A thread with a total lack of sexual discretion

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Let's begin here:

http://www.importforum.com/public_pics/Alexies_Thorpe_11.jpg

and work backwords. Maybe we should mark this "not work safe" from the get go.

― Harold Media (kenan), Sunday, 22 August 2004 08:37 (twenty-one years ago)

And this will be unlike other threads how?

― newbie, Sunday, 22 August 2004 08:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I accidently got come on my shorts night before last. How's that?

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 22 August 2004 08:44 (twenty-one years ago)

fuck!

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Sunday, 22 August 2004 08:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I accidently got come on my shorts night before last.

Oh, I've done that lots, but not noticing before you leave the house is a real problem. Where did you go?

― Harold Media (kenan), Sunday, 22 August 2004 08:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Nowhere luckily. The funny thing was that I came into a tissue and then was folding it up to throw it away and some leaked out the side onto my shorts. Got some on the floor as well.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 22 August 2004 08:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Semen is indeed a nuisance.

― Harold Media (kenan), Sunday, 22 August 2004 09:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Hey at least we don't have periods. A bloody mess, I reckon.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 22 August 2004 09:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Mmm, this porridge breakfast is tasty.

I should not read ILX in the morning.

― Sexual Air Supply (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 22 August 2004 22:06 (twenty-one years ago)

http://images.suntimes.com/images4/columnists/derogatis.jpg

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Sunday, 22 August 2004 22:12 (twenty-one years ago)

http://i.timeinc.net/ew/img/review/000421/jim_l.jpg

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Sunday, 22 August 2004 22:18 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.jimdero.com/Art/JIMGallo.jpg

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Sunday, 22 August 2004 22:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I never knew you were so open about your fantasy figures, Leon.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 22 August 2004 22:35 (twenty-one years ago)

HOTTT

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Sunday, 22 August 2004 22:36 (twenty-one years ago)

My fantasy is to emerge from a cow's ass.

http://www.suntimes.com/century/images/DEROGATIS.jpg

― Harold Media (kenan), Sunday, 22 August 2004 22:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought that was reality.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Sunday, 22 August 2004 22:41 (twenty-one years ago)

HOTTTER

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Sunday, 22 August 2004 22:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Leon is the G.O.A.T.

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 23 August 2004 00:51 (twenty-one years ago)

it is good to laugh.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 23 August 2004 01:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Don’t go in unguarded. Go ahead, tell them what they want to know, tell them your favorite band. But don’t let slip your weight.

Reveal what you most cherish and you consume a raw flank of pork. God help you – God help us all -- if you have a fondness for something vulgarly gravy-smothered, the “tasteful” or “acceptable” end of the starches, your ham or your potroast or – saints and prophets have mercy -- your fried chicken. The sneering and scorn will be scathing. You will be hurled back into the pit of the obese.

Yet throw up something more beloved, more sainted and canonized – broccoli, let’s say, or asparagus or snow peas – elevate it to your gaping maw and you will find someone ready to play the trump card of contrarianism. There is always someone prepared to melt the sacred cows down to bullion with the well-tuned phrase.

One recourse is to retreat deeper into the murky swamps of obscurantism. Trawl old street markets in Athens (Georgia or Greece will serve equally well) and learn to eat tripe and lizard. But you are risking all when you name the food that, to you, seemed unaccountably uneaten. This game is about calories now, and who can be sure you’ve got too many? Watch the saliva gleaming behind the nubby teeth as you drop the name. A flicker of hunger and the game is up for good.

― fool (kenan), Monday, 23 August 2004 01:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyone else ever accidently come in their own hair?

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 5 September 2004 00:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Explain.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Sunday, 5 September 2004 00:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Like you're laying on your back wanking and uh...shoot a little high.
I was quite drunk as well.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 5 September 2004 00:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Were you aiming anywhere specific?

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Sunday, 5 September 2004 01:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Not exactly, but it's a bit surprising when you nearly blind yourself with it. Doesn't happen every time.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 5 September 2004 01:02 (twenty-one years ago)

A friend of mine did that. He told another one of my friends, who called ANOTHER friend to tell her, but her mother picked up the phone. So excited she was about the event, she immediately spewed "OH MY GOD (friend) WAS MASTURBATING AND HE CAME IN HIS HAIR". To which the mother replied, "That's nice dear, (friend) isn't here right now, but I'll tell her you called." Completely classic.

― chrisco (chrisco), Sunday, 5 September 2004 01:20 (twenty-one years ago)

hahaha it was worth telling my story just to get that one

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 5 September 2004 01:24 (twenty-one years ago)

That story reminds me of one I once heard - possibly apochryphal - but told by the guy to whom it supposedly happened. He was a teenager, lying on his bed with music on his headphones up really loud, boxing the jesuit. He had his eyes shut. Upon finishing, he realised that there was steaming hot cup of tea and biscuits by his bed. It could only have been brought in by his mother or one of his two sisters. He never found out.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Sunday, 5 September 2004 01:28 (twenty-one years ago)

boxing the jesuit, people¡

― dysøn (dyson), Sunday, 5 September 2004 01:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyone else ever accidently come in their own hair?
Like you're laying on your back wanking and uh...shoot a little high.
I was quite drunk as well.

no, but i did hit myself in the eye while lying on my side. it stung.

― anonymous coward, Sunday, 5 September 2004 02:55 (twenty-one years ago)

i fuck pillows intstead of masturbating with my hand, it feels more like a person.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 5 September 2004 02:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Things you should know.

― Harold Media (kenan), Sunday, 5 September 2004 03:02 (twenty-one years ago)

ony pillows, dude. not plushies. i take care of the cleaning too.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 5 September 2004 03:09 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm a responsible pillow fucker.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 5 September 2004 03:10 (twenty-one years ago)

i've had people come in my eye before. it wasnt pleasant, and i hope unintentional. but i would never do it to myself, are you nuts?

