John Kerry kills hamster, saves rat.

The truth is sadder than fiction. The truth is I have the heart of lion, yet I offer my kingdom for a hamster. When I was a boy, I stood a full three inches tall. My only companion and protector was my pet hamster, Bebe Rebozzo (no relation). We were vacationing on Martha's Vineyard, the French Aristocrat's sea-shore resort of choice, waiting for the ferry to take us to Walter Cronkrite's house to hear him spin lies by the campfire. Just then, John Kerry threw Bebe Rebozzo and his ugly daughters' rat in the bay. With camera rolling to document his "bravery", he saved the rat, but left Bebe to die. Later that night, I saw John Kerry break into various pet stores, torching the hamster cages and raping young hamsters. I saw this all from the vantage point only a three inch tall boy could have. I have eaten my spinach and broccoli (Sorry 41) and now am 7 feet tall and ready to let freedom ring from the truths I share with you now.