Defend the Indefensible: The Star Wars Prequels

No.

George

My mum and dad say that I'm shit in the role and people laugh at me on the street. When you re-release Episode 2 can you digitally replace me with Chewbacca?

Cheers

Hayden

sorry, that's as fervent as i can get.

http://www.albany.net/~genxtv/lids1.gif

"How's THAT for a topper?"

I don't piss, I don't shit, I'm gettin' no relief,
People shake their heads in disbelief.
GO!

Just me on a hilltop with 15 girls,
In a Nelson Reilly orgy that'll make your hair curl.
I don't piss, I don't shit, I'm gettin' no relief,
People shake their heads in disbelief.

Yeah, Charles Nelson Reilly, he's our man,
He can't heal the sick with the touch of his hand,
He can't walk on water, can't make wine flow;
Just another greedy actor on the late late show!

I don't piss, I don't shit, I'm gettin' no relief,
People shake their heads in disbelief.
GO!

Just me on a hilltop with 15 girls,
In a Nelson Reilly orgy that'll make your hair curl.
I don't piss, I don't shit, I'm gettin' no relief,
People shake their heads in disbelief.

obi wan vs. vader
vader vs. his ladyfriend
vader kills all of the jedi
rise of the empire

and when you consider how f'n stupid and flimsy the other two prequels were, it gives me little hope that the 3rd one will wrap everything up nicely and segway into a new hope as much as the fanz would like it to.

The main gripes I have about the prequals are:

* The technology! - It's too advanced, it should have looked more basic! It's like every went to pot when the Empire took over, maybe it did, but I woulda thought the Imperial war machine would have advanced.
* The clones! - I always thought that the Storm Troopers were conscripts, and made the destruction of the Death Star an even bigger tragedy. Now it doesn't seem to matter so much.

Little kid goes bad. Will work on this after I've done the good bits.

I read part of this sentence wrong the first time. I happily blame Dan Perry.

"So, my lady, I must ask, those titties, where are they at?"

TEASER TRAILER SOON MMKAY?

(actually I kinda did like them, though i last saw the first one when i was 13. It works pretty well as mindless spectacle, and Ep 2 is one of the most exquisitely funny movies I've ever seen. Unintentionally albeit, but really.)

Also, when our heroes have to fight all those monsters in the arena.
Lucas still knows how to set up a good Monster vs. helpless human fight.

The second one begins so terribly (also the middle), but then the end was awesome so I left thinking "decent."

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clone_troopers

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Star_Wars_ranged_weapons

Desperate shit, man. These films are the pits.

Fifth Element good too (except for when Tricky was on screen) as partial space movie

Fifth Element is a good film and good entertainment, but I was kinda disappointed with it, because I finally thought there'd be a movie that'd manage to capture some of the sense of wonder of Valérian and Laureline, what with it being directed by a French comic fan, and Mézières himself involved in the design work. (If you believe the rumours, Star Wars too was influenced by Valérian and Laureline.) But in the end it was more of a Bruce Willis action film in a sci-fi setting than a proper space opera, and Mézières's influence could only be seen in the fact that the different aliens looked cooler and more imaginative than in your standard sci-fi flicks.

SF movies as dead as the western

see this would be good news because the western came back in 2007 as oscar bait

I enjoy the Star Wars prequels why because they look intersting

i remember thinking, way back when the first prequel came out, that there actually was an interesting kernel of an idea at the heart of it. a 'comment on fascism vs democracy' even!

like: the galactic order is a mess, complicated and corrupt, with hundreds of different aliens, and the republican government is divided and sluggish. the whole setup depends on a small crew of idealist and super-powerful archaic knights, respected by all, called upon more and more for their diplomatic abilities internally than actually doing any fighting.

and then one of these guys, the youngest and maybe most talented of them all, gets sick of all the gridlock and the inability of the civilian government to deal with galaxy-wide collapse. he falls in with and then leads a cadre of 'bad knights' (widely feared and shunned for being hostile to the liberal order) in a putsch, promising to clean things up and get the space-trains running on time. bonapartism in space, basically. and then years later his estranged revolutionary son comes along...

i mean, that sounds like a great movie to me. shame how it turned out.

yeah the politics of it could make for some pretty interesting high-concept shit and space opera could still have been an effective milieu. unfortunately lucas' need to revert to the mono-myth structure robs it of all depth, plus, nobody actually cares about darth vader, same as they never cared about luke. Ep III is the most tolerable of these because it's told largely from obi-wan's perspective, the only sympathetic (read: not a whining or incomprehensible moron) character in this mess.

