ALARM CLOCKS.

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Just to let any interested purchasers know, this clock does not, I repeat NOT have a plain Beeping function. You can only wake up by your preset radio station turning on, or a continuous loop of lame guitar riffs. Also, just to let you know, the "Mystery Phrases" are prerecorded Magic Eight Ball Answers like a girl saying "Like, No Way!" or a guy saying "You Bet!", "For Sure!", or whatever. Another flaw is that the black projection is almost impossible to see in the dark. The forwards or backwards time setting buttons do make setting the time and alarm easier, but that is the only good thing I can tell you about this clock. Enjoy!

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 19 October 2004 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I loved this clock because it kept me on time, and looked stylish at the same time. My friends call me timemaster!

― Starry (hello chickens), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Sounds shitty. You can't even record your *own* mystery phrase? I understand that wouldn't be very mysterious.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Not if you recorded it blacked-out drunk.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 14:39 (twenty-one years ago)

But then, who wants to wake up to themselves going "SLARGH YERJ IS BAWSTRUH!!!!!! GEH!"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 14:39 (twenty-one years ago)

WTF, how can you "stay stylish" with an f-ing alarm clock.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 14:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh right, Flava Flav style.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 14:39 (twenty-one years ago)

WHERE CAN I FIND A CLOCK RADIO, THAT SERIOUSLY AIMS MYSTERY

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 19 October 2004 14:40 (twenty-one years ago)

clock radios c/d ?

(self promotion here, not trying to redirect this thread)

― kephm, Tuesday, 19 October 2004 14:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Seriously I need to find some new form of waking up in the morning, I have this one at the moment and as far as I can tell all it does is piss off the general public, I haven't actually woken up with it in like two weeks except apparently to turn off the buzzer while asleep and crawl back under the covers.

I can sleep through ANYTHING. I need help.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 19 October 2004 14:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Was this review helpful to you?

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 14:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Are you opposed to those ones that let you use a CD of your choosing? those can be nice if you can adjust the volume. Put in The Black Album or something and turn it all the way up.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 14:45 (twenty-one years ago)

tombot, what about coffee makers that have an alarm and auto-brew function. the smell of fresh coffee can help keep you from crawling back under the covers

― kephm, Tuesday, 19 October 2004 14:49 (twenty-one years ago)

That sounds nice!

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 14:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe I will just leave on my speakers overnight and not close my laptop and then have a script run that visits here every morning

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 19 October 2004 14:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe I will just leave on my speakers overnight and not close my laptop and then have a script run that visits here every morning

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 19 October 2004 14:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Fuck you

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 19 October 2004 15:00 (twenty-one years ago)

pwn3d.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 15:02 (twenty-one years ago)

how abou the alarm clocks for deaf people that vibrate under your pillow?

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 16:24 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.allny.com/shakeawake/main.html

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 16:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Ooh, I gotta get one of those.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 16:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I've got a little Grundig Yachtboy that faaaaAADES into music oh-so-politely. And the switch is kind of tiny & not finger-friendly, so I have to make sure I'm up & awake to turn it off.

Just to make doubly sure I'm up, I tune it to the dopey campus FM station, so I'm certain to catch some college slacker mumbling on the mic, "...umm, that was, uh, Death Cab for Cutie, I guess..." No way I can sleep undisturbed through that shit.

― briania (briania), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 16:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Those CD player alarm clocks are totally kickass. You can tailor your wake-up to whatever kind of morning you expect to have. For those oh-holy-shit-I've-gotta-be-gone-like-NOW mornings, I can have myself woke up by, say, an Alec Empire Bjork remix or whatever.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

My ex, the sweetie, used to have a fucking AROMATHERAPY alarm clock. Apparently it was supposed to wake you up with AROMA. PLEASANT AROMA.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 16:52 (twenty-one years ago)

a mouse could fart and i'd wake up. my alarm clocks volume is turned down so low.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Unless it was the aroma of burning apartment, I fail to see how this would work.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

if the aroma was rank beav it would wake you right up.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah I suppose that's true.

