What do you do to get ready to go out?

Going Out. Ideally, start two and a half hours before departure time. In this order:

Face mask, bath, shave, face scrub, wash hair, condition hair, clean teeth, put on some lively music, blow nose loudly, paint toes, floss teeth, cleanse, tone, moisturise, body lotion, perfume, try on outfit, tear off clothes and leave strewn on floor, repeat the last two several times, put on original outfit, blow dry hair, make up, put on shoes and coat (if necessary), fill handbag (keys, money, travelcard, make up, camera, tissues), make drink, change music, paint nails and drink drink, play final Going Out Song, lock door, smudge nails, scream, miss bus, arrive late.

Going To Work: Allow half an hour minimum. Scramble through those of the above that are necessary to stop me looking like Stig of the Dump, miss bus, arrive late.

Apologies if this comes over all Bridget Jones, but it's the truth.

Madchen, the reason it is 'Bridget Jones' is cos that's what all girls do.

Mine depends where I'm going, who I'm going with, who is going to be there and how long I'm going to be out. And how much notice I have. The bare minimum would be doing hair and makeup (=10 minutes). The maximum would be bathing, depilating, hair washing, nail painting, face masking (should do this a couple of days in advance in case it brings out zits), dressing, makeup, hair styling.

Whereas sodding Pete does the bath / shower, hardly even bothers shaving and that's that. And I am still ready before him.

Depends where I'm going.

On a normal occasion: shower and wash hair, put deoderant and baby powder on body and Olay on face, brush teeth, put on clothes which smell the least, put leave-in conditioner in wet hair, brush and leave to dry, then sit down at computer and wait for an hour while the boy does his beauty routine and his hair.

For "Going Out": same as above, except try on three sets of clothes, inquiring which one makes me look the least fat. For extra special occasions, black khol may be smudged around eyes and hair tied back from face in some way.

For Gigging: Above two processes, and maybe, just maybe, nails will be painted, eyeshadow applied, and powder will be padded all over face, only to be sweated off within about 30 seconds of getting onstage.

I'm really not keen on products or on beauty routines. I consider even my oil of olay facial moisteriser a total indulgence. I almost never wear makeup. I certainly don't style my hair. You really should ask Paul because my bathroom products take up one tiny bag, while his take up the rest of the bathroom.

Work:

7:30 wakeup, three hits of the snooze to psych self up. Boot up computer, go get breakfast. Come back, eat while I check e-mail, salon, cnn, espn and my horoscope. Shower. Shave. Dress. Use hair product. listen to whatever song's been stuck in my head before work -- lately it's been "Anywhere Is Better Than Here."

My morning progamme: 7:30 Am Awaken. Pee in tiolet. Make coffe in kitchen . Watch various insipid morning shows featuring overly pancaked dullards. 8:00 Dress, pack some music for the day. ride subway to kenmore square. walk across fens to work.

Okay, here we go:

Going to work: I almost always shower the night before because I hate waking up early enough to shower. I'm VERY SPECIFIC about what I need to use in the shower because of sensitive skin (that's also breaking out like mad lately), plus I have to shave slowly due to sensitive skin + being absolutely blind, so it takes me ages, I mean like 45 minute showers. So I do that the night before. Morning, wake up, smoke a cigarette, brush teeth, wash face, put on moisturizer (this takes about 20 minutes, thank you cigarettes for extending my morning). Put on makeup, which takes anywhere from 15 to 20 minutes depending on level of skin breakout. Get dressed, which can take anywhere from 5 to 15 minutes depending on whether or not I like the first outfit I put on or if I have clean clothing at all anyhow. Do my hair, which takes about 2 seconds because I don't do anything with my hair. This routine can be and often is speeded up greatly depending on how late I wake up.

Going out: I don't often shower twice in a day, so I don't really shower before going out unless it's the weekend and I've slobbed off showering in the AM. Basically I change outfits, which can take anywhere from 5 minutes to 2 bloody hours depending on my mental state, then slap on more eyeliner and powder (about 5 minutes). Then I actually do some work on my hair, which takes anywhere between 5 minutes to 20 minutes depending on if I need to break out the iron and straighten my hair.

For going out. From point of being in dressing gown, rather than already dressed; i.e. having woken up approximately 3 hrs previously.

Alone: Iron clothes if needed, have shower (including wash hair), dry hair with towel, dry rest of body with different towel, put in contact lenses if I can be arsed, shave if needed (1 day's growth = acceptable), moisturise face (not very often), spray on deodorant, put on clothes, put on shoes, put on jacket, leave house. Arrive on time.

