How would George Lucas revamp other films and/or works of art?

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Inspired by the claim of Crudderz elsewhere that Lucas digitally removed the dreadlocks from a PWEI album.

In Citizen Kane, the reporter would be accompanied by a wacky sidekick named Dwonku who asks whether or not Kane liked ham and mittens. He would have a horrifying laugh.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 23 September 2004 23:21 (twenty-one years ago)

In the spirit of Speilberg's slight re-tooling of ET....

In Michelangelo Antonioni's Blow-Up, David Hemmings would spend hours trying to determine if that really was a hand brandishing a banana coming out of the bushes in that park.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 23 September 2004 23:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Jesus would have an actual, visible, hula-hoop halo visible in every shot of Passion of the Christ, with the whuzz-whuzz lightsabre sound f/x every time he turned his head:

My children
(whuzz-whuzz)
break of this bread
(zhhherrrowhuzz)
and (other stuff Jesus said)
(fschoom-whzzzz)

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Thursday, 23 September 2004 23:26 (twenty-one years ago)

He'd knock up La Giaconda in five minutes, and it'd be crap, then he'd do two more, and they'd be crap, and then he'd sell them all to the public, then he'd change them all and sell them again, then he'd change them a second time and sell them all again, then he'd make three new ones that are crap and sell them, then he'd take the first three and sell them in a new format, knowing the public had already bought every other version because that's all that was available, and the whole time he'd claim it's because he cares about his art, not because he wants to eat money and swim in money and wear a hat made of money.

― Sexual Air Supply (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 23 September 2004 23:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Ooh... the end of 400 Blows would involve Antoine Doinel leaping at least half a dozen chasms, copy of Campbell's Hero With a Thousand Assholes clutched tight in his Gaul fist.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Thursday, 23 September 2004 23:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Jesus would have an actual, visible, hula-hoop halo visible in every shot of Passion of the Christ, with the whuzz-whuzz lightsabre sound f/x every time he turned his head:
My children
(whuzz-whuzz)
break of this bread
(zhhherrrowhuzz)
and (other stuff Jesus said)
(fschoom-whzzzz)

-- ex-jeremy (jc(00)mbs@gmai1.com), September 24th, 2004.

if he did that i might actually sit through the movie again!

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 23 September 2004 23:35 (twenty-one years ago)

http://img56.exs.cx/img56/5539/gf2brando.jpg

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 24 September 2004 02:26 (twenty-one years ago)

In the Good Son, Elijah Wood would have dropped from the cliff.

― jim wentworth (wench), Friday, 24 September 2004 02:35 (twenty-one years ago)

The Holy Roman Empire Strikes Back

Jesus:The Pharisees told me you killed my father!
God:I am your father, Jesus. Look inside yourself. You know it is true.
Jesus:Noooooo! No! You're not my father! < crucifies self >

Just before he hammers the final nail in, the chariot of Elijah swoops past underneath and rescues him.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Friday, 24 September 2004 08:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Fuck that's the funniest thing to imagine ever!

― Ste (Fuzzy), Friday, 24 September 2004 08:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Sam's bar would be a wretched ginjoint of intergalactic scum and villainy - Lucas not as interested in Nazis so replace them with Boruks from the planet Primula Snax

― teh pow! (blueski), Friday, 24 September 2004 09:52 (twenty-one years ago)

there'll be in scene in Amelie involving gold bikinis

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 24 September 2004 10:47 (twenty-one years ago)

the nazis would win in raiders of the lost ark

― jess (dubplatestyle), Friday, 24 September 2004 10:49 (twenty-one years ago)

The Jean Seberg character in "À bout de souffle" would be played by a homoerotic muppet.

― Dadrockismus (Dada), Friday, 24 September 2004 10:53 (twenty-one years ago)

mallrats would be called "a new mall"
dogma will be called "return of the dogma"
clerks will be called "jay and silent bob strike back"

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 24 September 2004 10:53 (twenty-one years ago)

"The Return of Martin Guerre" would be called "The Return of the Return of Martin Guerre"

― Dadrockismus (Dada), Friday, 24 September 2004 10:55 (twenty-one years ago)

"Passion of the Christ" would have a prequel: "Morning Sickness of the Virgin"

― Dadrockismus (Dada), Friday, 24 September 2004 10:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Celestial Wars:
Episode IV: Jesus, A New Hope
Episode V: The Roman Empire Strikes Back (front, sides and legs then nails the poor bastard to a tree)
Episode VI: Return Of The Messiah

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 24 September 2004 11:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Pi would have a scene with asteroids.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Friday, 24 September 2004 11:33 (twenty-one years ago)

"Return of the Magi"
"Little Star Wars of Bethlehem"

... you want 'em, we got 'em!

