Have you ever been friends with someone and then you and your mutual friends collectively shunned them?

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We're doing this now and I don't think she realizes that all of us are doing it yet! She stopped by my place -- unannounced -- last night. SHE LET HERSELF IN THE DOOR AFTER I DIDN'T OPEN IT IN 3 SECONDS WTF. I haven't talked to this fool since she slapped me full in the face at my fucking birthday party.

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 18:56 (twenty-one years ago)

PS - she wrote this:

From: Katie
Date: Mar 11, 2004 08:49 PM
Subject: Franz Ferdinand!! (soo rockin!)
Body: Ok, so my good friend turned me onto this new band Franz Ferdinand. And may I say... freakin' AWESOME!! It has been so long since I heard songs sooo good and sooo rockin' that I have to blast it and actually jump around and dance and shake my booty! Seriously, this band rocks, and I mean that cool old fashioned funk edgey raw type of rock, with the catchiest hooks, but pure music all the way thru. An album that will make your head bop and foot tap involuntarily, for sure. Everyone should run out and buy it NOW!! You will NOT be dissappointed!

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 18:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Have you ever thought you might be kind of a dick, Jon?

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 12 October 2004 18:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, stick it to them. Burn the witch.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Why did she slap you?

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:00 (twenty-one years ago)

"might"

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think Jon's a dick, I just think he's 8 years old. Seriously, what kind of adult does this?

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I think Jon is fully aware that he is kind of a dick.

― RickyT (RickyT), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:02 (twenty-one years ago)

She slapped me because I invited her ex-boyfriend's (they broke up in 2002) "new" girlfriend. She threw a huge scene and a lot of people left because it was uncomfortable. The party was at this boy's place.

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:02 (twenty-one years ago)

what kind of adult slaps someone full in the face at their birthday party and then is convinced they are fully in the right?

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:03 (twenty-one years ago)

One of my groups of friends (who all live in another city) is currently shunning one guy. He fucked a girl other than his girlfriend at a party. In the ass. In a hot-tub. His girlfriend was at this party.

I'm not shunning though.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:04 (twenty-one years ago)

04:02:51 SMASHINGPUMPKINSRELATEDAIMNAME: You are SUCH an asshole.
04:02:51 wizardishungry [auto reply]: WHERE'S YOUR HEAD AT? WHERE'S YOUR HEAD AT? WHERE'S YR HEAD AT?????
SMASHINGPUMPKINSRELATEDAIMNAME went idle (04:44:32)
SMASHINGPUMPKINSRELATEDAIMNAME became active (04:44:47)
SMASHINGPUMPKINSRELATEDAIMNAME disconnected (04:46:56)
11:46:29 SMASHINGPUMPKINSRELATEDAIMNAME: I hope you had a lot of fun with Jill last night. Your friendship with her must really be important to you, if it's worth showing me, who I thought was one of your closest friends here, how unimportant my friendship is.
SMASHINGPUMPKINSRELATEDAIMNAME disconnected (11:46:46)

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe you should have your mommy cancel the play date.

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:05 (twenty-one years ago)

HI DERE, fuck off thanks!

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:06 (twenty-one years ago)

SHE LET HERSELF IN THE DOOR AFTER I DIDN'T OPEN IT IN 3 SECONDS WTF.

This seems to me to be a perfectly reasonable thing for a friend to do. I think it'll probably end up okay though; she's better off without a friend ("friend") like you.

― Dan I., Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:09 (twenty-one years ago)

x-post

Jordan, he fucked his ex in the ass before he slept with the girl in the hot tub. Two separate sexual encounters.

The shunnin' continues, he was in Milwaukee last weekend.

― Camtron (Cameron), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't relate to any of this.
I've been slapped at parties before but not in these sorts of circumstances.
Fucking somebody in the ass in a hot tub seems like reason enough to banish them to the desert if you ask me though. That be some unsanitary, inconsiderate bullshit right there.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Seriously dude, you're a bit thick for not realising she'd be upset.

(I didn't actually realise this was Jon, I'd assumed it was one of his fawning fanboys, but hey)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Do you people seriously think I should have to put up with someone who makes unreasonable demands on who I should be friends with and continually uses physical violence against others when mad?