With Miss Madchen: All of above except if at her flat do not iron clothes and have bath instead of shower. Then wait around for hours in an extremely bored state, wanting to be in the pub and constantly telling her to "hurry up, come on, we're going to be late!". Arrive late.

Alternatively wait until the last minute to jump in the bath, thinking she'll take an age yet to get ready. Get out of the bath to find she is already ready. Feel sense of guilt. Arrive late.

I refuse to answer on the grounds of self incrimination. Suffice to say I take up to two hours to get ready to go out. Is it any wonder certain folks refer to me as a big girl????

One of the things that a lot of other girls do that I don't which saves time when getting ready to go out is try on 14 different outfits. I always have a very clear image of what I am going to wear and 9 times out of 10 I stick to it religiously. On the rare occasions when I do go through many outfits it is cos I am in a generally foul mood and you can guarantee I will have a crappy night out.

I always have a clear idea what I want to wear before I start, but then I try it on and it doesn't fit very well. Then I try on other things and they fit even worse, so I put on the original outfit and breath in. When I get home I have a serious think and tell myself I'll come off the sauce for a month to lose weight, but because I've been on the sauce for several hours before having this serious think, I dismiss it as the ramblings of a drunken idiot the next morning and go back on the sauce the very same day.

Trying on 3 or 4 different outfits is the only girly thing that I *DO*! I still take less time to get ready than those who spend 3 or 4 hours making sure their face and hair are slathered in goo.

I just sort of have abath / shower, then I hardly bother shaving. Then I wait around in my room for about two hours half naked for Emma to be ready so that she can think she is ready before me and not be overburdened by my irritation that she has wasted two hours of bouze time.

I wish I could get more fancie d up to go out. But what can a man do but wear a suit or something? I dont want to put gel in my hair or wear gold chains and ugly shimmering 90s slacks or something. We have become a casual society. I would feel a bit odd wlkang into a club in a tux. But I long for the days of top hats a nd canes! Maybe I will dress like I am from the 17th century from now on.

Strange rituals here.

Typical morning: awaken, shower, shave, brush teeth and hair, grab whatever T-shirt and shorts/pants are available, clean, etc. Not much more to add! I will always at least briefly check my e-mail as well before going to work, if it's a weekday.

Going out -- if not a full shower, at least a shave and a wash-up, teeth brushed, hair brushed. Yup.

In an ideal world I'd shower and shave before going out but sometimes it just doesn't happen. i hate being late so often I am first (somebody's got to be and hey, time for an extra pint.

Have to shower before leaving in the morning though, even if it does make me late

I put music on loudly .
I have a bath, i brush my teeth, I put cologne on, I pick out my clothes,David irons them, I put them on . Easy !

What could Pete possibly be doing in his room for 2 hours half naked? Answers on a postcard........

You mean you don't know, Emma? My images of you both are destroyed (or alternately, enhanced).

Oh yeah if its a special night out I'll cut myself a new piece of wire to tie my hair back, rather than using an old piece. If its really special me and sally will do our hair with coloured cable ties.

Uh, in case it wasn't clear:

Me and Pete are NOT repeat NOT a couple. Merely a double act. We don't even share a bed Morecambe and Wise stylee and never have done and never will do. So I have no clue what he does when semi clad and alone.

Oh, okay -- enhanced, definitely. :-)

You mean you don't make breakfast to the strains of 'The Stripper' i think that is a missed opportunity.

I shower: shampu, conditioner, soap. I shave: shaving cream, a razor. Rinse with cold water. Dry. Some lotion - I molt otherise. Erm - dress. I suppose I decide according to venue and crowd. Somewhat. The great thing about my wardrobe is that any shirt goes with any [trousers]. Once your standards sink to a certain level, it's all kind of interchangeable.

You don't want to know the effort that goes into some of my Strange Fruit DJing outfits... especially if I wear my disco shoes and lots of make-up. It always seems to take me ages to get ready for anything...

I'm only posting this to sit next to Paul in the stats.

Shower, deodorant, look for clothes, extricate clothes from under the wheels of tim's bike, put clothes on. Realise they're wrong, find other clothes (to do with comfort and temperature, not fashion) and put them on instead.

Then clean teeth, find keys and travelcard. Leave flat.

