people who force you to talk to them/interact with them

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sorry i have to start this thread.

i guess i can be a but unsocialable at times, esp at the office and other not-social environments, but there are times when i just you know, am too tired/too preoccupied to talk to anyone.

and now i'm reading all these threads about how rude it is not to respond properly to people when they talk to you, esp after repeated attempts at making interaction. and i get all paranoid. gosh! everyone at work must think i'm dead unsocialable or something!

i just felt the need to turn the table around, like, is it not rude to talk to people and EXPECT a response?? like, imagine you just woke up and you got to the office everyone in your office are talking to you about stuff, and expect you to answer them back with ultra thoughtful replies.. wouldn't that feel awful?

there are times when people need quietness and alone times. some more than others. talking uses energy too! esp when trying to be tactful. am i the only person here who feels that way?

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

You just need some headphones.

― Harold Media (kenan), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I think ILX has both benefitted and damaged my social conduct offline

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Leave cryptic away messages on AIM

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:55 (twenty-one years ago)

It depends on the situation. There are some situations (work for example) when I am *not* there to socialise, I'm there to get a job done. And in that situation, other people have to be able to respect the fact that sometimes I want to not have to talk. That's what headphones are for.

Socially... I don't know. I try not to go out if I'm not in the mood for conversation. This was quite a problem, though, in my relationship with Joe. There were many times that I had to go out with him to some social function or other, when I did *not* feel like being social, and I found that very difficult. I'm sure that I was "hard work" at those times.

In a relationship, it can be very hard to maintain that balance. One of Joe's biggest complaints was that he didn't get "enough time alone" but then again, he wouldn't allow me time alone, either. If I went into the bedroom to be by myself and read a book or something, he would invariably come in and bug me, and then get upset with me because I didn't want to talk, and then claim that he wasn't getting time alone. Well, stay in your bloody office, then!

God, this is just upsetting me, I need to stop.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Thursday, 12 August 2004 14:58 (twenty-one years ago)

i think im hard work for my girlfriend sometimes with her friends. but thats just cos theyre a bit of a hard to penetrate bunch too.

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:00 (twenty-one years ago)

The 'time alone' question is one of my big bugaboos -- trusting oneself not to have that be my constant fallback mode at the expense of sharing time with someone else is hard for me, but then again I really DO like my time alone! Hm...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:00 (twenty-one years ago)

But then again, the number of times that I took him to FAPs and the like, and *he* just wouldn't talk to anyone... christ! He eventually just stopped going. There was no balance in that relationship.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:01 (twenty-one years ago)

i think im hard work for my girlfriend sometimes with her friends. but thats just cos theyre a bit of a hard to penetrate bunch too.

if i were your gf i'd have dumped you for even trying!!!!

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Not that I don't want to make you dwell on the situation if you'd not like to, Kate, but the couple of times I met Joe he seemed talkative enough, but then again that week was a bit of a (very fun!) blur.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, yeah, I guess I was talking about what happened later on in our relationship. He (as I) was always better in smaller groups, rather than en masse FAPs.

We really did *BOTH* just need more time alone, but neither of us was willing to do what the other one wanted in order to get it.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:04 (twenty-one years ago)

it just wasnt courteous when they insisted on wearing chastity belts, ken.

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Sometimes you can look at a person and see they want to be left alone. There are lots of people who are so oblivious to everything but themselves that they don't stop to gauge the other person's mood before assaulting them with conversation.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I liked talking to him (as well as you) at FAPS SMBH, fwiw - but it's hard for most people to fit into those social things when they only really know one other person there.

― the neurotic awakening of s (blueski), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

ive bee told i often look like i want to be left alone. but its not always the case.

― splooge (thesplooge), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Ken, there is a considerable irony in you worrying that you don't have enough to say ;)

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:11 (twenty-one years ago)

When was the last time he came to a FAP? The last one that I can remember was December of last year. After that, he just stopped. I didn't stop being dragged to every freaking opening of an ~~envelope~~ art exhibit that he did. He said that he was burned out. I never was allowed to be burned out.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:12 (twenty-one years ago)

haha mark i guess. although it's not the not having enough to say bit really i worry about - it's just the i can't be bothered to say anything bit - ok actually i guess i'm actually rude!

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Sigh. I said that I wasn't going to talk about this any more. And here I am, unable to stop talking about him.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:15 (twenty-one years ago)

i meant to post this on that other thread, but may as well here -- I've heard people say a rough guideline of half-again as long as your relationship to get over someone. Obviously every situation is different. It made me feel better to hear that though when I was still fucked up 3 years after a 7-year relationship.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 12 August 2004 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

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