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Seems like Katie had a lucky escape.

x-post - do you seriously think we even want you around here? Fuck off until you grow up, assboy.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Do you think we should put up with you?

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Someone needs to grow up!

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Her behaviour does not sound entirely reasonable, and her Franz Ferdinand email is frankly out of line, but I don't think collective shunning is an appropriate response. At least not without trying to explain your grievances to her first.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Jordan, he fucked his ex in the ass before he slept with the girl in the hot tub. Two separate sexual encounters.

Oh sorry, I was conflating the fucking. It's not quite as epic then, I guess.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I guess what seemed dumb about this scenario at first was that it sounded like you and your friends got together and decided you were going to ignore her, which is some total middle school bullshit. But if you meant that everyone just started ignoring her, each on their own, because she's crazy, I guess that makes sense.

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

No, Jon, I don't think anybody is saying that, but why were you friends in the first place if you find so much about this girl reprehensible?

xpost sort of, hey let's get everybody with a short fuse all on the same thread together at once!!

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:21 (twenty-one years ago)

He fucked his ex in the ass when he slept with the girl in the hot tub.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:22 (twenty-one years ago)

FUCK YOU TOMBOT JUST FUCKING FUCK FUCK

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Jon's posts are a nice reminder that missing out on the 'college experience' may be the greatest thing that ever happened to me.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:25 (twenty-one years ago)

OK, back to reasonable responses. I kinda think that I will end up caving and talking to her. This girl really doesn't seem to listen to reason. Time and time again she has acted insane around "Jill" -- the new girlfriend. Security has been called on several occasions; a number of people have been slapped, hit, tripped, etc.

I'm not really sure what I should do right now because I don't want to act insane and pretend I don't know her when I run into her. But I want to make it clear that I find her behavior totally unreasonable and unacceptable which she does not see no matter how many times anyone tells her. She has been pulling shit like this since June 2002!

Tom, yea... she is very nice and works very hard to please her friends usually to the point of nearly being a doormat. Its hard to avoid becoming friends with someone who ends up inserting themselves into the lives of all your friends.

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Why is there so much bumsex in American ILE anyway? We're clearly missing out. I blame the Church of England.

Serious answer - my sister was the 'Jill' in a situation like this a few years ago. Collectively shunning people like this only makes them more psycho. The only way through it is by hoping they realise quite how mental they're appearing. A verbal slap in the face of "look, do you know what you look like?" might work.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:31 (twenty-one years ago)

If she is otherwise nice and reasonable, it seems like attempting to talk to her about this would be the logical first step. Maybe even try to get her to go to the school psych if she can't control the anger.

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Alternately, is she hot?

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:36 (twenty-one years ago)

no.

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:37 (twenty-one years ago)

She probably imagines she is justified in behaving this way and rationalizes it in her own mind BECAUSE she goes out of her way to be so nice and reasonable the rest of the time. Also "first serious relationship" factors here or I'll eat my hat.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Can you all tell that I have a paper due for grad school that I'm supposed to be working on?

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Milo OTM

What's particularly delicious here is how totally puerile it all is. Personally, if I understand it correctly, Katie is both hypocritical and overdemanding. Jon's b-day was at his friend's house. Jon, correctly, thought it polite to invite his friend's gf. Jon would hardly be right to dis-invite someone's gf from that person's own house. Katie is childishly unable to deal with the fact that said friend has a new gf. She should really be adult enough to blow it off and have a good time regardless but barring this, she shouldn't come. It was after all, Jon's day and not her own.

Having said that, if Jon was really her friend, this would have been discussed prior to the party to allay all possible misapprehensions and unwarranted sources of pain and unease. Additionally, unless Katie is violently insane, I rather doubt she would have slapped him unprovoked at his b-day party.

