Ashcroft Resigns

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November 9, 2004
Attorney General John Ashcroft and Commerce Secretary Don Evans Resign
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

WASHINGTON -- Attorney General John Ashcroft and Commerce Secretary Don Evans resigned Tuesday, the first members of President Bush's Cabinet to leave as he headed from re-election into his second term.

The resignations were announced by White House press secretary Scott McClellan, who said Bush had accepted the decisions of both secretaries.

"The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved," Ashcroft wrote in a five-page, handwritten letter to Bush.

― morris pavilion (samjeff), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 22:56 (twenty years ago)

I heard they're replacing him with a guy who's been around a long time. I can't say who it is, but I'll give you the initials: J.C.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 22:59 (twenty years ago)

word is ralph reed is lined up for the job

― cinniblount (James Blount), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 22:59 (twenty years ago)

Jesus Christ?

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:00 (twenty years ago)

Chasez?

― morris pavilion (samjeff), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:00 (twenty years ago)

Johnny Cash!

― adam... (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:00 (twenty years ago)

oh wait he's dead

― adam... (nordicskilla), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:00 (twenty years ago)

John Culshaw?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:01 (twenty years ago)

Jarvis Cocker! Hurrah! (or John Cleese?)

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:01 (twenty years ago)

Jiminy Cricket

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:01 (twenty years ago)

"The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved," Ashcroft wrote in a five-page, handwritten letter to Bush.

OH JOY! WE'RE NEVER GONNA HAVE ANY MORE TERRORISM, NOT EVER!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:01 (twenty years ago)

Jordan Catalano!

― David R. (popshots75`), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:01 (twenty years ago)

Me?

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:01 (twenty years ago)

(Daddino got my joke, I think)

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:02 (twenty years ago)

Jiminy Cricket? (crosspost, obv)

― ailsa (ailsa), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:02 (twenty years ago)

Parting words?

"Time to let the eagle soar, bitchuz!"

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:02 (twenty years ago)

How about Santa? 'He sees you when you're sleeping...'

― k3rry (dymaxia), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:02 (twenty years ago)

John Cleese

― choo choo the herky jerky dancer (papa november), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:02 (twenty years ago)

"I'm not sure that the war on terrorism can ever really be won, though."

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:03 (twenty years ago)

JEAN CARNAHAN?!

― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:03 (twenty years ago)

Here's hoping for an Ashcroft / Dixie Chicks duet on "Let the Eagle Soar".

(vague xpost)

― David R. (popshots75`), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:03 (twenty years ago)

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:03 (twenty years ago)

Julius Caesar

― choo choo the herky jerky dancer (papa november), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:04 (twenty years ago)

"The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved,"

This is going to be off-message, right? I mean, I can see how 'we got our job done' is good for the GOP, but if they have they're now irrelevant. So is this Ashcroft expessing discontent?

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:04 (twenty years ago)

pretty much he is saying:

i don't want this responsibility for the next four years, y'all are fucked, goodnight!

― cutty (mcutt), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:05 (twenty years ago)

http://www.chud.com/graphics9/jackie-chan-02.jpg

"Everybody knows "War"!"

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:05 (twenty years ago)

The AP story's been updated:

..."Yet I believe that the Department of Justice would be well served by new leadership and fresh inspiration," said Ashcroft, whose health problems earlier this year resulted in removal of his gall bladder.

"I believe that my energies and talents should be directed toward other challenging horizons," he said.

Both Ashcroft and Evans have served in Bush's Cabinet from the start of the administration. Evans, a close friend of Bush's from Texas, wrote, "While the promise of your second term shines bright, I have concluded with deep regret that it is time for me to return home."

― morris pavilion (samjeff), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:05 (twenty years ago)

JIMMY CARTER

― MC Transmaniacon (natepatrin), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:05 (twenty years ago)

A zombie Julia Child will whip up a lovely Queen Sheba cake that'll send those darned Russkies manqué straight to H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:05 (twenty years ago)

"The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved," Ashcroft wrote in a five-page, handwritten letter to Bush."