"Episode I: The Crisis of Galactic Democracy" by George Lucas from a script by Carl Schmitt

i would watch that shit

Mace Windu was ok too!

guys we're forgetting what matters here

http://www.tvguide.com/movies/dbpix/images/42897a.jpg

every single frame of I-III is fucking horrible on some level

http://i9.photobucket.com/albums/a61/npope3001/ned.gif

that matters a lot but it does not last nearly long enough to excuse even having to FFWD through all the other nonsense in that one. jesus all that CGI pastoral romance bullshit made me want to eat my own brain

But riding around on space hamsters, Tombot.

i've only seen episode I

i still think the "nooooo!" in ep. 3 was one of the seven wonders of camp, and it had a couple of fleeting moments dipped in genuine star wars magic. casting that twerp as anakin in the first place tied their hands, I think it had the potential to be a just-below-average prequel(that is to say, an unqualified triumph compared to the first two) with some more gravitas from the lead.

I think Ian McDiarmid's vivid camp is the only thing I'll remember from those movies; his Palpatine is the only thing that suggests the terror and ridiculousness of Lucas' space-opera conceit.

i seem to remember an unveiling of his massive screaming EVIL-IZED head as he's fighting mace windu that had people rolling in the aisles at the screening. i mean, think about it, ep. 3 was the first time in 5+ hours of the saga where you could even begin to make your own fun. it's a crime is what it is.

I dunno, you can kinda make some of your own fun with certain contents of the still hoos posted up there

</ slashdot mod-bait>

natalie portman bare midriff is not even 1/10 princess leia in metal bikini

So the digital editing was actually for Natalie Portman's boobs? Compare that pic to this:

http://images.askmen.com/galleries/actress/natalie-portman/pictures/natalie-portman-picture-6.jpg

Or is she wearing some hyperspace push-up bra there?

i'd give her a hyperspace push up bra

sorry should have been a hyphen between up and bra.

I don't get it, a "hyperspace push up-bra" ?

you know, hyperspace = faster-than-light = FTL = fruit-of-the-loom

he was referring to the hyphen placement.

Since when are breasts static, is what I want to know.

I'm not saying they wax and wane with the cycles of the moon (although for some women they do) but it is not at all unbelievable or out of the ordinary for a woman's breasts to be a different sizes over the span of several years. It's not that hard! (yet) (sorry)

Are the bosoms in Star Wars funbags?

also I just invented the word "tyra-riffic"

the robots are neat and make for great toys! for real, my son and I have a lot more fun playing star wars than watching it. The star wars legos just rule...my wife and I just put together the Jabba's sail barge and it's awesome.

you son of a bitch

just put together the Jabba's sail barge

want

see I just express my envy with expletives

I am so glad my child will not be subjected to this shit - by the time she's old enough Star Wars' will be sooooooo uncool

Dream on, dude.

oh god, shakey mo daddier

guys if you all pooled together and bought me a star wars lego set for my birthday i wouldnt be mad cause it was a few days late

The little lego Leia is, of course chained by the neck for Jabba's *ahem* enjoyment.

http://cache.lego.com/upload/contentTemplating/StarwarsProducts/otherfiles/1033/uploadC00F8D9A-301F-48F2-8F47-91778A32AF73.jpghttp://cache.lego.com/upload/contentTemplating/StarwarsProducts/otherfiles/1033/uploadC00F8D9A-301F-48F2-8F47-91778A32AF73.jpghttp://cache.lego.com/upload/contentTemplating/StarwarsProducts/otherfiles/1033/uploadC00F8D9A-301F-48F2-8F47-91778A32AF73.jpg

0_o

you really have to give it up for macgregor's hamtronics too though. I mean he says, out loud, "I saw a security hologram... of him... killing... younglings" and then makes like he just threw up a little bit in his mouth, with the urp-guard hand motion to the lips and everything. You know nobody was paying a damn bit of attention to the acting after they let him get away with that.

lol younglings!

It was having to say younglings that made him throw up in mouth. Lucas is v smart.

http://i.imgur.com/sagRoVb.jpg

I am so glad my child will not be subjected to this shit - by the time she's old enough Star Wars' will be sooooooo uncool

― Shakey Mo Collier, Wednesday, October 10, 2007 12:07 PM

Dream on, dude.

― HI DERE, Wednesday, October 10, 2007 12:11 PM

hehe, how does it get uncooler from here?

You start liking it?

been there! '77-83

daughter is still not interested in Star Wars for those keeping track