 21:16 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm usually the co-worker who doesn't talk. i just don't know what to say to people half the time.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 21:30 (twenty-one years ago)

i try to keep my mouth shut in front of my coworkers because i want to maintain some illusion of being "normal" and whatever i could say would expose me as a fraud.

coworker 1: "hey, you ever try LSD?"
coworker 2: "naw, that stuff fucks your brain up. hey [coworker 3], you ever try it?"
coworker 3: "naw, fuck that hippie shit."
me: *says nothing*

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 22:01 (twenty-one years ago)

That's really weird, Ronan. Doesn't hurt anyone to just say hi back.

At my job, they (meaning two people, not most of them) definitely don't like me. One of them actually sounds annoyed whenever I talk to her or she says something to me, like "okay let's get this over with".

― Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 22:10 (twenty-one years ago)

At work I'm slightly tragic (in a different way from on ILX, okay) as I'm quite quiet but dearly want everyone to like me. I get totally tongue tied and must seem really dull. Aaargh.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 22:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Aw bless.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 22:49 (twenty-one years ago)

hey Ronan just ask her out man (not that I would)

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 22:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Just grab her and dance a few steps, then kiss her passionately. At least after that you'll know why she doesn't speak to you.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 23:11 (twenty-one years ago)

i don't think we have established whether he even fancies her or not, have we?

xpost

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 23:16 (twenty-one years ago)

clearly he does: why else would he mind so much?

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 23:17 (twenty-one years ago)

she sounds hot

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 23:23 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe she thinks you're trying too hard.

don't say hi to her one day, and watch her begging for it.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 23:23 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe yr right kevin. the thought HAD crossed my mind.

― jed_ (jed), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 23:30 (twenty-one years ago)

stevem OTHAHAM

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 12 August 2004 03:26 (twenty-one years ago)

On the ham?

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 12 August 2004 05:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I've been there. It's rough, lemme tell ya. There are support groups, though.

― Harold Media (kenan), Thursday, 12 August 2004 05:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't fancy her! She's quite pretty but I don't fancy her. I fancy others at work. not seriously though. I have a bigger crush at the moment.

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 12 August 2004 06:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Spunk on her face next time you see her.

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Thursday, 12 August 2004 06:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Ronan, these girls are clearly organised into Good Cops and Bad Cops. In the garda sense, not the feel-up sense, but then again...

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 12 August 2004 06:54 (twenty-one years ago)

there are 350 people here in the most open plan of open plan offices imaginable. It would be impossible to get to know all of them.

― MarkH (MarkH), Thursday, 12 August 2004 06:56 (twenty-one years ago)

a) she's scared of you
b) she just doesn't like you
c) she thinks she IS responding to you and doesn't realise she is just muttering or whatever

I am not really a big work talker, but I am at least polite I like to think. Sometimes people start conversations with me about books or music, because they know that errr, I read books and listen to music. But half the time I don't know or care what they're talking about and it's hard to hide it. It's not conversation in general I can't do, but it's when someone starts by saying 'oh, this will interest you...' that my heart sinks.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 12 August 2004 07:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I tend to look at the kind of conversation Archel describes as a positive light. Ok, so I'm not always interested in what everyone has to say all the time, but if these ppl didn't stop me and talk then I'd be working flat out all the time and not taking any breaks, which I know is bad for me.

― MarkH (MarkH), Thursday, 12 August 2004 07:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe she just doesn't like the way you have just walked into this office and think everyone should be friends with you?

(her thought process, perhaps)

― ___ (___), Thursday, 12 August 2004 07:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Heh, maybe I am much more grudging with my talk time because my job already includes a lot of talking to people. When I take breaks I usually like to sit on my own and get back to just being. I am probably regarded as an anti-social freak, but it keeps me sane.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 12 August 2004 07:33 (twenty-one years ago)

It's hardly over-friendly or arrogant to say 'good morning' and expect people to respond though,is it?

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 12 August 2004 07:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Nearly all my co-workers are wannabe DJ's, it's beyond dull.

De La Soul were right.

― mzui, Thursday, 12 August 2004 08:09 (twenty-one years ago)

someone referred to my dept the other day as 'a place where people go to die'. so that's my excuse for not really talking much.

