Oh God, So I've Got A Dilemma Now (Not a Dating One, Though, Fortunately)

I mean, even for those of you who have no experience with the "being in a band" thing.

How would you react to someone that you knew talking about hiring an employee or going into partnership with someone who you *knew* to be totally unreliable, feckless, and a major f*ckup?

What if someone was contemplating hiring a plumber who destroyed your bathtub and walked out leaving you without plumbing?

I don't really see it as any different?

I don't think I'd say anything. It's like, you can't tell your ex's new girlfriend what he did to you, can you?

It's not quite the same as the dating thing. It's much more like an employee sort of thing.

(And in retrospect, there are certain ex-boyfriend that I *do* wish someone had warned me. Sure, I wouldn't have listened, but then again, the girl who he dated after me told me she wished that *I* had warned her... but anyway. It's really not the same thing.)

I mean, things like... claiming not to have the money to go to rehearsal, and then you run into him at a party in Bethnal Green that weekend with plenty of money to buy drugs. That's the kind of thing I'd want to be warned off that sort of potential bandmate.

It's awkward but I think you owe it to your mate to explain what happened. And if you're not sure if she's a good mate now, she certainly won't be when she finds out that you knew this guy was flaky and didn't warn her. You don't have to describe him as "Sh*tbrick" to her though – you could say something like, "oh he's a really nice guy, I have a lot of time for him. He's been a bit unreliable sometimes but I expect he's better than he used to be." Then she'll ask in what way he was unreliable and you can tell the story, punctuating it with lines like "well this was last year of course, he's probably much less flaky now - X knows him too, you know." X being other let-down-ees, of course.
What do you think?

Kate - I'd DEFINITELY tell her, but in a matter-of-fact, non bitchy, non gossipy way. Maybe give her the name of someone to back up what you say. Then it's her choice.

Hmm, I don't think saying something is out of the line, but you have to be careful about you say it. Phrase the introduction in a sensitive way, eg "I know you're excited about this band, but I just wanted to let you know about the experience I had with this guy." Then make sure to tell her only about the facts, what actually happened, and if you can, only the stuff that happened specifically to you. I would leave out second-hand information unless it's very very reliable and considerably worse than what this guy did to you.

I don't see any problem with throwing "I was working with him last year, and he totally flaked out and absconded with my demos - in the process completely compromising and eventually screwing up a major deal for me." or words to that effect into a conversation. It's not as if you're making it up just to piss your former bandmate off.

Throw in a "so just be careful" or something and let her make her own mind up thereafter.

Your obvious concern for her is more likely to "keep things cordial" in the long term than letting her go blindly into a partnership with a known flake.

Kate, you said you are 'concerned about keeping things cordial', but how interested are you in being friends with her? If you really like her and want to build a friendship over time, I really think you should tell her, and be honest about it just like you posted here. I would like to think she'd really appreciate your warning and respect you for it. Worst case scenario is she thinks you're being jealous/bitter & doesn't talk to you. But even then, it sounds likely that this guy will eventually prove you right, and she'll come back to you and be an even stronger friend than before.

I would probably end up saying something like "Look, I'm really not being a jealous, bitter bitch here, but..."

But actually I think that would make things even worse, so don't do that.

I wouldn't say anything, nor worry too much about it. Sh*tbrick may even prove to be okay and reliable now, maybe?

If you do feel the need to say something to her try not to go into too much lengthy detail and start spitting, just something short and a bit 'meh'.

I don't think they're starting a band... I think it's more like he's "producing" her solo album.

I know that he has done some "production" work for her husband before, and I guess he finished it, and it got released, but it was a very different thing - i.e. he was cleaning up existing tapes for release, not working on a long-term project.

But I don't know a single other person who has had a good experience with him. He's totally unable to work with other people, he's totally unable to relinquish control in any way, and yet he's such a perfectionist that he WILL NOT finish things himself. It's impossible to schedule sessions, he won't ever commit to mixes, and trying to get masters back from him (let alone finished mixes) is like... damn...

The bloke I was supposed to work with has in the past pried tracks away from Kevin Shields himself, and yet he couldn't get the masters out of Sh*tbrick. Gah.

I'm trying to think of a way to say this without getting emotional.

x-post multiple times...

I only read the first post .. but I'd say "glad you're getting back into music.. I worked with shitbag (whatever) last year & I had some problems with him - so I hope everything goes well for you."

If she wants to hear about the nature of the problems, she'll ask - otherwise, let it go.

Yeah - couch the warning in enthusiasm that she's getting into music again. Maybe say something along the lines of "I'm warning you cos I want you to succeed".

I mean... yeah. Obviously, enthused that she's doing music again. I kind of almost want to say to her "you are so talented you so don't even *need* Sh*tbrick, I will give you a copy of Reason and Cubase and even come over and teach you how to use it yourself..." but she would probably see that as me being a control freak or something.

Is Reason better than Cubase? Or would it be wiser to have both? I have been contemplating getting hold of Reason this week.
/off topic (soz)

For programming and sequencing, Reason beats Cubase by a country mile!

But I still need Cubase for recording the "live" bits like guitars and vocals and stuff. The day that Reason can do that (though it never will - it's a sequencer, not a recording suite) then Cubase so goes in the bin.

cool, cheers!

Kate, it sounds like you and I put things together in almost exactly the same way.

My advice: don't say any of the "I'm so excited to see you getting into music again" stuff, above, or at least not in words like that, because then you sound like a patronizing therapist trying to validate a little girl before warning her off of something. A no-bullshit tone is surely better. All you have to do to not seem bitter is to talk about the project itself like it's obviously going to happen either way, with great success, and whether or not Sh!tbrick produces is a minor point.