Why Doesn't Anyone Like black Jelly Beans?

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John Kerry does not want you to know this, but in 1982, Yoko Ono and Ronald Reagan recorded a hit single, "Why Doesn't Anyone Like Black Jelly Beans?" John Kerry does not want you to know of his love for black jelly beans, to the exclusion of all other varieties. He eats these candies only on Thursdays - the day he calls his "horny day." Every thursday, John Kerry wears as underwear a tight green speedo. The speedo's texture and the jelly bean's licorice tang make him fired up for some love, even with the dowdy Tay-Ray-zha.

― dexterpie, Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:02 (twenty-one years ago)

is it cos they black?

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Ray Charles can't read cuz he's DEAD. Get with the program.

― sexyDancer, Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:06 (twenty-one years ago)

becasue they are racists. grand puba did a whole song about it.

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Why does the black licorice taste the worst?
Why does the black jellybean taste the worst?
Why do the bad guys always wear black?
Why is bad luck when you see a black cat?
Cause they're workin subconciously, subconciously
Workin subconciously
Workin subconciously, subconciously
Workin subconciously
This is why we must teach our strong black nation
Proper education, education

― Fritz Wollner (Fritz), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:13 (twenty-one years ago)

None of this is true. It's well known that Yoko can't sing worth a darn. Reagan and she were just meeting periodically to talk about how much they missed John Lennon. Many of us have eaten Jelly Beans with Sen. Kerry, including black ones, and we can all affirm that Thursday is NOT 'horny day' and that the speedo is not green.

― Rebuttal (Hereward), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Please send me all of your black jelly beans & licorice and licorice flavored novelty items. I want them.

― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:16 (twenty-one years ago)

do you want those halloween candies wrapped in orange and black wax paper too?

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:18 (twenty-one years ago)

If he doesn't, I do.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:20 (twenty-one years ago)

K, I'll trade em for twixes.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Ew, please.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:22 (twenty-one years ago)

also: you disgust me to my empty core.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Ew? you're getting rid of the twixes, not takin em.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Oooh, my day is ruined! What will I do? Oh no! Oh no!

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Bite me.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, see, I don't like them. Anyway, what does this have to do with black jelly beans?

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't have time to draw you a diagram, but perhaps this plain English will help you understand: You don't like Twix. I don't like those Halloween things. We trade, thus making both of us happy.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Who wants Circus Peanuts? you can fuckin' have those...

― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh ew. Miss Piggy Luna probably loves them, though.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't have time to draw you a diagram, but perhaps this plain English will help you understand: You don't like Twix. I don't like those Halloween things. We trade, thus making both of us happy.

You can cram your condescension up your butt, Slim. And the twix, too.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm way ahead of you, chief.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Might as well go for the candy-ass trifecta and shove the circus peanuts up there too, eh oops?

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:39 (twenty-one years ago)

nah, cleanup is too much of a hassle.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Not if you know a friendly elephant.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I woulda thought green helly beans would be least favoured.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Helly Beans!! Satan's favorite.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Is it just me or are Jelly Bellys kind of disgusting?

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:42 (twenty-one years ago)

No, you're both kind of disgusting.

― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:43 (twenty-one years ago)

They are disgusting, it's the hard outer skin and the mushy innards - almost like real beans. Not a patch on wine gums.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Ha ha, that just made me remember when Sarah and I were flying to France. I hate flying and it makes me really queasy and stomache-achey. There were this huge couple behind us who had a box of Jelly Bellys, and they kept taking them out one by one and trying to decide what flavor each one was before eating it: "I think it's Pina Colada...or it could be Marshmallow...no, it's Pina Colada" and then eating it: "Yep, it was Pina Colada" OVER AND OVER FOR LITERALLY 45 minutes while the strong sickly scent of Jelly Bellys wafted over to my nearly-vomitrocious stomach. I think this is where I get my hatred of Jelly Bellys from.

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Liquorice be olde fashioned

― sexyDancer, Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:46 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah that was before people had taste buds and artificial flavoring. purplesaurus rex>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>black licorice

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:48 (twenty-one years ago)

jelly beans: meh. jelly bellies: PUKE. jelly babies: strong proof that there might be a loving god.

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:52 (twenty-one years ago)

lauren, you are a girl after my own heart.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Jelly Babies? I am intrigued. Tell me more.