― ENRG, Thursday, 12 August 2004 08:16 (twenty-one years ago)

___ otm.

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 12 August 2004 08:18 (twenty-one years ago)

this usually doesnt happen to me as i'm the one who invades a new workplace, re-creates the new cliques with my outgoing-yet-also-calculating vivacious nature, and ignores the "boring" ones - but last workplace, there was a chick who stopped talking to me after she had had lunch with me. she hated 95% of the entire office though, even the guy who'd bake cookies every day and hand them out to everyone (but esp her). so i wasnt surprised to learn she eventually quit b4 she got fired - but typically, the people who don't talk to you when you're aware that the _do_ talk to other people they may not know for any greater time than U - probably don't like you. the totally silent lusting after you while being rude to you thing only happens in p0rn0s and Gear threads.

the melodramatic solution: you should just ignore her from now on, but make it a point to go out of your way to talk to everyone else around her. for example, if she's sitting with two other people, make sure you go up to them, say hi to the other two - but not her. this will alienate her and make her feel a bit miffed, and might provoke some sort of acknowledgment ultimately. i've done this before too and it can give interesting results - it's a psychological-game thing, and you have to play it like you don't care if you win. just imagine yourself in your fave soap opera, and carry on with glee - she doesn't exist from now on. have fun with it!

― Vic (Vic), Thursday, 12 August 2004 08:24 (twenty-one years ago)

hmm. i work in two different offices. my main job has only about 15 people in the whole company, and at least 3 are friends as well as co-workers. i can sit around and chat with most of them (although i obviously like some more than others)

my other job is in an open-plan office of about 40 people in a building with hundreds. i get painfully shy when i walk in there, and there are several people that i'm sure think i'm a total bitch because i've never said more than a mumbled 'hi' or 'bye' (that is said so quietly that they probably can't hear it, only see my mouth move). so it's possible that she really is that shy with most people-- i only end up talking to the one guy that i knew from my other job, everyone else scares me. (oh, also because they're evil civil servants)

― colette (a2lette), Thursday, 12 August 2004 08:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I am slowly turning into one of those people, and I don't like it. I used to be one of the most sociable people in my office, but now the general pervading climate of the office has thrown me into a state where I just can't be bothered to talk to some of the people here beyond the occasional hello or good morning. As soon as I leave the room I become a rational and well-adjusted human being again.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 12 August 2004 10:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't talk to anyone in my department. They all drive me nuts.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 12 August 2004 10:18 (twenty-one years ago)

There's a girl at work who's always walking by and quite often I catch her eye and feel embarrassed (I'm sitting and she's walking). I have had the odd conversation with her, usually chipping in when others are talking to her, but I've got this thing in my mind that she thinks I'm weird. I fancy her like hell, if that helps at all.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 12 August 2004 10:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I wish there were girls at my work.

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Thursday, 12 August 2004 10:24 (twenty-one years ago)

you should come and work here, there's loads.

― MarkH (MarkH), Thursday, 12 August 2004 10:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Indeed - take the two sat next to me. please.

― ___ (___), Thursday, 12 August 2004 10:38 (twenty-one years ago)

hmmm, work is strange, I guess I don't talk to a whole load of people. I don't mean to be rude, it's just that I only see them in the corridor or the photocopy room, I'll mumble a "hello" and that's all. If they actually come into the library I'll be chatty as hell. Hmmm...

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't talk to anyone at work.
Sometimes, when I run into them outside of work, I'm all, "Hey dude, what's happening?" and all that jive turkey, and then I feel shitty, because I know that once we're at work again, I'm gonna shun them like the fourth of july.

― Huck, Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe she just doesn't like the way you have just walked into this office and think everyone should be friends with you?
(her thought process, perhaps)

I've been in the job for 2 months so this doesn't really apply. Anyway she said hello today!!!

___ otm

Oh and I'm not sure what that catty aside was in aid of Ken but it probably was funnier than the 4000 dick jokes you post per week so maybe I can let it slide.

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 12 August 2004 16:04 (twenty-one years ago)

also we had a joke at the morning meeting. I think maybe I had made a thing about it in my head, like Alba and the girl he fancies who now thinks he's weird.

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 12 August 2004 16:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I talk very little at work because: I don't like to talk about my personal life at work (after regreting it repeatedly); I don't like to talk about politics or religion (or "worldview" or whatever) at work either, since it creates too much friction; and I have very little or no interest in a number of standard conversation topics (sports--none, pop culture--little).

I do talk to some people because I've been hear for ten years and already have established relationships with certain people.

Of course, I always respond to hellos or good mornings or the like. Unfortunately, my responses are sometimes so quiet that people don't hear me, and then think I have ignored them.

― Rockist_Scientist (rockist_scientist), Thursday, 12 August 2004 16:34 (twenty-one years ago)