Most bafflingly undeserving celeb

How are any of these three remotely "baffling" as celebs, Graham?: I can even grasp the appeal of JC to someone (me: I can't watch him for longer than it take thumb to spasm on the remote).

I'LL GIVE YOU BAFFLING: Davina McCall!! Explain! Please! ALSO: Jayne Middlemiss!! Explain! Please! (OK, yes, yes, but she's a bigger Celeb than Maconie, surely...)

Dermot O'Leary. Twat.

The examples you've given don't really strike me as people who are crap (or unremakable) at what they do, rather what they do is crap (or unremarkable).

People who strike me as being crap (or unremarkable) at what they do are the Gaby Roslins of the world. The June Sarpongs and the Lowri Turners. Of course not only are they crap (and unremarkable) at what they do but what they do is crap (and unremarkable).

Of course, the most obviously baffling celebrity in the country is the inexplicable Jamie Oliver. Despised by absolutely everyone I know, the subject of numerous internet hate sites, surely no-one likes him. Surely no-one doesn't hate him.

He's going on tour soon or something. I think he's playing the Shepherd's Bush Empire. This makes no sense.

I agree with jamesmichaelward and everyone else, my examples were crap.

Jamie Oliver — other faults aside — REALLY IS A GOOD COOK! Can this be The Reason? (I don't believe that it can...)

Posted elsewhere, long ago, still true: "Davina McCall makes Gaby Roslin look like Gitta Sereny"

Jane Middlemiss = wonderful! Sexy, funny, completely bonkers. With Jools Holland created one of the great TV exchanges of all time, vis:

(End of Glastonbury, 98? Reflections)

Jools: I was gutted that I missed Al Green, but of course you can't be everywhere at once. The closest you could get is here with us on the BBC.

Jane: Unless....you were....an octopus.

Jools (confused): Why?

Jane: Because..(thinks)..they have...eight legs!

Jools: Yes.....but that doesn't mean they can be in eight places at once.

Jane: No, no...........unless they had eight brains.....

I saw Richard Blackstock (is that his name?) on TV tonight, pretty horrible. But for sheer nonentity, see Angus Deayton. What does he have except misplaced smugness and supposed (but unapparent) sex appeal? Someone explain.

Surprisingly good straight man appeal, I've found -- there was this one-off special Rowan Atkinson did for American cable TV in 1991 or 1992 or so, and Deayton was indeed the Straight Man or person to bounce lines off of for the entirety of the show. It was the first I had ever heard of or seen Deayton, and he did a great job pulling stone faces and puzzled expressions just as needed to increase the humor.

"If he wasn't dead, I'd have him expelled."

*loooooooooooong pause as Deayton slowly turns his head*

"I BEG your pardon?"

"Yes, expelled."

By "celeb" you all obviously mean people of whom I've never heard.

I was going to say Jennifer Lopez. Her acting is shmoopy at best (Out of Sight doesn't count, for obvious reasons). She cannot sing (live shows confirm this). She cannot dance (ditto). Her triple threat is a strikeout. Yet she is Queen of New York and South Beach. Yes, she's very "beautiful" but many many women are very beautiful in the same plasticene way as she, and yet toil in the obscurity of fame's shadow.

Others: Master P, Tim McCarver, Jim Gray, John Norris, David Spade, the woman who hosted "Later" for so long, Renny Harlin, etc etc

Oh, Mark. How can you say those things about Davina? She strikes me as the epitome of all that a TV presenter should be. The ease with which she strikes up a rapport with people of all kinds of backgrounds constantly impresses me. And she's got that pregnant radiance thing down to a tee.
I don't hate Jamie Oliver - people are obsessed with slagging him off for pathetic 'he's not a real cockney' reasons. There are plenty of people who find him very watchable, and his recipes are good.
I think Chris Evans is vile (used to love him on GLR, mind..) but he's (or was) very good at what he he does. He's not someone who got there by knowing the right people or being lucky.
Clarkson's a one-trick wannabe PJ O'Rourke (actually, Britain has quite a few of those).
Stuart Maconie is better at being a rent-a-gob than most. I guess he doesn't see that as his career. He is a pretty good writer. Dermot O'Leary is smart, likeable, in touch with youth culture and I don't see your problem.
Jane Middlemiss is a bit crap, but also great, for the reasons Ally C gave.
What about Judy Finnigan? She's basically pretty hopeless, but maybe the Richard and Judy soap opera appeal transcends that minor problem.