Can I just crack up for a while now? Thanks.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:07 (twenty years ago)

"I believe that my energies and talents should be directed toward other challenging horizons," he said.

Let The Eagle Soar - TEH MUSICAL!!!

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:08 (twenty years ago)

The AP story's been updated

Why? And who would make that decision? Was the first quote misattributed? I'm confused about whether this is good news, in that it represents the fragmenting of the neo-cons and republicans that should follow this election, or whether it's just the changing of the guard that was widely anticipated before the election.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:09 (twenty years ago)

the latter - this was known for awhile

― cinniblount (James Blount), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:10 (twenty years ago)

From blame god to thank god.

― bnw (bnw), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:11 (twenty years ago)

The first quote wasn't erased or anything; the story was just lengthened.

― morris pavilion (samjeff), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:11 (twenty years ago)

cool.

Yeah, I know it had been obvious and explicit that a fair amount of Bush's cabinet were going to go after the election, but that quote seems like an odd, and perhaps deliberately off-message, thing to say.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:13 (twenty years ago)

'..."Yet I believe that the Department of Justice would be well served by new leadership and fresh inspiration," said Ashcroft, whose health problems earlier this year resulted in removal of his gall bladder.'

my sister just had her gall bladder removed.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:16 (twenty years ago)

Your sister is some kind of voodoo twin of ashcroft. I'm not suggesting murder, certainly not now he's resigned, but if she can establish links with other politicians...

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:22 (twenty years ago)

I hope this will give him time to come to terms with his sexuality.

― Collardio Gelatinous (collardio), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:25 (twenty years ago)

Sadly, it's not a moment for jubilation. They'll likely find someone who's actually much more competent about throwing away civil liberties and who is more popular.

sayeth Atrios

― kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:26 (twenty years ago)

Aw, can't I have a little moment of jubilation, can't this be a marginal good? Please, we need it so badly...

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:28 (twenty years ago)

Bring down the curtains!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/1785000/images/_1788845_statue300ap.jpg

No, literally! FREE THE WASHINGTON TWO!

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:29 (twenty years ago)

hey, yeah, that's right. does that mean the statue of Justice loses her shroud?

― kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:30 (twenty years ago)

John Cretien!

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:39 (twenty years ago)

handwritten????

― amateur!!st, Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:40 (twenty years ago)

Computers are tools of Saaaaaatan

― morris pavilion (samjeff), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:40 (twenty years ago)

to keep women from noticing their rights slipping away...

http://www.cinematrix.hu/fajlok/muveszek/kepek/cusack1.jpg

― miccio (miccio), Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:44 (twenty years ago)

ashcroft's resignation note:

http://www.foundmagazine.com/notes/images/youguys.gif

― amateur!!st, Tuesday, 9 November 2004 23:50 (twenty years ago)

How does this go down with the new "values" "mandate?"

― You've Got to Pick Up Every Stitch (tracerhand), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 01:12 (twenty years ago)

But it's wonderrful news anyway!

― You've Got to Pick Up Every Stitch (tracerhand), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 01:13 (twenty years ago)

Not if they replace him with someone worse.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 01:17 (twenty years ago)

It's gonna be like in "The Dark Knight Returns," where the young, new commissioner takes office, and the reporter's first question is, "What's your opinion on the Batman controversy?", and she says, "I'm surprised there is a controversy. He's obviously a menace, and the full power of the force will be used to deal with him," or something like that.

― morris pavilion (samjeff), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 01:19 (twenty years ago)

Aw Ned he was bananas!! Jesus Christ, Democrats are like Red Sox fans. Always ready to get hit even harder. It feels great to get his leathery scales offa my back. Let's just luxuriate in it.

― You've Got to Pick Up Every Stitch (tracerhand), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 01:25 (twenty years ago)

Aw Ned he was bananas!!

Precisely!

