BRITISH CULTURE?

http://chilled.cream.org/forums/bluejam.php

I'm pretty sure that this link won't appear as intended (i.e. underlined and blue). I don't know how to accomplish such things. I guess I could read the FAQ page but I suffer from progressive astigmatism in both eyes and can't be bothered (at this time of night) to squint at the screen. Besides which, I get no kicks from HTML. Sorry. And sorry, too, if you aren't familiar with Chris Morris and are consequently offended by the content of this site.

what IS british culture? or the 'british way of life'? i read something about potential immigrants needing to now do some sort of test to prove their britishness so they can settle here, but what would that include exactly? will they have to show that they can get pissed up on a saturday night and stagger along to the kebab shop before puking up in a mini cab before waddling to their front door? memorising old sit-com jokes? knowing the harry potter story?

just curious.

(obv theres all the stuff the first poster said about shakespeare, etc, but surely theres a diff between british history and british culture, even though they do overlap)

prawns on pizza

Prawns on toast. Prawns with mayonnaise. Calling them "prawns".

The "Eva Prawn" gag in The Germans episode of Fawlty TOwers

Prawns on pizza = Italian
Prawns on toast = Chinese

dunno about the mayonnaise but it's probably Belgian or something

crevettes, cravats, and cravings

Cockles, mussels, alive alive-o

http://www.ukcitizenshiptest.co.uk/

i failed with 50%. assuming it's legit it's an absurd test with an odd EU slant.

50%. It's tough!

Question 7 of 24

In which year did married women get the right to divorce their husband?
A. 1837
B. 1857
C. 1875
D. 1882

Uh, WHAT?

Oh come on, every true Briton knows that!

everyone i know who has taken that test got 50%.

54% SUCKAAAAAAAS.

Time taken: 04 minutes 44 seconds

Well there you go, I did mine in about 20 seconds

It's really tough. I gave up. Which is the true British response. Or is to battle bravely to the end despite almost certain failure?

Stiff upper lip, into the valley of death rode the and all that

63 percent and I failed and this is some bullshit

You have failed the practice citizenship test.

Questions answered correctly: 16 out of 24 (67%)

Time taken: 02 minutes 36 seconds

Ha, didn't want to practice citizenship anyway.

Best thing about the citizenship test iirc: you need to pass it but don't need to be able to show any level of knowledge of the English language, you know, the only thing you need to know to get by living in Britain.

I got 67% but tbh I guessed the answer to pretty much all the questions

Questions answered correctly: 12 out of 24 (50%)

Time taken: 02 minutes 54 seconds

Questions answered correctly: 14 out of 24 (58%)

Time taken: 06 minutes 28 seconds

You have failed the practice citizenship test.

Questions answered correctly: 11 out of 24 (46%)

Time taken: 02 minutes 35 seconds

didnt want to be a citizen of ur dumb country anyway

good luck

46% is good enough for us

You have failed the practice citizenship test.

Questions answered correctly: 11 out of 24 (46%)

Awwww

give us back ur doctorate NOW

gosh, I was hoping this was going to be about, er, you know "culture", i.e. Wodehouse novels and William Morris designs and Carry On films and rare postpunk 7"s and Jacobean drama and Angry Young Men and YBAs and old Bodymap clothing and Oxonian trivia and charity shop bric-a-brac and HELLO magazine spreads about parties at Blenheim and the vicissitudes of council estate flat decor and Osbert Sitwell's reminiscences about countryhouses and Are You Being Served? episodes and chip shop recipes and all the Anglophile crap I've stuffed my brain with- but no, it was lots of questions about the European Union and jobseeking and speed limits. That's not cultural, that's infrastructural and political. BORING! This test *fails* MY "fun internet crap" test!

i got 67% and i am unable to even vote here

Freakin' Nancy Mitford couldn't pass that test with crib notes from Evelyn Waugh, so how BRITISH can it be?

it's probably not the same test and just someone having a bit of a laugh

here's a stupid bbc one from 4 years ago
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/4099770.stm

11/24

Freakin' Nancy Mitford

Lived in France...

