which way do you wipe?

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So I'm watching The Rules of Attraction, and there's this whole split-screen sequence of two people's morning routine brilliantly soundtracked with Donovan's "Colours," and during it Van der Beek takes a shit and wipes... from front to back. The reach-around method. What? Do guys do that? I know girls do for serious practical hygeine reasons, but do guys? I've always been a back-to-front guy, maybe lifting the balls of necessary.

So I guess the thread question is, how were you potty trained?

― Kenan (kenan), Sunday, 31 October 2004 07:14 (twenty-one years ago)

ew, but seeing as you asked so nicely...

back-to-front, although we had a teacher when we were about 11 that solemnly informed us that this was a filthy disgusting thing to do.

maybe lifting the balls of necessary

aw jesus, it's too early for this discussion...

― d.arraghmac, Sunday, 31 October 2004 07:21 (twenty-one years ago)

I do it like the Beek.

― jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 31 October 2004 07:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Back-to-front from the front is disgusting.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 31 October 2004 07:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Um, I can't believe I'm posting in one of these threads.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 31 October 2004 07:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Kinda makes you feel clean, don't it?

― Bryan (Bryan), Sunday, 31 October 2004 07:36 (twenty-one years ago)

uh, me too. we've had this thread already, and I still don't see the advantage of back to front. I mean, who wants to get poo on their nuts?

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Sunday, 31 October 2004 07:36 (twenty-one years ago)

(that was an x-post with jaymc)

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Sunday, 31 October 2004 07:37 (twenty-one years ago)

front to back is the only remotely sanitary way to wipe your ass. Back to front is DISGUSTING

also standing up >>> sitting down

― Roger Fidelity (Roger Fidelity), Sunday, 31 October 2004 07:39 (twenty-one years ago)

OK, so I'm the weird one.

I mean, who wants to get poo on their nuts?

I don't get poo on my nuts. I prefer to think of it as a stylistic difference.

― Kenan (kenan), Sunday, 31 October 2004 07:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Now this thread has me thinking I should retrain myself.

― Kenan (kenan), Sunday, 31 October 2004 07:42 (twenty-one years ago)

who wants to get poo on their nuts?

Bush supporters?

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 31 October 2004 07:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Roger said front to back.

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Sunday, 31 October 2004 07:47 (twenty-one years ago)

So he catches his nuts along the way and rams them up his own arse. What's your point?

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 31 October 2004 07:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Now this thread has me thinking I should retrain myself.

no, wait... it doesn't. I don't get any more poo in any more places than any other boy, I'm sure. I don't get poo on my nuts anymore than you front-to-back people get it on your lower back.

― Kenan (kenan), Sunday, 31 October 2004 07:49 (twenty-one years ago)

i think that if i tried it front to back, i'd get poo on my hands and arms. maybe i just have short arms.

― d.arraghmac, Sunday, 31 October 2004 07:58 (twenty-one years ago)

The human hand's not designed to do front-to-back from the front. How do you not flick it all up the wall?

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 31 October 2004 07:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm never going down on a guy again.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Sunday, 31 October 2004 08:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh pleeze. Everybody poos. You should be happy that we wipe at all.

― Kenan (kenan), Sunday, 31 October 2004 08:11 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost

do you go down front to back?

― d.arraghmac, Sunday, 31 October 2004 08:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Kenan totally otm

― Roger Fidelity (Roger Fidelity), Monday, 1 November 2004 00:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Sam!!

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 1 November 2004 00:45 (twenty-one years ago)

[i]Um, I can't believe I'm posting in one of these threads.[/i]

You speak as if you don't have prior form in threads like this!!

― Haaaaaitch (haitch), Monday, 1 November 2004 01:01 (twenty-one years ago)

THIS YEAR, dammit.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Monday, 1 November 2004 01:01 (twenty-one years ago)

All right, for anyone who's curious, once I sat in my own shit and posted about it on an internet forum. Can we move on now please?

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Monday, 1 November 2004 01:03 (twenty-one years ago)

How do you do that? You didn't just shit your pants?

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Monday, 1 November 2004 01:11 (twenty-one years ago)

It fell off the paper and landed on the seat, and then I sat. This is why I don't post in these threads.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Monday, 1 November 2004 01:12 (twenty-one years ago)

wow. were you drunk?

