Sleeping with someone you don't even like very much -- when does this stop feeling so horrible?

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I've never done anything like this before, and it's broken me. I have never been someone that frowned upon (safe, consensual) casual sex in any capacity, in fact it's something I whole-heartedly and vocally support. Having now engaged in meaningless sex with a semi-random friend (I guess) that I don't even fancy, and who I now feel a kind of creeping hatred for, I just find my self-esteem really crushed. I haven't wanted to erase something from my history as strongly as I do right now, not since I was being raised Christian. What's wrong with me?

― loggedthefackout, Sunday, 24 October 2004 00:48 (twenty-one years ago)

I think at least a little of this has to do with the fact that there is another person that I do fancy.

― loggedout, Sunday, 24 October 2004 00:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Ugh, I just HATE EVERYTHING.

― logged out mf's, Sunday, 24 October 2004 00:50 (twenty-one years ago)

safe, consensual sex is actually very overrated.

― d.arraghmac, Sunday, 24 October 2004 00:51 (twenty-one years ago)

http://perso.wanadoo.fr/bigbeatrecords/images/ebayvinyl/ebay100080/1ABRUCE.jpg

seriously

― RJG (RJG), Sunday, 24 October 2004 00:52 (twenty-one years ago)

if you don't respect yourself, ain't nobody gonna give a good hoot, na, na

― RJG (RJG), Sunday, 24 October 2004 00:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks, Bruce, but I don't know if I will ever respect myself again. This person listens to Toadies.

― loggedout, Sunday, 24 October 2004 00:53 (twenty-one years ago)

hi dere are you pretty?

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Sunday, 24 October 2004 00:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, I'm kind of the same. I would never judge someone for their sexual activity - but that doesn't mean I hate it when I act the same way. What's right for some isn't right for others. For me, it depends upon my state of mind at the time. I have found such experiences easily ignorable when I am happy; One time after such an event I cut my wrists. That's not to blame anything on my actions at the time, I hadn't been well for a while, but something about it destroyed me. These days I tend to wait until I feel something for the person, but again I feel I should say that I believe one night stands can be significant, lovely and enjoyable experiences; just maybe not for me.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Sunday, 24 October 2004 00:57 (twenty-one years ago)

it's a sad situation but

if you're walking around, thinking that the word owes you something 'cause you're here,
you're going out the world backwards, like you did when you first came here,
you keep talking about the president won't stop air pollution,
put your hand over your mouth, when you cough--that'll help the solution.
you cuss around women and you don't even know their names,
then you're dumb enough to think that it makes you a big ol' man ...

― RJG (RJG), Sunday, 24 October 2004 00:57 (twenty-one years ago)

xxpost

AND witty AND gay

― logged, Sunday, 24 October 2004 00:58 (twenty-one years ago)

: (

― RJG (RJG), Sunday, 24 October 2004 00:58 (twenty-one years ago)

i am strangely taken with the phrase 'semi-random friend'.

i am almost certain all of my friends are entirely random, but i will keep an eye out for this from now on.

― d.arraghmac, Sunday, 24 October 2004 01:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Why do you support casual sex so vocally? Is it a putupon tradition in yr culture or something?

― Andrew Blood Thames (Andrew Thames), Sunday, 24 October 2004 01:49 (twenty-one years ago)

the phrase 'casual sex' always reminds me of the billy connolly routine- 'with me, sex is usually quite frantic, etc etc'

― darr.aghmac, Sunday, 24 October 2004 01:58 (twenty-one years ago)

It's not like I lead parades or anything, I just support people's right to do it and not be badmouthed or looked down upon or called hoes or amoral or whathaveyou.

― logggged, Sunday, 24 October 2004 01:59 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.andoworld.com/oldandoworld/gallery/stuff.jpg

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Sunday, 24 October 2004 02:01 (twenty-one years ago)

it always reminds me of that part in Trainspotting where she's all SEX!!! CASUAL SEX!!! and dude's passed out on the bed xxpost.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 24 October 2004 02:01 (twenty-one years ago)

they were dating dooshbahg

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Sunday, 24 October 2004 02:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Who was dating douchebag?

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 24 October 2004 02:03 (twenty-one years ago)

i snogged a douchebag once, but never called it after

― darragh.mac (darragh.mac), Sunday, 24 October 2004 02:04 (twenty-one years ago)

the passed out dude and the girl in trainspotting

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Sunday, 24 October 2004 02:06 (twenty-one years ago)

She's the one who said it, not me.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 24 October 2004 02:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I know this is easier said than done, but try to forgive yourself. You made a mistake; it happened and it's over. It will get easier with time, particularly if you have something else to focus on. Maybe this other guy you like, or a hobby, or whatever makes you feel good about yourself. And hey-- you learned something. Casual sex is not for you. Now you know, and you never have to do it again.

― Laura E (laurae55), Sunday, 24 October 2004 02:53 (twenty-one years ago)

laura's right i reckon. you can't turn back the clock, yes it feels shitty but you'll get over it. also you're not the only one, i've no doubt heaps of us have been there.

― gem (trisk), Sunday, 24 October 2004 02:54 (twenty-one years ago)

some of us can only dream of wild, guilty casual sex.

but i think the self forgiveness and moving on is good advice.

― darragh.mac (darragh.mac), Sunday, 24 October 2004 03:10 (twenty-one years ago)

I've found casual sex and one night stands problematic because, in my opinion, more often not it isn't exactly casual for one of the two partners - he or she has more emotional investment in it than the other party might think, and if that doesn't lead to anything, it always feels kinda sad. I envy people who can really have "casual" sex.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Sunday, 24 October 2004 04:17 (twenty-one years ago)

WHAT A BUNCH OF PUSSIES YOU ARE!

"WAAHHHHH I HAD SEX AND NOW I HATE MYSELF"

THEN GO JERK OFF LIKE USUAL, YOU LOSER. YOU'RE LUCKY YOU GET ANY COOCH AT ALL, YOU EMO PANSY. YOU'RE PROBABLY JUST ASHAMED BECAUSE THE GIRL YOU PORKED IS A FAT FUCKIN' HOG AND NOW ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE GONNA FIND OUT.

― SLITPOUNDER, Sunday, 24 October 2004 04:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Slipping to the upper case, eh Calum?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Sunday, 24 October 2004 08:24 (twenty-one years ago)

You can't change the fact that you did it, and beating yourself up over it isn't very productive, so why not try to just accept that you fucked up? We all mess up bigtime, some of us more often than others and in bigger ways. ( I am an experienced personal-life-fucker-upper)
Sex with a semi-friend that you barely like is hardly up there in crime with serial killing or paedophilia, so stop being so hard on yourself. Allow yourself the 'luxury' of making mistakes and having lapses of judgement, like the rest of the world's population.
There is nothing 'wrong with you'.
You simply discovered that what you tried doesn't suit.
Avoid the friend if you can, til the creepy feeling has faded and go do a couple of things you really love to do.

― donna (donna), Sunday, 24 October 2004 09:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I second avoidance.

― Laura E (laurae55), Sunday, 24 October 2004 13:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Boy have I done this before. The trick is that once you get through something, it never makes you feel that bad again..

Also, you can learn something sexually, as well as about yourself what makes you happy/unhappy from every shitty "casual" experience.

― scout (scout), Monday, 25 October 2004 08:55 (twenty-one years ago)

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