50%.

They should have more questions on Doctor Who and early 90s rave artists.

gosh, I was hoping this was going to be about, er, you know "culture", i.e. Wodehouse novels and William Morris designs and Carry On films and rare postpunk 7"s and Jacobean drama and Angry Young Men and YBAs and old Bodymap clothing and Oxonian trivia and charity shop bric-a-brac and HELLO magazine spreads about parties at Blenheim and the vicissitudes of council estate flat decor and Osbert Sitwell's reminiscences about countryhouses and Are You Being Served? episodes and chip shop recipes and all the Anglophile crap I've stuffed my brain with- but no, it was lots of questions about the European Union and jobseeking and speed limits. That's not cultural, that's infrastructural and political. BORING! This test *fails* MY "fun internet crap" test!

All English of course, as opposed to "British"

Adam's guide to BRITISH culture

wow, the second time I've been schooled and corrected by Tom D. in one morning. I really should get back to work.

xpost re: Mitford

Yeah, I know, I just re-read "Noblesse Oblige"- some of her juiciest accounts of English life were written from the safe distance across the channel. On the subject of Mitford, I am still smarting from being outbid this morning on Ebay for a first edition of "Voltaire in Love"- damn that e-auctionsniping software!

what IS british culture? or the 'british way of life'?

The British, it seems to me, have one of the most baroque cultures going, in terms of the number of unwritten social rules and the bewildering number of social idenities and clans that have a shadow existance within the larger society. They rival the Japanese in that area. Shakespeare is just the ceremonial robe that British culture wears when it confronts the outside world.

Remain to be convinced there's any such thing as "British" and "Britishness"

^ doesn't want to be convinced

I think there was for a few years in the 1890s

You have failed the practice citizenship test.

Questions answered correctly: 13 out of 24 (54%)

Arithmetic, pah! Bally un-British, bunch of Greek coves dressed in sheets *mutter*

The British, it seems to me, have one of the most baroque cultures going, in terms of the number of unwritten social rules and the bewildering number of social idenities and clans that have a shadow existance within the larger society. They rival the Japanese in that area.

This makes me oddly proud if it's true.

The British culture test should begin, "You are standing in a maze of twisty hallways, all alike..."

I got 58%, which is a fail. I was guessing for most of them. They'll have to deport me to where my parents come from - Devon.

Question 6 of 24
Is the following statement TRUE or FALSE? 'Ulster Scots is a dialect which is spoken in Northern Ireland.'

I pointed this out to the resident Northern Irishman to make him grumpy. (Its linguistic validity is a little controversial over there, though I don't feel qualified to judge myself)

You mean Proddies are happy to use the term Ulster Scots and Tims aren't?

50% too...

There's no way you're gonna know the answers to a third of these questions... lucky multiple guess is the only way someone's gonna pass, which pretty much makes it a citizenship lottery...

Is the following statement TRUE or FALSE? 'Ulster Scots is a dialect which is spoken in Northern Ireland.'

OF COURSE this dialect is spoken in Northern Ireland. It is spoken wherever some one afflicted with it opens their mouth and utters speech. Send an Ulster Scots speaker to Antarctica and it will be spoken there, too. (/utter disgust)

in fairness, people genuinely trying to pass a citizenship test will be expected to have thoroughly read up on their shit first

it is like an exam, where the reward is haddock pizza

They could at least have a test worth reading up on, this is just a test for the sake of it. *bitter cause I got 58% FAIL*

Remain to be convinced there's any such thing as "British" and "Britishness"

I remain to be convinced that there's any such thing as "Italian-ness" or "American-ness" but it helps fill newspapers.

Is it something we're all supposed to share? Or something unique to Britain? The more I think about it the more I get confused. If you gs Britishness you just get an awful lot of this type of thing...
http://wallscometumblingdown.files.wordpress.com/2008/08/british-bulldog.jpg

I meant "British" and "Britishness" as opposed to "English" and "Englishness", I can't see any real difference there amd neither can anyone else but Ian Paisley

Not quite, I've often heard said that ethnic minorities welcome 'British' too as offering a kind of inclusivity that the alternatives don't. I probably feel the same way myself.

