i think i fancy my new housemate

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it's this white-hispanic girl called Lizzie, i had to move out of the flat cos i split with my girlfriend, anyway, i now moved in with this girl i know called ______ and her friend is incredibly fit. oh my. so fit, she keeps wandering around the kitchen in velour tracksuit bottoms with a tiny top and her thong showing, bending over into the fridge, her bottom kind of plump and tight, a little wide, but not so you can see it from the front, her thighs really slender, biggish tits, maybe c-cup, sometimes a slight cleavage when she sits in the stair well and smokes a fag, brown curly hair that she straightens alot, with curly hair she's really sweet big juicy red cheeks and freckles and flirtatious joking, straight it's like, oh my, she is so fit!! we get on really well, i seem to talk to her more than ______ who is my friend. so. we were at this club. dancing an shit, like not up on each other but next to each other. and her boyfriend was really drunk. like swaying and shit. we had a smoke together before hand and i think it spun him out. well. she was getting vex with him. and jokingly asked me to beat him up. i could but i was like being nice and shit cos i only just met these people and i was like oh, he'd probably beat me up! and then. she goes, yeah but he's got a really small dick. what does this mean. i know she's going through a hard time with her boyfriend. he is a prick. i've heard her crying and shit to ________ about him. so. what i do.

― 2tekz, Monday, 18 October 2004 19:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Fuck her boyfriend.

― Alba (Alba), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:03 (twenty-one years ago)

what kind of stupid name is ________ anyway?

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:04 (twenty-one years ago)

And tell him you did it for love. (xpost)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:04 (twenty-one years ago)

OMG HOLY SHIT

Tell me you don't live in London. If so, I think I may have grown up with this girl.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Get in there for a shag before she gets to know you.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I mean, I'm sure there's plenty of freckled sexy girls in London named Lizzie, but that really sounds exactly like this girl.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:06 (twenty-one years ago)

ilx: text dumping station of the future

― kephm (kephm), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:07 (twenty-one years ago)

i forgot to mention, this time at a party. well. basically i was really fucked and i was sitting on one side of the room. and she was on the other side sitting on a sofa with her boyfriend. and she looked over and i looked over and we kind of made a funny face at each other in that awkward way you do with people you dont know yet but you're about to get to know. but then she kept doing. like all sthe time. and she doesnt drink or do anything so it was real whatever it was. well. anyway i got talking with this girl and we pulled and then according to my friend, my housemate got really angry and kept looking over throwing really mean stares and shit, and then she got up and stormed out with her boyfriend. i was like yeah but she was probably just vexed with her boyfriend, they dont get on. but then someone pointed out why would she leave with him in a huff if she was pissed off with him? and i was like. yeah. maybe.

― 2tekz, Monday, 18 October 2004 19:07 (twenty-one years ago)

so is it really bad to feel this way about someone you live with? i've only known her for about a month.

― 2tekz, Monday, 18 October 2004 19:09 (twenty-one years ago)

thankyou aja skinner

― kephm (kephm), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm down with the low velour tracksuits, believe you me.

― andy, Monday, 18 October 2004 19:09 (twenty-one years ago)

does she wear the juicy sweats?

― kephm (kephm), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:10 (twenty-one years ago)

i mean, is it sleazy, or is it just a common reaction toward being amongst strange beautiful people i hardly know?

― 2tekz, Monday, 18 October 2004 19:10 (twenty-one years ago)

she has a roc-a-wear velour and sometimes she wears her boyfriend's ecko velour bottoms. she dresses really well. like pop socks and short skirts and kind of half indie half video girl.

― 2tekz, Monday, 18 October 2004 19:12 (twenty-one years ago)

does she have battling green eye shades? that sh*t is hot

― kephm (kephm), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:15 (twenty-one years ago)

What's that?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:16 (twenty-one years ago)

it involves math , im not sure

― kephm (kephm), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:16 (twenty-one years ago)

seriously, what does the small dick thing mean? was she implying that she hopes i have a big one? or was it just facetious. i dont know.

― 2tekz, Monday, 18 October 2004 19:22 (twenty-one years ago)

It implies that she thinks her boyfriend is a jerk.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Or maybe he really does have a small dick.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:25 (twenty-one years ago)

No, it couldn't be that.