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Monday, 1 November 2004 01:15 (twenty-one years ago)

front to back from the back, any other way is disgusting and it's also totally news to me that someone would ever wipe that way.

― jed_ (jed), Monday, 1 November 2004 01:17 (twenty-one years ago)

the other way - through the legs i mean. Thats the new one.

― jed_ (jed), Monday, 1 November 2004 01:18 (twenty-one years ago)

How can this possibly occur?

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 1 November 2004 01:18 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 1 November 2004 01:18 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe he was looking at it and when he went to drop it in the bowl......
wait...jesus adam how the fuck?

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Monday, 1 November 2004 01:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Why the hell did he sit BACK down?

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 1 November 2004 01:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Sigh.

Lean forward. Wipe, front-to-back. Portion surreptitiously falls away from paper, quietly lands on seat. Throw paper into bowl. Sit. Squish.

THAT is why front-to-back is dangerous. Don't make me draw a diagram.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Monday, 1 November 2004 01:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Portion surreptitiously falls away from paper

This is some magic bullet shit.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Monday, 1 November 2004 01:23 (twenty-one years ago)

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Monday, 1 November 2004 01:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Lean forward. Wipe, front-to-back. Portion surreptitiously falls away from paper, quietly lands on seat. Throw paper into bowl. Sit. Squish.

squish! sounds like you wiped a solid lump out! you should try finishing the actual pooing before you start the wiping process...

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 1 November 2004 01:34 (twenty-one years ago)

front to back through the leg sounds insane... like, it's more difficult, and also you'd get pee on your arm from the dangling willy?!??!?!?!?!?!

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 1 November 2004 01:35 (twenty-one years ago)

i mean back to front through the leg even!

― ken c (ken c), Monday, 1 November 2004 01:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Sounds like a yoga workout with extras.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Monday, 1 November 2004 01:54 (twenty-one years ago)

jaymc!

keenan: the general confusion and lack of confidence about hygiene practices caused my disgust, not the act of defecating. I do own the book you know.

d.arraghmac: bottom to top

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Monday, 1 November 2004 01:56 (twenty-one years ago)

the book?

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Monday, 1 November 2004 02:26 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/images/us/local/products/productsall/p80840b.jpg

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Monday, 1 November 2004 02:30 (twenty-one years ago)

a-ha

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Monday, 1 November 2004 02:33 (twenty-one years ago)

FRONT TO BACK.

anything else is risky even for guys, cos you could be wiping that shit-ridden tissue over the skin between the balls and asshole which is really, not a good thing to do.

― splooge (thesplooge), Monday, 1 November 2004 08:02 (twenty-one years ago)

my answer to this question: who gives a shit?

thank you, ladies and germs.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 1 November 2004 08:11 (twenty-one years ago)

holy FUCK people... back to front is not disgusting, weird, risky, etc. it's EASY! as long as you know how to wipe in general (which applies to front to back as well), then no poo gets moved anywhere - it gets picked up by the paper before getting anywhere near the balls.

i think front to back sounds logistically more difficult, in that you have less control. the back to front motion is smoother, easier.

and since i've gone this far - yes, i'm a back to fronter. this is done whilst sitting down, leaning forward and lifting the right butt-cheek to reach around (not through the legs) and wipe with the right hand. i think leaning WAY forward (and checking your progress on the paper through your legs) is the key to success with back to front.

i seriously thought this was the 'normal' method until reading threads like this on ILX (why oh why do i/we post on these??), but now i feel like a weirdo. but IT WORKS! i am very clean. you're just gonna have to trust me on this.

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Monday, 1 November 2004 08:39 (twenty-one years ago)

i am only posting again so that in the event of sudden heart attack or act of god, that previous post is not my last-ever to ILX

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Monday, 1 November 2004 08:40 (twenty-one years ago)

http://users.erols.com/oddities-inc/audio/colon.ram

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 1 November 2004 08:45 (twenty-one years ago)

it will be hard to convince me of the benefits of clicking on a RealPlayer streaming link that includes the words 'colon' and 'oddities'

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Monday, 1 November 2004 09:19 (twenty-one years ago)

well it might save your soul.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 1 November 2004 09:21 (twenty-one years ago)

sinner.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 1 November 2004 09:21 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm at work and i'm not clicking that. i'll save my soul later...