"In the grand tradition of selecting someone for Attorney General who just lost a high profile Senate race, your new Attorney General, Alan Keyes."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 01:27 (twenty years ago)

I'm trying to think who would be worse than Ashcroft. What kind of ancient pagan ritual must occur to invoke a creature less desirable for the position of Attorney General than the lunatic PATRIOT II act brain-stormer who just lost an election to a dead man.

(x-post! Ned answered my question)

― miccio (miccio), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 01:30 (twenty years ago)

OK if Alan Keyes became the Attorney General I might have to pull a Superintendent Chulmers, declare the fall of civilization to be "a hell of a toboggan ride" and smoke unspeakable amounts of pot for the next four years.

― miccio (miccio), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 01:31 (twenty years ago)

John Cerry?

I keep thinking that when Cheney gets thrown out they'll make Kerry the Vice President.

― James Mitchell (James Mitchell), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 01:41 (twenty years ago)

Damn you, Noodles! I knew if you beat me to the thread you'd pick mah' man!
http://www.recorder.ca/cp/National/031112/n1112121.jpg

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 02:03 (twenty years ago)

Surely they wouldn't try to put Ashcroft on the Court when Rehnquist bites it?

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 03:11 (twenty years ago)

Heh, I was making a 'joke' about that with a friend just now. Now imagine if it turns real.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 03:13 (twenty years ago)

oh my you have just given me nightmares for weeks.

― cutty (mcutt), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 03:31 (twenty years ago)

the horror...the horror

― miccio (miccio), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 03:31 (twenty years ago)

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20041110/pl_nm/bush_cabinet_dc_9

possible candidates, according to Reuters:

...A leading candidate to replace Ashcroft is former Deputy Attorney General Larry Thompson, who once ran the department under Ashcroft and faithfully implemented his policies.

Others likely candidates were White House counsel Alberto Gonzales, President Bush (news - web sites)'s election campaign chairman Marc Racicot and former New York City Mayor Rudolph Giuliani (news - web sites)...

― kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 03:35 (twenty years ago)

"The objective of securing the safety of Americans from crime and terror has been achieved. I must now return to my home planet."

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 03:39 (twenty years ago)

SWEET DUDES NO MORE TERROR!
NO MORE MURDER!
NO MORE POT SMOKERS!

CRIME IS FINISHED AND TERRORISM BANISHED!
GO AMERICA!

FUCK YEAH!

― trigonalmayhem (trigonalmayhem), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 05:43 (twenty years ago)

in other news, guess what else they waited to do until today?

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20041109/pl_nm/court_suicide_dc_3

once again, from the party of States' Rights...

― kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 05:58 (twenty years ago)

GOD, STRIKE THEM DOWN!!!!! (sorry for swearing, *wince*)

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 06:38 (twenty years ago)

I thought this was about that guy from Teh Verve. I wish he'd resign.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 08:22 (twenty years ago)

it might be interesting to see the christian nutjob reaction to a racicot appointment, they blocked him last time

― cinniblount (James Blount), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 08:31 (twenty years ago)

It'll be John Culshaw. Doing his Tom Baker impression.

― mark grout (mark grout), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 09:47 (twenty years ago)

I hope it's jaymc.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 10:49 (twenty years ago)

it might be interesting to see the christian nutjob reaction to a racicot appointment, they blocked him last time

Oh yes? For what ostensible reason?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:39 (twenty years ago)

Despite his name, he was not actually a fold-up bed that hates the darkies.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:46 (twenty years ago)

Or is sexay.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:50 (twenty years ago)

"Let the eagle soar,

Like she’s never soared before.

From rocky coast to golden shore,

Let the mighty eagle soar.

Soar with healing in her wings,

As the land beneath her sings:

'Only God, no other kings.'

This country’s far too young to die.

We’ve still got a lot of climbing to do,

And we can make it if we try.

Built by toils and struggles

God has led us through."

― Nemo (JND), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 15:08 (twenty years ago)

That's even more beautiful now that he has resigned. weep. It should be our new national anthem.

― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 15:12 (twenty years ago)

Perhaps we can introduce a constitutional amendment to make it so.