― adam. (nordicskilla), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

She sounds like great fun!

― adam. (nordicskilla), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

ok, but why would she tell that to me after knowing me for like a week or so?

― 2tekz, Monday, 18 October 2004 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

It kind of implies she's not a very nice person, either, not that that really matters.

― Alba (Alba), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

she is alot of fun! she does funny Geordie accents and we play track & field on the playstation together and listen to rap. maybe i should stop fancying her and just be friends.

xpost

yeah i thought that a little a bit as well

― 2tekz, Monday, 18 October 2004 19:28 (twenty-one years ago)

hide her food on the bottom shelf of the fridge so we can continue to read about your th0ng voyeurism sir

― kephm (kephm), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:29 (twenty-one years ago)

track & field is crap, though.

― adam. (nordicskilla), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:30 (twenty-one years ago)

you might be playing it wrong! anymore opinions on the small dick thing?

― 2tekz, Monday, 18 October 2004 19:31 (twenty-one years ago)

It's weird. You write like you're American, but you're not American!

― Alba (Alba), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:32 (twenty-one years ago)

This really does sound like a Streets song waiting to happen.

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:32 (twenty-one years ago)

she might be playing it wrong

xpost

― kephm (kephm), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:33 (twenty-one years ago)

globalization, homogenisation

― 2tekz, Monday, 18 October 2004 19:34 (twenty-one years ago)

it looks like you're slumping forward to masturbate, she jokes about that alot when we play

― 2tekz, Monday, 18 October 2004 19:35 (twenty-one years ago)

what now?

― adam. (nordicskilla), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:36 (twenty-one years ago)

next time when you kill the end of level big boss, drop your pants and celebrate with her

― kephm (kephm), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Before he goes any further, he has to find out how large his penis his, compared to her current boyfriend.

― Alba (Alba), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:39 (twenty-one years ago)

when you play track&field, you hold the pad on your left thigh holding it by the start button, slump over and brush the x and o buttons as quickly as possibly with your right thumb and fore-finger, thus appearing as if you're masturbating

xpost

no no i just want to know why she would say that to someone she barely knows!

― 2tekz, Monday, 18 October 2004 19:40 (twenty-one years ago)

No, Alba is right. This girl knows what she wants - big penises, rap, track, and field.

I like it.

― adam. (nordicskilla), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, I guess none of us can really tell you for sure, but you should find about about the dick thing, just to avoid meeting the same fate.

x-post

― Alba (Alba), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:41 (twenty-one years ago)

she did sit on my lap as a joke once. but then ________ jumped on and we had a big weird elite housemate bundle.

― 2tekz, Monday, 18 October 2004 19:42 (twenty-one years ago)

*telephones Cold Shower & Co.*

― adam. (nordicskilla), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:44 (twenty-one years ago)

i predict a crippling polevault accident

― kephm (kephm), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:44 (twenty-one years ago)

once we were walking home and she said that she heard me masturbating once, taking the piss out of me and shit, i protested obviously, and she was like "i know we dont know each other but you shouldnt beat around the bush". should i have made the obvious joke at that prompt?

― 2tekz, Monday, 18 October 2004 19:47 (twenty-one years ago)

― adam. (nordicskilla), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:48 (twenty-one years ago)

look, she's obviously gagging for it. That's what you want us to say, isn't it?

I, an internet weirdo who you have never met, officially sanction your aimless philandering!

there.

― adam. (nordicskilla), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:49 (twenty-one years ago)

what is white-hispanic ?

― kephm (kephm), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:50 (twenty-one years ago)

hey you like cool music adam, you're not an internet weirdo!

i think i just wanted to tell someone really. anyway. cheers for the hilarity Jack Dee & co.

― 2tekz, Monday, 18 October 2004 19:52 (twenty-one years ago)

It's that stuff that you use to take paint off brushes.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 18 October 2004 19:52 (twenty-one years ago)

hey look it's nick hancock and jo brand!!

― 2tekz, Monday, 18 October 2004 19:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Skipping 17 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Friends, frieeends, please. What we got here are some people who them them velour tracksuits like nice on a cute ol' butt and some people who are just plain wrong. We gotta reconcile and learn to get along.

