HANG UPS

(steve otm)

presumably everybody has some.

xpost

I often feel my past relationships with the opposite sex only came about because the people in question thought I was intelligent, rather than attractive.

Is my watch sort of "grandadesque"?

ihttp://us.f2.yahoofs.com/users/413a876ez6fb02f35/a8f0/__sr_/21fb.jpg?phRdoZBBhC9oTwZ7

Or did you mean more specific?

And then there is my ex-girlfriend who has a phobia of fortune fish.

i have a hang-up about dancing while sober - i don't feel that comfortable doing it, unless no-one's around.

But then my entire freaking LIFE is a hangup, unless I'm drunk. I can't even *dance* unless I'm incapacitated with booze, let alone talk to boys or ::god forbid:: sleep with them.

How is that?

hang up#3 I worry that I am a disappointment to my parents because I don't play any sport.

in fact, girls touching me full stop. sob.

I don't like travelling in lifts or using the phone, but those are more phobias than hangups, aren't they?

hang up is developed overtime as a result of experiences, a hang up is more socially based and more to do with personality and self perception.

I really don't want this to be a phobias thread, there are loads of those, however I accept, as ever, that once a thread is started, it no longer belongs to anyone.

Flatmate: Matt, you've got an eyelash on your face.
Matt DC: Where
FM: Just below your left cheekbone
MDC: Where, here?
FM: No, down a bit
MDC: Here?
FM: Down a bit further.
MDC: Is it gone now?
FM: Nope, you've just pushed it down a bit/
MDC: What about now?
FM: No.
MDC: And -
GIRL: JUST TOUCH HIM FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!!

I fear when I get to know some people, they don't take me seriously, however when I am distant, they assume I am quiet/grumpy/serious.

Similarly when I am having my photo taken, I feel there are two possible outcomes.

1. smiling ridiculous fool.
2. serious staring psycho.

I prefer 2, to be honest. now come on that was a good one, big psychiatrist's chair stuff there.

Hangup #9: MY DEFAULT SETTING FOR INTERACTING WITH OTHER PEOPLE IS THROUGH HUMOR BUT THIS CAUSES MOST PEOPLE I ENCOUNTER TO AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME I AM BEING CONDESCENDING TOWARDS THEM AND NOT TAKING THEM SERIOUSLY WHEN SEVEN TIMES OUT OF TEN THIS IS NOT THE CASE.

3. Mashed off tits

another hang up: people "rule me out", as such, because they know I take drugs.

Hangs ups re being on the pull, oh yes, I can't ever go "on the pull" or enter that atmosphere. I can't handle the inappropriate feeling of rejection.

you are 3% short of being condescending to 100% of people on ilx, congrats! (go?)

this thread is about hang ups.

this post is about UPS, and how i would like to hang them. wherever i live, they refuse to leave packages at the door, and they always choose to deliver to my apartment during regular working hours, M-F, so i'm never there. amazon prime chooses to ship through UPS most of the time, so every time i order something there's a good chance it's going to be a nightmare. even a handwritten note that says "hey UPS - it's ok to leave the package here, i am giving you my consent" doesn't work.

you can call to schedule redelivery arrangements. but it's a bot. they give you four choices to speak out loud, none of which really pertain to how bad they suck at just leaving packages at the door. you can shout "REPRESENTATIVE", and the femmebot will calmly say "ok - i can patch you through to an operator, but first, please select one of the four options..."

then, the buttbot asks you to say the tracking ID out loud. ok, lemme just check the tracking ID here ok here i go oh FUCK IT'S 18 DIGITS!! WHY DOES THE TRACKING NUMBER HAVE 18 DIGITS? the number of possible combinations of 18 digits is....it just fucking broke my calculator. now i have to do this shit in excel. it is..6.4 QUADRILLION POSSIBILITIES. ?!?!?!?!?!?! Why would they do that?!?! is this the password system for a 1988 NES game?!

hang ups

btw i just did a quick calculation and the probability of the UPS phonebot actually correctly understanding all 18 of the digits that you speak out loud for the tracking ID is approximately 1 in 6.4 quadrillion

Half the time I can never tell if it's an 0 or an 0 in the tracking number.