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 16:54 (twenty-one years ago)

"rank beav"

Chris I declare you Captain of the English Language.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 16:59 (twenty-one years ago)

The aromatherapy alarm clock also had an "alarm". The sound was something like a recording of windchimes in F# that faded in very very slowly. Apparently these were very popular with her and her masseuse colleagues. Fucking masseuses.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 17:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I wish I could wake up to the smell of a Jack and Coke.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 17:05 (twenty-one years ago)

One day I will find a woman whose morning breath smells like Jack and Coke. I will marry that woman.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 17:07 (twenty-one years ago)

head to your local shelter

― kephm, Tuesday, 19 October 2004 17:08 (twenty-one years ago)

hi nick

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 17:15 (twenty-one years ago)

one whose morning breath smells like tennants super would be even better

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 17:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I hardly ever sleep, and I have absolutely nothing to do. One of the only upsides to this situation is never having to hear an alarm clock. Except when TV shows and adverts use them, causing the entire viewing public to flinch during an otherwise enjoyable evening.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 17:38 (twenty-one years ago)

The Alec Empire remix of "State of Emergency" would not wake me up at all. Seriously. Maybe for the first couple of days but then I'd be used to it.

For a little while in college I was using Jega's "Phalanx" but once again I just got used to it and would sleep right through.

I don't think a vibrating alarm clock would really work too well since I rarely spend the night with my head in one place. Maybe it would work, but I don't trust it.

I think I'm just going to get my old JVC kaboombox out from under the bed, set it on shuffle, make a mix or two of obnoxious shit I know will get me out of bed every morning, and make it play at some obnoxious volume.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 19 October 2004 18:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Use a wake up call service maybe?

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 19:15 (twenty-one years ago)

hahahaha MY PHONE? hahahahahahaha
hahaha

hahahahaha.

haha! phone.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 19 October 2004 19:16 (twenty-one years ago)

A failsafe wake-up technique, by Nickalicious:

1) spawn
2) wait 9 months
3) WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
4) voila! you are awake
[5) 22 hours a day for the next 2 years at least]

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

oh no you would tape the alarm clock to your face or groin or something.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 20:26 (twenty-one years ago)

the vibrating one not the kid one.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 20:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Tombot needs some Slayer in his life. If "Angel of Death" played to wake me up, I'd probably piss the sheets.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 20:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Once on a bus when I was in high school I did that thing where you fall asleep in mid-sentence. Anyway I was sitting there, head back, dozing off, and my friends continued talking. This girl who didn't know me too well was like "dude shouldn't you guys be a little more quiet? You'll wake Tom up" and my pal Brent is all NO WE FUCKING WON'T and proceeded to grab my head and bonk it against the bus window a couple of times. I stayed asleep.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 19 October 2004 20:30 (twenty-one years ago)

ok then maybe try the kid one.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 20:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I need some sort of alarm clock that tears off the warm blankets, exposing me to the cold apartment air. That would wake me up.

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 20:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I still have this old clock that my folks gave me when I was eight or so -- an electric analog clock that has yet to give up the ghost (all hail late seventies General Electric). It works as a perfect alarm clock because of a simple combination:

*) It is a resolutely evil alarm, just this obnoxious bray

*) I keep the clock not next to my bed but on a dresser such that I must actually get out of bed to shut it off

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 20:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Sevani!
Now that's the fiercest and loudest sounding, and a disgustingly effective, mechanical monstrosity that's ever been given the name of "alarm clock". It had a disgusting siren that pierced to the bone. It could easily take severe beating from a just-woken-up terror-stricken student -- and it would still work its phearsome phunkshion the next morning. And the one after that and, like, forever and ever.
A Sevani never broke.
To be woken by Sevani was way, way more terrible than being blasted awake by the hymn of USSR roaring from the radio at 6am.
I wonder if they are still manufactured, though...

