What is wake etiquette? I have to go today and I'm at a loss.

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I've only every been to a traditional funeral/viewing. I tried googling but only came up with descriptions of a traditional Irish wake, and this isn't a traditional Irish family.

Does anyone know the etiquette for an American wake being held in the home? Is it appropriate to bring flowers? Cards? A bottle of wine?

In the South, we bring a covered dish but this isn't the South so I'm at a loss. I don't want to call and bother the widow by asking if I can help it.

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 24 October 2004 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Or if anyone could even tell me what generally happens...

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 24 October 2004 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Google gave me a lot about boating, and this gem on gansta funeral etiquette that was a bit amusing:
http://www.crikey.com.au/whistleblower/2004/04/05-0004.html

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 24 October 2004 16:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I have been to a couple and they were quite different from each other. I'm not sure there *is* any widespread etiquette. I think it's more what the deceased wanted.
I don't think you can possibly go wrong by bringing food or drink, though.

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 24 October 2004 17:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know what wake etiquette in your part of the world is like, I'm afraid - I've only ever been to ones in the UK. These have generally started out as very sombre and subdued affairs, but have ended up being a drunken celebration of the person's life - lots of booze and happy reminiscences, which has been quite uplifting.

As to what to take, I'd suggest just a card with some thoughtful sentiments in it. What I have done before is to also have a rummage in my photograph albums and find one of my own photographs of the person in happier times, frame it and give it to the surviving spouse/parent. It's a simple yet thoughtful gesture and one that's always been very well received.

Best wishes for the wake today - these things are never easy.

― C J (C J), Sunday, 24 October 2004 17:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks CJ, that sounds like a very good idea, and inspires me to do something similar.

― Orbit (Orbit), Sunday, 24 October 2004 17:14 (twenty-one years ago)

I think as long as you are a fairly aware person you shouldn't run into any difficulties. It's easy to pick up on mood at these sort of things, and you aren't likely to make crude jokes about the deceased or anything. I guess part of losing someone is that these kinds of ettiquette things don't seem to matter as much - nobody would be upset if you brought a condolence gift, and nobody would mind if you didn't, I imagine. And certainly don't let worry get in the way of remembrance.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Sunday, 24 October 2004 17:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Having had a parent die, the only wrong thing to do is to not do anything or to do too much.

― Loose Translation (sexyDancer), Sunday, 24 October 2004 18:06 (twenty-one years ago)

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