all the above are crap, but not to the level of real hatability surely? people hate jamie oliver because gurlz fancy him, like duh? i'll hold my hands up and admit that this is the case

I'd say anyone from a fly on the wall documentary. Maureen from driving school, Jeremy from Airport, appearing as a panellist on Through The Keyhole every other week. Anyone who's ever appeared on Big Brother or, worse, Survivor or, even worse, Castaway 2000.

Donna Air.

Although, it's not that dumb a question asking the Corrs when they first met. Was it the maternity ward? Their house? When did they achieve full awareness of each other? Can anyone EVER have full awareness? Man! She's DEEP! Like a sheep dip. Full of bacardi breezer (peach = classic).

Baaaaaa.

Donna Air was an actress. Her celebrity comes from acting. Did you not see her in the Mummy Returns? Admittedly now she is rent-a-gob but at least she keeps her hand in.

It girls are the worst. The Tara Palmer-Tompkinsons of this world.

I nominate phil jupituss (sp?) he is not funny. He has never been funny, and I can't see how he ever could be funny, unless amusing mishaps happened to him. Yet he is on telly a lot, it seems. He was one reason we got rid of our TV. I can only assume he's cheap and available.

xoxo

Jamie Oliver is alright. He used to always ask Paul how my blood was doing, cause the first time Paul met him (as his client) Paul had to rush out of the meeting and into the hospital where I was having my blood replaced.

So that instantly endeared him to me. Even when he's dragging Paul into the office on Sunday afternoons to ask just how many millions Saisburys are going to be giving him next week.

You know, there are too many "famous" people to name and shame here. Every time I see the cover of Hello! at the supermarket (yes, Ally, you should sue) I don't know who 2/3 of the people in it even are.

If we're going to disqualify J-Lo from fame, can we take away All Saints, too, please? They can't act (Honest!) they can't sing and they can't dance either. And on top of that, they are Canadian. I mean, really. All they are good for is dating washed up pop stars named Liam. And crap... any fuckwit can do that!

does anyone remember Leigh Bowery? the papers made a big deal about him when he died, despite the fact that he was just a fat homosexual who went to nightclubs a lot in the '80s, and who was painted by some famous artist. You can't get more completely useless than that.

As a Dirty Vicar I am fascinated by the huge raft of young lady celebrities who seem to do nothing but appear in bloke magazines falling out of their clothes.

Yeah, but Madchen, I think they're the liggers that Graham was excluding.

Donna Air. Yes. Obvious, but yes, she is the complete epitime of useless TV fucker. Did anyone else see 'Donna Aid'? A half hour show (maybe it was even a series, God forbid) which consisted of her going around the country getting people to try to give her things. That was it. I wasn't sure if it was the producer's idea of satirising the cult of of celebrity, or what. It was really odd. Actually, that kind of counts as on of the weirdest things I've ever seen on TV

Jamie Oliver is also on Sainsburys training videos, teaching staff how to be better at their jobs. Cheers Jamie! Ah, the stories that DJCA brings back from the fish counter. You'd cry, too.

What's peoples opinion on Tim Vincent? Happy ex Blue Peter star, now in endless cameo appearances on Graham Norton doing not much apart from being "off the telly". He's got a funny face too!

Can you honestly say she was an actress in Byker? Surely just a functionary of their GENE POOL which makes all the young tykes all look the same. It give the fear! Weren't like that in the Spuggy days.

can someone clear up the charlie thing in byker grove. there was charlie, and then she left the series, and her cousin arrived, played by a different actress, but she was also called charlie. after a couple episodes it was though nothing had happened and everyone carried on as normal and that the person was the original charlie and not some cousin...

incidentally, i own a 12" by Charlie. got it in a 5 12"s for a £1 bag at EGS records in Bradford

Better a million Leigh Bowerys [well, a hundred] than one P.Jupitus: Porky the former Poet who delivers his whoredom as Camera-Ready Punky Attitude against the (betta) whoredom of others. LB was — by contrast — an odd and curious sub-sub-celeb who MILITANTLY REFUSED THE BODY- FASCISM OF THE GAY-CLONE GYM-FASCIST ARCHETYPE HURRAH!!

