100% real, totally surreal quotes from your life, part one: Things said to you, posted here out of context

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"And you, you want to join the Army. You can't even cut cocaine!"

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 04:09 (twenty-one years ago)

"She does not repulse me".

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 04:11 (twenty-one years ago)

"Anyone with two brains would know that"

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 04:12 (twenty-one years ago)

"Zen masters need no pants"

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 04:40 (twenty-one years ago)

wooah there. Trayce, I am BEGGING you to supply context.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 04:48 (twenty-one years ago)

"Yeah, usually the dick needs a guy attached to it."

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 04:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I think Tuomas just provided it.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 05:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Hhahaha!

I have the context, I just cant find it (stupid LJ, why dont they have a search function?) anyway it was an MSN convo between me and a friend that didnt make much more sense IN context ;)

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 05:01 (twenty-one years ago)

"Some individuals throughout history, like Hitler and George Bush, did not have all five senses. Maybe they have some kind of defect. I too have a defect."

― Laura E (laurae55), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 05:46 (twenty-one years ago)

"Vending machines are more interesting than the prime minister."

― Laura E (laurae55), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 05:48 (twenty-one years ago)

"Marilyn Monroe is dead?!?"

― Laura E (laurae55), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 05:49 (twenty-one years ago)

"Who killed you? Hitler?"

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 05:51 (twenty-one years ago)

"Hey man, what're you eating?"
"A taco!"
"A taco at nine a.m.?"
"Those taco places start in early, man."
"Which taco place?"
"The one that's in the middle of those other two taco places."
"Oh... you mean on the (ha...ha...ha...) taco strip."
"Yeah, dude, the veritable taco strip."
"I might go down there right now, and get myself a taco."

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 05:53 (twenty-one years ago)

"You know how Eliza's a total germophobe? Well, she was in the elevator yesterday and Melanie pushed her right into all of the buttons!. Omigod, omigod, I almost puked I was laughing so hard. It was the funniest thing I ever saw."
"I woulda laughed too."
"Not as hard as I did. It was really - omigod, I almost peed."

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 05:55 (twenty-one years ago)

"This is a music video about how parents just don't understand!"
"Yes, I got the same vibe; it's about how they don't listen."
"My parents didn't listen to me."
"Thanks for sharing... back on topic -- "
"But that's because they're deaf."
" -- oh, I'm sorry, but back on topic -- "
"No, I'm just fucking with your head."

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 05:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I actually found the rest of my zen master pants convo, and its even better than that one line:

PlayfulPuppy says:
Zen master needs no pants!
Trayce says:
ah but they are zen pants
Trayce says:
they are only there, when there is a need for there to be pants
PlayfulPuppy says:
Like a rugby game?
Trayce says:
um...

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 06:06 (twenty-one years ago)

"The jabs felt like the needle was nailing my scrotum to the bed."

― stockholm cindy (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 06:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I think Kevin totally wins - I woke the dog laughing at that one

― roger adultery (roger adultery), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 07:02 (twenty-one years ago)

"The bar's closed?!? Hmmm...
Could I have your autograph, then?"

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 07:32 (twenty-one years ago)

"No more funhousing!!!!"

― aimurchie, Wednesday, 15 September 2004 08:15 (twenty-one years ago)

"Reading is just like talking"

― kevin says relax (daddy warbuxx), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 08:29 (twenty-one years ago)

"Your nipples look prosperous; his are chocolate and vanilla."

I still have no idea what she was trying to tell me.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 13:27 (twenty-one years ago)

"i'm telling you man, you cannot stand up inside a cow."

― dysøn (dyson), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 13:42 (twenty-one years ago)

WINNER

― brock (brock), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 13:46 (twenty-one years ago)

'It's 360 degrees of rain!'

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 13:47 (twenty-one years ago)

"I love your head."

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 13:47 (twenty-one years ago)

"You won't use it yourself will you?"

"No"

"Maybe your girlfriend"

"Maybe my mum".

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 13:53 (twenty-one years ago)

"you remind me of an octopus."

― Wooden (Wooden), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

"This girl I had a short sexual thing with, she goes, 'You know that song "Hold On Loosely [38 Special]? *sings* Hold on loosely/don't let go. That's so true, you know?' She was talking about her ex-boyfriend! Fucking bitch."

― andrew m. (andrewmorgan), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 15:09 (twenty-one years ago)

"There are no fragile dogs in heaven. Marry who ye will."

― pepektheassassin (pepektheassassin), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

"The cat reminds me of Hitler"

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 22:35 (twenty-one years ago)

"Weren't Germany and Japan in some big war or something?"

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Wednesday, 15 September 2004 22:53 (twenty-one years ago)

"do you ever desire a butt?"

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 22:54 (twenty-one years ago)

"it's so funny to watch hairdressers try to dance like boxers"

― colette (a2lette), Friday, 17 September 2004 23:51 (twenty-one years ago)

"you remind me of a drunk mosquito"

― Nellie (nellskies), Saturday, 18 September 2004 13:04 (twenty-one years ago)

"i can't believe i was denied again by captain picard's angioplasty"

― jess (dubplatestyle), Saturday, 18 September 2004 14:25 (twenty-one years ago)

"my brain isn't like a clock."

― cºzen (Cozen), Saturday, 18 September 2004 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

This was out of context even in context: 15 or so of us round a friend's place last night. F. is in the next room, phoning his wife in Glasgow. The rest of us are eating pizzas. There is one of those momentary lulls in conversation, and we hear F. say "So what did you do with her false teeth?"

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 19 September 2004 09:53 (twenty-one years ago)

"have you ever injected yourself with garlic?"

― m. (mitchlnw), Sunday, 19 September 2004 09:59 (twenty-one years ago)

(btw, there was *no* context whatsoever. we were silently waiting in line to go see a movie.)

― m. (mitchlnw), Sunday, 19 September 2004 10:01 (twenty-one years ago)

"We tell patients like you to ejaculate frequently, whether by intercourse or masturbation."

― viagra cowboy (lovebug starski), Sunday, 19 September 2004 11:50 (twenty-one years ago)

"there's a guy on the committee with three balls, and so everyone does what he says."

― Matt B. (Matt B.), Sunday, 19 September 2004 12:17 (twenty-one years ago)

IMNAMEWITHHELD(11:45:52 AM): if u ever even looked at my bulldog wrong
IMNAMEWITHHELD(11:45:58 AM): she would prob release gas on you
IMNAMEWITHHELD(11:46:09 AM): just lettingu know she doesnt put up with any shit from people

― Away Message Up (Richard K), Sunday, 19 September 2004 18:09 (twenty-one years ago)

"You scare me sometimes, you know that?"

― Aja (aja), Sunday, 19 September 2004 18:10 (twenty-one years ago)

i can't believe IMNAMEWITHHELD isn't in fact me.

― m. (mitchlnw), Sunday, 19 September 2004 18:13 (twenty-one years ago)

"These are the ones people will remember: The Night Chicago Died and the night Heidi loaded the washing machine twice."

(Actually, this was said *by* me, today.)

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Sunday, 19 September 2004 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

"I tell you what, if it is the badminton player he's got GREAT hair!"

― Markelby (Mark C), Monday, 20 September 2004 08:15 (twenty-one years ago)

"He's got great eyes."
"What, you mean his own personal eyes?"

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 20 September 2004 09:13 (twenty-one years ago)

three weeks pass...

"Tits don't exist in a vacuum. They always exist in a context."

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:11 (twenty-one years ago)

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