Cards through your door

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A great card just came through my door. It reads as follows:

PAY AFTER RESULT

Are you facing difficulties, do you sometimes have the feeling that everything is going wrong in your life? Don't hesitate to call

SHEIKH ALI

He is from the most 'powerful spiritual centre' in Africa, helping to solve all your problems, bringing back lost lovers as quickly as possible. Specialist in court cases, sexual impotency, exams, infertility, black magic, losing weight, stress, career in business, relationship problems, marriage, addiction, jinx. For your 100% satisfaction call:...

It's the weird quotes and especially the impressive list of things in which he's a 'specialist' that I particularly like.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:06 (twenty-one years ago)

who made them?

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I like how he goes from being a specialist in court cases to jinx.

― Huk-L, Friday, 15 October 2004 14:07 (twenty-one years ago)

"black magic"

Hi Ali, I'm having problems with my voodoo, can you help?

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:07 (twenty-one years ago)

We had this guy come into the clinic once, well-dressed guy, three-piece suit, looked about 60 years old. He handed me this portfolio, did a slight bow and just silently turned and walked out. I open the portfolio and it says "SAMURAI!" and then goes on to detail all the sword techniques and stuff he knows, along with details on how to hire him to be one's personal bodyguard. I was intrigued to say the least.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:08 (twenty-one years ago)

OMG that's the best thing I've ever heard.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I think I still have it somewhere in my office! I should scan it in if I can find it.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:13 (twenty-one years ago)

RJG - please scan in all Colin's cards and don't fuck off to Aberdeen after all.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Out of curiosity, Roxy, was the guy Caucasian?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Out of curiosity, Roxy...

http://us.ent4.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/warner_brothers/the_last_samurai/tom_cruise/samurai3.jpg

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:22 (twenty-one years ago)

You have to start somewhere.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:30 (twenty-one years ago)

He was an older, silver-haired, kind of short Caucasian gentleman.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I have them scanned in and will post them, later, etc, etc.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 15 October 2004 14:40 (twenty-one years ago)

You don't have the one where he offers to install those clothes dryers, do you?

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:04 (twenty-one years ago)

if I send you them, can you photobucket them?

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Can't you photobucket them? If not, I'll email you my password. Dialup is slow!

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:10 (twenty-one years ago)

(it only takes a minute to sign up for photobucket, or at least it used to)

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Also, I'm about to have a bath.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:11 (twenty-one years ago)

With bubbles?

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:14 (twenty-one years ago)

photobucket isn't taking any new members, at the moment. I tried, earlier.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:18 (twenty-one years ago)

they're only about 90Kb, each, but, yeah, send me your password, etc., and I will fix it.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:19 (twenty-one years ago)

photobucket

― adam. (nordicskilla), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:19 (twenty-one years ago)

OH! Then I will email you my password. I'm sending it to your r_gillanders yahoo account.

Luna - yes!

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:20 (twenty-one years ago)

1. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v417/albaalba/RJG/colin1.jpg & 2. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v417/albaalba/RJG/colin2.jpg , not long, after we moved in.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:42 (twenty-one years ago)

3. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v417/albaalba/RJG/colin3.jpg , about three months, later.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:42 (twenty-one years ago)

3. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v417/albaalba/RJG/colin3.jpg , about three months, later. of course.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:43 (twenty-one years ago)

4. http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v417/albaalba/RJG/colin4.jpg , a couple of months, after that.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:43 (twenty-one years ago)

ta, alba.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Do you live in Glasgow RJG? Because I think I got a couple of those...

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:45 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Those are GOLD.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:46 (twenty-one years ago)

according to this card we got, John Kerry wants me to vote for him.

― Sir Kingfish Beavis D'Azzmonch (Kingfish), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I like how the doo-wop group seems to be composed of John Merrick and the Elephant Men

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:47 (twenty-one years ago)

haha

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I do love them so. But I thought the age range had crept up, on the later one.

Kevin - he posts them over quite a wide area. I've seen them from Renfrew St to Partick. RJG has done him a great service here, and should perhaps be on commission?

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:49 (twenty-one years ago)

We had the Rocket to Guitar one on the wall in our hall. We got the pulley one too, but I don't remember the others. Do you live on Great Western Road? Or just in the West End? (trying to figure out how widely these were distributed. (x-post We lived on Gt Western near where it met Byres road)

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:51 (twenty-one years ago)

there is another one, yes, but it is less considered (colour, etc.). it says something like "how would you like to help me sell doo-wop back to the americans, wrapped in tartan?" and, yeah, he had opened it up to 45 year olds, I think.

one of the many funny things, about the first doo-wop one, is that the 43 upper limit means that anyone actually born in the 1950s would be unable to audition.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:53 (twenty-one years ago)

'black lead singer wanted'

'big dreamers wanted'

5 months can change the world.

