crush turning into relationship

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Do you find that when smeone has a crush on someone that they may idealize them too much that if/when a real relationship materializes there could be some problem that arises?

― A Nairn (moretap), Friday, 12 November 2004 00:00 (twenty years ago)

the problem of the relationshipee not living up to the ideal?

― A Nairn (moretap), Friday, 12 November 2004 00:00 (twenty years ago)

I think that could certainly be a problem, especially if you don't know them very well. The more you know them, the more prepared you are, obviously. Still, nothing ventured, nothing gained, eh?

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Friday, 12 November 2004 00:03 (twenty years ago)

I don't have crushes but I have love at first sight and each time it became a long-term relationship pretty quickly, and by long term I mean 8 years or more.

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 12 November 2004 00:06 (twenty years ago)

I think that people who have or have had crushes on me would be disappointed being in an actual relationship with me. There is a big difference.

― Ally C (Ally C), Friday, 12 November 2004 00:08 (twenty years ago)

i had the opposite happen.. they turned out to be even more amazing than i'd idealized them to be.

― the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound), Friday, 12 November 2004 00:12 (twenty years ago)

i dont see any inherent problem with this,

― *@*.* (gareth), Friday, 12 November 2004 00:16 (twenty years ago)

My husband had a fairly unreciprocated crush on me for quite a while before I saw sense and we got together. I don't think it turned out too bad for him in the long run (or for me either, I must add)

― ailsa (ailsa), Friday, 12 November 2004 00:20 (twenty years ago)

Do you find that when someone has a crush on someone that they may idealize them too much that if/when a real relationship materializes there could be some problem that arises?

Yes. I had a crush on this certain girl for a year or more, and idealized her intelligence. Her intelligence, to be sure, was something to be reckoned with. She was an awesome force of intellect and weird, dark charisma, and I say that even after the bitterness of the breakup. It's the truth.

Anyway, I was surprised when she approached me, when she chose me to be her man. I was flattered, surely. But as the relationship wore on for 8 long months, I began to understand that she viewed me as her intellectual infeior (which may have been true, but who wants to have to admit that?), and that my idealizing her was a big part of what made her pick me to begin with, and I began to feel like a kept pet, and I began to hate her intensely. I still carry a resentment, that someone who was so obviously my intellectual superior would choose me just because I was the Most Likely to Adore. I felt used, as well I should have. It took me years to ask this question, but why didn't she have enough self-confidence to seek out someone she considered her equal?

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 00:33 (twenty years ago)

Maybe she actually loved you and you've got it all wrong...

― Orbit (Orbit), Friday, 12 November 2004 00:35 (twenty years ago)

then she wouldn't feel as awesome about being so smart. i always feel inferior with boys i think are smarter than me. i wouldn't want one much dumber than me though.

xpost

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Friday, 12 November 2004 00:35 (twenty years ago)

sometimes with crushes, you can't see the forest for the trees. I've had several instances where I've harbored feelings for someone, only to have it fade and then sort of realize that I was completely idealizing them

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Friday, 12 November 2004 00:36 (twenty years ago)

Maybe she actually loved you and you've got it all wrong...

Maybe she did. Maybe my ego just couldn't handle being subjugate to hers. Doesn't matter now, anyway.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2004 00:38 (twenty years ago)

but really can anyone live up to an ideal someone has on a crush. Maybe being more realisitic and acknowloging all the imperfections would be better?

― A Nairn (moretap), Friday, 12 November 2004 01:01 (twenty years ago)

Crushes can turn into relationships?

― The Grain of Sand in Lambeth That Satan Cannot Find (kate), Friday, 12 November 2004 15:02 (twenty years ago)

what about being in a relationship & developing a crush on the person you're with? is this possible? does it happen much?

― kelsey (kelstarry), Friday, 12 November 2004 15:22 (twenty years ago)

I don't see a problem with this. Your idea of someone you're in a relationship certainly changes over time as you get to know each other better, I think. Hopefully you'll still like them, though maybe in a different way perhaps. If not, then not.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 12 November 2004 15:29 (twenty years ago)

A crush is liking someone from afar, right? so being in a relationship with someone that maybe is away for a while. Then you could have a crush on them.

Or if you define crush as liking someone who doesn't know you like them, maybe one person in the relationship could like the other person much more? i don't know

― A Nairn (moretap), Friday, 12 November 2004 15:32 (twenty years ago)

I never pedestalise girls I fancy! The opposite, really, most of the things I find sexy or endearing in women, in particular vague scattiness and a quick temper, are the exact things that become big minuses when actually in a relationship. I've been trying to square this particular circle for years

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 12 November 2004 15:32 (twenty years ago)

um, scattiness???

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 12 November 2004 15:33 (twenty years ago)

DAMN YOU, TRANSATLANTIC LANGUAGE DIVIDE!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 12 November 2004 15:34 (twenty years ago)

So you're saying you're NOT attracted to girls prone to vocal jazz improv, or with an interest in shit?

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 12 November 2004 15:39 (twenty years ago)

Jordan's passions revealed. EW!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 12 November 2004 15:43 (twenty years ago)

Well, if she pays for dinner occasionally...

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 12 November 2004 15:48 (twenty years ago)

Matt's the one into scatty girls, not me!

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 12 November 2004 15:54 (twenty years ago)

Classic overdefensiveness. YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO HIDE.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 12 November 2004 15:57 (twenty years ago)

Actually my ex-girlfriend is pretty obsessed with pooping. Never understood it myself. And I've never dated a jazz singer.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 12 November 2004 16:03 (twenty years ago)

you don't understand pooping?

― Jarlr'mai (jarlrmai), Friday, 12 November 2004 16:10 (twenty years ago)

I don't understand elevating poop to "hobby/favored pasttime" status.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 12 November 2004 16:14 (twenty years ago)

Don't ever read Gravity's Rainbow, then.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 12 November 2004 16:15 (twenty years ago)

da-bah-do-wahhhhhhhh! bop da boo da bum de wa la wooo WAHHHH! BOP! BEEEE BOOO! SLIPPITY CROO DOO!

― planescapin' 'til dawn (Homosexual II), Friday, 12 November 2004 16:46 (twenty years ago)

The first ever conversation I had with Famous Interweb Journalist T0m Ew1ng was when he told me about The Frontman Of A Famous Old Rock Band who had, erm, a bit of a scat thing.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 12 November 2004 16:47 (twenty years ago)

Jordan see what you've done to this thread?!!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 12 November 2004 16:48 (twenty years ago)

what's wrong with a lil scattin'?

― planescapin' 'til dawn (Homosexual II), Friday, 12 November 2004 16:52 (twenty years ago)

"Now we must battle...with jazz!"

http://images.usatoday.com/life/enter/tv/_photos/_thumbs/home-movies.jpg

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 12 November 2004 16:54 (twenty years ago)

I regret nothing.

― Jordan (Jordan), Friday, 12 November 2004 16:56 (twenty years ago)

wait.. relationships can come without first having a crush?? this is news to me.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 12 November 2004 16:57 (twenty years ago)

I don't understand elevating poop to "hobby/favored pasttime" status.

-- Jordan (jordan...), November 12th, 2004. (Jordan)

HAHA

― 57 7th (calstars), Friday, 12 November 2004 22:43 (twenty years ago)

if theres anything i've learnt from grand theft auto its how to get a girlfriend.

― Hari Ashurst (Toaster), Saturday, 13 November 2004 01:12 (twenty years ago)

I was hoping this was going to be a Tuomas thread. :(

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Saturday, 13 November 2004 01:45 (twenty years ago)

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