You are more obessed with Stats than me! However, you are completely neck and neck with Paul, and I have just pulled way ahead of Mark S yet again! Hah! Even with taking an hour long walk up to Tooting Bec! Result!!!

Put my coat on if it's cold, check that I've got my umbrella in case it rains, probably go to toilet...and that is it. Just wear the same old clothes I've been wearing all day, I do not believe in the ethos of making an effort.

Since i wear jeans and tshirts to school. And Dashikis around the house i make an effort when i go out .

I agree with James e 1. I would like to make an effort when I go out but seeing as I end up with mysterious nightclub black stuff caked all over me the next morning I figure that I save myself a lot of laundry effort by just wearing that which I have been wearing all day.

Regardless of the occasion, I either -

1. Smack snooze button 15 times, sleep an extra hour, roll out of bed, trudge into bathroom, commune with toilet, flush, wait for flush to end so I don't get burned/chilled by shower, do the shower thing, towel off, spray Clean Shower in the stall (& on the curtain), brush teeth, shave, gel hair, deordorize & powder, find clothes that don't smell too bad, stumble downstairs.

2. Do the snooze / sleep / roll / commune thing, skip the shower, tend to my teeth & peachfuzz, water hair to imitate gelled state, seek out fabrics of little stink, and stumble off into the day.

On weekends (or when I'm really late for work, which is quite often), I do the latter, with a shower occurring later in the day if I plan on going anywhere around people I might want to impress (AKA strangers - I hate to have my natural pheremones offend others). I usually try not to shave during the weekends, to see what kind of growth I can achieve on my face - it's usually impressive, but annoying as hell; the itching, oh no.

I wear the same clothes to do everything except anything sporty. That means the slacks and short-sleeved shirts go with me from work to any dingy little club / performance space I frequent. This makes it hard to perform the Morning Stink Test successfully. Especially if I go to Boston on a weekday, and end up back in CT around 2:30 or 3 (assuming I don't catch a nap on the way back @ a rest stop).

If I were going out with a woman (god forbid), I'd probably pumice every square inch of skin I could reach, pluck out all offending body hairs, slap on some tasteful cologne, examine all between-teeth gaps for any offensive particles, take 30 minutes to shave, take another 30 minutes to patch any cuts, hand-wash my outfit, keep my shirt off until I was ready to go (thereby minimizing wrinkles), and then check the clock to see that I'm 2 days late for the date. As Eminem says, "Damn..."

There is no such thing as tastefully cologne. Its offensive. it mings

Of a morning: Wake up and then lie in bed for 10 minutes listening to John Humphrys shout at someone. Get up, stagger round room, put dressing gown on, stagger round flat. Have a piss, wash hands, put toast on and attempt to run bath. If there's anything coming out of the hot tap go and attend to toast and then eat toast in bath. Otherwise interfere with boiler and plumbing until hot water appears whilst eating toast and then get in bath. Wash body and hair. Get out of bath, towel dry hair, scrub face and shave. Find deodorant, apply deodorant, pull on clothes, take phone off charge and put into bag. Spend ages deciding which cds to take with me, put those in bag as well, pull on jacket and open flat door.

You know, I've often gotten many a complement for the scents I use as accessories. Unfortunately, these scents are often the result of either my aftershave or my under-arm deordorant, so I really don't know how to respond to these complements. "Well, thank you - yes, actually, I just so happened to shower today. Thank you for noticing. Really."

Some colognes are very nice, I can think of a few I like for men. In general I don't but sometimes I find one that I like lots and lots and lots and lots and lots....erm, never mind.

Same goes for Perfume as well. Infact I'm pretty down on most cosmetics beyond soap and deoderant and that musn't smell either.

I wear the gauiter fragrance with the mans torso bottle that smells light and citrusy.

1/2 hour to prepare. Mainly to hold eyes awake and stare intently at cup of coffee. Throw on some clothes, throw water on face. Showered the night before. Crawl to class. On bad days, back when I was in school, the routine would simply be A) throw on slippers/shoes B) go to class with none of the eating/changing/making self decent human activities that I would otherwise deal with.

I just smoke a joint.

Am I the only person who worries about my mom and dad finding this some day or something?

I'd only worry if my parents knew a damn thing about the Internet. Which they don't, thankfully. Though I really have nothing to hide. That I can recall. Hmm.

