Stupid things you remember....

to a diddly aye tune with a Ralph McTell wannabe voice over.

091 232 6565 bbc radio newcastle phone number

however i have no idea what my current phone number is...

That wardrobe was with us for like 10 years (it moved from hong kong to UK). i used to see the writing every now and then and remembered the exact time when i was writing it. i'm still not rich.

I could come up with at least a dozen phone numbers for elementary school friends right now, if I had to.

Laying on the carpet at age 5, looking at some of my dad's old college textbooks, and somehow making a flawed but logical connection between HISTORY and HIS STORY on one of the spines.

The first number-one song in America by a British artist was Acker Bilk's "Stranger on the Shore".

"For London Daily News* Classified, call 585 6000!"

*short-lived rival to the Evening Standard in the mid-80s

I remember one year my mom took me school shoppin'
It was me, my brother, my mom, oh, my poppa
And my little sister all hopped in the car
We headed downtown to the Gallery Mall
My mom started buggin' with the clothes she chose
I didn't say nothin' at first, I just turned up my nose
She said "What's wrong, this shirt costs 20 dollars,"
I said "Mom, the shirt is plaid with a butterfly collar."
The next half-hour was the same old thing,
My mother buying me clothes from 1963.
(a few lines I forgot here, including one about reversible slacks)
I tried to get over it, I tried to play sick,
But my mom said "No, no way, uh uh, forget it."
..., I tried to relax
I got dressed up in those ancient artifacts
But when I walked into school, it was just as I thought
The kids were cracking up, laughing at the clothes mom bought
And the kids that weren't laughing still had a ball,
They were clapping and whistling as I walked down the hall,
So I'm telling all you kids all across the land,
Take it from me, parents just don't understand.

I was "impressing" someone in the pub with this factoid only last week. They weren't that impressed though.

Teevee

In the house of Mr. and Mrs. Spouse
he and she would watch teevee
and never a word between them spoken
until the day the set was broken.

Then:
"How do you do?"
said he to she.
"Spouse is my name - what's yours?",
he asked.
"Why, mine's the same!",
said she to he,
"Do you suppose that we could be-"

But then the set came right about,
and so they never did find out.

On the afternoon my grandfather passed away, I noted not only the date and time but also what one of my aunts fixed me for dinner early that evening. I had a really good tuna fish sandwich. I also remember watching her prepare the tuna fish for the sandwich, including how she actually took out the stringy things in the celery before chopping it, which Mom never ever ever did. I realized then that without the stringy things, I actually liked celery in my tuna fish. And I remember insisting that my aunt keep the crust on, because I always ALWAYS loved the crust.

I remember spending part of a summer reading a science textbook in a large, leafy garden, when I was four years old. I have no idea whose leafy garden it was, but I remember feeling like the days lingered on and on in a heady swirl of extremely humid air mixed with the occasional cooling breeze. I used to be able to recall passages from this science textbook, but I can't anymore.

We'll Catch 'em and cook 'em as quick as can be
Birdseye fishfingers

Gold bars o' goodness, crumbed and crunchy
Birdseye Fishfingers

BUT HOW DOES IT END?

The last Daimler Fleetline in the London bus fleet had the fleet no. D 2646 and the last Routemaster was RML 2760.

Llama man
Llama man
Does everything that a llama can
He can bleat
He can trot
Has everything that a llama's got

etc

I also have a very old snippet of memory of hearing, in my mother's voice, "Who killed Cock Robin? ... I, said the sparrow, with my little arrow. I killed Cock Robin." I can't begin to remember the rest of it, though. Wish I could.

I'm mildly worried that it's brain cells firing for the last time before they die-off.

"Yech, it smells in here and it's humid!
What a stink of cat's pee!
But what's that?
Cassius the Cat looks content!
Clodding Cassius Kitty Litter binds the smell and the humidity.
Cassius Kitty Litter - the hygienic one!"

This was an ad shown in the Finnish TV in the early nineties. I can recite it from memory anytime, word by word. I also remember how the stupid, poorly animated Cassius the Cat used to walk. I can't, however, remember the name of my first girlfriend.

the wrinkled sea beneath him crawls
as he watches from his mountain walls
and like a thunderbolt he falls'

I learned this in Miss Lassiter's 4th grade class... I remember it's called The Eagle by Sir someone, but I forget who.

mind you, not that hard to understand as i've been referencing said ever since....

And hundreds of other catchphrases from Public Safety films:

"Dave's great, Dave can do anything."
"Meet Mike, he swims like a fish!" (was I alone in adding - 'and looks like a monkey'?)
"I wish... I wish... I wish I didn't keep losing me birds!
Then learn to swim, young man, learn to swim." (a bird, two blokes and a fairy godmother instill the values of being able to swim)

"Fell in the river, didn't know how to swim, one of me mates jumped in and saved me..." (Rolf Harris in a swimming pool)

"Look Arthur, he's waving at us. Coooeee! Hello!" (The coastguard)

(a Lloyds advert in which a knight slays a mythical two-headed beast called the Tundred to save a maiden and help the viewer remember their new phone number - 0800 710 723)

The 'Python song' from some kids' music theatre production I was in at about ten or so, Greek myths put to song and acted out. It was about the birth of Apollo and Artemis.
Though I remember more & more often the way it was re-written for the sixteenth birthday of one of the helpers - "when you reach the age of sixteen / this is what you're allowed to do / you can smoke yourself to death / you can even get married too / but you're not allowed to drive a car / can't get tipsy in a bar / vote for tory or labour / on the other hand... / you can leave school if you want to / get a job if they will have you / [...] / now you're a man."

(my head is full of useless lyrics)

Paaaastaaaariiiia, wünsch' ich mirra von dirra...subito!

(German pasta advert c.1995, meant to be sung with an Italian accent)

Also, my mum's PIN for her bank card. It's...hmmm, maybe not.