"some one afflicted with it" :D

You have failed the practice citizenship test.

Not quite, I've often heard said that ethnic minorities welcome 'British' too as offering a kind of inclusivity that the alternatives don't. I probably feel the same way myself

Because you're English?

which is kind of obviously not a lot like the actual citizenship test xp

posted this in a thread that turned out to be on ILM, feel that it DESERVES RECOGNITION:

the last two episodes of The One Show I've come across have featured, respectively, Salman Rusdie answering quickfire questions (Robbie or Gary? Mashed potatoes or new potatoes?) while trying to keep up with a table tennis ball-firing machine, and Mike Leigh displaying a portrait of Mick Hucknall made of a fried breakfast. As someone who lives on "let's take this cultural phenomenon to absurd extremes" jokes, I don't know what to do with this.

why don't you tweet it

hm, feel that my friends would appreciate me live-tweeting The One Show every day.

they'd probably retweet you

and then you would get more followers

There's always Chris Morris:

http://chilled.cream.org/forums/bluejam.php

I'm pretty sure that this link won't appear as intended (i.e. underlined and blue). I don't know how to accomplish such things. I guess I could read the FAQ page but I suffer from progressive astigmatism in both eyes and can't be bothered (at this time of night) to squint at the screen. Besides which, I get no kicks from HTML. Sorry. And sorry, too, if you aren't familiar with Chris Morris and are consequently offended by the content of this site.

― Matt Thurgood (Matt T), Saturday, September 4, 2004 2:21 PM (6 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
Oh - right. Underlined and burgundy it is, then. Is that burgundy? I'm not good with adjectives. Plum? What then? Still - fuck it. It worked, after a fashion.

― Matt Thurgood (Matt T), Saturday, September 4, 2004 2:26 PM (6 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

<3 the cluelessness of these posts

WHY YES!

all is well in the marketplace and the birds sing tiddly-pom

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6j2QeHDZbw

genuine unironic love for this dude

http://i.imgur.com/UeOVD.jpg

UP UP UP!

gd i'd still hit it

I've seen Kunt & The Gang live, in Hitchin of all places. "Wanking Over A Pornographic Polaroid Of An Ex-Girlfriend Who Died" is a choice cut.

Carol Services - do you like them?

we have charming regional accents

but do i fuck want to live here forever

Remain to be convinced there's any such thing as "British" and "Britishness"

― Aw naw, no' Annoni oan an' aw noo (Tom D.), Tuesday, 11 August 2009 17:07 (1 year ago)

This, also Brits seem very whiny of late, going by the national newspapers, or is that just the Brits? eh, I don't care really.

going by the national newspapers

always a bad idea when it comes to isolating 'culture' from media-generated noise

http://www.spitzerstories.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/122908_biggieking.jpg

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=143597063&page=1

✓

Get dolla, move to the home counties.

brb muslamics everywhere

reading this to the tune of a forgotten 80s TV jingle for a kitchen manufacturer

When people say the British have no culture

Has anyone ever said this?

shitloads of Frenches i'm guessing

that linked thread is scary

"Prepare to be broke" tho, otm

forum.bodybuilding.com

'brb' not short for what I'm familiar with on that place

no i was trying to work out what it meant but then the kitchen jingles started

A post on Urban Dictionary says it's "be ready, bitches", which would fit with this.

scourge of the butterface

brb briitish bishes have the best natty racks
brb rich in history
brb newton
brb literature
brb island nation
brb part of euro but without the phaggotry
brb responsible for the spreading of western culture
brb chelsea fc
brb epl
brb lotus
brb scary spice....yes i said it....i would tear her a new arsehole
brb pikeys....srs...whats up with these people...lulz

List of völkisch platitudes invoked by David Cameron to pretend it's still 1907

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