― Michael Stuchbery (Mikey Bidness), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 05:12 (twenty-one years ago)

ARGH! ...'WHO LIKE THEM'!

― Michael Stuchbery (Mikey Bidness), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 05:18 (twenty-one years ago)

no no i just want to know why she would say that to someone she barely knows!

Translation: I want to think I'm very, very attractive, but I want you to say it, not me, so I'm feeding you lots of 'attractive people are attracted to me' scenarios while pretending to ask your advice. Her pupils were dilating when she looked at me, and it wasn't drugs. What does this mean? I have come to this bulletin board to find out. When you offer advice, however, I will make a sarcastic remark about how you're all second-rate TV comedians, then, exclaiming 'Save my sides!', I'll go back to masturbating while peeping through the crack in my room door, from which you can see the kitchen, and, occasionally, Lizzie's velour track suit bottoms.

― Momus (Momus), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 07:28 (twenty-one years ago)

am I the only person on ilx today?

― Ste (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 07:41 (twenty-one years ago)

is this woman in Black Eyed Peas?

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 07:46 (twenty-one years ago)

That triple underscore guy posts regularly on ILX and is probably going to come after you any second now.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 08:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha, Momus is spot on!

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 08:27 (twenty-one years ago)

re: saggy-arsed velour hipster trackpants

so we have

FOR
Andrew - male
Adam?? - male
and er Ken i guess - male

AGAINST
Trayce - female
Mandee - female

conclusion, if you want to pull a girl, don't wear saggy-arsed velour hipster trackpants, but if you are wearing them to pull boys, BACK THE THE NET.

Michael Stuchbery is now officially neither male nor female

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 09:00 (twenty-one years ago)

a sample size of 4 and a bit is obviously conclusive evidence

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 09:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm definitely against.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 09:37 (twenty-one years ago)

way to ruin it tuomas.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 09:37 (twenty-one years ago)

But what do I know, I'm a sissy liberal Scandinavian metrosexual, not a REAL MAN.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 09:38 (twenty-one years ago)

That triple underscore guy posts regularly on ILX and is probably going to come after you any second now.

Spot on Matt, spot on!

As for this tale - I have had a friend who was in a similar position when he moved to London, and it ended up disasterously. She just wanted a friend who was fun and didn't really care about sexual things with her. Maybe she thinks you are gay.

In all honesty, I don't particularly have much to say on the matter. The whole lengthy description of her body generally makes me think that you should either persue a career writing letters for adult magazines or something. That, or you are just trying to rub the situation in.

I don't know. I have hardly slept, worked 20 hours now and am in a really shit mood. Sorry.

― ___ (___), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 10:49 (twenty-one years ago)

so you really are coming after me any second now?

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 11:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Euw!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 11:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Unlikely. Erectile disfunction.

― ___ (___), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 11:12 (twenty-one years ago)

check out my new nick

― ~~~ (ken c), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 11:16 (twenty-one years ago)

*Obvious perversion*

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 13:17 (twenty-one years ago)

i know this momus guy has a reputation for being a clueless prick with only one eye or something, so i'll let him be. plus i am a regular on ilm, should've pointed that out, and this is the first time i've posted here, so i shouldn't really expect any friendly advice seeing as i interrupted your frat party. but i did mention that i split up with my girlfriend a couple of months ago. so maybe i'm just projecting the things i miss about her onto the nearest attractive female, and was wondering if this is wrong or if this is alright or if anyone else has been in a similar situation. but you lot decided to get all like middle class grad student liberal/really bad one liners on me. so fuck you. all of you. basically.

― 2tekz, Tuesday, 19 October 2004 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Slap her with your cock.

― SlappyMcCockandBalls (Chris V), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 15:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought the thread had gone well! I'm not really sure how anyone could really have been much use. What could they have said? "Yes, the same thing happened to me and it turned out she did fancy me and we had great sex?" Then someone else say "Yes, it happened to me and it turned out she was just a bit weird and bad news". I mean, we don't know this girl, except for nickalicious, it seems.