My mother knows most everything.
She calls and asks David about our sex life
Mom: Hey David
David : Hey Mom
Mom : They are having a sale at iga on baked goods
David: We shop at the italian Center
Mom: Oh thats right, its just down the street
David : Yep , are we having brunch on Sunday
Mom: At the Hotel Mac
David : Yep
Mom: so is Anthony gettign better
David: at what
Mom : Oral Intimacy
David : umm ( breaking into giggles)
We had this conversation this evening. So i am not worried about my mother at all.

Amazingly, my appetite has dimmed.

I, for one, enjoy this conversation greatly. I will make use of it somehow, somewhere.

My mother was the archetypal hip mother. The one where she was almost one of the gang, let us drink, asked intelligent questions, I also have transcripts of the do you smoke dope talk and the do you use condoms when you make love with your partner talk.

Please, more transcripts. (On the rubber johnnies conversation I my Mum said to me when I was 15 "Your father doesn't like them because he says it stops the sensation being as good - but I think they are quite cute").

I scream at myself in the mirror, "I AM THE BEST FUCKING BASEBALL PLAYER THAT EVER LIVED!!!"

I tried reciting "We are GORGEOUS!!! Europe!!! Let's GO!!!" before gigs, but it never worked.

I am thinkig of them. I will post later today.

Recite to myself "Every day in every way you are getting more like Dickon Edwards."

I seem to have had this Deep Effect on you with the interview, young Mr. Clover. Good, good. :-)

Am I the only person who downs a couple shots prior to hitting the club circuit?

Yes. I down a couple screwdrivers.

Depends where I'm going. If I'm going somewhere HIDEOUSLY EXPENSIVE like, oh, most of London, I will generally have a few triple vodka and cokes before I go out. And carry a coke bottle full of vodka on the tube. I mean, get drunk on the Garage's prices? Forget it! I can barely sustain on Mean Fiddler's meanness.

The trouble with pre-going out drinking is that often it takes over the whole going out (if I am drinking with other people, I am not so sad as to dump mates for solitary boozing). You find yourself having so much fun on the cheap home booze that expensive pub / club booze and crowdedness loses its appeal.

I rarely drink when i go out .

Ah, but I invariably run out of booze if I stay home drinking by myself. Hence the need to go out to get more booze, and as I walk by the tube station, I remember who I'm supposed to meet and where. Usually someone else turns up at my flat to remind me I'm going out.

Oh, booze, I miss booze, I hate being dry at the moment. But it is only until my head and my weight get back to normal.

We made Midori Sours, but real ghetto ones cos we didn't have proper mix so we just mixed it with 7UP, and then threw them in the 7UP bottle for the train ride to Washington. I wanna make really ridiculous drinks for subway rides and train rides, not vodka straight. The more thought put into it, the better.

Vodka and enough coke to make it brown. Not that the Tube has any trouble with you drinking on it, so there really is no need to disguise yer alkyhol like you do on the subway. It's just habit.

If I drank any sort of fruity drink on the Tube I'd be sick before we even left Tooting Bec. Come on, this is the Underground after all.

I'm so annoyed right now that all the people I'm hanging out with this summer don't drink. They either don't, or do mostly hardcore psychedelics. How will I become a proper alcoholic? I haven't had more than two drinks in a night in TWO WEEKS!

As for morn. routines, here's mine:
Work: Snooze button. Roll out of bed. Put on shorts and shirt - underwear usually not fresh, but I change it after the afternoon gym session. Brush hair. Go to work. Brush teeth in work bathroom.
Evening out: Shower, shave, contact lenses, fingernail and toenail clipping, deodorant applying, clothing selection, toothbrushing again, much anxiety over mirror image (gut, hairline, and teeth, mostly). Acknowledge lack of qualities attractive to opposite sex. Screwdriver. Ramones. Curses. Leave.

I'm all about the getting langered at home instead of going out problem at the moment. This is largely because I live in the same flat as my favourite drinking partner. So, if we do have a drink afore we go (as the makers of Bell's vomitous whisky would have it), we often end up pondering the point of going out as all we have seem to do is make a round trip of several miles and numerous pounds just to end up in the same room six hours later talking bollocks at each other. Which is logically very silly so we don't go out and the talking bollocks stage is reached with less exertion, at a lower price and in less time. Hurrah! But then I do end up feeling like an antisocial git.

PS. I am drunk now.

Richard was being social last night! I know because I saw him! At the Bull and Gate!!! Oh the shame! I think he was drunk, then, too. And talking about drinking, too. Good god.