Ha ha, I meant O or 0

i just can't believe this kind of idiocy is possible in 2013 for a company that big. if i was hired today, with absolutely no experience or expertise, as the UPS tracking ID evangelist and reformer, i would implement a 3-pronged strategy:

PRONG ONE: let's not have so many digits in the tracking ID that the number of possible combinations that it approaches the number of grains of sand in North America

PRONG TWO: let's not use both 0s and Os, and 1's and L's. we're not going to do this because we are older than five and we know better

PRONG THREE: let's always have an option for customers to enter in the tracking ID by touchpad, especially while we're still working on implementing Prong One and we have 18 digits for no fucking reason

fuck UPS seriously.

agent
AGENT
DELIVERY EXCEPTION
DELIVERY EXCEPTION!!!!

if something goes wrong with a delivery you better pray it is fedex, who are also a pain to get hold of but will actually try to sort shit out when you get them on the line, e.g. if some guy is driving around the city with your package in his truck they might put you on hold and ring the guy whereas UPS deny that the technology to communicate with a driver exists.

i have a doorman

so fuck you all

#swag

OMG, i didn't even do the math correctly earlier. the number of possible combinations with 18 digits, and 36 possibilities for each digit (26 letters + 0-10) is....

5.81024076e+25
or
5.8 SEPTILLION
or
58,102,407,600,000,000,000,000,000 possibilities.

There are 10 times more stars in the night sky than grains of sand in the world's deserts and beaches, scientists say.
Astronomers have worked out that there are 70 thousand million million million - or seven followed by 22 zeros - stars visible from the Earth through telescopes. The total is said to be the most accurate estimate yet of the number of stars.

number of stars visible from earth through telescopes:
70,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

grains of sand in the world's deserts and beaches:
7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

number of possible combinations using the ridiculous 18 digit system used by UPS:
58,102,407,600,000,000,000,000,000

you know how many doormen my condo building has, Z S

I would estimate like, 4, maybe 5. they take shifts, and some of them only work 4 days a week.

wait. 36 possibilities, 18 repetitions. 36 to the 18th power is: 10,314,424,798,490,500,000,000,000,000

so it's

number of stars visible from earth through telescopes:
70,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

grains of sand in the world's deserts and beaches:
7,000,000,000,000,000,000,000

number of possible combinations using the ridiculous 18 digit system used by UPS:
10,314,424,798,490,500,000,000,000,000

xps hahaha, yeah that solves everything...where is your doorman when the UPS guy delivers one of your two packages and then claims to have delivered the second one despite the fact that it is still lost in the back of his truck and the person you eventually get hold of at UPS insists that you have to call Amazon for some fucking reason, and the person at Amazon then cops that they are just calling UPS themselves

I will give one of your doormen some pizza if they come hang out on my porch two days after i order shit from amazon

well it better be good pizza. this is new york city were talking about after all!!!

oh don't worry about that, there's a place on NY Ave that lists New York-style pizza on their menu and I'm sure that's as good as anything you'd find in NYC, right? i mean how hard can it be

Panic on the UPS truck
Panic on the streets of DC
Hang the driver
Hang the driver
Hang the driver

http://www.stupidgifs.com/images/full/745.gif

you Z S will be laughing on the other side of your face when UPS are servicing every planet in the universe over a period of several million years.

http://i.imgur.com/WWxequt.gif

xpost holy shit, maybe only UPS truly understands its potential for growth. exponential growth! they've put the 18 digit system in place because they know it's going to be necessary, and soon!

*buys UPS stock*

congratulations on your purchase of UPS stock it will be delivered to your house in 2 days

http://i.imgur.com/QfjQyBO.jpg

"There's a great future in UPS. Think about it. Will you think about it?"

xps hahaha, yeah that solves everything...where is your doorman when the UPS guy delivers one of your two packages and then claims to have delivered the second one despite the fact that it is still lost in the back of his truck and the person you eventually get hold of at UPS insists that you have to call Amazon for some fucking reason, and the person at Amazon then cops that they are just calling UPS themselves

― Roberto Spiralli, Monday, April 1, 2013 5:23 PM (30 minutes ago) Bookmark

haha at first i thought this meant amazon was calling the cops on you for fraud

"so you claimed you never received your rainforest showerhead and martha stewart wooden spatula huh. lets see if youre telling the same story once the cops show up, buster. amazon takes delivery fraud seriously. your local pd has been called and cops are showing up within 15 minutes"

i would've understood if that had actually happened, the day in question was just ever increasing farce

whereas UPS deny that the technology to communicate with a driver exists.

This is funny because I see UPS drivers talking on their phones all the time.

zs, do your write the tracking # on the note (that you leave for ups) as well as your full name + signature?

normally just full name/sig.

but in a pleasant turn of events, this time when i got home the UPS note actually indicated that i could sign the slip and they'd leave it there tomorrow. in the dozen or so other times this has happened, they always checked the box indicating that a signature was required at the time of delivery. so everything should be ok this time tomorrow.

I JUST WANT MY QUEEN SIZE PILLOW DAMMIT!