― Alba (Alba), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 15:30 (twenty-one years ago)

sorry that came out wrong. i don't really dislike you. thank you for the advice. momus, i feel you have alot of unresolved issues regarding the dated indie records you make, and i apologise wholeheartedly for the eye comment.

― 2tekz, Tuesday, 19 October 2004 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

2tekz, nothing I have said on this thread was meant as a joke. I am a middle class (sson to be?) grad student liberal, though, but I was born like that!

― adam. (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I think Lara Byrne is correct. After you've lived with her for three or four months this feeling will wear off, trust me. Especially if she's the kind of person who talks smack about her boyfriend's cock to strangers.

― You've Got to Pick Up Every Stitch (tracerhand), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 15:42 (twenty-one years ago)

what kind of stupid name is ________ anyway?

I do believe its pronounced underscooooooore.

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 15:50 (twenty-one years ago)

You don't want to get involved with a roommate. The risk of something ranging from uncomfortableness to an all out catastrophe are too great. I'll admit I get the soft chub when I see my roommate bend over at the fridge with her thong showing over that perfectly shaped bum of hers. But even if I didn't think she was a vacant tool I still would not try anything because there would surely be hell to pay.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 15:51 (twenty-one years ago)

My two cents re: low rise velour track pants

The obvious solution for everyone involved is to simply remove them and admire the luscious booty/gams beneath.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 16:36 (twenty-one years ago)

here's what you do. you don't make any real moves (she has a boyfriend), but just be really flirty.

take showers with her real world style!

― JaXoN (JasonD), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 16:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Flirting for its own sake can be so entertaining sometimes.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 16:39 (twenty-one years ago)

michael, what are gams?

― JaXoN (JasonD), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 17:17 (twenty-one years ago)

legs, me boy, legs. Breast man are you?

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 17:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Flirting for sake can be fun too.

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 17:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Breast man I is

― JaXoN (JasonD), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 17:39 (twenty-one years ago)

It's all good.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 17:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I am a middle class (sson to be?) grad student liberal, though, but I was born like that!

You were born a grad student?

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 18:04 (twenty-one years ago)

And then he met himself apparently. It all sounds rather traumatic to me.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 18:05 (twenty-one years ago)

2tekz, if you don't feel like talking about the crack in the door thing, that's okay, but anytime you want to tell us about it you can, that's what we're here for. To make you feel better about yourself. See, we're 'indie liberals'. And we've heard it all before, honey.

Now run off to bed, your mum and I have some talking to do.

― Momus (Momus), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 21:09 (twenty-one years ago)

But what do I know, I'm a sissy liberal Scandinavian metrosexual, not a REAL MAN.

Hey, I'm a sissy liberal Australian metrosexual, so figure that shit out.

― Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 00:58 (twenty-one years ago)

flirting for sake can be both fun and profitable

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 02:03 (twenty-one years ago)

oh woops too slow with that one

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 02:04 (twenty-one years ago)

2tekz = ali G

― Richard K (Richard K), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 04:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Flirting for sake is more difficult than it seems but I otherwise agree with ken c. *Worldly sigh*

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 04:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Flirting for bukkake is what the kids are into these days.

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:18 (twenty-one years ago)

bowling for columbine II - Flirting for Bukakke

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 09:22 (twenty-one years ago)

ten years pass...

My two cents re: low rise velour track pants

The obvious solution for everyone involved is to simply remove them and admire the luscious booty/gams beneath.

― Michael White (Hereward), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 17:36 (10 years ago)

― Chetniks in Šumadija kill a Partisan through heart extraction.jpg (nakhchivan), Monday, 3 November 2014 04:46 (eleven years ago)

lush aeterna

― clouds, Monday, 3 November 2014 05:20 (eleven years ago)

solid slam from momus upthread

― clouds, Monday, 3 November 2014 05:23 (eleven years ago)

nakh

― mookieproof, Monday, 3 November 2014 05:34 (eleven years ago)

http://cdn.redmondpie.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Clink1.jpg

― sarahell, Monday, 3 November 2014 09:30 (eleven years ago)

Blimey, Garu G was ten years ago!

― Mark G, Monday, 3 November 2014 10:43 (eleven years ago)

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