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Tuesday, 19 October 2004 21:52 (twenty-one years ago)

I got my roomate to discharge a gun out the window of my boyfriend once. It was really loud (as guns are). He just kind of rolled over.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 11:56 (twenty-one years ago)

discharge a gun out the window of my boyfriend once

This is a very entertaining grammatical construct.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 12:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I woke up on time today. Turned my alarm off, and then overslept!

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 14:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I like to click on long links and watching the whole thing go purple!
sounds almost sexual!
thanks and keep em coming!
I have an alarm clock too btw

― tremendoid, Wednesday, 20 October 2004 15:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Madchen to thread?

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 15:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I've got it: a clock that requires you to go into the kitchen, lean over a tiny microphone, and speak a code-phrase to turn it off, which would both disable the alarm and lock you out of your bedroom for a minumum of thirty minutes.

― You've Got to Pick Up Every Stitch (tracerhand), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 16:11 (twenty-one years ago)

haw nicka

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 20 October 2004 16:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I know a guy whose wife recorded a wake up message on his alarm clock. She died in an accident, and his first girlfriend after that (who I know him through) had to put up with hearing her voice every morning because he couldn't bring himself to erase it.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 21 October 2004 02:15 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread is almost making me pee my pants.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 21 October 2004 02:49 (twenty-one years ago)

oh shit lock thread lock thread!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 21 October 2004 03:07 (twenty-one years ago)

My wife has one with a lamp that goes up to full brightness over 30 minutes, and it has the option of a buzzing alarm at the end of that.

― William Crump (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 21 October 2004 03:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Mine is human.

― Kim (Kim), Thursday, 21 October 2004 03:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Get an old-school wind-up alarm with a real bell. I have one that I use as a backup on those "oh-shit-i-gotta-get-up" days.

it usually works ok.

either that or just get some more fuckin sleep.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Thursday, 21 October 2004 03:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I, too am a human alarm clock, so to speak. I don't use a mechanical one, don't wear a watch and am never late. I don't get it either...

Folks, please don't live like this.

― jim wentworth (wench), Thursday, 21 October 2004 03:23 (twenty-one years ago)

FLAVOR FLAV TO THREAD.

― The TAO that can be Posted is not the TAO! (The Tao that can be Posted is), Thursday, 21 October 2004 03:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually my human alarm uses an actual alarm clock, then has to spend up to fifteen minutes coaxing me awake with coffee and light from the kitchen. I'm not to be trusted with the task to myself as I tend to hallucinate when half awake and my sleepy brain can and will play tricks on me. I'm very spoiled now, but it sure beats hitting snooze twenty times.

― Kim (Kim), Thursday, 21 October 2004 03:33 (twenty-one years ago)

My wife has one with a lamp that goes up to full brightness over 30 minutes,

I have one of those, too. IT'S CALLED A WINDOW.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 21 October 2004 04:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I get my iron place it on my couch, then set one of those electric timers to go off when my alarm clock goes off If I don't get up sharpish, choking fumes.

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Thursday, 21 October 2004 08:43 (twenty-one years ago)

I almost forgot about this thread.
Sorted it out with the old olive drab bazooka boombox and this:

1. The Power & The Glory - NFL Films
2. Common People - William Shatner
3. Deutschland (Has Gotta Die) - Atari Teenage Riot
4. Shaftman - The Shaftman
5. Acid Police - The Boredoms
6. Cyber Insekt - The Fall
7. Dick Johnson - Pussy Galore
8. One Man & His Droid Title Theme - Commodore 64
9. It Was Supposed To Be So Easy - The Streets
10. Ballonx - Bodenstandig 2000
11. Call And Response - Bangs
12. Bang Your Head! - Alec Empire
13. Sweet Home Alabama - The Moog Cookbook
14. The Game Is Not Over - T. Raumschmiere
15. Sentinel - Cristian Vogel
16. The International Chappie's Cheerleading Team - Chappie

Yes, I am two-timing ILE with AND. Sorry.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 26 October 2004 18:05 (twenty-one years ago)

It is either funny or sad that my playlist above sort of approximates the description I posted when I started the thread a week ago.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 26 October 2004 18:07 (twenty-one years ago)

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