― Dadrockismus (Dada), Friday, 24 September 2004 11:36 (twenty-one years ago)

hitchhiker's guide to a galaxy far far away

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 24 September 2004 11:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Three Men And A Jawa

― teh pow! (blueski), Friday, 24 September 2004 11:40 (twenty-one years ago)

krakatoa east of Jawa

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 24 September 2004 11:41 (twenty-one years ago)

My Dinner With JarJar

― dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 24 September 2004 11:42 (twenty-one years ago)

"The Wookie"

Plot Outline: Clint Eastwood plays a veteran cop who gets stuck with a wookie cop (Charlie Sheen) to chase down a German criminal (Raul Julia.)

― Dadrockismus (Dada), Friday, 24 September 2004 11:43 (twenty-one years ago)

The Empire Line Strikes Back (Jane Austen epic).

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 24 September 2004 11:44 (twenty-one years ago)

The Evil Dead films would have Ash repeatedly saying "I've got a bad feeling about this"

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Friday, 24 September 2004 11:45 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.cnn.com/interactive/entertainment/0003/oscar.stories/6thsense.jpg

i see dead people

http://galeria1.terramail.pl/bruce/f/bw02-04.jpg

the force is strong with this one

http://www.joelcomm.com/archives/sixthsense.jpg

i am your father!! er i mean i am also a dead person!! and your father!!!!!

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 24 September 2004 11:55 (twenty-one years ago)

He isn't his father is he?

― Dadrockismus (Dada), Friday, 24 September 2004 11:55 (twenty-one years ago)

he is in george lucas' version

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 24 September 2004 11:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh right, I don't know enough about either Star Wars or whatever that Bruce Willis film is called to understand what you're on about. All I know about Star Wars are the silly names the characters have.

― Dadrockismus (Dada), Friday, 24 September 2004 11:57 (twenty-one years ago)

The Hunt For Red October would be thirty seconds long, because Red October isn't the submarine you're looking for.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Friday, 24 September 2004 11:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Lawrence of Tatooine

― robster (robster), Friday, 24 September 2004 12:02 (twenty-one years ago)

En compagnie d'Antonin R2D2 (1993)

Plot Summary: May, 1946, in Paris young poet Jacques Prevel meets Antonin R2D2, the actor, artist, and writer just released from a mental asylum...

― Dadrockismus (Dada), Friday, 24 September 2004 12:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Remake of the Wedding Singer with that giant snake creature from the asteroid in the Drew Barrymore role.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Friday, 24 September 2004 12:08 (twenty-one years ago)

oh right - i think in star wars near the end there's a great shockah when [a main character] reveals that he is in fact the father of [another main character] (names concealed in case you want to retain the "mystery" if you ever want to see it) and it was all a shock

i think that's how it goes, anyway - i haven't actually seen the films (eps 4 5 6).

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 24 September 2004 12:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Ken, are you talking about Citizen Kane? Where the sled turns out to be his father?

― dave225 (Dave225), Friday, 24 September 2004 12:19 (twenty-one years ago)

no, he's talking about Psycho, where it turns out it was HIM dressed up as the sled all along!!

― J.D. (Justyn Dillingham), Friday, 24 September 2004 12:22 (twenty-one years ago)

"Ordinary Sand People"

― Nemo (JND), Friday, 24 September 2004 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Just before he hammers the final nail in

"It's impossible to hammer that last nail in by yourself. Believe me, I've tried!"

Now if Lucas wants to redo The Passion with Nigel Planer circa. 1982 in the lead role, I'm all for it.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 24 September 2004 13:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Lucas doesn't discover that logical slip until he "improves" the film 20 years later. Jesus hammers first.

― aldo_cowpat (aldo_cowpat), Friday, 24 September 2004 13:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Ponitus Pilate switched from David Bowie to claymated slug-like figure.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Friday, 24 September 2004 14:39 (twenty-one years ago)

three years pass...

http://www.cinematical.com/media/2008/07/lucascarbonite1.jpg

― Dr Morbius, Wednesday, 30 July 2008 15:22 (seventeen years ago)

Gets his disgustingly flabby neck right.

― Neil S, Wednesday, 30 July 2008 15:24 (seventeen years ago)

ooh can't wait to see the 3-D versions of all six Star War movies!

ugh someone kill this guy please

― Shakey Mo Collier, Thursday, 7 August 2008 22:08 (seventeen years ago)

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