Mature and civilized people, as a rule, do not conspire to shun or ostracise individuals. They tell the individual why their behavior or speech is unacceptable and what is required for friendship or acquaintance to be resumed.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Crashed on the floor when I moved in
This little bungalow with some strange new friends
Stay up too late, and I'm too thin
We promise each other it's 'til the end
Now we're spinning empty bottles
Just the five of us
With pretty-eyed boys, girls die to trust
I can't resist the day
No, I can't resist the day

Jenny screams out and it's no pose
'Cause when she dances, she goes and goes
Beer through the nose on an inside joke
I'm so excited, I haven't spoken
And she's so pretty, and she's so sure
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her
Well summer's all in bloom
Summer is ending soon

It's alright, and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold onto secrets in
white
houses

― LeCoq (LeCoq), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm struck at how ridiculously sitcomy the situation is. I didn't realize that people behaved like this (on all ends) outside of Friends and Seinfeld.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:43 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm struck by how ridiculously sitcomy the situation is. I didn't realize that people behaved like this (on all ends) outside of Friends and Seinfeld.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:44 (twenty-one years ago)

It's like junior Gear! hour. I like it.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Are you now or have you ever been a member of the Sitcommunist Party?

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Also: I have film class with her today at 6:30 off campus @ the G30rg3 E4stman house. There are 20 people in the class. People are obviously noting that she isn't driving me to class anymore. AWKWARD

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:49 (twenty-one years ago)

She sounds like a live wire. In my experience crazy girls that slap people all of the time are good fun to hang out and party with! Just DO NOT DATE THEM or otherwise PROVOKE THEM.

― Dale Panopticalis (cprek), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Or FEED THEM AFTER MIDNIGHT.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:52 (twenty-one years ago)

IT's like having a pet cobra.

― Dale Panopticalis (cprek), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Get your fucking facts straight. Literally.

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I too have been slapped in the face by a girl at a party.

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Did you deserve it?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:56 (twenty-one years ago)

No, not at all. It was completely unprovoked, she was just very drunk. I am a gentleman!

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 19:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I was once force-fed a turkey liver by a girl at a party. Or maybe it was a heart. Regardless, it happens.

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Perhaps girls should not be allowed to attend parties?

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I, too, have been slapped at a party for no reason. She thought she was playing, I guess.

― Smokin' funk by the boxes (kenan), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Parties without girls? I'll pass.

― Smokin' funk by the boxes (kenan), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Perhaps girls should not be allowed to attend parties?

Or only in handcuffs. Maybe, on the other hand, we need legislation requiring men to wear protective headgear.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:03 (twenty-one years ago)

there's really nothing you can do jon. the rude get to trample on the polite, it's the way of things.

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I've only been slapped twice, both by guys. One of which is posting here!

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:04 (twenty-one years ago)

TELL TELL TELL TELL

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I got slapped in a face by a girl on my 21st birthday. We'd kissed in the Students' Union and then she proceded to bitch about her ex-boyfriend to me for ages. My reply "what a complete bastard" didn't meet with the response I expected. But then I was being purely opportunistic so I suspect I deserved it.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:06 (twenty-one years ago)

TELL TELL TELL

'twas at a FAP a year or so ago and I declined Tom's invitation to dance.

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:07 (twenty-one years ago)

the other time I got slapped was when I was piss drunk and a friend of mine was DJing rather crappily. I said something like "if you played something danceable we'd all dance to it" and he responded that he wasn't getting paid. I grabbed his collar (stupid of me, had some dumb shit in my brain) and started to say something like "you are the LAMEST MUTHERFU..." and then he slapped me hard enough to knock my glasses off. After some chill time we were both embarassed and apologized to each other.

These anecdotes should reaffirm that we boys are quite the crazy too.

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Remember when Harriet the Spy was shunned by her friends? Shunning hurts! Only molestors really deserve shunning.

― andy, Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:10 (twenty-one years ago)

This girl also made one of my female friends anorexic.

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I know that spell.

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

This girl also made one of my female friends anorexic.

Perhaps 'made' is a bit strong.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Clearly!

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:19 (twenty-one years ago)

i like the sound of this girl because she slapped jon in the face.

― weasel diesel (K1l14n), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:22 (twenty-one years ago)

gimme drama dawg gimme drama

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:24 (twenty-one years ago)

She sounds like a real treat, Jon. Have you ever broken up with a girl?

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:25 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread needs to have the phrase 'sent to Coventry' in it more often than it does.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 20:54 (twenty-one years ago)

This is so much easier when its an interweb friend and all your interweb friends shun them together.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 21:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Hollywood fact: if a girl slaps you, she loves you.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 21:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Or, you know, hates you.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 21:20 (twenty-one years ago)

i got slapped in the face by a girl at a party once, but i asked for it.... literally.

it was intense.

