I Got Invited To A Weird Halloween Party - Should I Go?

Scott Ashley Seward = S.A.S. = SASsy. Dear Sassy:
It should all make sense now:
Let's have a mad scientist, haunted house, murder mansion, pirate ghost ship
party in October. As you all know, I just bought a haunted murder mansion
with a mad scientist labratory and am decorating it like a pirate ghost
ship. Everyone must be a murderer or a murder victim. Every one must be a
famous detective or a famous detetctive's side kick. Everyone must be a
famous criminal mastermind, or a famous victim of crime. Everyone must be a
maid or a butler. One of you must actually die, so discuss among yourselves
who it will be, but keep it as a surprise for the intended. As Janis Joplin
said so eloquently, Goblin is just another word for midget or dwarf. I do
not like midgets or dwarfs. Keep them away. Anyone dressed as a squirrel or
woodland creature gets a cup cake. Anyone dressed as a Saint gets a 1000
year indulgence from purgatory (each and everyone of you will spend eons in
purgatory, particularly any democrats).
We can have cup cakes with orange icing, and maybe a bat or black cat
stenciled on the top.If you bring your children, we can boil them in oil and
eat them for dinner, with a Thai peanut dipping sauce, washed down with a
spicey ginger-beer.
I will be Charlie Chan or Hong Kong Fuey. Someone needs to be Scooby Do. We
need an Alfalfa pretending to be Sherlock Holmes. Someone in Guerilla suit -
just for the gags. Two people in black body stockings with skeletons painted
on front who are really two burglars trying to scare the rest of us off. A
discontented magician in a ghost costume trying to scare us off, and some
bank robbers dressed as ghosts and other monsters trying to scare us off.
And someone dressed as Garfield, everyone's favorite lasagna lovin' cat who
sounds like bill Murray. I already invited Harry Potter and convicted cop
killer Mumia. We will need some creepy backwoodsmen who are sexual perverts
and cannibals, too. Sorry, no threats to Homeland Security or expressions of
free speech will be permitted.