Also he acted — er, well, featured — in a play wot Mark E. Smith hav wrote...

Did Leigh Bowery not urinate/defecate on stage, in his wife's mouth etc? That's fairly discernible. And Minty were brill.

Minty were brill

damn right they were. Leigh Bowery was, er, GRATE.

xoxo

I'd like to see this bizarre alternate reality you all inhabit where Jennifer Lopez can't dance. I mean, that's the one thing she can do well (besides appearing in public half-naked).

And that is why I chose to be her in karaoke on Friday.

David Baddiel. Was he ever funny? No. So how come he gets to make series after series on TV (especially Baddiel's Syndrome. Britain's Seinfeld? More like Britain's My Two Dads)and a fat contract from a publisher? The man is devoid of talent, rides bandwagons as if they were pedaloes and annoys the living fuck out of me.

Richard Blackwood, that's his name. Phil Jupitus, yes. Awful. Richard Bacon seems to be pretty much a nothing as well.

Alternate reality = not videos

Dan, Dan, did you see her at the "ski lodge" thing on MTV this past winter? She wuz involved in some type of promotion/competition and at one point tried to dance, it was not pretty, but she laughed and winked as if to say none of it mattered and everyone roared their approval.

Anyway, back to the Brits that I'm convinced you're all making up just to spite the rest of us.

But, but... she was a Fly Girl! She started out in show business as a PROFESSIONAL DANCER! She wouldn't have the career she has now if she hadn't been any good at it (see also, Paula Abdul)!

I admit that I missed the ski lodge thing, but I do know many trained dancers who freeze up and choke when asked to bust a move freestyle. (For "many" read "three". No wait, "five".)

In about a month from now...the most undeserving celebrity will be Brian from Big Brother, he'll be everywhere! The backlash starts now! I guess everyone from a duco-soap or a reality TV show, and most soap stars are undeserving of celebrity...but then "you need your stars, even killers have prestige".

Who is that actor that is famous for his tan...I think his name in George Hamilton, or something like that. Then there is the Gabor (Zsa Zsa, etc.) what the heck has either one of them done since the show with the pig. Oh that's right, one of them assulyed a police officer for some reason.

Who's that annoying twerp from SNL who does the news and the lame song parodies? The one that hosted the MTV Movie Awards with Kirstin Dunst? He's so half-assed. Cute, though.

And Leigh Bowery, I hardly knew ye. But I bought you're book and wow, you were fab...

His name is Jimmy Ferrel. He amuses me. As opposed to any comedian named Dennis ( Miller, Leary) who must die.

Jimmy Fallon, actually. Although the mutant offspring of Jimmy Fallon and Will Ferrel might well be the FUNNIEST MAN ON TELEVISION!

This might seem a little harsh but I really loathe tragedy celebrities - particularly the families of the victim. Like the family of Leah Betts, who died taking e a few years ago, they reinvented themselves as media spokespeople for the zero tolerance lobby. The other two that come to mind are the Bulger family and that nanny who was on trial in the States for killing a child.

ahh that'd be Louise Woodward. In some very strange way I found her quite attractive.

of course I'm setting up a cruel joke for someone here......

THANKYOU Ally C - Richard Bacon it is. The man is famous - as in more famous than the usual Blue Peter presenter - for taking cocaine, which makes him different from other celebrities how??

Louise Woodward wasn't that bad. IT was her family and the family she was working for who were the outrageous nightmares. Which means shes still counts, I guess.

Certain music critics really jump on my tits. Richard Dyer of the Boston Globe comes to mind...

Who spawned Chris Moyles?

Carol Burnett?

doompatrol.