― Nemo (JND), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 15:14 (twenty years ago)

I want a constitutional amendment banning plaid as it is not mentioned in the Bible.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 15:15 (twenty years ago)

Hey dude, YOU'RE not mentioned in the Bible either. (I, on the other hand, am the Prince of Peace.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 15:16 (twenty years ago)

I want prosthetic titties put on every single statue in D.C.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 15:16 (twenty years ago)

I want what Jeanne wants.

Also Ned, you forgot Poland! Er, I mean the lions!

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 15:19 (twenty years ago)

Jeanne's is a bold plan. I can do nothing else but endorse it.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 15:19 (twenty years ago)

Actually, just a pair of prosthetic titties mail order would do the trick.

― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 15:19 (twenty years ago)

Also Ned, you forgot Poland! Er, I mean the lions!

The crackle of Poland
The lions
The lions
God loves his Perry, yeah.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 15:19 (twenty years ago)

ihttp://home.gwi.net/~nmooney/images/lincoln_memorial.jpg

WHERE THE TITTIES AT?

― Nemo (JND), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 15:36 (twenty years ago)

Damn it, John Ashcroft has censored my image!

― Nemo (JND), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 15:38 (twenty years ago)

Finally, the purging of the lib-rulls begins. Fasten your seatbelts, kids -- this second term is going to be a bumpy ride.

― briania (briania), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 16:08 (twenty years ago)

Finally, the purging of the lib-rulls begins.

Heh. Now there's a vision for ya.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 16:25 (twenty years ago)

bitch ain't going gentle into the good night:

Ashcroft Condemns Judges Who Question Bush
1 hour, 43 minutes ago
White House - AP
By CURT ANDERSON, Associated Press Writer
WASHINGTON - Federal judges are jeopardizing national security by issuing rulings contradictory to President Bush (news - web sites)'s decisions on America's obligations under international treaties and agreements, Attorney General John Ashcroft (news - web sites) said Friday.
In his first remarks since his resignation was announced Tuesday, Ashcroft forcefully denounced what he called "a profoundly disturbing trend" among some judges to interfere in the president's constitutional authority to make decisions during war.
"The danger I see here is that intrusive judicial oversight and second-guessing of presidential determinations in these critical areas can put at risk the very security of our nation in a time of war," Ashcroft said in a speech to the Federalist Society, a conservative lawyers group.
The Justice Department (news - web sites) announced this week it would seek to overturn a ruling by U.S. District Judge James Robertson in the case of Salim Ahmed Hamdan, who the government contends was Osama bin Laden (news - web sites)'s driver.
Robertson halted Hamdan's trial by military commission in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, rejecting the Bush administration's position that the Geneva Conventions governing prisoners of war do not apply to al-Qaida members because they are not soldiers of a true state and do not fight by international norms...

― kingfish (Kingfish), Saturday, 13 November 2004 05:43 (twenty years ago)

with accompanying photo:

http://us.news2.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20041112/capt.wx10811121815.second_term_law_enforcement_wx108.jpg

dammit. i want the old img tags back.

― kingfish (Kingfish), Saturday, 13 November 2004 05:44 (twenty years ago)

Haha he looks like a shaven, sighted David Blunkett there.

― suzy (suzy), Saturday, 13 November 2004 11:42 (twenty years ago)

wow, I just read his Federalist Society speech after days of hearing about it, and man, it's bad. The guy has been resoundingly rebuffed by just about every level of the judiciary and he just can't deal with it. He really does seem nuts.

my wife was there to hear Frist's Federalist speech the next night (I think) and said it was an intellectually farcical victory party for the GOP. The Federalists, once a very respectable legal organization, have now apparently sacrificed integrity for partisanship. Way to go!!

[side note: wife sat next to T. DeL@y's general counsel for ethics. When he told her his position, her response was "so, how's that going for you?" he went back to his sea bass.]

― tobo (tobo), Monday, 15 November 2004 20:35 (twenty years ago)

awesome

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 15 November 2004 20:44 (twenty years ago)

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