Sex Tips

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We're all agreed that men's and women's magazines are full of them - but have you ever actually tried/used any? And did they work??

― Tom, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Wehn I was 13 I read in Cosmo that a good way to attract a boy/man was to stare directly at his crotch. I tried this when drunk and just got snickered at. As well I should have been, what stupid advice.

― Nicole, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Argh, I can't believe I just wrote that. Pretend you didn't see it!

― Nicole, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Exroomate's gf swore that Maxim was 90% on the money. She also kept her stack of British Cosmo close at hand. No comment was ever given by the exroomate on those.

― Mr Noodles, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

first find your lady.

― Alan Trewartha, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

That's the most evil advice I've ever heard, Nicole!

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i was just answering to this thread and it MADE MY COMPUTER CRASH - the screen was stuck on embarrassing thread! thus convincing me that whatever i was going to share with you shall remain unshared.

― katie, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What do you mean by 'Did they work?' Tom? Work for who? Work in what way? Eh?

― Emma, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Emma a sex tip in a mag is to the best of my knowledge intended to achieve a specific effect i.e. pull man not cause them to snicker, please girlfriend not revolt her, etc. etc. Hence 'work'.

― Tom, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Yes but many so-called Sex Tips merely tell you to 'give your partner a sensual massage' or 'light candles' or 'wear raunchy underwear'. Does a great big erection count as working or does orgasm have to occur?

― Emma, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well OK let us refine the definition of Sex Tips to include only stuff which you would not actually have thought of/considered doing yourself.

― Tom, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

That doesn't leave much. If anything.

― Emma, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Depends when you read them really (see 13 year old Nicole above)

― Tom, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

second, give the lady the wine and food

― Alan Trewartha, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Maxim had a collection of positions illustrated with mannequins. I thought that was nice.

― Samantha, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I haf never tried any of MORE! magazines "position of the fortnight". They seem to be the type of thing where you need five people in bed. Me, he, a set square, protractor and neatly plotted graphs.

― Sarah, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

third, give the lady the back-to-school maths set from WHSmith?

― Alan Trewartha, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Sarah, you must've done unless you are a virgin as they are all variations on the missionary position only drawn from different angles / done in different places. Apart from the odd exciting fortnight where you need a degree in yoga to perform the position.

― Emma, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

*whistles idly* I'm sorry, what was the question?

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Tom wanted to know about your sex tip, Ned. Wow, what a shamefully bad joke.

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

That was an even set-up than I hoped, thank you for following through. ;-)

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

'even better set-up,' even. ;-)

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I want to defy the logic of all sex tips.

― Nick, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

By becoming even worse in bed than you are at present?

― Mark C, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

has nick turned into beck while no one was looking?

the non- bondage/role-play bits of "sex tips for gurls" on channel 4 were, erm, rather interesting, cough mutter...

― carsmilesteve, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Something I read which is supposed to be good for boys also works on girls.

Something I read/saw about the g-spot seems to be pretty accurate.

― Ally C, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

All the ones in mens magazines are written by women love doctor types who annoy me sufficiently. In Loaded or whatever theres always the implication that all guys really want to read this and are all utterly crap shags and don't have a clue.

It's not that funny for someone to take that last line and go "well yeah" or something just before that happens.

― Ronan, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Best advice - read any and all sex tips in Cosmo. Do exact opposite.

― Kim, Wednesday, 14 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The illustrations for Position of the Fortnight are so scary and ugly it's enough to put me off sex forever.

― rosemary, Thursday, 15 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

There are only six postions of the fortnight which are then repeated standing up, in a bath and on the stairs - which will fill a year.

― Pete, Thursday, 15 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I already pointed this out thank you Ape Boy. The main worrying thing about P of the F is that the person who does the pics has clearly a) never had sex and b) never seen a naked person of either gender as while I'm sure the positions themselves are doable, the pics are deeply baffling angle-wise.

― Emma, Thursday, 15 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You're better off sticking with the cake receipes. Cakes NEVER disappoint!

― Allen, Thursday, 15 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

two years pass...

Yeah, food never disappoints!

― Dan Purdum, Tuesday, 8 June 2004 15:32 (twenty-one years ago)

No.1

Pay very close attention to your partner, how they're breathing, whether their muscles are tense and which ones, if they're making any sounds, turning toward or away from you etc.

― mei (mei), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 19:56 (twenty-one years ago)

and pulse - always check for a pulse, otherwise it might be rude to continue.

― penelope_111, Tuesday, 8 June 2004 20:21 (twenty-one years ago)

― mei (mei), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 20:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Hahaha "it might be rude" WOW!

― VengaDan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 20:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Good manners are always important!

― penelope_111, Tuesday, 8 June 2004 20:26 (twenty-one years ago)

On the other hand, who's it really going to hurt?