― Vic (Vic), Sunday, 5 September 2004 03:13 (twenty-one years ago)

i didn't freakin' do it on purpose...

― anonymous coward, Sunday, 5 September 2004 03:20 (twenty-one years ago)

...lying on his bed with music on his headphones up really loud, boxing the jesuit. He had his eyes shut. Upon finishing, he realised that there was steaming hot cup of tea and biscuits by his bed. It could only have been brought in by his mother or one of his two sisters. He never found out.

I think that I would die. I've never been caught in the act by anyone.
TS: Getting caught masturbating by your mother vs. your sister.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 5 September 2004 05:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I was caught by my sister.

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:26 (twenty-one years ago)

The year was 1996, it was a time of plentifulness, and I was sitting at my desk executing a manual override at the instigation of Ev13 G4rland, Maur33n F1annag3n, from the TV show Out of This World. I had a tape of an episode freeze-framed on the VCR, a little ceramic pipe in the other. I was stoned out of my gourd, thought I was home alone. The door swung open, and my sister walked into the room. I didn't notice until she was almost next to me, and she didn't realize what I was doing until she was sitting down at my side. Then I screamed, flipped the channel (Maury fucking Povich?), and told her I was 'meditating.' She left, and we didn't talk for about a week.

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm still amazed that Aaron had that kind of trajectory.

― jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:30 (twenty-one years ago)

J0n W1lli4ms hit the ceiling, once.

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I think I used to (like, in high school) have much more trajectory than I do now.

― jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:36 (twenty-one years ago)

xjeremy, how is Ned's aim?

― jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Um, I dunno. He's asleep on the couch now.

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Holy shit i had a crush on Evie too.

Oh and FYI jaymc I almost never used to shoot that far. It totally caught me off guard.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:37 (twenty-one years ago)

"asleep"

― jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:38 (twenty-one years ago)

"couch"

― oops (Oops), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Somebody with mad photoshop skillz and a pervert imagination to thread.

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Prior to his falling asleep, he took out two helicopters and a homeless dude, FWIW.

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:39 (twenty-one years ago)

sick mouthy would like to be caught masturbating by sisters.

― ken c (ken c), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Somebody with mad photoshop skillz and a pervert imagination to thread.

I can think of several people on ILX who fit those requirements.

― jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:40 (twenty-one years ago)

once in college this girl I was messing around with asked me to c on her t's, but I completely missed and hit the wall ten feet behind her.

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:40 (twenty-one years ago)

It doesn't count unless you knocked a hole in the drywall.

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:41 (twenty-one years ago)

the wall started to melt like it was alien acid blood!

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:43 (twenty-one years ago)

You should avoid Cing in Ts

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:44 (twenty-one years ago)

"in"?

― jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:53 (twenty-one years ago)

it's "on" before Gear! Cs, "in" after he spews his acid alien spunk.

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm going to name my next band Cingonts/Cingints

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Score! Acid alien spunk would make a decent name for the title track, as well.

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:56 (twenty-one years ago)

it'd have to be noise, I'm thinking

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 5 September 2004 06:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Corrosive Spunk would be a good band name.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 5 September 2004 07:54 (twenty-one years ago)

That tea story is indeed a classic friend of a friend story. I can't remember where I heard it myself.

― Alba (Alba), Sunday, 5 September 2004 11:37 (twenty-one years ago)

When I heard it there was a tray in the room and the mother walked backwards so she could open the door. It was equally hilarious then.

― Ronan (Ronan), Sunday, 5 September 2004 11:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyone else ever accidently come in their own hair?
Like you're laying on your back wanking and uh...shoot a little high.
I was quite drunk as well.

I just noticed something really fucking funny. In addition to what went in my hair, FOUR SEPERATE SHOTS hit the wall at the head of my bed and dripped down towards the floor. I only saw it just now because it's been 12 days and it has turned a bit yellow.
What's the best way to get a semen stain off a white wall?
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 21:02 (twenty-one years ago)

laughter is the solution of a lot of things but removing semen isn't one of them.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 21:23 (twenty-one years ago)

you're not helping

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 21:34 (twenty-one years ago)

LYSOL DOUCHE

Strong enough for a woman but gets out semen stains too.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

three years pass...

total lack indeed

― gershy, Thursday, 27 March 2008 07:18 (seventeen years ago)

i am sorry, four years too late

― remy bean, Thursday, 27 March 2008 07:21 (seventeen years ago)

good work gershy

― J0rdan S., Thursday, 27 March 2008 07:24 (seventeen years ago)

tell us about fucking your wife or go to bed gershy

― jergïns, Thursday, 27 March 2008 07:28 (seventeen years ago)

i obtain much discretion

― gershy, Thursday, 27 March 2008 07:29 (seventeen years ago)

ok i hadn't even read the first 5 posts

― J0rdan S., Thursday, 27 March 2008 07:33 (seventeen years ago)

gersh post pics of wifey

― chaki, Thursday, 27 March 2008 07:34 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RnNGnunpbYE

― moonship journey to baja, Thursday, 27 March 2008 07:35 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y7MS2ACmbjY

― gershy, Thursday, 27 March 2008 07:37 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBgDgQmUnNY

― chaki, Thursday, 27 March 2008 07:38 (seventeen years ago)

gershy fidelity

― gabbneb, Thursday, 27 March 2008 13:10 (seventeen years ago)

deangy

― gabbneb, Thursday, 27 March 2008 13:10 (seventeen years ago)

timmy bobby

― gabbneb, Thursday, 27 March 2008 13:36 (seventeen years ago)

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