― todd swiss (eliti), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 21:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I've never been slapped by a girl.

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 21:30 (twenty-one years ago)

C'mere.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Hurt me, luna!

― AaronHz (AaronHz), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 21:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I've never been given free money and a vanilla milkshake by a girl.

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 21:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I would love to be given a vanilla milkshake, by anyone.

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 21:43 (twenty-one years ago)

You've been given money, but had to pay for it? That seems fair.

As my lecturer in psychoanalysis once said, if a girl hates you, you are halfway there - she secretly loves you. This woman was 60 years old and Russian. She presided over her psychoanalysis seminar like a matriarch over a dysfunctional family.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 21:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Only because you asked nicely, Aaron.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 21:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I've been slapped numerous times, haha. It's because I'm such an infuriating dickhead. All the girls who slapped me loved me. I never slapped them back - I find it sexier to do the 'I barely felt that' thing, and let them pummel my chest helplessly, going, 'I hate you I hate you' until they burst into tears and fall helplessly into my arms, with me patting their head, going, 'There, there'.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 21:47 (twenty-one years ago)

musicmole,

While I too have employed this technique, I worry that some day, it will be a knife thrust or the discharge from a shotgun that hits my face and I'll be left patting around for my own head, going, "Where? Where?"

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 21:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I did do this, once, when I was about 12, but the guy really was a dick.

― RJG (RJG), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 22:04 (twenty-one years ago)

I did this when I was like 16 or 17. Still feel guilty about it. And the guy still occasionally pops up in my dreams.

― bnw (bnw), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 22:07 (twenty-one years ago)

The best thing to do in the event of a disagreement: Leave abruptly, and then don't call for several days. The girl should worry herself sick while you hide in a seedy bar and don't answer your calls.

When you do return into their life, it'll be like "Benji," and they'll feel so sorry that you'll live in peace for awhile. For more info, consult the lyrics to "Bill Bailey."

― andy, Tuesday, 12 October 2004 23:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Jon's posts are a nice reminder that missing out on the 'college experience' may be the greatest thing that ever happened to me.
-- milozauckerman (wooderso...), October 12th, 2004.

OTM

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 23:38 (twenty-one years ago)

"Why is there so much bumsex in American ILE anyway? We're clearly missing out. I blame the Church of England."

Why else do you think the Puritans/Pilgrims/etc. sailed over to America in the first place?

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 12 October 2004 23:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Jon's posts don't remind me of college in the slightest. But I didn't get out much.

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 00:23 (twenty-one years ago)

if I was in Jon's position, I would've decked the bitch. That might or might not make me kind of a dick.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 00:29 (twenty-one years ago)

she kicked me in the shins once and then I shoved her

She wouldn't drive me to get food then.

She came up an apologized, lamely, today after class. Nasty tactic, apologize in front of people who don't know us so I can't call her out for being a bitch!

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 02:03 (twenty-one years ago)

x-post - do you seriously think we even want you around here? Fuck off until you grow up, assboy.

-- Markelby (boyincorduro...), October 12th, 2004 1:15 PM. (later)

Dude, chill the crap out. In light of this post, you're hardly a sterling example of internet etiquette yourself. I enjoy your posts, but I fail to see how your occasional sniping could be seen as any less grating than any of Jon's threads.

For what it's worth, neither of them bother me in the least.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 02:10 (twenty-one years ago)

hi dere

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 02:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Ever heard of a restraining order?

― aimurchie, Wednesday, 13 October 2004 02:31 (twenty-one years ago)

"Life, liberty and the pursuit of Ass Sex"

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 13:35 (twenty-one years ago)

It's what the Revolutionary War was fought over, people.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 13:40 (twenty-one years ago)

ass sex is rockin'.

― Catty (Catty), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 13:43 (twenty-one years ago)

never been slapped, im too charming. ;)

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 13:45 (twenty-one years ago)

BOSTON C ON Ts PARTY

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Wednesday, 13 October 2004 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Update: have agreed to talk to her

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 18:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I did this in high school once. It wasn't very nice of us and is probably the second thing I'd like to change about my high school experience.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 19:08 (twenty-one years ago)

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