100% real, totally surreal quotes from your life, part 2: Things said to you, posted here IN context

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I teach English at a conversation school in Japan, and last night my boss, a sophisticated, waifish Japanese lady in her early 30s called me over to the counter to ask me a question.

Please keep in mind that most of the staff, as well as a prospective student seated about three feet away from her, were watching this entire exchange.

She says, "Laura, I have a question. Does your boyfriend see you poou?" And I pause, my mouth hanging open, because I'm sure that her pronunciation must be off, and that I don't understand. She sees the mystified look on my face, and to clarify, she squats down towards the floor and uses her hand to pantomime a spray of feces from her ass saying "Poo! poo! poo!" with distinct bursts for each exclamation.

Then she quite seriously and thoughtfully waited for my reply.

I kept staring in disbelief, until it dawned on me that she actually wanted to know if I felt comfortable shitting in front of my boyfriend, and didn't mind asking in front of the entire staff as well as several students. It was one of the most surreal things I have ever heard, particularly in context.

― Laura E (laurae55), Thursday, 16 September 2004 02:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Jesus, that's tough to beat.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 16 September 2004 02:26 (twenty-one years ago)

"poou"

What was your response?

(xp)

― why do old people and old users of ILX such bastardos (deangulberry), Thursday, 16 September 2004 02:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Laura wins.

― Barry Bruner (Barry Bruner), Thursday, 16 September 2004 02:27 (twenty-one years ago)

squats down towards the floor and uses her hand to pantomime a spray of feces from her ass saying "Poo! poo! poo!" with distinct bursts for each exclamation.

most wickedly aweseom thing I have ever heard about

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 16 September 2004 02:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I told the truth, which is "yes," which set off a fit of giggling, handclapping, and jumping up and down from about 10 people around me.

then she moved on to my coworker, and asked him, "Do you fart in front of your girlfriend? I learned a new word today. Fart! Fart! Fart!"

― Laura E (laurae55), Thursday, 16 September 2004 02:31 (twenty-one years ago)

LAURA I KISS YOU

― Ian c=====8 (orion), Thursday, 16 September 2004 02:34 (twenty-one years ago)

heavens.

― stockholm cindy, montessori emo superstar (Jody Beth Rosen), Thursday, 16 September 2004 02:36 (twenty-one years ago)

you killed your own thread.

― lukey (Lukey G), Thursday, 16 September 2004 11:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Shut down ILX.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 16 September 2004 11:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Exceptional.

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Thursday, 16 September 2004 11:41 (twenty-one years ago)

This is amazing. My day can only go down from here though.

― Dale the Panopticalist (cprek), Thursday, 16 September 2004 11:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Why don't you lock the door??

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 16 September 2004 11:49 (twenty-one years ago)

i am overhearing some consultant talk to his stuff on the other side of the large room in which i have a cubicle.

stray snippets:

"the so-called 'ancient greeks'" ("so-called"?)

"they were the ultimate forefathers"

"they would sell their children for money"

i have no idea what he's ostensibly talking about, mind

― amateur!!st, Thursday, 16 September 2004 16:39 (twenty-one years ago)

talk to his STAFF

― amateur!!st, Thursday, 16 September 2004 16:40 (twenty-one years ago)

"the so-called 'ancient greeks'" ("so-called"?)

That's awesome.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 17 September 2004 00:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, I guess they didn't call themselves that.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Friday, 17 September 2004 00:47 (twenty-one years ago)

"hello, we're the ancient greeks."

that's pure python, really.

― darraghmac, Friday, 17 September 2004 00:49 (twenty-one years ago)

"Hello, we're the so-called 'Ancient Greeks'" would be funnier though.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Friday, 17 September 2004 00:52 (twenty-one years ago)

it's funny cause they didn't speak English.

― oops (Oops), Friday, 17 September 2004 00:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Sure they did. They just said 'little fish' instead of 'a'.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Friday, 17 September 2004 00:55 (twenty-one years ago)

she squats down towards the floor and uses her hand to pantomime a spray of feces from her ass saying "Poo! poo! poo!" with distinct bursts for each exclamation.

My brain just exploded. Thanks, Laura, I am now extremely worried about going to Japan next month.

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 17 September 2004 01:08 (twenty-one years ago)

What was her motivation for asking, I wonder?

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 17 September 2004 01:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe she just wanted to say "poo!"

Also I do find it pretty weird that some people do shit in front of their partners. My girlfriend and I made a pact years ago that the day one of us takes a crap in front of the other is the day we end it.

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 17 September 2004 01:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I remember Sting and Trudy Styler were on Howard Stern's radio show about a decade ago, and Sting was flapping on about how literally inseparable he and Trudy were. "Oh yeah?," says Howard."So Trudy, does Sting let you watch when he's on the bowl?" Sting, horrified, merely whispers "HOWARD!" in utter shck. "Hey," Howard laughs, "this ain't Rockline!"

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 17 September 2004 01:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I think she asked the question because the asst. manager (also Japanese) had said she would never do that, and the manager was quite surprised, so she decided to opinion poll all the gaijin to determine their crap habits.

And as far as the actual question goes, I dunno, it's no big thing. I wouldn't seek it out or leave the door open for no reason, but if my boyfriend needed to get a Band-Aid or something and I was on the john, whatever.

Also the crazy proprietor at the internet cafe here just walked up to me, said nothing, and took a picture of me on his digital camera, flash and everything, and walked away. WTF?!?

― Laura E (laurae55), Friday, 17 September 2004 02:03 (twenty-one years ago)

He's got a crush on you, clearly.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Friday, 17 September 2004 02:04 (twenty-one years ago)

That was certainly the smoothest way possible to act upon those feelings, then.

― Laura E (laurae55), Friday, 17 September 2004 02:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Your're going to be on billboard posters advertising their internet cafe, abviously. "Girls go here too!" will be the type.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Friday, 17 September 2004 02:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Everybody Poops.

― gygax! (gygax!), Monday, 20 September 2004 02:30 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.giftednaturalist.com/scstore/graphics/sku2-4201.jpg

― gygax! (gygax!), Monday, 20 September 2004 02:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I remember that book! That's hilarious!

― Richard K (Richard K), Monday, 20 September 2004 02:43 (twenty-one years ago)

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