― oops (Oops), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Ask The Doctor

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:57 (twenty-one years ago)

perfection, courtesy of basset's, who might also make my beloved winegums. they're little teeny sqooshy extremely sugary vaguely person-shaped fruit-flavored candy.

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:57 (twenty-one years ago)

we used to play "death march" with them, lining them up in a row on a table and then shoving as many as we could get in our mouths.

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:58 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.qnf.com.au/images/c002.jpg

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 18:59 (twenty-one years ago)

The best Jelly Babies were made by Payne's, I haven't had them in about 10 years, but they were a thing of beauty. Basset's are a little too squidgy for my liking. Basset's now make fruit flavoured All Sorts, I haven't tried them yet.

― jel -- (jel), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 19:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I love black jelly beans. and ouzo.

― gygax! (gygax!), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 19:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Forever linked in my mind to this:
http://www.blockaholic.com/4thdr.gif

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 19:03 (twenty-one years ago)

In first grade we got little cups of jelly beans for easter, and I went around and got all the black jelly beans from the kids who didn't like them. I was the black jelly bean king. Then we watched Darby O'Gill and the Little People. No wait, that was St. Patrick's Day.

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 19:07 (twenty-one years ago)

It is to your advantage to like black candy.
A skill one should learn.

― sexyDancer, Wednesday, 15 September 2004 19:12 (twenty-one years ago)

ouzo is ouzome. hoarhounds are where it's at, too, so so good.

― g--ff (gcannon), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 19:16 (twenty-one years ago)

John Kerry does not want you to know of his love for black jelly beans, to the exclusion of all other varieties. He eats these candies only on Thursdays - the day he calls his "horny day."

Clearly untrue, as black licorice has been scientifically linked to impotence and diminished sex drive.

― webcrack (music=crack), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 19:56 (twenty-one years ago)

I dislike jelly beans in general.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 22:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Wait, don't they have jelly babies in the US?

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 15 September 2004 23:51 (twenty-one years ago)

since lauren and luna are both familiar with them, I assume so. Though I don't think there is a candy on the planet that luna isn't familiar with.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 16 September 2004 00:02 (twenty-one years ago)

They might not anymore though, or maybe they are internet-only orders; a lot of candy shaped like humans/babies were taken off the market. There was one called something like chocolate babies that my mom is OBSESSED with. I think her entire beef with political correctness is the lack of candy cigarettes and chocolate babies in the world today.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 16 September 2004 00:08 (twenty-one years ago)

The happiest moment I had in the last 5 years was followed immediately by the saddest, when I found a whole assortment of candy cigs in san francisco :) but then realized I had no money. :(

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 16 September 2004 00:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Ally - that makes sense, as sad and stupid as it is. The funny thing here is, the jelly baby is the icon and mascot, if you will, of the Walk for the Cure for children's diabetes. They have a cute TV commercial with jellybabies marching along.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 16 September 2004 00:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Also, I rememver those choco-babies too, though I didnt like them much (they had a choc flavour but in a jelly texture? Eugh).

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 16 September 2004 00:27 (twenty-one years ago)

OK candy as a mascot for anti-diabetes is really, really awful.

I used to buy candy cigarettes instead of ice cream from the ice cream man. My mom thought this was reprehensible, publically, but privately ate my candy cigarettes that were leftover.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 16 September 2004 00:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually there is a reason for the candy mascot - they say somethign about how when their insulin levels are out of whack (whichever way, as I know one way needs sugar and the other insulin), eating a jellybaby is a good quick fix in place of anything else.

Tho these days its all about fats and carbs for diabetes innit?

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 16 September 2004 02:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Damn i wish they made licorice ice cream.

― Queen Electric Butt Prober BZZT!! BZZZZZT!! (Queen Electric Butt Prober BZZ), Thursday, 16 September 2004 06:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Wait, don't they have jelly babies in the US?

nope. i get giant boxes from duty-free.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 16 September 2004 13:56 (twenty-one years ago)

i like black jelly babies, third only to red and green

― the neurotic rassafrassa of harrumph (blueski), Thursday, 16 September 2004 13:56 (twenty-one years ago)

ohhhh, yeahhhhh!
http://www.kevinscandy.com/crows_lg.jpg

― dave225 (Dave225), Thursday, 16 September 2004 13:57 (twenty-one years ago)

black jelly babies don't taste like licorice, though, while black jelly beans do. yuck.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 16 September 2004 13:59 (twenty-one years ago)

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