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Monday, 1 November 2004 09:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Kenan, I do back to front too. You're not a freak, you're just cool like me.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 07:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Um.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 07:37 (twenty-one years ago)

This is the only thread I will post to today. Goodnight!

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 07:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I just have my slave girlfriend lick my anus. Not having to buy toilet paper saves lots of money in the long run.

― juliet, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 07:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Occasionally. I need. To wipe. From back to front to front to back to bottom to top to left to right to side to side to around and around and around and around until it comes out there.

― seedy poops in the woods (Queen Electric Butt Prober BZZ), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 07:55 (twenty-one years ago)

im thinking of lots of songs with the words front and back in the title and hearing them in a new light.

― splooge (thesplooge), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 08:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I just have my slave girlfriend lick my anus. Not having to buy toilet paper saves lots of money in the long run.

the question is.. do you kiss afterwards?

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 09:48 (twenty-one years ago)

hey, if it comes out of you, why you wouldnt want that returned back to you is hard to fathom.

― splooge (thesplooge), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 11:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I fear you'll never be the one for Juliet

― Andrew Blood Thames (Andrew Thames), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 11:53 (twenty-one years ago)

i just shove the toilet paper up my ass.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 11:58 (twenty-one years ago)

i just use the plunger.

― splooge (thesplooge), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 12:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I just have my slave girlfriend lick my anus. Not having to buy toilet paper saves lots of money in the long run.

Oooh, kinky :-)

Re: the book above: I bought that for my mother for Christmas a couple of years ago. It's great!

― caitlin (caitlin), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 12:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, I've learned something new today.

(i.e. that there was another way to wipe - I really had no idea anyone did it back to front)

― Colonel Poo (Colonel Poo), Tuesday, 2 November 2004 13:03 (twenty-one years ago)

two years pass...

yannow, this always confounded me:

http://www.urbanoutfitters.com/images/us/local/products/productsall/p80840b.jpg

Apples poop?

― kenan, Wednesday, 6 June 2007 03:30 (eighteen years ago)

nine months pass...

Wet-naps after dry wiping c/d?

― libcrypt, Friday, 4 April 2008 03:36 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.officedepot.com/pictures/SK/MD/512112_sk_md.jpg

― wanko ergo sum, Friday, 4 April 2008 03:41 (eighteen years ago)

i am going to pretend i didnt click on this and scour my eyes with bleach

― bell_labs, Friday, 4 April 2008 03:42 (eighteen years ago)

wtf not one switch-hitter on the whole thread

― 69, Friday, 4 April 2008 04:04 (eighteen years ago)

The Balls of Necessary

― clotpoll, Friday, 4 April 2008 04:08 (eighteen years ago)

oh man i was an alky

― remy bean, Friday, 4 April 2008 04:16 (eighteen years ago)

There's nothing like seeing one of your old threads revived, and feeling that overwhelming sense of pride. Amirite?

― kenan, Friday, 4 April 2008 14:25 (eighteen years ago)

And doubly so because not even an ILX-era ago, I tried to revive it myself, and failed. :(

― kenan, Friday, 4 April 2008 14:28 (eighteen years ago)

Are you still today quite as interested in ILXors' wipage as you were then though?

― Upt0eleven, Friday, 4 April 2008 14:46 (eighteen years ago)

No, I have put away childish things.

― kenan, Friday, 4 April 2008 14:47 (eighteen years ago)

ILX has hit rock bottom

― DG, Friday, 4 April 2008 14:56 (eighteen years ago)

This would have been a poll in the nu-era.

wtf not one switch-hitter on the whole thread

-- 69, Friday, 4 April 2008 04:04 (10 hours ago) Bookmark Link

Was going to ask what a switch hitter is, but don't really want to know (presume it means bidet user)

― Pashmina, Friday, 4 April 2008 14:59 (eighteen years ago)

Think of way as direction, pash.

― libcrypt, Friday, 4 April 2008 15:43 (eighteen years ago)

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