― cºzen (Cozen), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I think that is only right. He wants people he can mould to his vision, not old timers who think they know the 50s.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:55 (twenty-one years ago)

'big black lead singer dreamers wanted'

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:56 (twenty-one years ago)

black lead singer & the dreamers

― cºzen (Cozen), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:57 (twenty-one years ago)

A 43 age limit is inspired. Do you think Colin is 42-43?

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:58 (twenty-one years ago)

What I also like about them is that they are clearly designed with Letraset and rubber stamps, but I have the feeling he has paid a professional.

The 'SNAP' is a wonderful little detail.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I think he was. He is now perhaps 46.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:59 (twenty-one years ago)

he has a "black lead singer wanted" rubber stamp.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 15 October 2004 18:59 (twenty-one years ago)

What else do you think he stamps it onto?

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 19:00 (twenty-one years ago)

christmas cards.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 15 October 2004 19:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Another interesting detail - when attempting to hire doo wop singers, he is just 'Colin', but for his professional services, 'Colin Elliott' is rightly ajudged more appropriate.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 19:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I think I'm moving to Scotland. Are the people nice? Should I get my hair cut?

― adam. (nordicskilla), Friday, 15 October 2004 19:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I have been looking at these cards, on and off, for about two years, and yet still they crack me up. How I would love to meet Colin. But I fear I cannot call him for any legitimate reason.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 19:03 (twenty-one years ago)

Adam - they are pretty nice, and multi-skilled. Yes - come!

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 19:04 (twenty-one years ago)

(don't know about the hair question - do you mean for the doo wop gig?)

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 19:04 (twenty-one years ago)

best time to phone: a half hour window, in the evening.

does his mum only let him use the phone, then?

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 15 October 2004 19:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Does anyone else get the sense that the Doo-Wop project is his main passion?

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Friday, 15 October 2004 19:05 (twenty-one years ago)

That's when the local news is on - it's a fallow time for telly.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 19:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I wonder who he is quoting, on the guitar one. himself?

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 15 October 2004 19:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Undoubtedly, roxy - if you want to doo-wop, note that you can call anytime.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 19:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm going, to the pub, now.

; )

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 15 October 2004 19:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes. I'm going to "take a rocket ride to the planet pub!"

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 19:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Alba, how are you in Scotland? You're supposed be in Leicester or Sheffield or something. Or sometimes London. Must you be so difficult to pin down?

― adam. (nordicskilla), Friday, 15 October 2004 19:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Alba has been based in Glasgow for about two years!

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 15 October 2004 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I like Martin's use of the phrase 'based in'. It is apt.

― Alba (Alba), Friday, 15 October 2004 22:52 (twenty-one years ago)

bass bin

― RJG (RJG), Saturday, 16 October 2004 00:04 (twenty-one years ago)

six years pass...

http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Doo-wop+band+in+race+ad+outrage.-a0132991530

― Colin Allstations (PaulTMA), Tuesday, 2 August 2011 03:12 (fourteen years ago)

four years pass...

https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpf1/v/t1.0-9/10417503_10156492825700637_8555891185217665636_n.jpg?oh=3fa6ffd8e94c38bfce342050ab64f409&oe=5702739C

― PaulTMA, Monday, 4 January 2016 12:26 (nine years ago)

there are some more of his cards here (not the n-word race ad outrage one thankfully)

https://www.flickr.com/photos/catrionaf/sets/72157602808326564/

― soref, Monday, 4 January 2016 12:38 (nine years ago)

http://farm2.staticflickr.com/1039/1411405767_830f553392_b.jpg

― conrad, Monday, 4 January 2016 13:07 (nine years ago)

"No, I don’t use safety equipment - it’s not like I do the Empire State Building"

http://www.scotsman.com/news/glasgow-s-daredevil-window-cleaner-is-named-1-3785843

― Alba, Monday, 4 January 2016 14:20 (nine years ago)

"beyond the pail"

― how's life, Monday, 4 January 2016 14:21 (nine years ago)

http://i.imgur.com/xI1w2mL.jpg

― Alba, Monday, 4 January 2016 14:38 (nine years ago)

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