Whats the strangest thing you have put IN your body

a penis

otm.

Aw, come on. I would think a spoon from the local diner would induce worse thoughts. At least you know who's penis you're dealing with.

best case scenario.

hahaha

I have never put anything as strange as a penis in my body. A finger, maybe. Certainly not a spoon.

1. Age 9: Pellet from hi-powered air pistol shot by dipshit neighbor into my thigh, never bothered to get it removed, probably still in there.

2. Age 14: Fiberglass/wood shard in my fucking neck after being highsticked by member of opposing ice hockey team. Piece of shit never got penalized despite my bloodshow, then I got penalized the very next shift for punching him in the head about four times. The wound took WEEKS to fucking heal bcz of the irritation and the fact I had to keep wearing same sweaty teenboy-fungussed neckguard (for all the good it did me eh?) at practice even with a fresh bandage on the wound.

3. Age 14: Chapstick stick with the cap still on. Oh shut up.

4. Age 17: Big painful emergency antidote IV needle after allergic food reaction that nearly killed me. I had to drive MYSELF to the hospital with a STICK SHIFT car as my hands and throat got crazy swole because my USELESS FUCKFACE of a friend was too drunk and weeded to drive at time of said food reaction. He was sleeping on my couch and he looked so pathetically peaceful so I didn't even try rousing, yknow? I came back home the day after and he was walking around, eating my all my food, wondering where the hell I went last night dude?!?

5. Age 25 - 3mg total Xanax + 10+ hard liquors + beaucoup des Bobbytemps + two random different tabs (one gelly one pressed) + a bottlecap of atrociously bittersalty G + slice of pizza to "wash it down" + a toke of weed (always innocuous but consistently the incongruous camelbackbreaking straw on such hardcore panicbinge occasions yes?) + plusieurs Bobbytemps. All in that order, all in the span of 2 to 3 hours, on one very strange rainy evening last month. This, in all it's horrid glory, was my BLINDED BY THE LIGHTS moment and pretty much marked my long-overdue retirement from TEAM SHEENAN Vancouver. I've been listening to that Julie McKnight track "Home" lately ("say goodbye to the yellow brick road, and follow the path that I know/though I may walk these streets cold and alone, when I stand at my journey's end I stand at home") and I think the Team will do just fine with one less member, lest they remember.

a broken arrow from an archery set. i was playing around in the yard and found it on the ground. i picked it up and was swinging it around, and it went right into my cheek. i ran to my brother and sister holding the arrow stuck in my face. they thought i was joking, until i let go of the arrow and they could see it hanging from my cheek. then we got our mom i went to the emergency room. i had to get stitches.

What the fuck is bobbytemps? Damn me and my being too old and square to know the hip drug lingo.

Is that like Hammertime at all? Only with Bobby Brown? And French? C'est BOBBYTEMPS!

el ess dee

cane.

sugar cane or like an actual cane?

omg...Michael Caine?

g--ff,

You put an Italian dog in you?

When I was 5, I got a "1 groszy" coin stuck up my nose. It very nearly went into my lungs, and my mother had to be hasty with the foreceps to get it out!!!!!

JTS what kind of a mother do you have? she just keeps foreceps handy?

Is that like Hammertime at all? Only with Bobby Brown? And French? C'est BOBBYTEMPS!
-- roxymuzak (emilysu...), October 11th, 2004.

This made me laugh very hard, spit beverage etc. and is going to be my happy thought all day.

A colonoscopy camera.