If Vincent Gallo had Made Other Famous Films

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An unshaven Luke Skywalker would discover that Darth Vader is his father while riding in an old cadillac with him on an empty highway and then procede to look angry, mutter things, and say "fuck!" a lot.

― Hurting (Hurting), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 04:58 (twenty-one years ago)

In "When Harry Met Sally," Harry would get furiously embarassed after Sally does the orgasm in the cafe and tell her not to touch him.

― Hurting (Hurting), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 05:02 (twenty-one years ago)

The lights would go down and E.T. would do a disturbingly hypnotic little dance in a short dress at a bowling alley.

― Kim (Kim), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 05:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Conan the Barbarian would have been basically the same, just weedier.

― Kim (Kim), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 05:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Batman would persistently berate Robin and call him a fucking idiot.

― Hurting (Hurting), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 05:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Days of Thundser would have been a non starter were Gallo at the helm. Tom Cruise would have taken one look at his car and baulked at the lack ofan automatic 'box. "I am used to Luxury cars, get it? Luxury; Lincoln, Caddilac, Murcury."

― lukey (Lukey G), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 09:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Saturday Night fever was a fundamentally different film as Gallo's pants were too too tight to flex those moves

― das, Tuesday, 28 September 2004 17:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Wouldn't all of these films end with Chloe Sevigny giving the lead character a blow job?

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 17:49 (twenty-one years ago)

(Way to ruin "E.T.", Dan.)

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 17:49 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.sfedora.com/Dee%20Wallace%20Stone%20ET.jpeg

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 17:54 (twenty-one years ago)

In "Philadelphia," Gallo would play the lead role and wouldn't need any make-up to embellish his sickly appearance.

― Satan's Onion (twowaydream), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 18:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Say Anything - Ione Skye sees through his bullshit immediately and *never* gives him the time of day.

― Kim (Kim), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 20:39 (twenty-one years ago)

"Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle" would star only Gallo in a stark journey down desolate western roads. When Gallo couldn't find White Castle, he would pull over and there would be a montage using quick cuts of him pounding the steering wheel/feeling through his hair and grimmacing/shouting curses/sighing forcefully/holding his head in his hands and beginning to cry.

― Hurting (Hurting), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 21:28 (twenty-one years ago)

oh man, kim with the roffle!

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 28 September 2004 21:56 (twenty-one years ago)

four months pass...

Man, I hope he directs the film version of The Tragedie of Michael Jackson.

― Girolamo Savonarola, Friday, 4 February 2005 21:48 (twenty-one years ago)

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