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 20:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Surely the whole point IS that it's rude!

― mei (mei), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 20:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Tip: Do it with another person. Not that masturbation isn't great and all, but whoooo-boy, what a difference another body makes.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 20:50 (twenty-one years ago)

On the other hand, who's it really going to hurt?

I find the baleful stares from the other mourners to be somewhat off-putting, if you know what I mean.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 20:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude...closed casket.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 20:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Dead boring

― penelope_111, Tuesday, 8 June 2004 20:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I trust that was intended as a pun, penelope.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 21:30 (twenty-one years ago)

A piss poor one at that.

I'm not doing too well around here, am I?

― penelope_111, Tuesday, 8 June 2004 21:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Now, now. It's just that I'm a bit dense, is all.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 21:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I liked the pulse joke.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 8 June 2004 21:54 (twenty-one years ago)

You would, wouldn't you.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 9 June 2004 00:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Does anyone here know how to deep throat? It's my aim in life to become the best person in bed ever, but I don't know how to do that without throwing up.

― Hannah, Friday, 11 June 2004 16:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Hannah Hannah bo-banna
Practice on a banana
Fee fie fo-fanna
Hannah.

― martin m. (mushrush), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Have you helped make the world a sexier place, though, Martin?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Bananas have those hard, scratchy bits at the end. Practice on a cock. He'll thank you for it. I would imagine you'll be able to find one here if you need one.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Have you helped make the world a sexier place, though, Martin?

Yeah. I keep the world sexy by never wearing chaps without pants when I go to work.

Bananas have those hard, scratchy bits at the end

You can peel them, you know.

― martin m. (mushrush), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

This isn't the time to tell my cucumber story, I guess.

― Markelby (Mark C), Friday, 11 June 2004 16:18 (twenty-one years ago)

When better?

― mei (mei), Friday, 11 June 2004 21:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Hannah, I think you should find some English guy with wide experience who OK Cupid says is a great match for you... Me, you say?

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Saturday, 12 June 2004 11:57 (twenty-one years ago)

one year passes...

im 13 and my advice is live life like u really want it.. i just got done fucking a guy and it was great...lol...but anyway fuck like u mean it..lol

― Amber thompson, Sunday, 29 January 2006 20:16 (twenty years ago)

How can you fuck and not mean it? "Oo-er missus, I was aiming for the dog..."?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Sunday, 29 January 2006 20:20 (twenty years ago)

Of course, there's the thing Finns call "pity pussy", or "pity cock".

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Sunday, 29 January 2006 20:23 (twenty years ago)

Amber.... yo get back to yo Scalextrix this instant!!

― Amber Thompson's Mom (JTS), Sunday, 29 January 2006 20:46 (twenty years ago)

Do they still do Position of the Fortnight? The concept yucks me out. It's one thing to read a recipe, or a list of sex tips even, and know the rest of the country is reading along with you, but I don't want the rest of England screwing along with me in perfect synchrony.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Sunday, 29 January 2006 21:08 (twenty years ago)

))(( back and forth forever and ever

― geek, Monday, 30 January 2006 02:48 (twenty years ago)

And why the hell is it per fortnight? Do most couples not have sex at least once a week? How depressing.

― Andrew (enneff), Monday, 30 January 2006 02:54 (twenty years ago)

maybe they just do the same position twice, in two weeks.

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 30 January 2006 03:53 (twenty years ago)

i hope amber knows to use a condom and get on the pill ASAP? unless she wants to live life knocked up.

― Special Agent Gene Krupa (orion), Monday, 30 January 2006 04:23 (twenty years ago)

amber, do you live in athens?

― cancer prone fat guy (dubplatestyle), Monday, 30 January 2006 04:32 (twenty years ago)

"fuck like you mean it...lol!"

― Allyzay Rofflesberger (allyzay), Monday, 30 January 2006 04:33 (twenty years ago)

haha xpost

― electric sound of jim (and why not) (electricsound), Monday, 30 January 2006 04:33 (twenty years ago)

I saw an episode of the Sex Inspectors last night. They solved the girl's libido but also managed to break up the couple. By the end ofthe show they had split up! Reason: by limiting their telly to two hrs per evening, they discovered they had nothing in common.

― Nathalie (stevie nixed), Monday, 30 January 2006 08:10 (twenty years ago)

I wouldn't fuck a thirteen-year old... I'm superstitious.

*ducks*

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 30 January 2006 11:37 (twenty years ago)

That's okay, you could just get her to touch wood for luck.

― mei (mei), Monday, 30 January 2006 13:18 (twenty years ago)

))(( back and forth forever and ever

hahahahahahahahaha!

I'd forgotten about that film (actually I've also forgotten the name of the film too, can you help me out?)

― Chewshabadoo (Chewshabadoo), Monday, 30 January 2006 14:26 (twenty years ago)

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